Jev the invisible teddy bear

[simonmaal]

There is an invisible, non-physical teddy bear constantly revolving around my head. He is called Jev.

I have never seen him directly, nor have I ever seen anything to prove His existence. But I totally believe in Him. This is because I have just had a life-changing conversion experience. It happened one day like this: I was doing my weekly shopping when I met a priest of Jev. This priest gave me a book. The priest told me that this book was divinely inspired and was completely true; everything I needed to know about the universe was within its pages. When I read the book, there were indeed plenty of verses within saying the book was ultimate truth, and that Jev was indeed revolving around my head both night and day.

In fact, Jev is constantly revolving around everyone's head all of the time. Now, I know this idea might not make sense because if he is but one divine stuffed toy, how can he be everywhere at once? The book answers this question by stating that this is one of the great mysteries of Jevism; we can never truly understand the nature of Jev with our human minds. The best way is just to believe it.

So, there you have it: I felt compelled to post my testimony on here. May Jev bless you all, and guide you along the right path.

My challenge is this: prove that Jev does not exist. Unless you can provide clear evidence that Jev does not exist, then my belief will hold firm.

:)

[Zep]

Here - shoot yourself in the head with this gun until you are dead.

Now - Jev no longer exists.

Thank you.

[Victor Meldrew]

Thank you, Simon

I wondered what that strange furry thing I kept seeing out of the corner of my eye was!

Now I know - I too have a Jev!

Praise be to Jev!

[Victor Meldrew]

or....maybe it's my hair (my fringe needs cutting)

[fuelair]

Jev is simply an avatar of the FSM. Priests and supplicants of Jev have not the knowledge and wisdom to fully appreciate the wonder and glory that is FSM and so concentrate on his most minor strand. May they find the True Path by following that strand to Oneness.

[simonmaal]

For all ye who believeth in the imperceptible revolving plaything, there is a ritual called 'thogging'. It involves closing your eyes whilst tapping the tops of your ears constantly. This is how we connect to the great essence of Jev. Why, I thogged to him only this weekend that I would win the lottery and free ice cream for life, but he did not respond. This must be because it was not Jev's will. Or that I was not sincere enough in my thogs.

Every night, I thog to Jev to ask him to prevent my TV set from spontaneously combusting. The amazing thing is this, oh ye nonbeliever: my TV has never set alight in a most grievous conflagration! Isn't Jev amazing that he protects my TV set in this way? That is all the evidence I need to prove He really exists.

[Wavicle]

Every night, I thog to Jev to ask him to prevent my TV set from spontaneously combusting. The amazing thing is this, oh ye nonbeliever: my TV has never set alight in a most grievous conflagration! Isn't Jev amazing that he protects my TV set in this way? That is all the evidence I need to prove He really exists.

You could ask Jev to heal amputees. Instead you selfishly think only of yourself and your things. You insensitive clod!

[ChristineR]

The fairies up in my loft just told me Jev is indeed real, and that they are going to write him a letter.

[simonmaal]

You could ask Jev to heal amputees. Instead you selfishly think only of yourself and your things. You insensitive clod!

Hehehe!

Yes but these people might be non-believers, thus not deserving of care - they have turned their backs on Jev's unrelenting compassion so now he has abandoned them.

Important note: no offence meant to any person who is disabled; I am using this form of satire to make a very serious point. And I did not introduce the subject, yet I did not want to ignore it: the twisted spiritual entrepreneurs who run places such as Lourdes profit greatly from precisely this kind of abuse. Additionally, although I joke, my comments are not far from the insensitive, sanctimonious egocentrism displayed by the brainwashed religious masses! On the other hand, if you are religious and take offence to my parody, then tough. Why should religious ideologies get special treatment over, say, Marxism or capitalism? Why should religions be immune from criticism? They certainly don't deserve such immunity.

[Orangutan]

That Priest of Jev is nothing but a liar and a barbaric charlatan. Yes Jev was sent here to guide and a save us but he doesn't rotate around us, How could He? He is Constant and Unchanging. He has always been and always will be. It is us that unknowingly revolve around Jev, as the Earth revolves around the Sun. The deep mystery is how each one of us can be revolving around Jev without bumping into each other. This is testament to his power. I belong to Jev's Enlightened Worshipful Satellites. Yes we are considering a name change. Join Us.

[ceo_esq]

And I did not introduce the subject, yet I did not want to ignore it: the twisted spiritual entrepreneurs who run places such as Lourdes profit greatly from precisely this kind of abuse.

Could you elaborate?

[slingblade]

The fairies up in my loft just told me Jev is indeed real, and that they are going to write him a letter.

