"Predictions: Jesus Likely" [Archive]

bmillsap

1st January 2007, 10:21 AM

Brief story about a poll of Americans on how likely is that Jesus will return in 2007. The most amusing part was where this was linked on the home page of the Chicago Tribune website this morning: under a heading "Predictions", were "Jesus Likely", and "Weather".

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0701010119jan01,1,5792393.story?coll=chi-news-hed

joobz

1st January 2007, 10:28 AM

1 in 4 say return of Jesus `likely' in '07

Are you saying that 1/4th of the population are retarded?
Yeah, at least 1/4th
thank you south park.

l0rca

1st January 2007, 10:30 AM

Evangelical Christians, man. According to them, Jesus is coming in the next second!

No wait this second!

No... NOW!

Wait... wait... ok I can feel it! No?

Now! Now? Wait...

There he is look up!

I'm feeling it coming...!

This second I'm feeling lucky!

Well, let's try again tomorrow.

Elizabeth I

1st January 2007, 11:07 AM

How can they DO this when according to the Bible Jesus said, "No man shall know the day or hour of my coming"?:hit:

AAAACK!

Merko

1st January 2007, 11:57 AM

They don't know. They believe.

grayman

1st January 2007, 12:48 PM

They don't know. They believe.

Thay know in their hearts. :rolleyes:

ChristineR

1st January 2007, 12:57 PM

This has pretty much been the case since the apostle Paul started the whole thing back in 50 AD. Every once in a while I tell Christians this, and tell them some of the "obvious" interpretations of the book of Revelations that people threw out in 1650 or whatever. It never seems to do any good. There's something about symbolic literature and the human brain that makes it always seem like the crazy guy in Patmos was having visions about YOU.

joobz

1st January 2007, 01:02 PM

This has pretty much been the case since the apostle Paul started the whole thing back in 50 AD.
It started even before that with the end of world cults, which it's believed john the baptist was a part of.

Brown

1st January 2007, 01:08 PM

I was recently reading about cargo cults, in which islanders developed a belief that a superior, benevolent being would come and solve all of their problems.

What silly, primitive people! Civilized men and women would never believe such patent nonsense! Ha, ha!

Wait, what were we talking about, again?

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 12:01 AM

The guys at Ladbroke's [bookies] must be browing their undies right now - they've been offering 10,000:1 against the Big J returning to Earth, ever.

Sell Ladbrokes...

SezMe

2nd January 2007, 01:29 AM

Well, this was one of those on-line polls. How accurate can they be? I can just see some fundie finding out about this, e-mailing his mega-church, and the fundies flooding the poll.

I take it with a barrel of salt.

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 01:34 AM

I take it with a barrel of salt.Shouldn't that be a pillar of salt?

Ducky

2nd January 2007, 05:39 AM

I don't know about you, but Jesus got here about 20 minutes ago.

He's shoveling the courtyard for my building.

Or was someone talking about that God myth?

JonnyFive

2nd January 2007, 08:38 AM

Could someone possibly contact these people and inform them that I own several large bridges in the city of New York that I might be interested in selling.

I am currently offering special pre-rapture rates. Buy now before your wordly possessions are worthless and the Anti-Christ reigns over a thousand years of death.

Or whatever. Just buy a damn bridge. Five hundred dollars.

Charlie Monoxide

2nd January 2007, 09:52 AM

The guys at Ladbroke's [bookies] must be browing their undies right now - they've been offering 10,000:1 against the Big J returning to Earth, ever.

Sell Ladbrokes...I'm a little confused of this open-ended bet. Is the only way you can collect on this if Jesus does return? Shouldn't there be a time limit at least, say no Jesus in 2007? That way you can bet against a second coming and enjoy your winnings next January ....

Charlie (jebus, god and holy ghost trifecta) Monoxide

geni

2nd January 2007, 10:10 AM

Beady

2nd January 2007, 12:06 PM

How can they DO this when according to the Bible Jesus said, "No man shall know the day or hour of my coming"?:hit:

I asked one of them about this, once. The answer, honest-to-god, was that being forbidden to forecast the day and the hour does not preclude divining the month and/or year.

joobz

2nd January 2007, 12:17 PM

I asked one of them about this, once. The answer, honest-to-god, was that being forbidden to forecast the day and the hour does not preclude divining the month and/or year.
Well, I guess you can't argue with that.
Except, what happens when you are in the month/year predicted?
Let's say June/2007 was predicted and it's Jun 29th, 2007.

Since there is only 1 day left, they can only claim that June 30th then is the correct date, which by default means they had to predict the exact day/month/year.

Unless of course, they were wrong which makes them a false prophet and I'm fairly sure there's a lot of biblical laws against that.

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 12:18 PM

I'm a little confused of this open-ended bet. Is the only way you can collect on this if Jesus does return? Shouldn't there be a time limit at least, say no Jesus in 2007? That way you can bet against a second coming and enjoy your winnings next January ....

