Charlie

[MickinEngland]

CHARLIE by Mick
Charlie hated God.
Many years ago in his teens he'd been neutral, but as the years passed he'd looked at all the pain and suffering and destruction in the world and slowly decided he'd be an atheist because there couldn't be a God to let such things happen, and he threw himself into charity work, animal rights and environmental campaigning...

As the years slowly rolled by, his grandparents died, as did his aunts, uncles, and parents,some with painful illnesses,and his coldness towards God turned to sheer hatred.
Then,in his old age his beloved wife fell ill with a terminal illness and he tenderly nursed her for months before she too died.

Broken hearted, he himself died soon after, and found himself face to face with God at the pearly gates, but as God smilingly held out his hand for him to take,Charlie backed away quickly saying - "Don't come near me! Where were you when my gran was riddled with cancer, I sat at her bedside day and night comforting her!
"And when my auntie had a stroke you deserted her too,but i travelled a hundred miles every day to visit her in the nursing home!
"And what about my dad, reduced to an empty shell of a man with Alzheimers, I called round every evening to tend to him,where were you then?
"And my darling wife withered away before my eyes, I saw to her every need in her final months because you weren't there!
"I gave my dying relatives and animals and the planet all the love and caring it was possible for me to give, but you just stood by doing nothing! What did you ever give them?"

And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...
---------------------------------------------------

(Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send?..
And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'")
--------------------------------------------------------

[Forty-Two]

They weren't impressed with it on the agnostics' board (http://www.agnosticforums.com/general-religion/272-thoughts-humanity.html); what do you expect from a skeptics' board?

[brodski]

And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...
---------------------------------------------------

[/SIZE]

And if I gave someone a puppy would I be justified in torturing it to death in front of them, because, hey, they shouldn't complain because I gave it to them in the first place?

If there is an interventionist god, he's a cruel and inhuman one, and not worthy of my worship.

[MickinEngland]

They weren't impressed with it on the agnostics' board (http://www.agnosticforums.com/general-religion/272-thoughts-humanity.html); what do you expect from a skeptics' board?


But the boss of the Agnostics board has asked me to be a moderator there, so I must be doing something right.. ;)

[Cosmo]

Is there a point to this story?

[MickinEngland]

And if I gave someone a puppy would I be justified in torturing it to death in front of them, because, hey, they shouldn't complain because I gave it to them in the first place?
If there is an interventionist god, he's a cruel and inhuman one, and not worthy of my worship.

The earths a battlefield between darkness and light, and on battlefields of course sh-- flies, what do you expect? ..;)
The bible doesn't try to pretend life's a bed of roses -

GOLD BERET by Mick
Just as Army Regiments award the beige beret (SAS), green beret (US Rangers) and red beret (Paras), so does God award us a gold beret if we pass his test.
The only success that matters is getting through the Life Selection Process and its a killer! :-
"All creation groans in pain from the beginning til now" (Rom 8:22)

And it sorts the men from the boys:-
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22)

Jesus welcomes anybody into his squad:-
"Whoever comes to me I'll never turn away" (John 6:37)

And he'll lead by example:-
"To follow me you must carry your own cross daily" (Luke 9:23)

The C.O. shows no favouritism:-
"God didn't spare his own son" (Rom 8:32)

So if he can hack it so can we:-
"We share in Jesus's sufferings in order to share in his glory" (Rom 8:17)

And others have stayed the course too:-
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" (2 Tim 4:7)

Then if we qualify we win the Gold Beret:-
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life.." (James 1:12)

But for those who want a soft, easy religion, Christianity's not for them -
"They prefer teachers who only tell them what they want to hear" (2 Tim 4:2-4)
---------------------------------------------

[grayman]

Isn't this the same love God showed to Job?

[brodski]

The earths a battlefield between darkness and light, and on battlefields of course sh-- flies, what do you expect? ..;)
The bible doesn't try to pretend life's a bed of roses -


So god is not all powerful then?
or he is all powerful but chooses to let this battle rage, with all the suffering that creates?

Either god is cruel, or negligent and incompetent, which is it?

[MickinEngland]

So god is not all powerful then?
or he is all powerful but chooses to let this battle rage, with all the suffering that creates?
Either god is cruel, or negligent and incompetent, which is it?


SATAN - "Bet I can win more souls than you"
GOD - "Bet you can't"..

Welcome to Battlefield Earth, keep your head down.. :)

RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE by Mick
The Earth is a spiritual jungle stalked by an invisible Predator (Satan) - "The devil prowls round like a roaring lion" (1 Peter 5:8 )
Jesus is a rescuer who was sent in by God to hand out flak jackets - "Put on the full armour of God against the wiles of the devil" (Eph 6:11-18 )
and to tell us how to get to the helicopter pickup point.
Then he went on ahead so's he can fly the chopper in to meet us at the rendezvous after telling us:-
"I'll be back" (Matt 24:30) to fly us to his dads paradise of a land..
But the people who throw away their uncomfortable flak jackets and try to get out of the jungle alone get zapped by Satan..
Right Arnie?
"Ja you better believe it"..

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/Arnie1.jpg

[tkingdoll]

Is this some sort of "how many threads about God can I start in one day" competition? If so, what's the prize? Cause I might have a bash at that myself if the stakes are good enough.

[brodski]

SATAN - "Bet I can win more souls than you"
GOD - "Bet you can't"..

Welcome to Battlefield Earth, keep your head down.. :)


So god is casusing untold human suffrering for a bet?
What a tosser.

