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Suddenly
12th July 2003, 04:17 PM
... to someone in the Catholic Church if I were a wee bit more cynical

Dear Bishop Blahblah

I've been a life long protestant, but lately I've run into some problems with my faith. Lately, on advice of my doctor I've begun a diet that severely restricts carbohydrate intake. All has gone well. However, it appears that the grape juice and bread used by my church (Presbyterian) for communion contains carbohydrates at a level possibly dangerous to my health.

My question to you is this. I understand that the Catholic Church believes that when one takes of communion, the bread and wine actually turn into the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ. Is this accurate? If so, am I correct that human flesh, like animal flesh contains no carbohydrates? Are you aware of the carbohydrate content of human blood?

This is very important to me, as I know it is essential that I continue to take communion to be a Christian. My mother was raised a Catholic and I've always felt a yearning to "return", as it were, to the one true Church. It would seem that your communion being lower in carbohydrate may tip the scales.

Also, if I am accurate in my assumptions about carbs, have you ever considered marketing your Church to Adkins dieters? Or maybe somehow market your process to turn bread and wine into carb-friendly flesh and blood? It would seem considering the recent unpleasantness with some of your less discrete clergy, some extra cash and members would be a timely benefit to the Church.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.


Sincerely,
Suddenly

thaiboxerken
12th July 2003, 04:41 PM
LOL. Nice!

You should send it, see what happens.

Oh, and visit your doctor often while on the Atkin diet.

Yahweh
12th July 2003, 07:27 PM
Hypothetical Response:

Dear Suddenly,

Dont let your diet come before your faith in Jesus Christ. If you do you'll go to Hell and burn in a sea of fire and sulfur.

If you are concerned to the carbohydrate content of your communion, exercise more.

Sincerely,
Bishop Blahblah

P.S. Usually the Catholic Church is wary about responding to personal letters unless a generous monetary donation is included. Next time, include a nice crispy US$10 or larger.

thaiboxerken
12th July 2003, 07:54 PM
And don't forget:

P.S.S. Please donate carwash as well, I seem to have blood on it from my hit-and-run... oops.. I mean, i hit a deer.. in AZ.