God told me to tell you...

[Whomp]

God told me to tell you ...
To send me money, say $100 or even just $10 if that's all you can afford, although I must point out that God is less likely to give you some horrible disease if your gift is in the $100 range.

Just as soon as I recieve your Love Offering, I will ask the lord not to bring disease and suffering and mudslides to your home. But remember, I can't do this until I recieve your certified check or money order.

Please send paym ... er.. Love Offerings to:

Whomp!
C/O Walden Correctional Facility
Cell Block 2-A
North Carolina

[justsaygnosis]

Too straightforward as a protection scheme.
You need more 'bait and switch'.


Just a simple tithe, a measly 10%, buys you peace of mind in this world and eternal life in the next.
Why waste your money on Prozac when you can have the serenity of the holy spirit(?)....AND...a tax write off to boot!!!!

Get the point?

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by Whomp
God told me to tell you ...
To send me money, say $100 or even just $10 if that's all you can afford, although I must point out that God is less likely to give you some horrible disease if your gift is in the $100 range.

Just as soon as I recieve your Love Offering, I will ask the lord not to bring disease and suffering and mudslides to your home. But remember, I can't do this until I recieve your certified check or money order.

Please send paym ... er.. Love Offerings to:

Whomp!
C/O Walden Correctional Facility
Cell Block 2-A
North Carolina I've heard these before! And this one is quite the deal! The last one required $10,000 after God struck you blind...

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

Well I don't know, I was going to save up to fix my leaky roof. I can't afford insurance, so maybe this is a good way to go...

I guess my roof has been leaking for 2 years now, and it's just as good as everyone else's when it don't rain, so this won't set be back all that much.

Are you a warden of a correctional centre?

[ntech]

Will I be struck dead if I send $9.99?

[Whomp]

And the Lord spoke saying:
"Yea, verily i say unto thee, beeist thou not cheapskates, for I shalt visit upon thee painful rectal itch, and cause thy buttocks to be afflicted with boils ..."
- 1st Economics chapter 4 verse 27

PPG, the godless heathens of the IRS have no concept of the work of the Lord's chosen messengers. They throw around A-Theist words of Satan like "Evasion" and "Conspiricy to commit"
However I assure you that your generous (tax deductable) gift will not be used for the Whomp Defence Fund, but instead to fuel the prayers that shall keep your children from being bitten by rats.

ntech, the Lord loves you even at $9.99. However, I must point out that God is the one that controls lightning (large chunks of electricity that can come out of the sky anywhere, any time, and kill you) and he would really rather your gift was in the $100 dollar range. Or even $50?

[c4ts]

I think L. Ron Hubbard said it best:
"If you want to get rich quick, start a religion."