[volatile]

SATAN - "Bet I can win more souls than you"
GOD - "Bet you can't"..

Welcome to Battlefield Earth, keep your head down.. :)

Wasn't Battlefield Earth the name of that L. Ron Hubbard abortion of a novel, that became an abortion of a film with John Travolta?

[thaiboxerken]

Mick's god is a wuss, i could tap him out any day of the week.

[qayak]

Mick's god is a wuss, i could tap him out any day of the week.

His god's been tapped out long ago but Mick thinks he was robbed of the title. :D

[MickinEngland]

Nah, the Christian God's a WINNER, never been beat.. ;)

When God scored a stunning 10-0 win with the Ten Plagues why couldn't the Egyptian A-Team of "gods and goddesses" prevent it? Answer - they don't exist!
(Osiris, Amun, Maat, Anubis, Nut, Geb, Ra, Hathor, Sekhmet, Isis, Seth, Horus, Thoth, Bastet)
Huh some of them are women, no wonder they lost, everybody knows girls can't play soccer..
And one dood is called Nut, i bet he kept shouting to his mates "On me 'ed son..."
Hey a witch in a chatroom once said she was sending the goddess Sekhmet to get me, I put the kettle on but she never turned up, gosh I hate getting stood up by goddesses, she probably got lost trying to read the map..

[Cosmo]

Huh some of them are women, no wonder they lost, everybody knows girls can't play soccer..

So in addition to being unable to debate, flooding forums with your threads, and not responding to rational inquiry...you're a sexist?

[qayak]

Nah, the Christian God's a WINNER, never been beat.. ;)

He gets his ass handed to him every day. He can't even answer a simple prayer.

[volatile]

Nah, the Christian God's a WINNER, never been beat.. ;)

When God scored a stunning 10-0 win with the Ten Plagues why couldn't the Egyptian A-Team of "gods and goddesses" prevent it? Answer - they don't exist!
(Osiris, Amun, Maat, Anubis, Nut, Geb, Ra, Hathor, Sekhmet, Isis, Seth, Horus, Thoth, Bastet)
Huh some of them are women, no wonder they lost, everybody knows girls can't play soccer..
And one dood is called Nut, i bet he kept shouting to his mates "On me 'ed son..."
Hey a witch in a chatroom once said she was sending the goddess Sekhmet to get me, I put the kettle on but she never turned up, gosh I hate getting stood up by goddesses, she probably got lost trying to read the map..


You realise you're on a sceptics forum, right? We're not pagans. We don't think our god could beat your god, as that's a metaphysically absurd proposition.

Why are you so quick to dismiss Sekhmet but not Jesus?

[fuelair]

CHARLIE by Mick
Charlie hated God.
Many years ago in his teens he'd been neutral, but as the years passed he'd looked at all the pain and suffering and destruction in the world and slowly decided he'd be an atheist because there couldn't be a God to let such things happen, and he threw himself into charity work, animal rights and environmental campaigning...

As the years slowly rolled by, his grandparents died, as did his aunts, uncles, and parents,some with painful illnesses,and his coldness towards God turned to sheer hatred.
Then,in his old age his beloved wife fell ill with a terminal illness and he tenderly nursed her for months before she too died.

Broken hearted, he himself died soon after, and found himself face to face with God at the pearly gates, but as God smilingly held out his hand for him to take,Charlie backed away quickly saying - "Don't come near me! Where were you when my gran was riddled with cancer, I sat at her bedside day and night comforting her!
"And when my auntie had a stroke you deserted her too,but i travelled a hundred miles every day to visit her in the nursing home!
"And what about my dad, reduced to an empty shell of a man with Alzheimers, I called round every evening to tend to him,where were you then?
"And my darling wife withered away before my eyes, I saw to her every need in her final months because you weren't there!
"I gave my dying relatives and animals and the planet all the love and caring it was possible for me to give, but you just stood by doing nothing! What did you ever give them?"

And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...
---------------------------------------------------

(Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send?..
And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'")
--------------------------------------------------------

Now you have annoyed me so I have a feeling for you that is small compared to that jack-off murderer you call your Dog -but real. Just explain away who he sent to perform that service for the children murdered/maimed/tortured in his name (and those of other dogs) - or be really smart and drop this. Since you don't know me - and with this Rule8 you do not want to - I have pointed out before (and it is not a joke) that if I was ever convinced that that thing had existence I would do my best to destroy it.

18th/tsV

[Ladewig]

"All creation groans in pain from the beginning til now" (Rom 8:22)

And it sorts the men from the boys:-
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22)

Jesus welcomes anybody into his squad:-
"Whoever comes to me I'll never turn away" (John 6:37)

And he'll lead by example:-
"To follow me you must carry your own cross daily" (Luke 9:23)

The C.O. shows no favouritism:-
"God didn't spare his own son" (Rom 8:32)

So if he can hack it so can we:-
"We share in Jesus's sufferings in order to share in his glory" (Rom 8:17)

And others have stayed the course too:-
"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" (2 Tim 4:7)

Then if we qualify we win the Gold Beret:-
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life.." (James 1:12)

But for those who want a soft, easy religion, Christianity's not for them -
"They prefer teachers who only tell them what they want to hear" (2 Tim 4:2-4)
---------------------------------------------



Well, if we are going to play the Bible verse game, then I 'll trot out Matt 17:20 "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

So Mick, do you have any explanation as to why no amount of faith can do what Jesus said?

[Ladewig]

Nah, the Christian God's a WINNER, never been beat.. ;)

When God scored a stunning 10-0 win with the Ten Plagues why couldn't the Egyptian A-Team of "gods and goddesses" prevent it? Answer - they don't exist!


