Looking for Descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene

[bilani]

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene are seeking other descendants.

The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with to create Miracle Waters, have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

A short 4 minute on-line DNA test explains the role of one’s pineal gland, (called the mind, or Soul in the west and the 3rd Eye in the east), in the activation of one’s Soul. The DNA test’s Activation Technique awakens the spiritual energy in one’s Soul enabling people to experience the wondrous movement of spiritual energy in their Soul.

Individuals experiencing the movement of spiritual energy in their Soul during the DNA test will then personally know that they are a 99th generation descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Newly found descendants are recommended to contact members of their family and join us in our weekly worldwide teleconferences where descendants are given additional ancient secrets.

[This Guy]

How much does this all cost?

And where do I send the check?

[Upchurch]

Where can I learn more, bilani?

[Arkan_Wolfshade]

:words:

[Upchurch]

:words:
shush. I want to know where this is going.

[Upchurch]

Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm

[I less than three logic]

Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online?

[bluess]

Insert your blood sample in the A:\ drive. Don't mind the whirring noises.

[Fizzer]

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct.

Says who?

[brodski]

Says who? Dan Brown. :p

[The_Fire]

:boggled:

This is a joke...
Right?

Debunc 3 (http://www.dailycatholic.org/issue/04Sep/sep5ddd.htm)

[Genesius]

Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm
Hoo, boy. From the link:

Water, like gold, has the unique ability to store high frequency spiritual energy. Spiritual energy is electro-magnetic energy whose frequencies exceed 1,000 Terahertz, or one million billion units of frequency. (1 Terahertz equals 1,000 billion units of electro-magnetic frequency. Everything in our universe is comprised of electro-magnetic energy. The shorter the wavelength, the higher the frequency, and the greater the intensity, or energetic level of spiritual energy). So spiritual energy has a frequency of over 1015hz, huh? According to http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/Hbase/ems3.html , this falls in the range of ultraviolet light, which has a frequency range of 7.5 x 1014 - 3 x 1016 Hz. Should be pretty easy to test. Just get these folks in a room with a bowl of water and add some fluorescent chemical. Let them start their ritual and if the water starts glowing spiritual energy has been detected!

So how about it, bilani? When can we expect your buddies to submit an application and go for the JREF prize?

[tkingdoll]

Replies equal none?
It's a post and run!

Replies are few?
It must be a woo.

[rjh01]

Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants.

In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor.

[wollery]

Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants.

In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor.Really? So you honestly believe that you have jewish, zulu, incan, sioux and maori ancestry do you? :nope:

[rjh01]

I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents).

[Marquis de Carabas]

Wish I could help you. My dad is a descendent of Jesus, but I look like the mailman.

[wollery]

I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents).You say you've done the maths, please show your working, because I'm finding this very difficult to believe.

[Lisa Simpson]

I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so.

[ChristineR]

Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around.

Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired.

[psy kick]

I "think" the OP is trying to say Jesus drank pentium water.

[Odin]

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.

All this can be worked around however. If Jesus's decendents are all planned out then God can set the number to whatever he pleases. In a similar way, if Jesus's family are kept separate from the rest of the world, and Jesus's child is only permitted to have one child, and that child has a wife/ husband chosen for them from the surrounding population and they have only one child e.t.c, the population decended from Jesus would be limited to one (without divine help who ever masterminds this would probably require several decendants per generation in case one dies before adulthood or cannot reproduce, allowing only one to have children each time.) Removing the limit would allow the population of Jesus decendents to begin increasing. (All God would have to do is ensure that Jesus and descendants can only have one child, and that child survives to reproduce.)

Of course this assumes that;

1. Jesus existed.
2. Was Divine in some way.
3 That Jesus had decendents.
4. That Divinity can be inherited.
5. That Divinity is "dominant" and is always inherited.

[Ducky]

I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so.


Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me.


(Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?)

[Robin]

Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online?
I have a USB device, based on technology based at PEAR, that will take a DNA sample and soul test combined at the ridiculously low price of $1,000, including pre-loaded software.