I got the letter. Tell the fairies my name is spelled "Deb," and if the lazy little flits would read a book once in a while, their spelling would improve.

And thank them for the cookies; they were delicious.

[Rasmus]

Every night, I thog to Jev to ask him to prevent my TV set from spontaneously combusting. The amazing thing is this, oh ye nonbeliever: my TV has never set alight in a most grievous conflagration! Isn't Jev amazing that he protects my TV set in this way? That is all the evidence I need to prove He really exists.


JXnVhoOT_Vo

Chairs covered in the blood of Jesus? WTF? Eeeeew!!!

[simonmaal]

Could you elaborate?

On which part? The Lourdes bit? Or the disability bit?

[simonmaal]

That Priest of Jev is nothing but a liar and a barbaric charlatan. Yes Jev was sent here to guide and a save us but he doesn't rotate around us, How could He? He is Constant and Unchanging. He has always been and always will be. It is us that unknowingly revolve around Jev, as the Earth revolves around the Sun. The deep mystery is how each one of us can be revolving around Jev without bumping into each other. This is testament to his power. I belong to Jev's Enlightened Worshipful Satellites. Yes we are considering a name change. Join Us.

Ah! So here is born the first breakaway church. I shall not join this bunch of apostates; instead, I will lobby for legislation to prevent your wicked and decadent ways! ;)

BTW, I love your parody of religious circular thinking. Very accurate!

[MosheJW]

These parodies are cute, but I really think you're taking them too seriously... I remember arguing with someone who claimed that faith in Flying Spaghetti Monster is just as good as faith in God.
I mean, even if you think "rationally" you should accept that belief in the "mainstream" gods is far more likely to be true than things you make up as a joke.

[boojum]

I mean, even if you think "rationally" you should accept that belief in the "mainstream" gods is far more likely to be true than things you make up as a joke.

I don't accept it. The "mainstream" gods enjoy exactly the same level of evidentiary support as the FSM, the IPU, and (yes) the newcomer JEV.

[Orangutan]

These parodies are cute, but I really think you're taking them too seriously... I remember arguing with someone who claimed that faith in Flying Spaghetti Monster is just as good as faith in God.
I mean, even if you think "rationally" you should accept that belief in the "mainstream" gods is far more likely to be true than things you make up as a joke.

Well No. That's the point we are making is that we believe that Jev is >Just as True< as main stream religions.

2.6% of the population of Brighton and Hove Claim that they are Jedi. Does That make it any more "True" than Hinduism with only 0.5% of the population?

Source: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/census/default.asp

Appeal to popularity is a logical fallacy. Now, some of those religions have nice social philosophies that come with them but thats not what we are trying to point out, rather that any Supernatural entity or power is as likely as Jev the Invisible Teddy Bear.
:)

[MosheJW]

It isn't the popularity, it's the history.
If we assume that the universe was created by an intelligent being, and from here we continue logically, doesn't it make more sense that the older theories of god are more likely to be true than some teddy bear that you invented 5 minutes ago?
If Jev created the universe, why did he wait so long to reveal his word to mankind?

[ceo_esq]

On which part? The Lourdes bit? Or the disability bit?

Er, maybe both. It was the bit about somebody being twisted and profiting greatly from some kind of abuse at Lourdes.

[simonmaal]

Er, maybe both. It was the bit about somebody being twisted and profiting greatly from some kind of abuse at Lourdes.

OK, it's quite simple: the whole Lourdes charade is useless spiritual snake oil.

[simonmaal]

It isn't the popularity, it's the history.
If we assume that the universe was created by an intelligent being, and from here we continue logically, doesn't it make more sense that the older theories of god are more likely to be true than some teddy bear that you invented 5 minutes ago?

What has time got to do with it? There is the same amount of evidence to confirm the existence of each of them: none at all.

If Jev created the universe, why did he wait so long to reveal his word to mankind?

If God exists (and non-belief in him leads to eternal hell fire), then why does he deliberately hide himself from humankind? Does he have a sadistic sense of humour?

[MosheJW]

What has time got to do with it? There is the same amount of evidence to confirm the existence of each of them: none at all.
This is where I disagree.
The bible has descriptions of miracles that god preformed. Ok, so now you say that this isn't sufficient evidence, and I agree. This does not prove that god is real.
But it isn't nothing. You can't prove these events didn't happen.
If God exists (and non-belief in him leads to eternal hell fire), then why does he deliberately hide himself from humankind? Does he have a sadistic sense of humour?
He doesn't hide himself, but if it were very obvious that he does exist, how would you prove that you are worthy? I mean, if every time you would think about going against god's will, a voice in your head would clearly say: "This is god. I wouldn't do that if I were you", that would just be too easy.
(This is just one answer, there are many other possible ones.)