I'm kind of surprised that you brought up the 10 Plauges given that God appears a bit psychotic in that story. Why was it necessary to kill not only Phaoro's first born son, but also the first born of prisoners in dungeons and the first born of the animals? (Exod 12:29)

Speaking of Moses, why did God send Moses to Egypt and then appear on the road to Egypt before attempting to kill Moses?

Surely you have better things to do than quote scriptures on a skeptics' board. Why not do them.

[MickinEngland]

I'm kind of surprised that you brought up the 10 Plauges given that God appears a bit psychotic in that story. Why was it necessary to kill not only Phaoro's first born son, but also the first born of prisoners in dungeons and the first born of the animals? (Exod 12:29)
Speaking of Moses, why did God send Moses to Egypt and then appear on the road to Egypt before attempting to kill Moses?
Surely you have better things to do than quote scriptures on a skeptics' board. Why not do them.

But this is the RELIGION section of the forum, so technically you're trespassing here.. ;)
Haven't you seen my 'Dreamweb' article yet, it explains how bad vibes trigger plagues etc..
As for Moses, he was an argumentative character and God had to warn him - "Just shut your mouth and go kick Pharoahs butt"

[volatile]

Haven't you seen my 'Dreamweb' article yet, it explains how bad vibes trigger plagues etc..
As for Moses, he was an argumentative character and God had to warn him - "Just shut your mouth and go kick Pharoahs butt"

Are you drunk, Michael? There's not even a shred of coherency about your posts...

[MickinEngland]

Well, if we are going to play the Bible verse game, then I 'll trot out Matt 17:20 "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."
So Mick, do you have any explanation as to why no amount of faith can do what Jesus said?

First, why should anybody want to move a mountain??
Unless of course its a giant asteroid on a colliion course with earth..
If its detected far enough away, even the tiniest amount of 'prayer-pressure' would be enough to deflect it into safely bypassing the earth..

[volatile]

First, why should anybody want to move a mountain??
Unless of course its a giant asteroid on a colliion course with earth..
If its detected far enough away, even the tiniest amount of 'prayer-pressure' would be enough to deflect it into safely bypassing the earth..

Not would you. Could you? With faith?

[MickinEngland]

Not would you. Could you? With faith?

Dunno mate, the urge to move a mountain has never crossed my mind so I've never tried..
Hey a London college wanted to test me for psychic powers once after they read articles in the press about my two UFO close encounters but I couldn't be bothered to do it.. I'm kool

[volatile]

Dunno mate, the urge to move a mountain has never crossed my mind so I've never tried..
Hey a London college wanted to test me for psychic powers once after they read articles in the press about my two UFO close encounters but I couldn't be bothered to do it.. I'm kool

Yep, you're definitely drunk.

[Tricky]

They weren't impressed with it on the agnostics' board (http://www.agnosticforums.com/general-religion/272-thoughts-humanity.html); what do you expect from a skeptics' board?
Probably got a better reception on the Talk Jesus forums (http://www.talkjesus.com/stories/2724-charlie.html). Watch the spam, Mick. If you're just dumping, we're not interested. You want to talk, we'll talk. You want to preach, you're in the wrong place.

[Tricky]

RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE by Mick
The Earth is a spiritual jungle stalked by an invisible Predator <snip>
My, you do get around, don't you (http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/showthread.php?t=20588&page=2). Is this your slacktivist way of doing a mission? Spam as many boards as you can?

[Tricky]

GOLD BERET by Mick

The only success that matters is getting through the Life Selection Process and its a killer! :-
"All creation groans in pain from the beginning til now" (Rom 8:22) <snip>

More spam (http://forums.mzocentral.net/lofiversion/index.php/t3262.html). You're quite prolific, Mick. Really get around the internet, don't you.

If you show any genuine interest in discussion, then you are welcome. If you just come to post snippits of your prose, you're not worth my time.

[MickinEngland]

More spam (http://forums.mzocentral.net/lofiversion/index.php/t3262.html). You're quite prolific, Mick. Really get around the internet, don't you.
If you show any genuine interest in discussion, then you are welcome. If you just come to post snippits of your prose, you're not worth my time.

But my prose is always up for discussion, debate and analysis..:)
Is it so perfect that you can't find fault with it? Ha ha ha :)

[MickinEngland]

Yep, you're definitely drunk.


Nah, never drank in my life mate (except when naughty women have tried to get me sloshed), tried a few sips of different sorts in my early teens but it all tasted like cat pee to me so I've left it alone ever since..

[Forty-Two]

Nah, never drank in my life mate (except when naughty women have tried to get me sloshed), tried a few sips of different sorts in my early teens but it all tasted like cat pee to me so I've left it alone ever since..
I know this is the obvious follow-up, but I can't let it go by unchecked: You've tasted cat pee?

[Tricky]

But my prose is always up for discussion, debate and analysis..:)
Is it so perfect that you can't find fault with it? Ha ha ha :)
I could do so in detail, if you showed any inclination to listen. Many here have pointed out the faults in your essays. You have dismissed them without anything that resembles serious consideration of their posts. Unless you can show that you are anything more than a drive-by spammer, I see no reason to waste time on you.

[MickinEngland]

I could do so in detail, if you showed any inclination to listen. Many here have pointed out the faults in your essays. You have dismissed them without anything that resembles serious consideration of their posts. Unless you can show that you are anything more than a drive-by spammer, I see no reason to waste time on you.

