Wayne Grabert
20th May 2003, 10:26 AM
Cosmyticism (http://www.theonion.com/onion3918/all_my_religion_needs.html) is almost ready for public consumption. From the prophet Gunther:
Well, it's been a long, hard road, but I'm finally almost finished with Cosmysticism, the new religion I've been working on for the past year or so. And I must say, I'm pretty proud of how it's turned out. It's a delicate blend of love and wrath, mystery and science, history and fantasy. I have some compelling characters, a universal creation myth, and a great ascension-of-man second act. Now all I need is some sort of snazzy post-death scenario to really put the cherry on top.
(snip)
Besides the afterlife thing, Cosmysticism is good to go. I spent months studying the top five major religions and some of the more successful dead ones, then I broke them down thematically and charted the elements they shared. Once I had that visual, Cosmysticism's central text, The Book Of Gunther, pretty much wrote itself. It's really great stuff, too. If I were a lost soul looking for answers in this difficult and bewildering world, I'd be eating Cosmysticism up.
(snip)
The way I've written Cosmysticism (I mean, the way it was revealed to me), each person on Earth corresponds to a star in the universe. We are all literally people of the stars, filled with ageless matter and untold potential. It's pretty straightforward, but with just enough crazy sci-fi touches to get people hooked.
Well, it's been a long, hard road, but I'm finally almost finished with Cosmysticism, the new religion I've been working on for the past year or so. And I must say, I'm pretty proud of how it's turned out. It's a delicate blend of love and wrath, mystery and science, history and fantasy. I have some compelling characters, a universal creation myth, and a great ascension-of-man second act. Now all I need is some sort of snazzy post-death scenario to really put the cherry on top.
(snip)
Besides the afterlife thing, Cosmysticism is good to go. I spent months studying the top five major religions and some of the more successful dead ones, then I broke them down thematically and charted the elements they shared. Once I had that visual, Cosmysticism's central text, The Book Of Gunther, pretty much wrote itself. It's really great stuff, too. If I were a lost soul looking for answers in this difficult and bewildering world, I'd be eating Cosmysticism up.
(snip)
The way I've written Cosmysticism (I mean, the way it was revealed to me), each person on Earth corresponds to a star in the universe. We are all literally people of the stars, filled with ageless matter and untold potential. It's pretty straightforward, but with just enough crazy sci-fi touches to get people hooked.