Charlie (jebus, god and holy ghost trifecta) MonoxideYeah, I think you have to nominate a "return by" date with the bet.

There's an even better one, from the bookies end - you can take the same odds on Armageddon. So, armageddon happens and you go to collect the bet... where?

I betcha $10 they pay overs on the trifecta of all three arriving together!

Tricky

2nd January 2007, 12:33 PM

I want to be the first to recommend Jesus' application for the Randi Million so I can win the $50,000 finders fee. (Then I can truly say "I found Jesus").

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 12:46 PM

I want to be the first to recommend Jesus' application for the Randi Million so I can win the $50,000 finders fee. (Then I can truly say "I found Jesus").

JREF will NOT accept claims of the existence of deities (http://www.randi.org/research/challenge.html)

I guess that once he's back, he could do a couple of miracles to get the mio...

Water into wine should do the trick nicely. I suggest a couple of million gallons, so Randi can get his money back.

JonnyFive

2nd January 2007, 12:54 PM

Water into wine should do the trick nicely. I suggest a couple of million gallons, so Randi can get his money back.

Jesus Wine(TM) - it's Rapturiffic!

Tricky

2nd January 2007, 01:01 PM

JREF will NOT accept claims of the existence of deities (http://www.randi.org/research/challenge.html)

I guess that once he's back, he could do a couple of miracles to get the mio...

Water into wine should do the trick nicely. I suggest a couple of million gallons, so Randi can get his money back.
Yeah, miracles were what I had in mind. Maybe if Jesus could bring Carl Sagan or Johnny Carson or Isaac Asimov or Al Gore back to life, it would be worth the million many times over.

*Note: I've just been informed that Al Gore is still alive. My apologies. It's an easy mistake.

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 01:08 PM

*Note: I've just been informed that Al Gore is still alive. My apologies. It's an easy mistake.:dl:

I'm with you on Sagan, but can I swap the others for Douglas Adams?

The Atheist

2nd January 2007, 01:09 PM

Jesus Wine(TM) - it's Rapturiffic!And Christ, would it sell!

Quinn

2nd January 2007, 01:27 PM

I don't know about you, but Jesus got here about 20 minutes ago.

He's shoveling the courtyard for my building.

So THAT'S where he went! He and his crew were supposed to be here to fix my roof this morning, and the b@stards didn't show!

(No, I'm not kidding. Grrrr.)

Except, what happens when you are in the month/year predicted?
Let's say June/2007 was predicted and it's Jun 29th, 2007.

Since there is only 1 day left, they can only claim that June 30th then is the correct date, which by default means they had to predict the exact day/month/year.

Then everyone who predicted it goes directly to hell. Damnation by the Hanged Man's Paradox.

JonnyFive

2nd January 2007, 01:57 PM

And Christ, would it sell!

Only two bucks a gallon! You can't cast the first stone at prices like that!

Ralph

2nd January 2007, 07:29 PM

I can't believe on a sceptics forum that nobody has bothered to get some HARD FACTS..

What's the current rapture index?

Ralph

2nd January 2007, 08:34 PM

163. That equals the high of 2006...and it's only Jan 2... I think we're screwed.

I haven't been to RR in months. I think the place has gotten even creepier than it was.

Thank god I'm an atheist.

Elizabeth I

2nd January 2007, 09:05 PM

I asked one of them about this, once. The answer, honest-to-god, was that being forbidden to forecast the day and the hour does not preclude divining the month and/or year.

No. No. NoNoNoNoNoNo. No.

No.

JonnyFive

3rd January 2007, 06:30 AM

I haven't been to RR in months. I think the place has gotten even creepier than it was.

Thank god I'm an atheist.

That site is hilarious. I love the categories of various indicators of the end of the world. They never source their claims in any area, and I think this item has been there since Satan-knows-when:

A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to be Christ.

bmillsap

3rd January 2007, 06:33 AM

I asked one of them about this, once. The answer, honest-to-god, was that being forbidden to forecast the day and the hour does not preclude divining the month and/or year.

Well, credit where credit is due - if you're going to be a literalist, might as well go all the way.

ChristineR

3rd January 2007, 10:28 AM

Actually, I quite frequently ask fundies about the month and the year, saying that I will be getting in touch with them right after the date. And you know what? They always quote that stupid verse about the day and the hour.

Apparently only believers get to take the verse literally.

Beerina

3rd January 2007, 11:05 AM

Brief story about a poll of Americans on how likely is that Jesus will return in 2007. The most amusing part was where this was linked on the home page of the Chicago Tribune website this morning: under a heading "Predictions", were "Jesus Likely", and "Weather".

Let's hope he's as easy to take out the second time as he was the first.

:duck:

Any way to delay the onset of the most evil situation imaginable -- almost everybody being vilely tortured for ever and ever -- is a necessity.

Jon.