What planet you on?
That's twice now you've been unable to criticise my impeccably-written articles.. ;)

[thaiboxerken]

Your articles are garbage. That's constructive criticism. I suggest you stop writing.

[MickinEngland]

Your articles are garbage. That's constructive criticism. I suggest you stop writing.


Admit it mate, you LURV my stuff and can't keep away from it, just like my other critics, why else would you all hang in the religious section?.. ;)

[Tricky]

What planet you on?
That's twice now you've been unable to criticise my impeccably-written articles.. ;)
Okay, since you ask so humbly, I'll tackle the first one.

CHARLIE by Mick
Charlie hated God.
Many years ago in his teens he'd been neutral, but as the years passed he'd looked at all the pain and suffering and destruction in the world and slowly decided he'd be an atheist because there couldn't be a God to let such things happen, and he threw himself into charity work, animal rights and environmental campaigning...
First of all, atheists don't hate God. They don't believe in god. You can't hate something you don't believe in.

As the years slowly rolled by, his grandparents died, as did his aunts, uncles, and parents,some with painful illnesses,and his coldness towards God turned to sheer hatred.
Ah yes, you imagine atheists full of hatred. Are you sure you don't write for Chick Tracts? I do see some hatred here, but not in the fictional character of Charlie.

Then,in his old age his beloved wife fell ill with a terminal illness and he tenderly nursed her for months before she too died.

Broken hearted, he himself died soon after, and found himself face to face with God at the pearly gates, but as God smilingly held out his hand for him to take,Charlie backed away quickly saying - "Don't come near me! Where were you when my gran was riddled with cancer, I sat at her bedside day and night comforting her!
"And when my auntie had a stroke you deserted her too,but i travelled a hundred miles every day to visit her in the nursing home!
You're making the assumption that this encounter happens. You never consider the possibility that death is the end. Why not? Does it scare you?

"And what about my dad, reduced to an empty shell of a man with Alzheimers, I called round every evening to tend to him,where were you then?
"And my darling wife withered away before my eyes, I saw to her every need in her final months because you weren't there!
the planet all the love and caring it was possible for me to give, but you just stood by doing nothing! What did you ever give them?"

And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...
So in your story, Charlie is God's slave, put there to do the work that God could have done just as easily (being omnipotent and all), and instead, makes Charlie's life a living hell just so he doesn't have to lift a finger.

The God you describe is a lazy, brutal tyrant. I don't blame Charlie a bit if (in your totally fictional scenario) he spit in God's face.

(Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send?..
And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'")
--------------------------------------------------------Where the hell were you? Why weren't you there tending Charlie's family, since you seem so hot to volunteer? Why put it on someone who didn't volunteer? Was God showing Charlie some of the same kind of compassion He showed Job?
***
Okay, Mick, I've responded to one of your "impeccable" pieces of spam, exposing the glurge, strawmen, circular assumptions and miserable writing talent that it contains. And I did it willingly, not because God chose me as His tool. Also, I will not cut-and-paste this to multiple forums. It is written totally in context of these boards. If I have time later and depending on your response, I'll comment in detail on another of your chain-letters. You'd better make it worth my time though.

[MickinEngland]

If I have time later and depending on your response, I'll comment in detail on another of your chain-letters.


Thanks mate, though I don't know what you mean by 'chain letters', is that what you call 'stunning observations' in Houston?
Here's another just for you -

The body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul to take off from when the body dies, just like Jesus said:- "The spirit within gives life,the flesh alone is worthless" (John 6:63 )
Our brains are the guidance computers that must lock us on to Jesus before launch, otherwise our souls will launch into the void without co-ordinates:-
"Ungodly men for whom the blackness of darkness is reserved forever" (Jude 1:4-19)
All our clocks are counting down to lift-off..
Most space rockets lift off into orbit in a series of stages,jettisoning each stage as it runs out of fuel,leaving the small final stage to punch the payload into orbit.
Finding God is done in much the same way.
First we're earthbound on the launch pad,but the early OT scriptures give us the boost to begin spiritually lifting off against the pull of the world.
Then the OT prophets kick in at stages during the ascent to help us continue accelerating upwards.
Then the final stage - Jesus - gives us the final boost to free ourselves from the earths pull and punch into orbit,where we touch the face of God himself hopefully without having to radio "Houston we have a problem"..
"..praise to the Lord, to him who rides the ancient skies above.." (Psalm 68:33-34)

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/star.jpg

[Terry]

The body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul to take off from when the body dies, just like Jesus said:- "The spirit within gives life,the flesh alone is worthless" (John 6:63 )
Our brains are the guidance computers that must lock us on to Jesus before launch, otherwise our souls will launch into the void without co-ordinates:-

I don't suppose you have any evidence that this might be true, do you? Hint: bible quotes aren't evidence.

[Zep]

Genesis, Ch1919:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. The Seduction of Lot
19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:36 [B]Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.Great stuff from the OT, Mick. Think God ordains this?

[Mashuna]

Nah, never drank in my life mate (except when naughty women have tried to get me sloshed), tried a few sips of different sorts in my early teens but it all tasted like cat pee to me so I've left it alone ever since..

