Jesus, At last He looks Jewish

[Aquila]

http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/98414487893c6644e.jpg

Source: Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania, leaflet T-24-E, copyright 1999

[Dark Jaguar]

I could make a lot of insensitive jokes about someone complaining about the bread and fish and sending it back. I say I COULD do that, but I've better taste.

[David Swidler]

Looks quite a bit like a young Arafat, actually.

[wollery]

His skin isn't really dark enough, and where's his yarmulka?

[David Swidler]

He must be a Reform Jew. That would also explain the lack of a fringed, four-cornered garment, and of phylacteries.

[TragicMonkey]

I refuse to believe in a Jesus with such sticklike legs. The real Jesus has muscular calves from all that walking on water.

[Achán hiNidráne]

I refuse to believe in a Jesus with such sticklike legs. The real Jesus has muscular calves from all that walking on water.
Not to mention drinking Pat Robertson's miracle fitness shakes.

[TragicMonkey]

Not to mention drinking Pat Robertson's miracle fitness shakes.

Jesus could probably leg press 2000 pounds with just one leg.

[Zep]

May I be the first to say "Oy vey!"

[zakur]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/sog/images/compheadpro.jpg

Source (http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/sog/head1.shtml)

[aggle-rithm]

http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/98414487893c6644e.jpg

Source: Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania, leaflet T-24-E, copyright 1999

Actually, the Jehovah's Witnesses have gone out of their way to portray Jesus realistically for years.

(Well, except for the fact that they use the Hellenistic "Jesus" instead of the proper "Yeshua".)

PS, you're a HERETIC if you say he was crucified on a cross; it was a CRUCIFIXION STAKE!!!! ;)

[Morrigan]

Did David Hasselhoff grow a beard?

[c4ts]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/sog/images/compheadpro.jpg

Source (http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/sog/head1.shtml)
I thought Neanderthals were extinct by then...

[Meffy]

I thought Neanderthals were extinct by then...
Please! This is the Middle East we're talking about. The word is pronounced "Neandertell," or more properly "Tell Nandara."

The pictures look to me like Just Some Guy. Which is as it ought to be IMO.

[Aquila]

Talking of bread and fish:
I've often wondered if it's ok for Jews for Jesus to eat lox or gefilte fish on Fridays. ???

Also, more seriously, shouldn't Christians remember Jesus with matzoh and wine, rather than bread. Jesus was celebrating Passover at the Last Supper when he (or He) said the words about remembering him, and Jews would have eaten matzo to remember the Jews' flight from Egypt then. I know in the Catholic mass they use wafers and wine - is this because of the reason above, or for some other reason. Please excuse my ignorance.

[Meffy]

shouldn't Christians remember Jesus with matzoh and wine, rather than bread.
Sounds reasonable to me. I suspect a particularly unpleasant form of NIH syndrome was at work. (Not Invented Here.)

[c4ts]

Talking of bread and fish:
I've often wondered if it's ok for Jews for Jesus to eat lox or gefilte fish on Fridays. ???

Also, more seriously, shouldn't Christians remember Jesus with matzoh and wine, rather than bread. Jesus was celebrating Passover at the Last Supper when he (or He) said the words about remembering him, and Jews would have eaten matzo to remember the Jews' flight from Egypt then. I know in the Catholic mass they use wafers and wine - is this because of the reason above, or for some other reason. Please excuse my ignorance.

I think Christians do celebrate Passover and attach allegorical signifigance by associating it with the Last Supper.

[Major Billy]

Looks quite a bit like a young Arafat, actually.http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/98414487893c6644e.jpghttp://i-cias.com/e.o/ill/arafat_y03.jpg

[slingblade]

Talking of bread and fish:
I've often wondered if it's ok for Jews for Jesus to eat lox or gefilte fish on Fridays. ???

To answer seriously, sure they can, as it's a Protestant-type sect, not a Catholic one, and Catholics have been allowed to eat meat on Fridays for quite a while now, anyway.

Also, more seriously, shouldn't Christians remember Jesus with matzoh and wine, rather than bread. Jesus was celebrating Passover at the Last Supper when he (or He) said the words about remembering him, and Jews would have eaten matzo to remember the Jews' flight from Egypt then. I know in the Catholic mass they use wafers and wine - is this because of the reason above, or for some other reason. Please excuse my ignorance.

It's supposed to be unleavened bread, or matzoh, since, as you said, the Last Supper was taken at Passover.

I've gone to churches that used matzoh, unsalted saltine crackers, salted saltines, or white bread, depending. Many don't necessarily care what they use, because it's supposed to be symbolic cannibal--I mean, symbolic, so the actual food used isn't all that important.

And I never had wine. It was always grape juice.

[c4ts]

I've gone to churches that used matzoh, unsalted saltine crackers, salted saltines, or white bread, depending. Many don't necessarily care what they use, because it's supposed to be symbolic cannibal--I mean, symbolic, so the actual food used isn't all that important.

And I never had wine. It was always grape juice.
From what I've heard about transubstantiation, the point is that it's not symbolic. They just think they can turn any substance into exact duplicates that are secretly made out of god-flesh.

[Freethinker]

Must have had an early Norelco to keep his beard groomed that well.

[slingblade]

From what I've heard about transubstantiation, the point is that it's not symbolic. They just think they can turn any substance into exact duplicates that are secretly made out of god-flesh.

Most prots don't believe in transubstantiation. Again, that's a Catholic thing.
Prots do it because Christ supposedly said, "This do in rememberance of Me."

[Forty-Two]

I've gone to churches that used matzoh, unsalted saltine crackers, salted saltines, or white bread, depending. Many don't necessarily care what they use, because it's supposed to be symbolic cannibal--I mean, symbolic, so the actual food used isn't all that important.

