Alcatraz

[MickinEngland]

In the film "Escape from Alcatraz", Clint Eastwood blows the socks off his convict pals when he coolly announces "I think I know a way outta here", and naturally they're all ears and eagerly want to hear his plan because none of them is dumb enough to say "Nah,not interested!"
Yet amazingly that's what some people say to Jesus!
Here we are trapped in this prison we call a world, but Jesus tells us "God has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed" (Luke 4:18 )
-------------------------

[joobz]

Yeah, but clint eastwood wasn't also the jailor. jesus is god. Therefore, he created the prison and is our jailor.

[Rocky]

Those of us that are already free of god's prison, have no further need of an escape plan.

-R

[Ducky]

In the film "Escape from Alcatraz", Clint Eastwood blows the socks off his convict pals when he coolly announces "I think I know a way outta here", and naturally they're all ears and eagerly want to hear his plan because none of them is dumb enough to say "Nah,not interested!"
Yet amazingly that's what some people say to Jesus!
Here we are trapped in this prison we call a world, but Jesus tells us "God has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed" (Luke 4:18 )
-------------------------



You have convinced me. Clint Eastwood is God. :eek:

[MickinEngland]

Yeah, but clint eastwood wasn't also the jailor. jesus is god. Therefore, he created the prison and is our jailor.

Nah, Jesus wasn't God.. :)
Look -
Jesus said - "I am going to the Father, for my Father is greater than I" (John 14:28 )
"Why do you call me good? Only God is good" (Luke 18:19)
"Only God knows when Judgment Day will be, I don't know myself" (Mark 13:32)
"I say nothing of my own accord, i only say what my father tells me to say.." (John 12:49)
High Priest asks - "Are you the Son of God?" Jesus replies - "I am" (Mark 14:61)
God himself said - "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased" (Matt 3:17)
And of course Jesus regularly prayed to God, yet if he was God why would he pray to himself?
------------------

[MickinEngland]

Those of us that are already free of god's prison, have no further need of an escape plan.



The 'prison' Jesus wanted to bust us out of is the prison of our own material mindset that we were brainwashed into by parents, teachers and society.
People quickly and gladly took his message on board ;)
"Jesus saved you from the empty way of life handed you by your forefathers" (1 Pet 1:18 )

[JonnyFive]

You have convinced me. Clint Eastwood is God. :eek:

Me too. All hail Clint Eastwood! His will be done. In the name of Clint the Director, the Actor, and the holy Producer, amen.

[Ducky]

Me too. All hail Clint Eastwood! His will be done. In the name of Clint the Director, the Actor, and the holy Producer, amen.

You owe me a keyboard. This one is now full of soda that came out my nose.

Nicely done. :)

[JonnyFive]

Nicely done. :)

I like to make people laugh.

Just think about it. Instead of the first five books of the Old Testament, we have the five Dirty Harry movies.

In the beginning, there was nothing, and so Clint said "do you feel lucky?" and there was a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. And he killed the serial murderer and it was good.

But lo, many corrupt police officers had aligned themselves against Clint. He saw this and was greatly angry. So he sent a flood of lead to wipe them off the face of the world, including the corrupt lieutenant or whatever. I can't remember, I haven't watched the movie in a little while.

And so on.

[Ducky]

I like to make people laugh.

Just think about it. Instead of the first five books of the Old Testament, we have the five Dirty Harry movies.

In the beginning, there was nothing, and so Clint said "do you feel lucky?" and there was a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. And he killed the serial murderer and it was good.

But lo, many corrupt police officers had aligned themselves against Clint. He saw this and was greatly angry. So he sent a flood of lead to wipe them off the face of the world, including the corrupt lieutenant or whatever. I can't remember, I haven't watched the movie in a little while.

And so on.


That would have to be new testament. his westerns could be the old.

[Doubt]

I like to make people laugh.

Just think about it. Instead of the first five books of the Old Testament, we have the five Dirty Harry movies.

SNIP

And so on.

You almost have me convinced. But how do "High Plains Drifter" and "Any Which Way but Loose" fit into this?

[JonnyFive]

You almost have me convinced. But how do "High Plains Drifter" and "Any Which Way but Loose" fit into this?

"High Plains Drifter" is equivalent to the book of Revelation, and "Any Which Way but Loose" is equivalent to every bad thing ever done by God in the Bible combined and multiplied by ten.