You mean you're this incoherant when you're sober?:jaw-dropp

[Tricky]

Thanks mate, though I don't know what you mean by 'chain letters', is that what you call 'stunning observations' in Houston?
Here's another just for you -

The body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul to take off from when the body dies, just like Jesus said:- "The spirit within gives life,the flesh alone is worthless" (John 6:63 )
Our brains are the guidance computers that must lock us on to Jesus before launch, otherwise our souls will launch into the void without co-ordinates:-
"Ungodly men for whom the blackness of darkness is reserved forever" (Jude 1:4-19)
All our clocks are counting down to lift-off..
Most space rockets lift off into orbit in a series of stages,jettisoning each stage as it runs out of fuel,leaving the small final stage to punch the payload into orbit.
Finding God is done in much the same way.
First we're earthbound on the launch pad,but the early OT scriptures give us the boost to begin spiritually lifting off against the pull of the world.
Then the OT prophets kick in at stages during the ascent to help us continue accelerating upwards.
Then the final stage - Jesus - gives us the final boost to free ourselves from the earths pull and punch into orbit,where we touch the face of God himself hopefully without having to radio "Houston we have a problem"..
"..praise to the Lord, to him who rides the ancient skies above.." (Psalm 68:33-34)

So, I comment and you reply in a way that addresses exactly zero of my comments. I guess that tells me what I need to know about you. Windbag is about the best, rule-six-compliant description I can muster.

[KingMerv00]

CHARLIE by Mick
Charlie hated God.
Many years ago in his teens he'd been neutral, but as the years passed he'd looked at all the pain and suffering and destruction in the world and slowly decided he'd be an atheist because there couldn't be a God to let such things happen, and he threw himself into charity work, animal rights and environmental campaigning...

As the years slowly rolled by, his grandparents died, as did his aunts, uncles, and parents,some with painful illnesses,and his coldness towards God turned to sheer hatred.
Then,in his old age his beloved wife fell ill with a terminal illness and he tenderly nursed her for months before she too died.

Broken hearted, he himself died soon after, and found himself face to face with God at the pearly gates, but as God smilingly held out his hand for him to take,Charlie backed away quickly saying - "Don't come near me! Where were you when my gran was riddled with cancer, I sat at her bedside day and night comforting her!
"And when my auntie had a stroke you deserted her too,but i travelled a hundred miles every day to visit her in the nursing home!
"And what about my dad, reduced to an empty shell of a man with Alzheimers, I called round every evening to tend to him,where were you then?
"And my darling wife withered away before my eyes, I saw to her every need in her final months because you weren't there!
"I gave my dying relatives and animals and the planet all the love and caring it was possible for me to give, but you just stood by doing nothing! What did you ever give them?"

And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...
---------------------------------------------------

(Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send?..
And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'")
--------------------------------------------------------

Hmm...

*Flips post over*

Aha! Hallmark, I knew it.

[MickinEngland]

So, I comment and you reply in a way that addresses exactly zero of my comments. I guess that tells me what I need to know about you. Windbag is about the best, rule-six-compliant description I can muster.


Look chum, raise one point at a time and we'll put it on the dissecting table, don't just fire a big shotgun-blast of points at me that I have to wade through in one indigestible lump, I just don't have time to untangle your big tangled ball of string.
I have to be flitting around this board making witty posts in assorted topics everywhere.. ;)

[Terry]

Look chum, raise one point at a time and we'll put it on the dissecting table,

evidence for your "body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul" claim then please.

[MickinEngland]

You mean you're this incoherant when you're sober?:jaw-dropp


In fact I happily went along with the womens attempts to get me drunk, call it an experiment ..
As the alcohol took effect I found I was unable to focus my eyes properly.
Later I found that I was unable to walk in a straight line, but the fascinating thing about it was that in my own frame of reference it was the room around me that was swaying, not me, I never felt dizzy or anything..
And curiously, the booze never affected my behaviour in any way, I felt neither elated nor depressed nor argumentative etc.
However, I did experience a not unpleasant sense of dull mental cosiness, as if my consciousness no longer extended as far into the world and universe as before, but had withdrawn in on itself, giving a 'comfort-blanket effect' to my mind, and I can understand why some people use booze as a cushion against the harsh reality of existence.
But personally I feel not the slightest need to wrap myself in such a comfort blanket and I still choose not to drink.
Comfort is fine, but the claustrophobic dulling effect alcohol had on my senses is too much of a downside in my opinion..

[Mashuna]

evidence for your "body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul" claim then please.

I was going to ask for evidence of the witty posts, but yours is probably better.

[Tricky]

Look chum, raise one point at a time and we'll put it on the dissecting table, don't just fire a big shotgun-blast of points at me that I have to wade through in one indigestible lump, I just don't have time to untangle your big tangled ball of string.
I have to be flitting around this board making witty posts in assorted topics everywhere.. ;)
Look chum, you dumped this steaming heap of offal on the boards and I picked through it piece by piece. I'd expect you to do the same, since you are the one who put it here. Are you telling me you have time to plop out this stuff, but not enought time to defend it? Spamming is taking up too much of your time?

Fine. Just let's not hear any more of that "nobody can criticise my wonderfulness" baloney. It has been criticised in detail, and you haven't bothered to answer. How the wind doth blow.

[KingMerv00]

Look chum, you dumped this steaming heap of offal on the boards and I picked through it piece by piece. I'd expect you to do the same, since you are the one who put it here. Are you telling me you have time to plop out this stuff, but not enought time to defend it? Spamming is taking up too much of your time?

Fine. Just let's not hear any more of that "nobody can criticise my wonderfulness" baloney. It has been criticised in detail, and you haven't bothered to answer. How the wind doth blow.

His posts are like landmines. Cheap and easy to install...giant pain in the arse to remove.

[MickinEngland]

evidence for your "body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul" claim then please.


