Question for Women: Modern Menarche Celebration?

[shecky]

Is anyone familiar with, or ever attended a menarche celebration? I ask because my 11 year old daughter has expressed a vague interest in having one. I've done a little research, and some of the ideas I've come across for such events are flat out whacko/new age hooey. There's no way any of us would be interested in the new age stuff. However the idea of some kind of memorable celebration seems appealing. The question is, how do we go about it. What would such a celebration, by a group consisting largely of secular and/or atheist females, look like? Cake and ice cream seems too non specific, but dancing under the full moon and smearing of menstrual blood is WAY out of the question. Dos anyone have any good ideas for such an event? Or witnessed such a thing?

[LostAngeles]

Considering that my period truly is a curse, I can't imagine celebrating it. Sorry. But hey, if your daughter can enjoy it and be down with it, that's pretty awesome.

[Godmode]

I've never even heard of such a thing, but I always am happy to get my period. As my mom always said, each period is an affirmation that your body is working as it should.
I think too many people look at their cycle as a negative thing, and anything you can do to encourage thinking of it as a positive thing is nice. HOwever, I don't know that I'd actually celebrate it, anymore then I would celebrate a good night's sleep.

[Godmode]

I've just read a bit more on it. I think a congratulations would be entirely appropriate for the FIRST period. Also, no girl should ever be "surprised" by her period. I've met a few girls who had no idea what was happening, and they all described it as being terrably scary.
Personally, I wouldn't go overboard with it, but maybe some sort of small "welcome to womanhood" would be nice.

One other thing... One of the things I remember most about my first period was that a friend of mine had gotten hers about 4 months earlier. She told me how she found a tiny spot of blood, but didn't think it was enough for a period, and then of course later that day she had a heavier bit. So one day the same thing happened to me, I found the tiniest little spot, and remembering my friend's story, I put on a pad right away, saving me from the embarassment she suffered. So I would tell any young girls, if you see ANY BLOOD AT ALL, even just a drop, GET THAT PAD ON RIGHT AWAY.

And that's about all I have to say on the subject, lol.

[The Atheist]

Or witnessed such a thing?Only ones where the girl having menarche was called Frond, wearing a fern-leaf dress while her parents prayed to Tetragammon.

I'd be surprised if you find anyone having a ceremony for menarche who isn't seriously into Wiccan or similar fantasies. Make something up - a red-themed slumber party, maybe.

[Katana]

I've never even heard of such a thing, but I always am happy to get my period. As my mom always said, each period is an affirmation that your body is working as it should.
And an affirmation that his little swimmers didn't make contact.

[Morrigan]

:wackylaugh: Very true. On the other hand, there's the cramps and bloating which suck. But hey, if it's the price to pay to tell me I've successfully avoided pregnancy this month, I'll live with it. :P


Celebrating that sounds odd, but then again we celebrate stranger things. And actually "dancing under the full moon and smearing of menstrual blood" sounds pretty pagan and awesome. Especially if you play some Moonblood (http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=1088). :D

[ChristineR]

I think every girl is excited and curious about it, and then when it finally happens it turns out to be feeling sick to your stomach and being all gooey and sticky in a place where you'd rather be clean in dry.

At least that's how it was for me.

If your daughter actually invites a group of friends over for a party it is likely that the whole school will know she has just gotten her period. Make sure she is prepared for that.

BTW, my mother was one of those girls who didn't know what a period was when it started. She was screaming to her mother to take her to the doctor's right away, and her mother was only concerned with keeping the younger sister from hearing that there was such a thing as menstruation.

[Godmode]

BTW, my mother was one of those girls who didn't know what a period was when it started. She was screaming to her mother to take her to the doctor's right away, and her mother was only concerned with keeping the younger sister from hearing that there was such a thing as menstruation.

How horrid! Why wouldn't she use that opportunity to educate both the girls??

[ChristineR]

How horrid! Why wouldn't she use that opportunity to educate both the girls??

Theirs was a very strict Christian family. No alcohol, no makeup, no dancing, no movies. Of course that doesn't answer your question, as none of those sinful acts would be involved in basic education.

