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UnrepentantSinner
28th October 2006, 12:32 AM
...and that is why the microwave will never replace the toaster oven; which brings us to tonights word. EVILution.

Despite the fact that over 150 years of contradictory evidence has proven conclusively that the "theory" of evolution consists of one third mockery of God, one third fraud and imagination and three fifths of gin some scientists continue to insist humans are decended from apes.

I don't know about you Nation, especially my Armenian viewers, but I've seen apes at the zoo, and between moments of shock at how accurate they are when flinging their own feces I couldn't help but notice how hairy they were. From what I see in the lingere section of the Sears cataloge, the covers of Men's Health and on my own smooth chest and shoulders, human bodies are just not that hairy.

The Full Monkey

Sure, some of these so called biologists tell me that there were other species of our "genius", yes, I know they pronounce it differently but I'm saying it like a real American would. You have to ask if they were Homos, how would they ever have reproduced? In fact, I say let's lose the whole Homo sapiens designation and call ourselves what I consider myself - Hetro sapiens.

Single, but not thin or neat

I fact I wonder about the agenda of the entire paleontological community when it comes to the nomenclature they use. Come on, doesn't godless atheistic hedonism and liberal Hollywood sleeze merchant seem totally synonymous when they call a "fossil" Homo erectus?

Viagra man?

Anyway, what recently alerted me to this issue was the supposed discovery of tic-tac-lick-something-or-other that represents a "missing link" between fish and terrestrial trapazoids. Yeah, like I'm supposed to believe an animal that lives in the water suddenly grows legs and wanders about on land.

Show (http://museum.nhm.uga.edu/gawildlife/amphibians/caudata/ambystomatidae/atigrinumsm.jpg)

I don't care what sort of fossils those scientists unearth, until they show my video on Youtube of a snake giving birth to a chicken I'm not going to believe it.

Then he'd worship Quetalcoatl.

Now one of the fatal flaws of this theory ;) of evolution is that they say the earth is billions of years old and I know that's not true. Anyone who objectively studies the evidence, as I have done, knows it was created on October 4th, 4004 B.C. Thus I ascribe to Young Earth Creationism.

Like Flat Earth, only endorsed by school boards

I even go one step further than some "YECs" as they're called. I say the Earth does not have an appearance of age. It clearly looks like one would expect a universe to look like if it were suddenly created a few thousand years ago.

Last Milleniumism?

Look Nation, if I have to show you one piece of evidence that evolution is a stinkier pile of crap than Charles Darwin's bones are now, look at a newborn baby. Fresh from the mothers womb that gooey crying bundle of creation can only have been made with dirt by God.

Or maybe with lotion by Nivea

Humans are so clearly the apex of life I cannot believe that we came up from the muck to invent things like bridges,

And bombs to blow them up

automobiles,

...land mines

and cities.

...nukes

So that's why I don't believe in evolution, and that's tonight's word...

EVILution

jjramsey
28th October 2006, 06:59 AM
Is that a transcription from the Colbert Report, or are you just using his style?

UnrepentantSinner
28th October 2006, 09:08 AM
Not to be too coy, but what do you think?

jjramsey
28th October 2006, 09:45 AM
Not to be too coy, but what do you think?

About as deadly as the stuff on the Jesus' General (http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/) blog (which is sort of the Stephen Colbert of the blogosphere, anyway).

SPQR
28th October 2006, 03:48 PM
That was great! :D

Even if it is from Colbert I must of missed that episode because it doesn't sound familiar to me.

UnrepentantSinner
29th October 2006, 08:26 AM
That was great! :D

Even if it is from Colbert I must of missed that episode because it doesn't sound familiar to me.

Thanks to both of you for the compliment. The above Word metasatire (is that the proper appellation for a satire of a satire?) was my own creation. I think "The Word" is an expression of ages old comedic genius.

UnrepentantSinner
30th October 2006, 08:43 AM
Shameless bump of a weekend post for the weekend surfers.

skullerello
30th October 2006, 08:57 AM
I laughed.

Tanstaafl
30th October 2006, 09:40 AM
Excellent! Stephen would be proud.

Roboramma
30th October 2006, 09:02 PM
Nominated.

negativ
31st October 2006, 10:20 AM
sounds like landoverbaptist.org

NoZed Avenger
31st October 2006, 02:04 PM
I laughed until I stopped.

UnrepentantSinner
1st November 2006, 08:30 AM
I laughed.

That's all I ask. :)

TobiasTheViking
1st November 2006, 08:54 AM
i smirked.

Cetecea
1st November 2006, 09:36 AM
I chuckled

bjb
1st November 2006, 02:15 PM
Memories that will last a lunchtime.