I've got no hard evidence, just as you've got no hard evidence to the contrary.. ;)
Remember,speculation is fun, and without it discussion boards everywhere would cease to exist if only hard evidence was admissible..
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" - Carl Sagan

[AZAtheist]

But personally I feel not the slightest need to wrap myself in such a comfort blanket and I still choose not to drink.
Comfort is fine, but the claustrophobic dulling effect alcohol had on my senses is too much of a downside in my opinion..I might say the same thing about religion.

[KingMerv00]

I've got no hard evidence, just as you've got no hard evidence to the contrary.. ;)
Remember,speculation is fun, and without it discussion boards everywhere would cease to exist if only hard evidence was admissible..
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" - Carl Sagan

My god I don't even know where to begin.

[Mashuna]

. . . curiously, the religion never affected my behaviour in any way, I felt neither elated nor depressed nor argumentative etc.
However, I did experience a not unpleasant sense of dull mental cosiness, as if my consciousness no longer extended as far into the world and universe as before, but had withdrawn in on itself, giving a 'comfort-blanket effect' to my mind, and I can understand why some people use religion as a cushion against the harsh reality of existence.
But personally I feel not the slightest need to wrap myself in such a comfort blanket and I still choose not to believe.
Comfort is fine, but the claustrophobic dulling effect religion had on my senses is too much of a downside in my opinion..

Now I'm sure you know you're leading me to make the comparison between religion and alcohol now, don't you? If I just switch alcohol / booze for religion (and drink for believe), as above. . .

[MickinEngland]

Look chum, you dumped this steaming heap of offal on the boards and I picked through it piece by piece..


That's another thing about atheists and agnostics, they always seem to be picking over other peoples posts, rather than actually posting any stunning theories and awesome speculations of their own like I do.. ;)
So c'mon guys, step up to the plate and air some of your own pet theories, don't be shy .. :)

[KingMerv00]

That's another thing about atheists and agnostics, they always seem to be picking over other peoples posts, rather than actually posting any stunning theories and awesome speculations of their own like I do.. ;)
So c'mon guys, step up to the plate and air some of your own pet theories, don't be shy .. :)

You don't understand. We've seen hundreds and hundreds of posts like yours before you came along. We've been over faulty reasoning just like yours many many times. We are tired.

Ever hear of Sisyphus?

[Tricky]

That's another thing about atheists and agnostics, they always seem to be picking over other peoples posts, rather than actually posting any stunning theories and awesome speculations of their own like I do.. ;)
So c'mon guys, step up to the plate and air some of your own pet theories, don't be shy .. :)
Well, Narcissus, if you'll get your head out of... that mirror, you can look around and see lots of speculation here about the origins of religion and what follows death. Most of them don't come with short fiction as a support mechanism. Only lame "theories" need invented stories to support them. We have better stuff. It's called "evidence". Got any?

[MickinEngland]

Now I'm sure you know you're leading me to make the comparison between religion and alcohol now, don't you? If I just switch alcohol / booze for religion (and drink for believe), as above. . .


Ha ha ha, christianity is one of the toughest things around, it paints a nightmarish scenario of us being trapped on this battlefield earth slugging it out with demonic entities that seek to control our minds in order to drag us to a hellish plane of existence when we die..
So anybody who can't handle that horrific notion simply wraps themselves in the comfort blanket of denial and says "I don't believe in all that".

YOUNG BUNNY (about to leave the burrow for the first time) - "I'm going for a walk"
HIS MATES - "Watch out for the fox!"
YB - "I'll be okay, I don't believe in foxes, byeeeeeee..................oh sh**....................AAARRGHHH!!!"

[I less than three logic]

My god I don't even know where to begin.
I'd start by asking him to not distort the meaning of Sagan's quote. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence; this is true, you can not prove something isn't true by a lack of evidence. However, that means nothing in regards to the burden of proof. If Mick claims "[the] body is just a throwaway launch pad for the soul", the burden of proof is on him to show this is true. There is no need for evidence to the contrary like he suggested, that just a fallacious attempt to shift the onus.

[Mashuna]

Ha ha ha, christianity is one of the toughest things around, it paints a nightmarish scenario of us being trapped on this battlefield earth slugging it out with demonic entities that seek to control our minds in order to drag us to a hellish plane of existence when we die..
So anybody who can't handle that horrific notion simply wraps themselves in the comfort blanket of denial and says "I don't believe in all that".



Ok, two points. Demonic entities seeking to control our minds. Evidence?

Two. Tough? You're positing an eternity of bliss for simply believing, and you call that tough. Or are you out on the front lines, exorcising these demonic entities? Is that what you think you're doing here?

[Tricky]

Ha ha ha, christianity is one of the toughest things around, it paints a nightmarish scenario of us being trapped on this battlefield earth slugging it out with demonic entities that seek to control our minds in order to drag us to a hellish plane of existence when we die..
So anybody who can't handle that horrific notion simply wraps themselves in the comfort blanket of denial and says "I don't believe in all that".
Ah, a bit of truth (probably unintended). It paints a scenario. It is a story. A man-made picture.

Have you seen the paintings of Hieronymus Bosch (http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/bosch/delight/)? Guess what. I don't believe in them either.
http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/bosch/delight/delightr.jpg

[Orangutan]

I've got no hard evidence,
Snip.
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" - Carl Sagan

Pity because..
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. [Carl Sagan]

[MickinEngland]

It is a story. A man-made picture.