Online predictive sampling indicates that you are almost certainly a direct descendant of Jesus and Mary, so don't delay sending your money as stocks are limited.

[rjh01]

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1,000,000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4,000,000,000,000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.


My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000

This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct.

[wollery]

Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around.

Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired.

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.

My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000

This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct.Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

[MRC_Hans]

The 'sacred' frequency of 1000THz, or 10E+15Hz, equals a wavelenght of 300nm, which is in the near ultraviolet. Not even an impressively high frequency. The universe is teeming with much shorter wavelengths.

As already mentioned, provided any truth in the Jesus-MM myth, most of the present population is descended from Jesus.

Booooring.

Hans

[rjh01]

Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

I have been thinking about this. Lets assume that over a 500 years there were 20 generations. Each generation doubled the number of descendants. At the end of that period that means over a million people. That would mean that most people in modern Israel would be a descendant of Jesus. Arab traders would come in maybe pick up a wife there. Or their wives would get pregnant by a local man. These women would then have their own descendants. So maybe most Arabs are descendants of Jesus. Arab traders went all over the place maybe have sex with the local women, some of whom had their children. So any country that had international trade using the Arabs would also have a lot of descendants of Jesus.

The Crusaders came to the middle east and brought back many descendants of Jesus. So there would be many descendants of Jesus from countries that sent the Crusaders or where they passed through. That would be most of Europe.

I have not even started thinking about people who went from their native village to another place. Maybe explorers? Many of them would have had sex with the local women.

[marksman]

Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met.

And that's just not true. Humanity is very interbred. As long as the interbreeding isn't too close in proximity (two or three generations apart), you generally don't worry about genetic disease.

But it smply isn't accurate to decide that every person alive today has 2n ancestors, where n=prior generations. They would have a lot fewer. Assuming 25 years for a generation, there have been roughly 80 generations of ancestors. But you wouldn't necessarily have 280 ancestors. Many of your ancestors would appear multiple times in the family tree. So you would have (2x/n)80 ancestors, where x is the rate of interbreeding in the population (which would be higher in more isolated communities, but should also be higher as the value of "n" increases, because more generations expands the number of opportunities for interbreeding). If x/n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus. (This assumes: Jesus existed, Jesus had one or more kids, and the line didn't simply die off, which is quite likely given the Merovingian legend that the line had to be carefully hidden... and did in fact die off with the Merovingians.)

Now for people who purposely spread their seed, the chances go up. Genghis Khan, for example, had kids all across Asia, and it's very likely that a good portion of Asians might be able to trace a lineage back to Genghis.

[Lisa Simpson]

Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me.


(Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?)

Could have been both for all I know. It makes nice sig material however.

[Beerina]

Beerina: Alex, I'll take "Complete Asshattery" for 600.

Alex Trebec: And the answer is, "99th Descendents"

ClickClickCLICKCLICKCLICK

Alex: Beerina?

Beerina: What is tomfoolery middle-aged woos can grasp at to make themselves feel important, when they realize they're too old to be an Indigo kid?

[Dr Adequate]

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. How do you know?

We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene... How do you know?

The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with... How do you know?

to create Miracle Waters.. What is the nature of the miracle?

Can it be demonstrated?

have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. How do these "awakened" people confirm that they are descendants?

Is there any geneological evidence showing that what these people have in common is a bloodline rather than a fantasy?

Before "global dimming" took place, how did people usually realize that they were descendants of JC and MM?

Did any of them evey mention it to anyone?

[strathmeyer]

Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

I'm only a 83rd generatin descendant of Jesus and Mary. Can I still get in?

[ChristineR]

bilani works for Columbia pictures. ;)

[slingblade]

No need to go mundanely hunting up relatives.
Just put out the word that the "mansion" Christ went to prepare
is on the Cote d'Azur, has 15 bedrooms, 7 baths, and comes fully staffed.

You'll have descendants crawling out of the cruci--er, out of the woodwork.
Aw, hell, same diff.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Anyway...

Obviously I believe Fowlsound - Titanium Superheroes always tell the truth!