[KingMerv00]

In the film "Escape from Alcatraz", Clint Eastwood blows the socks off his convict pals when he coolly announces "I think I know a way outta here", and naturally they're all ears and eagerly want to hear his plan because none of them is dumb enough to say "Nah,not interested!"
Yet amazingly that's what some people say to Jesus!
Here we are trapped in this prison we call a world, but Jesus tells us "God has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed" (Luke 4:18 )
-------------------------


Argument by bad analogy isn't going to win you any debate points here.

[Ducky]

"High Plains Drifter" is equivalent to the book of Revelation, and "Any Which Way but Loose" is equivalent to every bad thing ever done by God in the Bible combined and multiplied by ten.

So "Any Which Way But Loose" can be thrown out like the gnostic gospels?

[JonnyFive]

So "Any Which Way But Loose" can be thrown out like the gnostic gospels?

The Christians get to edit their canon, so why shouldn't we?

It was probably the work of a false Clint anyway.

[Doubt]

"High Plains Drifter" is equivalent to the book of Revelation, and "Any Which Way but Loose" is equivalent to every bad thing ever done by God in the Bible combined and multiplied by ten.

Now I get it.

So instead of the Christians blaming the Jews for killing Jesus and every other problem in the world, we can now blame the orangutan for everything!

[Ducky]

Now I get it.

So instead of the Christians blaming the Jews for killing Jesus and every other problem in the world, we can now blame the orangutan for everything!

DAMN DIRTY APES! MANIACS!

Oh...I was being a heretic. That's the wrong religion...

The Christians get to edit their canon, so why shouldn't we?

It was probably the work of a false Clint anyway.


Comedy gold Johnny. We need to take this act on the road.

[JonnyFive]

Now I get it.

So instead of the Christians blaming the Jews for killing Jesus and every other problem in the world, we can now blame the orangutan for everything!

Exactly. That's the kind of outside-but-still-safely-inside the box thinking that we need in the Eastwoodite church.

Comedy gold Johnny. We need to take this act on the road.

Throw in some fake totally real healings and we could make save millions.

[grayman]

Now I get it.

So instead of the Christians blaming the Jews for killing Jesus and every other problem in the world, we can now blame the orangutan for everything!

So what would that make Sondra Locke (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/p/sondra_locke/) (other than a no-talent actress that rode Clint's coat-tails)?

[joobie]

In the film "Escape from Alcatraz", Clint Eastwood blows the socks off his convict pals when he coolly announces "I think I know a way outta here", and naturally they're all ears and eagerly want to hear his plan because none of them is dumb enough to say "Nah,not interested!"
Yet amazingly that's what some people say to Jesus!
Here we are trapped in this prison we call a world, but Jesus tells us "God has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed" (Luke 4:18 )
-------------------------


except for one thing: escape from alcatraz is based on a true story. the bible ain't.

:)

[JonnyFive]

So what would that make Sondra Locke (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/p/sondra_locke/) (other than a no-talent actress that rode Clint's coat-tails)?

Satan?

ETA: Note that in the book of "Sudden Impact", we see that Sondra claims that if Clint's worshippers only praise him because his movies are right and good. So he allows Sondra to torment the worshippers, but they remain faithful.

[KingMerv00]

What is this talk of the Clint? What of the Chuck Norris?

[Ducky]

What is this talk of the Clint? What of the Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris is a false prophet! Repent and accept Clint and be saved!

In Clint's Holy Name, get lucky punk.

[fuelair]

What a load. I don't think you're making friends here Mick.

[KingMerv00]

Chuck Norris is a false prophet! Repent and accept Clint and be saved!

In Clint's Holy Name, get lucky punk.

In the name of the Holy Roundhouse, I pray the Dark Squinty One has not turned you against your true Ranger Lord.

[Ducky]

In the name of the Holy Roundhouse, I pray the Dark Squinty One has not turned you against your true Ranger Lord.

Your false prophet is powerless in the might of the .44 Magnum!

[KingMerv00]

Your false prophet is powerless in the might of the .44 Magnum!

HA! His great Scarlet Follicles laugh at your puny projectiles. Surely you have read the Great Online Texts that faithfully record His mighty deeds. Do you deny that he stopped three bullets using naught but his wit and beard?

[Ducky]

HA! His great Scarlet Follicles laugh at your puny projectiles. Surely you have read the Great Online Texts that faithfully record His mighty deeds. Do you deny that he stopped three bullets using naught but his wit and beard?

Scarlet. RED LIKE THE DEVIL! YOU HAVE BEEN BLINDED WITH LIES BY SATAN!

REPENT!

IN THE NAME OF THE ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND HOLY PRODUCER I EXCORSIZE YOUR DEMONS! OUT! OUT! OUT! THROUGH THE POWER OF CLINT I DEMAND THE DEVILS LEAVE THIS PERSON SO THEY MAY SEE THE LIGHT AND BE SAVED!

[KingMerv00]

Scarlet. RED LIKE THE DEVIL! YOU HAVE BEEN BLINDED WITH LIES BY SATAN!

REPENT!

IN THE NAME OF THE ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND HOLY PRODUCER I EXCORSIZE YOUR DEMONS! OUT! OUT! OUT! THROUGH THE POWER OF CLINT I DEMAND THE DEVILS LEAVE THIS PERSON SO THEY MAY SEE THE LIGHT AND BE SAVED!

(Look, if we are going to make up religions for parody-sake you can't just go stealing the idea of Satan from Christianity.)

[Ducky]

(Look, if we are going to make up religions for parody-sake you can't just go stealing the idea of Satan from Christianity.)

I didn't. we made that redhead trollop that rode Eastwood's coat tails in the 70s into satan. scroll up. (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?postid=2205807#post2205807)

[Kopji]

In the film "Escape from Alcatraz", Clint Eastwood blows the socks off his convict pals when he coolly announces "I think I know a way outta here", and naturally they're all ears and eagerly want to hear his plan because none of them is dumb enough to say "Nah,not interested!"
Yet amazingly that's what some people say to Jesus!
Here we are trapped in this prison we call a world, but Jesus tells us "God has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed" (Luke 4:18 )
-------------------------

This is perhaps tempting to use in a Sunday sermon, except that there is no evidence that Frank Lee Morris or the other men ever actually escaped drowning or being eaten.

So, this is not a very compelling argument: "Just like we don't know what happened to the prisoners from Alcatraz, we don't know if listening to Jesus will do any good."

The lesson has some promise though. You could have a few members of the congregation hold up shark fins on little sticks. The kids could make little rafts as Sunday school crafts.

[Mashuna]

Scarlet. RED LIKE THE DEVIL! YOU HAVE BEEN BLINDED WITH LIES BY SATAN!

REPENT!

IN THE NAME OF THE ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND HOLY PRODUCER I EXCORSIZE YOUR DEMONS! OUT! OUT! OUT! THROUGH THE POWER OF CLINT I DEMAND THE DEVILS LEAVE THIS PERSON SO THEY MAY SEE THE LIGHT AND BE SAVED!

By the power of Clint, I dub these demons Unforgiven.

[Bikewer]

How come JC didn't whisper in the ears of the 200-300 million people that were around at the time of his death?

Even the early Christians took nearly 400 years to get "on the same page" as to their theology, much less running around the world and telling all the poor pagans about it.

[JonnyFive]

How come JC didn't whisper in the ears of the 200-300 million people that were around at the time of his death?

Even the early Christians took nearly 400 years to get "on the same page" as to their theology, much less running around the world and telling all the poor pagans about it.

More to the point, why doesn't everyone just repent and accept Clint Eastwood as their director and entertainer?

...lead us not unto Clyde, but deliver us from Sondra Locke.

[joobz]

Nah, Jesus wasn't God.. :)
Look -
Jesus said - "I am going to the Father, for my Father is greater than I" (John 14:28 )
"Why do you call me good? Only God is good" (Luke 18:19)
"Only God knows when Judgment Day will be, I don't know myself" (Mark 13:32)
"I say nothing of my own accord, i only say what my father tells me to say.." (John 12:49)
High Priest asks - "Are you the Son of God?" Jesus replies - "I am" (Mark 14:61)
God himself said - "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased" (Matt 3:17)
And of course Jesus regularly prayed to God, yet if he was God why would he pray to himself?
------------------
So you don't believe in the holy trinity? that seems to be a pretty central aspect to christianity. Otherwise you start to get into that whole worshipping of false idols and no god but God thing.

[Foster Zygote]

Wow! Eastwoodism even has its own saints.