[boojum]

This is where I disagree.
The bible has descriptions of miracles that god preformed. Ok, so now you say that this isn't sufficient evidence, and I agree. This does not prove that god is real.
But it isn't nothing. You can't prove these events didn't happen.


It's certainly not up to the skeptic to disprove anything. The burden of proof is on the positive claimant. And the collection of goatherd ghost stories and bloody battlefields known as "the Bible" isn't strong evidence.

[RemieV]

I sort of kind of agree with Moshe a little. If you're going to believe in something, go with the classics, they have a better shot!

Before saying that they are equally untrue, let us assume that at some point during history one of these miracles of Christ or whatever was really witnessed. Not all of them, mind you. One. Okay, half of one, ya skeptic!

Unforunately, due to poor record-keeping, that's been slightly altered since.

Whereas the story of Jev the teddy bear is being broadcast on the internet, and therefore it shall remain, for all time.

Anyway, if you were going to pick one or the other to actually believe in, yeah, sure, god works.

[ChristineR]

Well, the problem with the "history" and "relevance" and "popularity" arguments is that Christianity is not the oldest religion, or the most successful, or the most popular, or the most logical or the most moral. Whatever it is that motivates religion and religious conversions, it doesn't appear to be any of that logical stuff.

[ceo_esq]

Well, the problem with the "history" and "relevance" and "popularity" arguments is that Christianity is not the oldest religion, or the most successful, or the most popular, or the most logical or the most moral. Whatever it is that motivates religion and religious conversions, it doesn't appear to be any of that logical stuff.

I'm a little curious how you reckon that Christianity is not the most popular religion. (To say nothing of how you determined its relative degree of logic or morality.)

[Rasmus]

I'm a little curious how you reckon that Christianity is not the most popular religion.

First of all, it's only raughly 2000 years old. (That is barely much older than Jev the Invisible Teddy Bear, btw.) So total numbers of followers over time will reflect that.

Secondly, I would claim that it is unjustified to lump all of christianity together - the different sects are too different and happily condeming one another to hell, after all.

Current total numbers seem to favour Chrsitianity, though. But will it be less true once Islam gains more strenght because of that?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion#Demographics

[ceo_esq]

First of all, it's only raughly 2000 years old. (That is barely much older than Jev the Invisible Teddy Bear, btw.) So total numbers of followers over time will reflect that.

True, but considering that there are probably at least 6 times as many Christians alive at this moment as there were human beings on the planet 2,000 years ago, it wouldn't surprise me if Christianity also had the most adherents in the aggregate throughout history.


Secondly, I would claim that it is unjustified to lump all of christianity together - the different sects are too different and happily condeming one another to hell, after all.

OK - though you lumped them together in your earlier observations about "Christianity".


Current total numbers seem to favour Chrsitianity, though. But will it be less true once Islam gains more strenght because of that?

Probably so, but if we're not going to lump all of Christianity together, we definitely shouldn't lump all of Islam together for some of the same reasons you mentioned.

[MosheJW]

It's certainly not up to the skeptic to disprove anything. The burden of proof is on the positive claimant. And the collection of goatherd ghost stories and bloody battlefields known as "the Bible" isn't strong evidence.
Then it's also not up to the christian/jew/muslim to disprove jev...
I agree that the bible isn't strong evidence, but it's more than nothing, so it's a more likely story than jev.

[boojum]

Then it's also not up to the christian/jew/muslim to disprove jev....

I agree completely. No one should devote any of their precious time to attempting to disprove Jev.

I agree that the bible isn't strong evidence, but it's more than nothing, so it's a more likely story than jev.

I disagree. The "just-so" story presented above for Jev is just as strong as the Biblical stories. That is, both stories are so weak as to merit being ignored.

(Of course now I'll probably be smitten by Jev, if he's the smiting kind....)

[Orangutan]

(Of course now I'll probably be smitten by Jev, if he's the smiting kind....)

The modern branch of Jev's Satellites (We shortened our name) believe that Jev is not the smiting kind. Instead you are released from his Holy Gravity and doomed to wander free for the rest of you life. Separation from Jev is truly a sad fate as from the moment of release you will constantly feel yourself going off on a tangent. I think it's obvious from all the tangential posting here that many of you have rejected Jev.

[Elizabeth I]

You are all wrong and condemned to spend eternity in outer darkness where there is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Come to my church - the Frisbeeterians. We believe that when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can't get it down.