3rd January 2007, 12:01 PM

Um from the POV of the islanders that belife was furfilled with the arival of US forces during WW2.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't cargo cults start as a result of the bounty provided by US (and possibly other) forces in WWII? I understood the point was that they built wicker/palm replicas of the landing strips, control towers, etc., etc., in the belief that these would bring back the big birds that give out goodies.

Ralph

3rd January 2007, 02:24 PM

That site is hilarious. I love the categories of various indicators of the end of the world. They never source their claims in any area, and I think this item has been there since Satan-knows-when:

Yeah...who would've thought you can predict the day the world ends by how much T&A is being shown on HBO.

I've never seen a group of people who seem to relish the thought of watching people being tortured as this group does.

There's a bunch of them gloating about how Saddam's roasting in hell right now.....so of course someone else has to mention what a shame it is that their own FAMILY & LOVED ONES will be suffering the same fate if they haven't accepted Jesus......

My pick for "The site that most seems like a parody but isn't".

Darth Rotor

3rd January 2007, 03:03 PM

There's a bunch of them gloating about how Saddam's roasting in hell right now.....so of course someone else has to mention what a shame it is that their own FAMILY & LOVED ONES will be suffering the same fate if they haven't accepted Jesus......
Saddam may be in Paradise, with 72 virgins and no way to shag them. Oh, wait, that'd be Hell, wouldn't it? :eek:

DR

joobz

3rd January 2007, 03:10 PM

Saddam may be in Paradise, with 72 virgins and no way to shag them. Oh, wait, that'd be Hell, wouldn't it? :eek:

DR
I guess that would depend. Are the virgins male, female or other?

Ralph

3rd January 2007, 03:15 PM

Saddam may be in Paradise, with 72 virgins and no way to shag them. Oh, wait, that'd be Hell, wouldn't it? :eek:

DR

No. Hell would be thinking you've gone to heaven--and the 72 virgins turn out to all be Rapture Ready administrators. You will be forced to spend eternity with them......foreplay will involve the bible.....and, and..I can't continue....

CapelDodger

3rd January 2007, 04:26 PM

No. Hell would be thinking you've gone to heaven--and the 72 virgins turn out to all be Rapture Ready administrators. You will be forced to spend eternity with them......foreplay will involve the bible.....and, and..I can't continue....
I wouldn't be able to start.

CapelDodger

3rd January 2007, 04:36 PM

Well, I guess you can't argue with that.
Except, what happens when you are in the month/year predicted?
Let's say June/2007 was predicted and it's Jun 29th, 2007.

Since there is only 1 day left, they can only claim that June 30th then is the correct date, which by default means they had to predict the exact day/month/year.
If the 29th passed without the return, it would indeed be known that the 30th was the day. (Let's not go into timezones for the moment.) That would be inconsistent with the "cannot know the day" postulate. Ergo, the return must happen before the end of the 29th. Which means if it hasn't happened by the end of the 28th it will happen on the 29th. This argument is only saved from infinite regression by the finite days in the month. The argument applies to any month. Ergo the month cannot be known. Stands to reason.

If the month can't be known neither can the year. These people are deluded. A shocking thought, but there it is.

Silly Green Monkey

5th January 2007, 02:35 PM

But it's not "cannot know the day", it's "does not know the day". Cannot says it's impossible to ever know, does not just says that no one knows for sure. Saying cannot is like saying that everyone on the planet must be taken by complete surprise.

Beerina

10th January 2007, 10:13 AM

How can they DO this when according to the Bible Jesus said, "No man shall know the day or hour of my coming"?:hit:

AAAACK!

I know he is never coming, barring some alien playing a game on us. Does that contradict or uphold Jesus' statement?

Ladewig

27th April 2007, 10:20 PM

I just heard this statistic on TV and went to the JREF to see if there was a citation already posted.

I am nonplussed!

WTF? Twenty-five percent?? W!T!F!

Gord_in_Toronto

28th April 2007, 08:08 PM

I just heard this statistic on TV and went to the JREF to see if there was a citation already posted.

I am nonplussed!

WTF? Twenty-five percent?? W!T!F!

Why? Did you think it would be higher?
:covereyes

Ladewig

28th April 2007, 09:14 PM

Why? Did you think it would be higher?
:covereyes

I was using nonplussed to mean surprised to the point of speechlessness.

I have no words to describe how ridiculously high that number is.

JoeTheJuggler

29th April 2007, 10:55 AM

Here's a website that lists some of the hundreds of doomsday prophecies put forth over the years:

http://www.abhota.info/end1.htm

Funny, but every time someone thinks the end is near, they think they have nothing in common with all the people who thought so before.

JonnyFive

30th April 2007, 08:49 AM

Funny, but every time someone thinks the end is near, they think they have nothing in common with all the people who thought so before.

Because clearly God is talking to them and everyone else was a false prophet sent by Satan!

Duh!