In many ways my grandparents personified the worst of the conservative Christian stereotypes. I guess they wanted to keep their daughters ignorant about sex, even something as peripheral as menstruation. My mom claims she learnt about sex from the Bible, so I guess she had to learn about menstruation there also. :confused:

[grayman]

Slight derail: Richard Jeni on PMS and red wine. Language is crude; fair warning.

Z-O4mJKEEqQ

[Polaris]

Theirs was a very strict Christian family. No alcohol, no makeup, no dancing, no movies. Of course that doesn't answer your question, as none of those sinful acts would be involved in basic education.

In many ways my grandparents personified the worst of the conservative Christian stereotypes. I guess they wanted to keep their daughters ignorant about sex, even something as peripheral as menstruation. My mom claims she learnt about sex from the Bible, so I guess she had to learn about menstruation there also. :confused:

Good lord.

I assume this may be a factor that brought you to the skeptical side of thinking.

[ChristineR]

Good lord.

I assume this may be a factor that brought you to the skeptical side of thinking.

Oh, yeah.

Of course it's all a long and complicated story, but I will say that this approach did not reliably result in happy, monogamous, heterosexual children. :boggled:

[Polaris]

Oh, yeah.

Of course it's all a long and complicated story, but I will say that this approach did not reliably result in happy, monogamous, heterosexual children. :boggled:

As a general rule, I don't criticize other people's parenting (unless they do something like change a dirty diaper on the table of a busy restaurant or something), but if I was going to, things like that would be right up there on my list of reasons - because not only are those children going to grow up maladjusted (not saying homosexuality is a flaw, btw), but everybody else will have to deal with their maladjustment on some level or another - whether it's a girl I want to date who has been brainwashed about how unclean sex is, or a co-worker who harangues me if he finds out I'm an atheist, or a politician/pressure group member who works to legislate against harmless things I may do in my own home. Or forbids gays from marrying, or actively works against stem cell research that may cure a disease someone's loved one has.

They're all long and complicated stories - I feel fortunate to have not been subjected to that kind of thing as a child, and I agree with Dawkins that childhood religious indoctrination is abuse, particularly of the bent you described.

[meg]

We celebrate a young woman's "coming of age" in my family. ALL girls are given gifts when it happens, usually chocolates, roses, a copy of "Our Bodies Ourselves", maybe a heating pad or some really comfy jammies for "those days", stuff like that.

For those that wish it (some dont) we also do a little ritual. My daughter's involved creating "safe space", which was absolutely women only. The elder women each made a little speech welcoming the new woman to the clan and it was unanimously agreed that she was now considered an adult in the family and would be treated as such. - Never be told "I'll tell you when you're older", can sit at the grownup table at big dinners, that sort of thing. The rest of the evening was open to any and all questions the young woman had, or whatever she wanted to talk about. We ate chocolate cake and sipped champagne (my daughter too, though she didn't like it as much as the sparkling grape juice we also had on hand) and talked openly about the mechanics of menstruation, tampons vs pads, favorite products and why, how to deal with cramps, the emotional cycles that might occur, all sorts of stuff like that. We also talked a bit about sexuality, what qualities we look for in a good mate. Birth control. The difference between teenaged boys and grown up men. What it's like to give birth. My daughter even had a question about masturbation.

Any and all questions were OK in the space. And we tried to make sure that she knew that actually, any and all questions are ok out of the space, too. There is no such thing as "taboo talk" between the women that were involved in the ceremony, and that one of us will always be there for her if she ever needs to talk to someone about "woman stuff".

Every girl is different, and our ceremonies are a bit different for each one. For the most part though, we always try to acknowledge that this is a big moment in a young woman's life, welcome her to "womanhood", and let her know that we think being a woman is a wonderful thing, and that she is becoming a fine one.

Another woman I know throws a female only party for the young woman and *everything* is red. Cake, tablecloth, gifts, napkins, everything. They talk about how beautiful the color red is and how wonderful the menstrual blood is, as a signal that the woman is now able to have children, and that she should never feel embarassed if her clothes get stained by menstrual blood. It is a completely normal healthy and beautiful part of life.

I think that's pretty cool, too.