Ha ha ha Jesus was no picture, he was solid flesh and blood seen by the entire nation of Israel and the occupying roman army, he was too MEGA-HUGE to have been a myth.. :)

[Ossai]

MickinEngland
And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"... So god’s a dick.

The earths a battlefield between darkness and light, and on battlefields of course sh-- flies, what do you expect? A battlefield between whom? If god were all powerful then there would not be a battle, or even a need for a battle. The mere fact that you proclaim there is a battle ongoing means one of two things. Either god isn’t omnipotent or god isn’t good.

Ossai

[MickinEngland]

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. [Carl Sagan]


Jesus was solid flesh and blood seen by thousands, there's your evidence Carl.. ;)
Now you prove to us he never existed.. ;)

[Orangutan]

Ha ha ha Jesus was no picture, he was solid flesh and blood seen by the entire nation of Israel and the occupying roman army, he was too MEGA-HUGE to have been a myth.. :)

So Santa Is real too? He fits your criteria for proof of existence.

[Mashuna]

Ha ha ha Jesus was no picture, he was solid flesh and blood seen by the entire nation of Israel and the occupying roman army, he was too MEGA-HUGE to have been a myth.. :)

Actually, I've changed my mind. I would like evidence of a witty post.

[volatile]

Ha ha ha Jesus was no picture, he was solid flesh and blood seen by the entire nation of Israel and the occupying roman army, he was too MEGA-HUGE to have been a myth.. :)

How many people have claimed visions of Saints or been witnesses to their "miracles"? Like Bernadette at Lourdes?

But seeing as you hate Catholics, I guess you won't like to hear that. How many people saw Peter Popov evangelising? How many people saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear?

Essentially, seeing isn't believing.

[MickinEngland]

MickinEngland
So god’s a dick.
A battlefield between whom? If god were all powerful then there would not be a battle, or even a need for a battle. The mere fact that you proclaim there is a battle ongoing means one of two things. Either god isn’t omnipotent or god isn’t good.
Ossai


As has been said before - "Satans greatest victory is in convincing people he doesn't exist"
He'll have 'em for breakfast, no wonder the bible calls him the great deceiver, the sly serpent..
We only have to monitor what's going on in our own minds to recognise his manipulative attempts, he even had a go at Jesus - "hungry mate? just turn some stones to bread" to which Jesus replied "On yer bike mate"
Satan and demons are only smart in the sense that they're so subtle and sly that people often don't know they're trying to manipulate their thoughts, but all their little tricks NEVER CHANGE, and once we've learnt to recognise their pattern, we're soon onto them, so in that sense they're stupid.
In other words Satans like a good football manager with a good game plan, but because he never changes that plan,opposing teams can easily defeat him because they've become used to the way he plays ;)

[Phil]

I forget, are we still doing recipes for guys like Mick?

[Mashuna]

I forget, are we still doing recipes for guys like Mick?

Kitten recipes, I think. I may have misunderstood the concept though.

[Phil]

Kitten recipes, I think. I may have misunderstood the concept though.
Oh, good. I've been looking for a good kitten quiche recipe.

Anyone?

[I less than three logic]

Jesus was solid flesh and blood seen by thousands, there's your evidence Carl.. ;)
Now you prove to us he never existed.. ;)
What a ridiculous straw man. First, your claim that he was seen by thousands is merely a claim, not evidence. What evidence do you have that he was seen by thousands, did thousands of people document their firsthand accounts of seeing Jesus? Also, whether or not a person name Jesus existed is irrelevant. Most would concede that a person name Jesus probably existed at the time but that offers absolutely zero evidence that he was divine in anyway whatsoever.

Second, you are, again, attempting to fallaciously shift the burden of proof. No one needs to prove he didn't exist, in fact it is impossible to do so as is proving most negatives.

[Orangutan]

Jesus was solid flesh and blood seen by thousands, there's your evidence Carl.. ;)
Now you prove to us he never existed.. ;)

Also, why do you reject the prophet Mohamed and his teachings? He also easily fits your criteria for proof of existence.

[Tricky]

Kitten recipes, I think. I may have misunderstood the concept though.
I think Kitten (http://forums.randi.org/member.php?u=1402)'s over in "Forum Community" right now. You can PM her if you have a specific recipe in mind.

[Mashuna]

I think Kitten (http://forums.randi.org/member.php?u=1402)'s over in "Forum Community" right now. You can PM her if you have a specific recipe in mind.

First, catch your kitten.

Forum Community you say? I'll head over now. . .

[KingMerv00]

Jesus was solid flesh and blood seen by thousands, there's your evidence Carl.. ;)
Now you prove to us he never existed.. ;)

Please explain to me your understanding of the word "evidence".

[thaiboxerken]

I think that Mick's been reading too much of Warrior Nun and Battle Pope.

[Ryokan]

Nah, never drank in my life mate (except when naughty women have tried to get me sloshed), tried a few sips of different sorts in my early teens but it all tasted like cat pee to me so I've left it alone ever since..

I've never tasted cat pee, so I'll have to take your word for it.

[bruto]

Another wonderfully useful and informative thread from Mick. Yes indeed, if you believe in God it's a shame to hate him. A god damned shame in fact. Probably pretty dangerous for your health too. I read that there book he's supposed to have dictated*, and he's a mean dude when he gets jealous.

Fortunately for all concerned, deists, agnostics and atheists do not have this problem. You can't hate what ain't there!

Once again, Mick pulls through with one of the better arguments against conventional religion.

*I really did, too!

[The Don]

From here http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/

http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1166660967-1166049337146359.jpg

[The Atheist]

Hey there, me old mate - you're a busy little bugger aren't you?