All hail Lisa - you've had a very interesting life - wandering around the countryside with twelve guys!

I can't wait for the book & film to come out!

YBE

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Sorry, should have added:

Take one slice of bread.
Burn both sides to a pleasing colour.
Optionally spread with butter/margarine/olive oil spread/whatever you like.

Taraah! Toast!

YBW

[Odin]

It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met.

And that's just not true. Humanity is very interbred. As long as the interbreeding isn't too close in proximity (two or three generations apart), you generally don't worry about genetic disease.

But it smply isn't accurate to decide that every person alive today has 2n ancestors, where n=prior generations. They would have a lot fewer. Assuming 25 years for a generation, there have been roughly 80 generations of ancestors. But you wouldn't necessarily have 280 ancestors. Many of your ancestors would appear multiple times in the family tree. So you would have (2x/n)80 ancestors, where x is the rate of interbreeding in the population (which would be higher in more isolated communities, but should also be higher as the value of "n" increases, because more generations expands the number of opportunities for interbreeding). If x/n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus. (This assumes: Jesus existed, Jesus had one or more kids, and the line didn't simply die off, which is quite likely given the Merovingian legend that the line had to be carefully hidden... and did in fact die off with the Merovingians.)

Now for people who purposely spread their seed, the chances go up. Genghis Khan, for example, had kids all across Asia, and it's very likely that a good portion of Asians might be able to trace a lineage back to Genghis.

I think your calculations also need to take into account that not all of those 300 million have surviving descendents. (assuming Jesus does.)

[CFLarsen]

I am Spartacus.

[Lisa Simpson]

All hail Lisa - you've had a very interesting life - wandering around the countryside with twelve guys!

It's a well-known fact that skepchicks are often surrounded by groupies.

[Roboramma]

It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met.
Which was why Odin said this: lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller

If x/n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus.

I'm not clear on where the number 0.6 came from...

I don't think we could calculate the chances of being related to Jesus very easily, even if we did make a few reasonable simplifying assumptions. Though someone clever might be able to think of a way that we could answer that question. Still, if Jesus did have any decendants alive today, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a very large number of them.

edit to fix quote

[Deus Ex Machina]

I am definitely a descendant because my Mum said to me on more than one occasion

"Jesus Christ, what the hell do you think you are doing?"

[I less than three logic]

I am definitely a descendant because my Mum said to me on more than one occasion

"Jesus Christ, what the hell do you think you are doing?"
Yeah, my mom used to say that all the time too, but it was usually phrased in the past tense.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell did you think you were doing?”

This was usually followed by a trip to the emergency room to get a new cast, or splint, or stitches. :D

[shemp]

I am Spartacus.

Yeah, you and 10,000 other guys. Screw it, we'll just crucify all of you.

[Pauliesonne]

Yeah, you and 10,000 other guys. Screw it, we'll just crucify all of you.

You're a vicious bastard but I won't hold that against you.........

[Seb1]

Which was why Odin said this:



I'm not clear on where the number 0.6 came from...

I don't think we could calculate the chances of being related to Jesus very easily, even if we did make a few reasonable simplifying assumptions. Though someone clever might be able to think of a way that we could answer that question. Still, if Jesus did have any decendants alive today, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a very large number of them.

edit to fix quote

As there should be a very large number of decendants of Herod, Peter, and the rest of the population of ancient Israel. Why focus on just Jesus?

[Seb1]

And why focus on just Israel? Any person thousands of years ago should have a very large number of decendants, 100 of millions, it's impossible to single out a certain person or family that we're related to.

[The_Fire]

As there should be a very large number of decendants of Herod, Peter, and the rest of the population of ancient Israel. Why focus on just Jesus?
Because he's the "divine" one whos descendants they are capable of tracking?.

[Odin]

As there should be a very large number of decendants of Herod, Peter, and the rest of the population of ancient Israel. Why focus on just Jesus?

Because the opening post is about descendents of Jesus. (and because the opening post claims that descendents of Jesus have special abilities.)