Hope this helps,
Meg

[Amapola]

What my SIL did for my two nieces was this: At the appropriate time (prior to the first cycle) she rented a beautiful cabin in the woods and took the girl with her for a special vacation, just the mother and daughter. She brought along books and gifts (and their bikes) and they spent a few days alone, biking the trails and talking about what menstruation was all about. They had the books in case a question was asked that the mother did not know the answer to - they would then look it up. My SIL did everything she could to make her daughter understand and feel welcome and grown up. It's very cool because both my nieces had a very serene and understanding start to this time of their lives.

Meg's idea sounds fabulous. It would have been interesting to grow up in that household. :)

[Roswell-Perseis]

I disagree that this is a situation that should be handled by only by females. By showing young girls that this is something that their fathers are not involved in, it stigmatizes this event. These girls may feel that while it is ok to talk to women about these things, it is not alright to talk to their fathers and someday, perhaps, their husbands.

Furthermore, teaching young boys about menarche (and girls about spermarche) helps give children an understanding about differences and similiarities, and this is important as well.

By not involving men that young girls trust, you have given the first cue that men are incapable of understanding and supporting women emotionally.

Also, for some women this is an incredibly painful time. I had months where I was bedridden. I would be careful not to elevate menstruation/ childbirth because it is no better than demonizing or frightening girls about. Besides, what makes a woman is not the ability to get pregnant, it is a long process.

If you really want to celebrate the beginning of womanhood, I'd consider taking a larger approach than menarche.

[meg]

I don't think anyone here was saying that all discussions about menarche should only be handled by females. I know that I sure wasn't saying that. I think most everything about our bodies and sexuality should be discussed openly whenever anyone wants.

However, I do believe that when a girl first gets it, that the questions she has can probably be best answered by those persons that have gone through it. Questions like what to do if the string breaks off your tampon, or how come sometimes it hurts when I pull the tampon out, which is better- pads or tampons, what kind of "natural" products are there out there.. I'm just guessing, but I'm thinking my sisters and myself have a lot more to say about the answers to those questions than her father, uncles or brothers might.

Much the same with boys. I would think a boy might get much more useful information about his wet dreams and random erections from the men in his family than from his sisters or mother.

And neither of those times, in my opinion, is the right time to begin the education of the other children in the family as to what happens. It puts a kid that's already maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed by the changes in their body on the spot, and make them even more uncomfortable.

you wrote:
By not involving men that young girls trust, you have given the first cue that men are incapable of understanding and supporting women emotionally.

You're not going to give "the first clue" to a teenager about anything. By the time she's 10-14, I imagine most girls have already decided for themselves whether the men in her life are understanding or emotionally supportive. Choosing one celebration, or even one weekend as for the women only in order to talk about something only women experience will not alter that opinion one whit.

I'm not sure how calling menstruation natural or even beautiful ranks as "elevating" it. And I certainly think it's better than demonizing or frightening girls about it.

Most of the other milestones in a woman's life; first job, graduations, getting married/partnered, having a baby, etc already have celebrations of their own. I'm not sure what your "taking a larger approach than menarche" to celebrate womanhood is talking about.

[Dave1001]

but dancing under the full moon and smearing of menstrual blood is WAY out of the question.

why?

[Boo]

I learned from reading the pamphlets mt mother gave me. That was all the info I had.

My daughter on the other hand, we talked, answered questions, gathered information and while I was actually at work on a 48 hour rotation when she started her dad handled it very calmly and matter of factly. Life goes on.



Boo

[Godmode]

why?

And this is exactly why it's a thread for women Dave...

[Dave1001]

And this is exactly why it's a thread for women Dave...

Have you seen a picture of TheAtheist? Compared to him I am a woman.:p

[RSLancastr]

When my eldest daughter got her first period, her mom (my then-wife) brought her out into the living room where I was watching TV with my son and other daughter.

My ex: Everbody, we have something wonderful to announce! Go ahead, honey...

My daughter: (Looking like she would rather be anywhere else at the moment) I got my first period.

Me: That's very cool hon, congratulations!

(Pause)

My son: (nine years old at the time) What, is she pregnant or something?

Everyone else: No!!!!!

My other daughter never took her eyes off of the TV, and I could almost hear her thinking "When it happens to me, I sure as hell am not telling mom..."