N.B. I'm using bugger in the Kiwi vernacular, I wouldn't suggest you'd be interested in bottoms.

Ok, there are a couple of points I'd like to check up on with you - if you're coming back, that is. You might be as mush fun as our recent Canuck, short-term christian nutter, but you're certainly prolific!As has been said before - "Satans greatest victory is in convincing people he doesn't exist"
He'll have 'em for breakfast, no wonder the bible calls him the great deceiver, the sly serpent..
We only have to monitor what's going on in our own minds to recognise his manipulative attempts, he even had a go at Jesus - "hungry mate? just turn some stones to bread" to which Jesus replied "On yer bike mate"
Satan and demons are only smart in the sense that they're so subtle and sly that people often don't know they're trying to manipulate their thoughts, but all their little tricks NEVER CHANGE, and once we've learnt to recognise their pattern, we're soon onto them, so in that sense they're stupid.
In other words Satans like a good football manager with a good game plan, but because he never changes that plan,opposing teams can easily defeat him because they've become used to the way he plays ;)


I mean, all that just goes beautifully with this:

SATAN - "Bet I can win more souls than you"
GOD - "Bet you can't"..

Welcome to Battlefield Earth, keep your head down.. :)[/SIZE]

I don't know whether you read books that don't start at Genesis 1:1, but if you ever get to pulp fiction, Dean Koontz put out a magnificent book about the day god and Satan come to earth to claim their souls. Let me assure you, Dean Koontz being who he is, the ones going in Satan's spaceship are NOT happy. The torment on the faces of those rising to meet the great dark angel himself will keep you comforted for as many days as does the light and joy of rising to god's own spaceship to heaven.

You will LOVE it - The Taking. "Sift you as wheat".

You're obviously another of the christians who accepts that not only is the Earth a battlefield, it's actually Satan's dominion right now! God is actually fighting Satan on Satan's own turf! God is the away team. Atheists, by default, are Satan's best cheerleaders.

Which is no doubt why your buddies keep knocking on my door. Do you really believe that 144,000 stuff?

Anyway, this is another gem beyond price:

First, why should anybody want to move a mountain??
Unless of course its a giant asteroid on a colliion course with earth..
If its detected far enough away, even the tiniest amount of 'prayer-pressure' would be enough to deflect it into safely bypassing the earth..
Here you go, now you've made a statement about the power of prayer. If your prayer power could move an asteroid, all of your church praying to end the war in Iraq should work no problems! What say you tell the guys at church to have a pray-in next Sunday to stop the Iraqi war. Once you've done that, that will prove the power of prayer to me and I'll be donating my worldly goods to your church and joining up immediately.

Cheers

The Atheist.

[Cetecea]

Nutter...


...sounds like another wave of social services cuts has let someone out of the looney bin early...

I made quiche lorraine this past week and it was yummy...

but if you use ham instead of bacon make sure it gets really crispy, you don't want limp ham in your quiche.

Or mick on your boards...

[fuelair]

What planet you on?
That's twice now you've been unable to criticise my impeccably-written articles.. ;)

Trash talk and trash writing cannot possibly be impeccable. But I am certain you wrote the truth when you were able to identify a beverage as tasting like cat pee. You break two major rules here - you are boring and have very limited intellectual capability.

[Dr Adequate]

http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/2068/kittypievw3.jpg

[Ladewig]

I call caption contest!
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/2068/kittypievw3.jpg

"What's going on? I was told there were four and twenty blackbirds here."

[Tricky]

I call caption contest!


"What's going on? I was told there were four and twenty blackbirds here."
"D'ough!"
:homersimp

[fuelair]

I call caption contest!


"What's going on? I was told there were four and twenty blackbirds here."


"Cat pee?! I thought he wanted cat pie!!!"

[Jekyll]

CHARLIE by Mick
Charlie hated God.
Many years ago.......yadda...yadda...
[SIZE=2]And God, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...


No you've got it all wrong...


Charlie hated his dad.

His father was an erratic drunk, by turn both generous and vengeful. He delighted in the giving gifts to Charlie new toys and even pets, but his mood could change in an instant and he would storm round the house in a rage occasionally swinging out at Charlie and smashing what ever caught his eye. One time he even drowned Charlie's new puppy for pissing in his shoes.

Repentant and hungover, he always tried to make it up to Charlie the next day with more gifts, but of course this wasn't enough.

Charlie grew up and as soon as he had the chance moved away, doing his best to put his father out of his mind and move on to live his own life.

One day after many years he stumbled over his father in a near by bar. He asked him; "Why did you do what you did? Hurting me, destroying my things and drowning my puppy?"
And his father, still smiling, softly replied- "I gave them you"...

Now Charlie's doing time for stabbing his father.

[The Atheist]

He's gone, by the looks.

100 posts and away he goes. Damn!

[CapelDodger]

I'm using bugger in the Kiwi vernacular ...
Would that the All Blacks had only done that to us ... :o

[CapelDodger]

They weren't impressed with it on the agnostics' board (http://www.agnosticforums.com/general-religion/272-thoughts-humanity.html); what do you expect from a skeptics' board?
Frickin' ace response. I'm days behind, what with the solstice season and all, and I'm glad I didn't miss that.

[The Atheist]

Would that the All Blacks had only done that to us ... :o:dl:

[Gord_in_Toronto]

This thread should be nominated for the funniest on the forum. It's even better than the 9/11 threads.

Keep it coming Mikie. You always provide a good laugh. :boggled: