Newest shuttle conspiracy theory. It's true. [Archive]

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Timothy

1st July 2006, 01:21 PM

On NPR this morning:

Sensational headline "Huge Asteroid Closes in on Earth."

(Silly explanation later that it won't come closer than the Moon, and that you'll need a good telescope to see it.)

-----------------

On CNN this morning:

NASA Head Michael Griffith approving Shuttle launch, overriding NASA Chief Engineer and NASA Safety Administrator's insistance that it's not safe. Everything seems like a headlong, breakneck schedule to get the Shuttle launched at all costs.

Crew includes a woman.

-----------------

CLEARLY, the asteroid is headed directly toward Earth, and will destroy all life within a few days, and the Shuttle crew MUST BE LAUNCHED REGARDLESS OF THE SAFETY IMPLICATIONS so that they can live at the ISS until they can return and repopulate the Earth.

It's been nice knowing you guys.

Goodbye. *sniff*

- Timothy

Silly Green Monkey

1st July 2006, 01:26 PM

TWO women.

Lisa Simpson

1st July 2006, 01:28 PM

But...they are currently a no-go for anvils!!!

Stellafane

1st July 2006, 01:35 PM

Oh no, I'm not gonna fall for that one -- 'fessing up to all the stuff I've done in my life (shoot JFK, fix the 2002 Super Bowl, etc.) only to have nothing happen. With my luck, the damn asteroid will miss and we'll all live.

Lisa Simpson

1st July 2006, 01:37 PM

Maybe the "save lives in May" guy was just a month off...

c4ts

1st July 2006, 01:41 PM

TWO women.

One is a robot double.

Conspiracy!

Lisa Simpson

1st July 2006, 01:43 PM

They just scrubbed the launch. Damn you anvils!

bob_kark

1st July 2006, 01:44 PM

This is such a bogus claim. How can there be a shuttle be sent to stop the asteroid when Bruce Willis is busy filming Die Hard 4? It just can't happen people.

c4ts

1st July 2006, 01:45 PM

This is such a bogus claim. How can there be a shuttle be sent to stop the asteroid when Bruce Willis is busy filming Die Hard 4? It just can't happen people.

They left out Harrison Ford and Robert Redford, too.

R.Mackey

1st July 2006, 03:49 PM

Obviously, the same people who can proove that we couldn't have landed people on the Moon, because it's so hard...

...think the Shuttle has so much extra performance that it can rendezvous with an Earth-crossing asteroid.

Please tell me you're just making this up.

Meffy

1st July 2006, 04:03 PM

They left out Harrison Ford and Robert Redford, too.
Bruce Willis? Harris- who???

PAT ROBERTSON, people! And his bare, registered-as-deadly-weapons feet.

bob_kark

1st July 2006, 04:29 PM

Bruce Willis? Harris- who???

PAT ROBERTSON, people! And his bare, registered-as-deadly-weapons feet.

You're forgetting, Robertson doesn't need a space shuttle. His legs are powerful enough to shoot him into space. He's actually unable to jump on a trampoline without an oxygen mask.

Temporal Renegade

1st July 2006, 05:54 PM

You're forgetting, Robertson doesn't need a space shuttle. His legs are powerful enough to shoot him into space. He's actually unable to jump on a trampoline without an oxygen mask.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Pat Robertson allows to live.

Meffy

1st July 2006, 06:01 PM

You're forgetting, Robertson doesn't need a space shuttle. His legs are powerful enough to shoot him into space. He's actually unable to jump on a trampoline without an oxygen mask.
Um... no, I didn't forget! I just didn't mention "hold the shuttle." *nodnod*

gumboot

1st July 2006, 09:53 PM

They left out Harrison Ford

Don't be silly, they can't send the president into space...he's too busy looking for his nubile young teenage daughter.

-Andrew

The Kilted Yaksman

2nd July 2006, 11:56 AM

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Pat Robertson allows to live.
I can see where this is headed.
Pat Robertson doesn't sleep, he waits.

c4ts

2nd July 2006, 01:38 PM

Bruce Willis? Harris- who???

PAT ROBERTSON, people! And his bare, registered-as-deadly-weapons feet.

Pat Robertson doesn't believe in preventing disasters, merely praying that they hit all the homosexuals.

Johnny Pixels

2nd July 2006, 02:24 PM

They just scrubbed the launch. Damn you anvils!

It's a sign you fools! We should be building a boat, not a spaceship, that's why it's delayed by bad weather. Bad Weather! A sign I tell you! We're going to need a bigger boat!

CFLarsen

2nd July 2006, 02:35 PM

General "Buck" Turgidson: Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Dr. Strangelove: Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.

Ambassador de Sadesky: I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
Dr. Strangelove (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057012/quotes)

Meffy

2nd July 2006, 07:39 PM

I can see where this is headed.
Pat Robertson doesn't sleep, he waits.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Pat Robertson Virginia Beach wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Zep

2nd July 2006, 08:08 PM

Meanwhile, back in the REAL world...

:crazy:

drfrank

3rd July 2006, 09:20 AM

Meanwhile, back in the REAL world...

:crazy:
You mean, away from where Pat Robertson resides?

Tanstaafl

3rd July 2006, 04:24 PM

It's a sign you fools! We should be building a boat, not a spaceship, that's why it's delayed by bad weather. Bad Weather! A sign I tell you! We're going to need a bigger boat!

Lucky for me I'm going on a cruise shortly. But I suspect I'll get really tired of the comedian on board after 40 days and 40 nights.

Meffy

3rd July 2006, 04:28 PM

Lucky for me I'm going on a cruise shortly. But I suspect I'll get really tired of the comedian on board after 40 days and 40 nights.
Keep your eye on the magician and the captain's parrot. They've got a rivalry going on that I predict will some day end up being narrated as a classic joke.

bob_kark

3rd July 2006, 04:54 PM

Keep your eye on the magician and the captain's parrot. They've got a rivalry going on that I predict will some day end up being narrated as a classic joke.

They also attract pirates. So make sure to get some Peg-Leg Pete's Pirate Off! before you go.

hellaeon

3rd July 2006, 05:40 PM

wrong thread!

Tanstaafl

3rd July 2006, 10:37 PM

They also attract pirates. So make sure to get some Peg-Leg Pete's Pirate Off! before you go.

Thanks for the advice (Meffy too). But as a Pastafarian, I welcome pirates.

EvilBiker

3rd July 2006, 11:06 PM