[rjh01]

I stick to what I said above.
The facts that some descendants of Jesus will breed with other descendants of Jesus will not impact on the result. If for example there are 10% of the population descendants of Jesus then the next generation there would be about 19% descendants of Jesus, instead of 20%.

If descendants have special powers that make them more attractive to mates then the % go though the roof.

Larsen - if you are a descendant of Spartacus then so am I and lots of other people.

[Jon.]

I'd much rather be descended from Beowulf.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

So - correct me if I'm wrong - many of us may be descended from a guy who may not have existed?

Oops, sorry Lisa! Of course, we're actually descended from Lisa Simpson!

I'm convinced!

Still - be very careful Lisa - I understand that you're against Incest (except for Adam & Eve's kids, of course :) ) so choose your groupies with care.

Oh, of course - being omniscient you'd know straight away!

BTW - I'm anxious to know if anybody tried my toast recipe - was it good for you?

YBW

edited fro speelin

[rjh01]

No, we are assuming that there was a certain person (may be called Jesus, Mary or Lisa) who lived 4 - 30 AD roughly, who had children and lived in what is now Israel.

I am not interested in debating religious ideas, or how valid these assumptions are.

I note that the thread starter has not posted again. Be great to know that he is reading all of this.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

OK - apologies for the derail!

YBW

[Lisa Simpson]

So - correct me if I'm wrong - many of us may be descended from a guy who may not have existed?

Oops, sorry Lisa! Of course, we're actually descended from Lisa Simpson!

I'm convinced!

Still - be very careful Lisa - I understand that you're against Incest (except for Adam & Eve's kids, of course :) ) so choose your groupies with care.

And let me just say...what the bork are people up to in my name?!?!? Jesus H. Simpson. Wars? Did I say it was okay to wage war in my name? No. Discrimination against gays in my name? Not only no, but hell no. Slavery, misogyny, George H.W. Bush? No, no and **** NO! It's enough to make a girl into an atheist.

[hh-dragon]

In the 90s before the Da Vinci code came out one of my favorite writers (Garth Ennis, who does comic books and graphic novels) really ran with the Holy Grail idea. The big villain in his "Preacher" series was a secret organization called "The Grail" that controlled the world through puppets. Their mission was to produce a Messiah descended directly from Mary Magdalene and Jesus. One of the villains, after being inducted into the Grail organization, finally gets to see the breeding program.... but he's pretty disappointed, because the people in the program (now kept in cages with straw) are so inbred after 2,000 years that all they can do is make hooting noises and fling crap.

[marksman]

I'm not clear on where the number 0.6 came from...I made it up. It could be a lot lower. It could be higher.

I don't think we could calculate the chances of being related to Jesus very easily, even if we did make a few reasonable simplifying assumptions.

Here are some assumptions we might be able to make.
Prior to 1920, intermarriage rates in the Jewish population was relatively small.
Jesus' reported (half-)brother remained in the Jewish community and there is no records that his descendants joined the organized Christian movements commenced a century after the crucifixion.
Jesus' brother would likely have been the one to care for and raise Jesus' children.

So it would be safe to assume that Jesus descendants would have been in the Jewish population of Judea. Now, up through around 1500, that would be pretty self-contained. Possibly, some intermarriage into the Muslim population would have begun in the 900's forward when the Muslims conquered Judea. But even then intermarriage was very low.

In 1492, Spain began the Inquisition, which resulted in the expulsion of many Jews, followed by the persecution of the "conversos", Jews who converted to Catholicism so they wouldn't lose their property and positions. Presumably, some of Jesus' descendants (if any), may have been amongst the conversos. So between 1500 and 2000 there would have been some intermingling of Jesus' genes with the Spanish poulation.

So who are Jesus' descendants? Jews and Hispanics. Happy? Great.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Well Lisa,

It seems that it's just you and me taking this thread derail seriously!

So, let me see - from now on I promise that I will:
1) Not pray to you
2) Not worship you
3) Not start any new churches in your name
4) Not take Lisa Simpson's name in vain - except for then, naturally.
5) Kiss Hank's A - er sorry, wrong non-Deity.

So - feel better now that you're being treated with the proper respect?