And I never had wine. It was always grape juice. Did you go to Methodist churches? They (almost) always use grape juice because of their history in the temperence movement.

According to Methodist doctorine, anything can be used for communion. When my husband was a kid, he went on a camping trip with his youth group, and the pastor blessed bacon and orange juice for communion. He found it ironic that pig flesh would be used as a stand-in for the flesh of a Jewish man.

[slingblade]

Did you go to Methodist churches? They (almost) always use grape juice because of their history in the temperence movement.

No, Pentecostal, Assembly of God. But they did it because alcohol is sinful.
I remember hearing such pearls of wisdom as "Jesus didn't really drink wine. It was just grape juice, but all grape-based drinks were called 'wine' back then."

No, I couldn't possibly make this stuff up.

According to Methodist doctorine, anything can be used for communion. When my husband was a kid, he went on a camping trip with his youth group, and the pastor blessed bacon and orange juice for communion. He found it ironic that pig flesh would be used as a stand-in for the flesh of a Jewish man.

My pastors would have done it too, and never have realized there was any irony to be had. They said Jesus was the first Christian, so he wasn't really a Jew. :confused:

[JamesDillon]

No, Pentecostal, Assembly of God. But they did it because alcohol is sinful.
I remember hearing such pearls of wisdom as "Jesus didn't really drink wine. It was just grape juice, but all grape-based drinks were called 'wine' back then."

I heard a similar one back in my fundie days: "Yeah, the Bible says Jesus turned water into wine, but it never says he drank it."

[Piscivore]

http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/98414487893c6644e.jpg
The role of Jesus was played by special guest star Elliot Gould:
http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/2850448898da72240.jpg

[Meffy]

@Piscivore: The similarity's remarkably close.

[Moon-Spinner]

No no, here's what the real Jesus looked like...
http://clay_b860.tripod.com/FerrignoLou/LFerrigno0040.jpg

Notice the Middle Eastern complexion, the proper beard and hair. I think it fits the description of what Jesus would have looked like to a tee. This is the best Jesus actor I've seen yet.

[Jas]

http://forums.randi.org/imagehost/98414487893c6644e.jpghttp://i-cias.com/e.o/ill/arafat_y03.jpg

Hey, Yasser was kind of cute, before he got all bumpy and flappy and stuff.

And I agree with TM's assessment of his legs. My saviour would be a virtual Adonis, not some sort of hippie raw foodist in a dress. The colour of which, by the way, does nothing for his complexion.

[Moon-Spinner]

Hey, my image that I posted yesterday is gone (apparently from the web site), so I'll repost it for everyones benefit...

No no, here's what the real Jesus looked like...
http://www.briansdriveintheater.com/hercules/louferrigno/louferrigno36.jpg

Notice the Middle Eastern complexion, the proper beard and hair. I think it fits the description of what Jesus would have looked like to a tee. This is the best Jesus actor I've seen yet.

[Aquila]

Another serious question: Kosher Food. The people who write the laws of kashrut, or dietary rules, which I think are in Leviticus, advised against the eating of pork, Actually they banned it. Science has since discovered that maybe this is a good idea, because pigs eat a lot of stuff which contains tape worm eggs, which then grow into tapeworm. These can enter humans if meat from pigs is not cooked at a high enough temperature. When the Bible was written, they didn't have meat thermometers so it was probably a very good idea to have rules like this.

Shellfish seem quite straigtforward - they often live in dirty water, especially nowadays when city sewers pour right into their habitat, but but what about mixing meat and milk? The Biblical reason is something about a cow and a calf but I can't remember what. Scientifically, I once heard an explanation that was something to do with the different sort of proteins in milk and meat. Any comments?

[Meffy]

The way I recall it phrased -- disclaimer: my memory might well be faulty -- is along the lines of "you shall not seethe the calf in the milk of its mother."

[edit] Nope, it's a kid thou shalt not seethe. Deuteronomy 14:21 and Exodus 34:26 came up in a quick googlement.

[Silly Green Monkey]

Seething a kid in its mother's milk was a religious rite for another Semitic god.

[Meffy]

According to legend, adherents of that god were the ancestors of today's Taco Town. (See the video. Super-size it.)

[Kiwiwriter]

A good Jewish boy, he kept kosher, stayed away from girls, went into his father's business, was respectful to his family, studied religion...the only thing that went wrong was that got hung up by that bad crowd of Apostles he ran with. :D

[Aquila]

Re shellfish: I should have said that they live in shallow water, like rock pools, which, because it doesn't get moved around a lot by ocean currents and waves, is often dirty.

[Piscivore]

Shellfish seem quite straigtforward - they often live in dirty water, especially nowadays when city sewers pour right into their habitat,

Just to pick a nit, it is not dirty water that makes shellfish a problem, it is that they filter-feed on microorganisms that sometimes carry toxins.

These organisms do flourish in nutrient-rich (aka "sewage") water, but the shellfish do not, IIRC, collect and store the "dirt" of the sewage.

[Aquila]

... it is not dirty water that makes shellfish a problem, it is that they filter-feed on microorganisms that sometimes carry toxins...
Thank you Piscivore. Can anyone answer this one: Why are some shellfish like oysters aphrodisiacs for humans?

[Piscivore]

IMO they are considered aphrodesiacs because of their musky, fecund odor and taste. Sympathetic magic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_magic)is a pretty basic idea.

[Aquila]

Interesting URL, your blog and bio also. I'm not intolerant to the idea of psychological and spiritual magic, but was hoping for something a bit more scientific, about chemicals which stimulated sex hormones perhaps. Oh, please excuse my spelling.