I got a Scientology newsletter the other day... advice?

[Questioninggeller]

I couldn't believe it, the "Church of Scientology of Sacramento" sent me their newsletter. It more or less amounts to the group trying to sell their books. It wasn't addressed to me, instead it was to my sister who has some of her mail sent to my place since she moves around for work. She nor I believe in any of the bullsh*t these people are trying to sell, and I have no idea how they got the mail info.

Anyway, does anyone have any advice? Should I not do anything and hope they stop sending me their crap, or should I write a letter telling them to take her off their list, or my address of their mailing list?

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Just some random info. the newsletter is called 'Dynamic' and although I refuse to waste one second reading this crap, the cover/ main article states "Drugs and Toxins: They block advancement in your mental and spiritual well-being. Here's how to get rid of them".

[Checkmite]

Ask to be taken off the list.

[reprise]

Get the hell off their list ASAP.

They are unlikely to tell you how they obtained your address, but it's very possible that they purchased it from another mailing list.

[Zep]

Send it back to them via registered post, with a professionally prepared invoice from you attached for "Professional Clerical Services - reading, processing and disposing of your mailed material". I would suggest a line-item charge of, oh, $100 per hour for a minimum of 3 hours, plus postage charges, would be a good start...

If they don't pay up then I'm sure you can have them put on all sorts of lists as "bad payers" or "bad debtors" or something (CPA's, help me here!).

If they DO pay up, repeat until they go broke!

Zep

[Yahweh]

Go to Kinkos and make 20 copies of the letter. Then send a copy to your closest (and most gullible) friends.

Send a copy to 1 person: You get good luck for day.

Send a copy to 2 people: You get good luck for a weekend.

Send a copy to 3 people: You get good luck for a week.

Send a copy to 4 people: You get good luck for a week and the girl you like will like you back.

Send a copy to 5 people: You get good luck for month and the girl you like will ask you out on a date.

Send a copy to 6 people: You get good luck for month and the girl you like will ask to have sex with you.

Send a copy to 7 people: You get good luck for a year and the girl you like will ask you to marry her.

Send a copy to 8 people: You get good luck for a year and the girl you like will ask you to marry her and you'll win the lottery.

Send a copy to 9 people: You get good luck for a year and the girl you like will ask you to marry her and you'll win the lottery and a new car.

Send a copy to >9 people: You get good luck for the rest of your life and your very own Thetan Universe to do with what you please.

Send a copy to 0 people: You get audited.

[Marc]

Simply asking to be taken off of their list will not do anything except confirm there is someone recieving it, then you will be flooded for years. Maybe if the request is made with the threat of legal action if unsolicited mail keeps comming it will work. (if there are laws for that)

[Zep]

Originally posted by Marc
Simply asking to be taken off of their list will not do anything except confirm there is someone recieving it, then you will be flooded for years. Maybe if the request is made with the threat of legal action if unsolicited mail keeps comming it will work. (if there are laws for that) Or simply charge them lotsa $$$ for the work you did in processing their mail (see above).

Zep

[arcticpenguin]

Change your name and move to a cabin in West Virginia.

[HarryKeogh]

i took a few courses there back in 1993.

to this day i get about 3 or 4 pcs. of mail from them every single week.

they keep finding me, i've moved three times since 1993.

they once sent me a census that included the question: if youre not interested in scientology would you like to be taken off of our mailing list?

i answered yes and of course that did absolutely nothing.

it gives me an idea as to the amount of money this group has. i get full color magazines and brochures, as professional looking as any fortune 500 company's literature all the time and i'm sure theyre mailing them to thousands of other poor bastards as well.

they go right in the recycling bin. what a terrific waste of paper.

p.s. everything you hear about scientology is pretty much true. they are as kooky as every other religion out there.

[Yahweh]

Wow. Now those people are really persistant.

I guess no one has the heart to tell these scientologists that the religion was just a practical joke gone awry...

[Ladewig]

Anyway, does anyone have any advice?

Keep it by the door and when Mormons show up, give it to them. Eye for an eye and all that.

[calladus]

1 - Cut out your name and address from the material.