YBW

[Morrigan]

This was the perfect thread to post a picture of the retarded inbred Jesus descendent from Preacher, but for the life of me, I cannot find such a picture anywhere. :(

Too bad.

[Lisa Simpson]

Well Lisa,

It seems that it's just you and me taking this thread derail seriously!

So, let me see - from now on I promise that I will:
1) Not pray to you
2) Not worship you
3) Not start any new churches in your name
4) Not take Lisa Simpson's name in vain - except for then, naturally.
5) Kiss Hank's A - er sorry, wrong non-Deity.

So - feel better now that you're being treated with the proper respect?

YBW

Well, it's quite nice that you are willing to treat me with the above mentioned respect. However, there are millions of other people who are still starting wars, discriminating, and getting elected President. Damn them!

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Well - you gotta start somewhere.

May I also say how good you're looking for a 2,000-year old cat?

YBW

[Lisa Simpson]

Sunscreen and moisturizer. Very important for 2,000 year old skin. Plus, I always eat vegemables.

[hh-dragon]

This was the perfect thread to post a picture of the retarded inbred Jesus descendent from Preacher, but for the life of me, I cannot find such a picture anywhere. :(

Too bad.

I sort of have it... this is actually a PARODY of the inbred Jesus descendant from Preacher, if such a thing is possible, based on what an ad for Hostess Twinkies as shown in the pages of Preacher might possibly look like. Only comic geeks will get it, everyone else will just be completely disgusted.

www.seanbaby.com/hostess/preacher1.htm

[Morrigan]

I sort of have it... this is actually a PARODY of the inbred Jesus descendant from Preacher, if such a thing is possible, based on what an ad for Hostess Twinkies as shown in the pages of Preacher might possibly look like. Only comic geeks will get it, everyone else will just be completely disgusted.

www.seanbaby.com/hostess/preacher1.htm
Hahaha, that's great. I'm no comic geek, but I do love Preacher. :)
D'Arconique (and Herr Star) is one of the best villains ever. So utterly repulsive.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Well Lisa,

Now that I'm your first disciple, second time around, that is, I've a coupla questions.

Actually, thinking about it, I guess Fowlsound is probably number one disciple, as he kinda re-discovered you - I certainly can't compete on a Titanium basis!

So the questions:

Which of your miracles is your absolute favourite? - maybe you could reprise it at the next TAM?

Do you have X-ray vision like Superman? When the devil took you into the desert to tempt you, didn't he show you the whole earth? Oops, sorry - better than Superman.

Do you really like wearing sandals?

And was the beard really itchy? I'm guessing it was a false one. :)

Do we need to go to the Middle East for the rerun? Only I burn easily.

But you do recommend sunscreen and moisturiser, so I guess if I really, really must, I'll go...

YBW

editted fo spealin

[Lisa Simpson]

Well Lisa,

Now that I'm your first disciple, second time around, that is, I've a coupla questions.

Actually, thinking about it, I guess Fowlsound is probably number one disciple, as he kinda re-discovered you - I certainly can't compete on a Titanium basis!

So the questions:

Which of your miracles is your absolute favourite? - maybe you could reprise it at the next TAM?

Walking on water is just so cool, but I don't know if Las Vegas is cold enough for me to do it.

Do you have X-ray vision like Superman? When the devil took you into the desert to tempt you, didn't he show you the whole earth? Oops, sorry - better than Superman.

I have better than x-ray vision. I can see what you are doing right now and stop it, that's disgusting!


Do you really like wearing sandals?

I prefer going barefoot, unless the sandals are like, totally cute or something.


And was the beard really itchy? I'm guessing it was a false one. :)

It wasn't a false beard, I was going through some hormone problems at the time, but thanks to modern medicine, it's all straightened out.

Do we need to go to the Middle East for the rerun? Only I burn easily.

But you do recommend sunscreen and moisturiser, so I guess if I really, really must, I'll go..
YBW

Actually, I thinking about Hawaii. So you would still need sunscreen, but I'm sure they sell it there.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

OK I've stopped - but I have to work today, so I ...

