I Mock Creationists Again

[Dr Adequate]

Another Reply To Bishop Wilberforce

"I asserted — and I repeat — that a man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his grandfather. If there were an ancestor whom I should feel shame in recalling it would rather be a man — a man of restless and versatile intellect — who, not content with an equivocal success in his own sphere of activity, plunges into scientific questions with which he has no real acquaintance, only to obscure them by an aimless rhetoric, and distract the attention of his hearers from the real point at issue by eloquent digressions and skilled appeals to religious prejudice." --- T. H. Huxley's reply to Bishop Wilberforce, as reported by J. R. Green.

I'll wager that you'll never see
a monkey or a chimpanzee
denying they are kin to me;
they've got more sense.
In all my life I never knew
a wallaby or kangaroo
to disagree with Darwin's view
and take offence.

Creationists cannot pretend
that any rodent would descend
so very low as to defend
or back their side.
No tiger stalks you to explain
how Darwin softens up the brain
and nor do lions (in the main)
they've got more pride.

The works of Gish and Johnson both
(so naturalists will take their oath)
do not convince the three-toed sloth
or slender loris;
and self-respecting plankton, I'm
informed, have very little time
for less developed forms of slime
like Henry Morris.

No matter how Kent Hovind prates,
close observation demonstrates
no members of the ungulates
endorse his views.
For antelope he's no allure;
impala find his works obscure;
and wildebeest are too mature
(but that's old gnus).

Creationists cannot deceive
orang-utans: they're not naive.
They hear them out, but don't believe
a word they tell 'em.
E. coli cannot understand
why Behe's books are in demand
and wouldn't want to shake his hand
with its flagellum.

Amongst the lemurs, not a word
in praise of William Dembski's heard;
his work's considered quite absurd
in Madagascan climates.
The howler monkeys' tuneful throngs
are not debating in their songs
if Bishop Wilberforce belongs
among the primates.

But Man, that self-conceited chap
this "clever man", this Homo sap.
can't find his arse without a map
--- pretentious clown!
It seems the swelling of his brain
has only made him quite insane.
Let's climb into the trees again
and not come down.

[Meffy]

*applause* That was Adequate.

[Bronze Dog]

Wonderful. Need to try bringing my mockery back up a little.

I did do something to an April Fool (http://rockstarramblings.blogspot.com/2006/04/dogfight-1-michael-behe.html).

[MWare]

To be sung to the tune of Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song".

[Dr Adequate]

That .... just ... can't ... be ... done.

[Bradk3]

That was... beautiful.

Honestly, I cried a little.

Your adequacy is unparalleled, sir.

[Thanz]

I Mock Creationists Again

Do you ever do anything else? Seems to be quite the chip on your shoulder -- how do you stay upright?

[Bronze Dog]

Do you ever do anything else? Seems to be quite the chip on your shoulder -- how do you stay upright?
It's balanced by the other chip on his shoulder he gets as a result of being right nearly all the time.

[Trantor]

Excellent work. Thank you.

[Thanz]

It's balanced by the other chip on his shoulder he gets as a result of being right nearly all the time.
Not too clear on the phrase "chip on one's shoulder" are you?

[SezMe]

Not too clear on the concept of metaphor are you?

[Pardalis]

Nicely crafted Dr.

Another Reply To Bishop Wilberforce

"[i]I asserted — and I repeat — that a man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his grandfather [...]" --- T. H. Huxley's reply to Bishop Wilberforce, as reported by J. R. Green.


I personally really don't see why anyone should be ashamed of being related to apes. Monkeys are nice, right?

http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/8886448481c186810.jpg

[Bronze Dog]

Dogs are still nicer, though. Especially mechanical ones.

[Bradk3]

I personally really don't see why anyone should be ashamed of being related to apes. Monkeys are nice, right?

I'm pretty sure that my father IS an ape. I'm only really ashamed when he starts throwing feces when I come to visit.

[Meffy]

I personally really don't see why anyone should be ashamed of being related to apes. Monkeys are nice, right?
<oldwheeze> Some of my best friends are related to apes. </oldwheeze>

[Pardalis]

I am proud of my ape heritage, and I won't stand for any Creationist taking it away from me!;)

[pipelineaudio]

Im hearing something like the verse on Ozzy/Jake E Lee's Lightning Strikes

not sure on the choruses, probably gotta cut the verses up unless its to wind up a Crass "tune"

[Sword_Of_Truth]

I feel adequately mocked.

(Yes, I believe God created the earth. No, I'm not going to claim to know exactly how He did it, wether it was in 6 days or 6 billion years.)

[Mojo]

I feel adequately mocked.

(Yes, I believe God created the earth. No, I'm not going to claim to know exactly how He did it, wether it was in 6 days or 6 billion years.)If He's omnipotent, why did He need even 6 days?

And why did He need a rest afterwards?

[Bronze Dog]

And why did He need a rest afterwards?
Sleep is for the weak.

[Sword_Of_Truth]

If He's omnipotent, why did He need even 6 days?

And why did He need a rest afterwards?

Dunno... I intend to ask him when I meet him. in the mean time, I'm going to delay that meeting for as long as possible by (among other methods) not stressing out over how it was done.

EDIT: Actually, the first thing I'm gonna ask him is if Karen O. really had the hots for me.

EDIT 2: On second thought, I don't think i wanna know that. I don't think heaven would be heaven if I spend eternity beating myself up over that one.

[Pauliesonne]

I've got a source that tells me that every creationist walking the earth is a crystal meth addict.

I think my source is right.

[Pardalis]

EDIT: Actually, the first thing I'm gonna ask him is if Karen O. really had the hots for me.

Karen O. ? From the Yeah Yeah Yeahs?

You lucky b*stard!

[Sword_Of_Truth]

Different Karen, this one was never famous.

Though she should've been. ;)

[Harlequin]

Hmmm. A sort of "In Praise of Feeling Bad About Creationism".
Not bad. Entirely Adequate, in fact.

[Meffy]

If He's omnipotent, why did He need even 6 days?

Dick Smothers: Tommy, what's the most important element of comed-

Tommy Smothers: TIMING!

And why did He need a rest afterwards?

Where does it say he needed a rest? Just that he took one. Strictly speaking I don't need chocolate, but I'll darned well take one when I feel like it. =^_^=

[Dr Adequate]

Do you ever do anything else? Seems to be quite the chip on your shoulder -- how do you stay upright?"Chip on my shoulder"? Quite so. When I was a kid I was bitten by a fish in a barrel. It's left me with a lingering psychological trauma and a need for revenge.

I want closure, damn it.

* sobs *

Either that or I've noticed that stupid lying clowns make good subjects for mockery.

[Thanz]

"Chip on my shoulder"? Quite so. When I was a kid I was bitten by a fish in a barrel. It's left me with a lingering psychological trauma and a need for revenge.
Explains a lot, actually. I bet that if you play video games, you leave them all on the "beginner" level to really rack up the high scores.

I want closure, damn it.

* sobs *
You've shot this particular fish down to homeopathic levels. I'm not sure how much more closure you can get.

Either that or I've noticed that stupid lying clowns make good subjects for mockery.
The world is, unfortunately, full of stupid lying clowns. Ever consider finding some new ones?

[Dr Adequate]

Explains a lot, actually. I bet that if you play video games, you leave them all on the "beginner" level to really rack up the high scores. What are you suggesting? Do you mean that I should try to mock someone who isn't inherently absurd --- for the sake of the challenge?

The world is, unfortunately, full of stupid lying clowns. Ever consider finding some new ones? My little poems have mocked psychics, builders of perpetual motion machines, alien abductees, conspiracy theorists, mad mullahs, and overuse of the letter Q.

In this particular case, the joke only works if I mock creationists.

[Kotatsu]

My little poems have mocked psychics, builders of perpetual motion machines, alien abductees, conspiracy theorists, mad mullahs, and overuse of the letter Q.

In this particular case, the joke only works if I mock creationists.

Is there anywhere some sort of collection of these, as I believe I have only read some of them. Or need I try to find them manually?

[jj]

"Deep in the Heart of Strata"
(with apologizes to both "Deep in the Heart of Texas" and Terry Pratchett)

Those fossils bright
Were made last night!
Deep in the heart of strata
Ammonites
and Trilobites
Deep in the heart of strata!

The light you spy
In the night sky
All came from good old strata!
The black hole bright
Was made last night
Deep in the heart of strata!

Neutrino flux
You bet your bucks
It came from good old strata!
The boson waves
The're all the raves
Right down in good old strata!

The memory great
The love, the hate
It came from good old strata,
The human right
Was made last night
Like all of good old strata!

Duane the Gish,
The horse, the fish
All came from good old strata
The I C R
The well-stocked bar
All came from good old Strata

The sun so bright
Was made last night
Like all of good old strata
We're all new built
Our age atilt
It's all from new old strata!

ooohhhhhhh!

Buuullllllllllll!

[Bronze Dog]

The world is, unfortunately, full of stupid lying clowns. Ever consider finding some new ones?
If you can make them look ridiculous, there's a slim chance it'll lower their ability to get into office.

Of course, we're in the early stages. I dream that some day we'll be able to mock silliness in public without being called sociopathic Commie-Nazis.

[Dr Adequate]

Is there anywhere some sort of collection of these, as I believe I have only read some of them. Or need I try to find them manually? Alas, I have no website.

---

If anyone is in doubt that I am superior to Kent Hovind in every possible way, here is some of his poetry (http://www.drdino.com/articles.php?spec=44)

:dl:

[Kotatsu]

Alas, I have no website.

A pity. I shall have to take some time, then, to look through the forum manually.

If anyone is in doubt that I am superior to Kent Hovind in every possible way, here is some of his poetry (http://www.drdino.com/articles.php?spec=44)

Oh my.