Oops, I'm working on a Sunday, perhaps I should have asked for permission?

At least I'm not working too hard - does that make it better?

Hawaii gets my vote too - all we need is another 10 disciples (how about "Lara Croft" for one of them?), and can somebody please tell Fowlsound?

YBW

ETA 300 posts! Woohoo!

[Bob Klase]

I'm decended from the eggman... or maybe it's the walrus, I always get them mixed up.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Lisa,

May one ask just how well you knew Mary Magdalene? (or should that be "knew", if you know what I mean)

Ok, so this is a poor attempt to merge this "thread within a thread" back towards the OP.

YBW

[shalomsteph]

Reminds me of a friend of mine. He was interning for his PhD in psychology in an inner city hospital. He was really tired when a guy came in insisting he was God. He was going to be admitted, but they had trouble finding a room that wasn't in close proximity to another God, Jesus, Satan or Mary.

Common delusion, apparently. Maybe John Lennon is a better delusion.

[rjh01]

Have to remember that if I ever have to fake insanity.

[Lisa Simpson]

Lisa,

May one ask just how well you knew Mary Magdalene? (or should that be "knew", if you know what I mean)

Ok, so this is a poor attempt to merge this "thread within a thread" back towards the OP.

YBW

Of course I knew her, but I didn't know her (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). All of this stuff about Mary being the Holy Grail is just such nonsense. Come on peeps...it's fiction! Everybody knows the Holy Grail is a cup that Indiana Jones found. Jeez. :rolleyes:

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

I knew it all along - I had non-faith in you!

I'm surprised that you have time to be a moderator, what with this, and being the Lizard Queen.

I guess your wardrobe must be pretty full - and no wonder you prefer bare feet - those claws must really wreck shoes ;)

YBW

[Lisa Simpson]

Well, the Lizard Queen thing isn't a full-time gig. One really shouldn't drink the water in the "Little Land of Duff" ride. What a trip.

[a_unique_person]

Insert your blood sample in the A:\ drive. Don't mind the whirring noises.

Oh, the blood sample. Damn, there is plenty of blood, though.

[kmortis]

AUP,
If you're having a hard time getting the blood in, a semen sample will work as well.

[YouBelieveWHAT?]

Hmmm Duff!

I'm pleased for you about the Lizard Queen thing - after all, the last thing you want is David Icke picking on you!

And didn't he claim to be God, too?

Oh, the blasphemy!

YBW

[The_Fire]

AUP,
If you're having a hard time getting the blood in, a semen sample will work as well.

And this should be an indicator that anyone wanting to buy some of kmortis's old computerequipment should have it disinfected first. THOROUGHLY!

[a_unique_person]

AUP,
If you're having a hard time getting the blood in, a semen sample will work as well.

Too late now, have to wait till tomorrow.

[Lenora]

Nice trick, but it would be difficult to be descended from fictional characters. :eek:

[slingblade]

Have to remember that if I ever have to fake insanity.

Actually, you don't need to.

Get yourself committed to a mental hospital....and then try to convince them you're sane.

We'll visit you every other Sunday.

(we read about this experiment in Soco class. Every one of 8 volunteers, some of them psychiatrists, were judged schizophrenic once committed to mental hospitals. Scary stuff.)

[wollery]

One of my favourite quotes of all time -

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - Carl Gustav Jung

[Chaos]

Sanity is in the mind of the beholder, eh? ;)

[Zep]

Because he's the "divine" one whos descendants they are capable of tracking?.No, he was divine because he wasn't gay, he was single, he didn't chase other women, and he could cook fish well for a multitude. What a catch!

[rjh01]

No, he was divine because he wasn't gay, he was single, he didn't chase other women, and he could cook fish well for a multitude. What a catch!

Not sure where you are quoting from. Not an accurate source. The facts
1. He had sex with many women (and a few men). The woman chased after him.
2. The families caught or brought their own fish, which the women cooked.
3. He could talk for hours, with inspiring words. But no-one could remember what was spoken later.

I know because I was there.

It is true.

Signed
Peter.