2 - Purchase a stamp that says something to the effect: "For accurate, up to date information about Scientology, see www.xenu.com"

3 - Stamp the material with your new stamp.

4 - distribute the material near your local Scientology organization, such as in supermarket racks, dentist office waiting rooms, Chiropractor's offices, etc.

5 - You can also stuff this material into any 'No postage required, return envelop' that comes with your daily junk mail.

6. - Be creative!

[Questioninggeller]

Originally posted by Ladewig


Keep it by the door and when Mormons show up, give it to them. Eye for an eye and all that.

LOL... I would but after some conversations with the door to door religions, they sadly won't come to try to save my soul anymore.

[aerosolben]

Originally posted by Marc
Simply asking to be taken off of their list will not do anything except confirm there is someone recieving it, then you will be flooded for years. Maybe if the request is made with the threat of legal action if unsolicited mail keeps comming it will work. (if there are laws for that)

That's less likely than you think. Unlike e-mail, direct mailing operations are expensive. A lot of work goes into selecting "likely" groups of people so the mailing is profitable. I suspect most groups will cease mailing you (or at least, will not mail you more stuff), though they may sell your address to another company as valid.

[Marc]

Originally posted by aerosolben


That's less likely than you think. Unlike e-mail, direct mailing operations are expensive. A lot of work goes into selecting "likely" groups of people so the mailing is profitable. I suspect most groups will cease mailing you (or at least, will not mail you more stuff), though they may sell your address to another company as valid.

Yea but this is Scientology we are talking about. Intelligent action is not one of their strong suits. People getting junk mail for 10 years is not all that unusual.

[aerosolben]

Originally posted by Marc
Yea but this is Scientology we are talking about. Intelligent action is not one of their strong suits.

Touche, O Worthy Adversary. Touche.

[reprise]

Originally posted by aerosolben


That's less likely than you think. Unlike e-mail, direct mailing operations are expensive. A lot of work goes into selecting "likely" groups of people so the mailing is profitable. I suspect most groups will cease mailing you (or at least, will not mail you more stuff), though they may sell your address to another company as valid.

Having stuffed countless envelopes for org mailouts, I can assure you that Scientology doesn't worry too much about the cost of the exercise. The printing itself is done either in house or by businesses owned by members of the church, the stuffing and addressing of the envelopes is done the deck force (those who've joined to go on staff but are not yet on post), and bulk mail discounts are huge. From the org's point of view, bulk mailouts are far more cost effective than most other forms of promoting their product.

[Zep]

Let's go back to WHY the "Xenus" are doing this. Answer: They want your money. There is NO other reason why they do this whole schtick with the tin-cans and the "auditing," etc. It ALL leads to as many ways as possible of legally parting you from your hard earned moolah and siphoning it into their coffers (well, OK, selected SeaOrgs' wallets, but anyway...).

So the obvious riposte, given that most of us can't easily move to a remote hideout in Montana, is to reverse that process. And as I said above, twice, the easiest way to do this is to repeatedly and consistently invoice them copiously for "processing services rendered" for every piece of mail that they send you.

For example, they send you a brochure. You send it back with an invoice for processing. They send back a letter saying that they won't pay. You send THAT back with a demand for outstanding payment PLUS a new invoice for processing that letter. They send another letter back. You return it with an updated demand for payments outstanding plus ANOTHER invoice. Repeat as often as they like.

Cost to you? A few stamps, paper and envelopes and a few minutes of your time. It gets recursive, you see, and skyrockets out of their control rapidly, BUT ONLY if they continue to send you stuff! It stops when THEY STOP SENDING STUFF. Which is what you wanted in the first place. And who knows! They may even pay you just to shut you up!

Neat, huh?!

Zep

[Roadtoad]

(1.) Crunch and crinkle repeatedly.

(2.) Place in bathroom.

(3.) When out of toilet tissue, grab Scientology material and apply liberally to fecal matter.

(4.) Drop in envelope, and return to sender.

(Edited to add: Mucho thanks to my son, Jonathan.)

[Questioninggeller]

Originally posted by Zep

Cost to you? A few stamps, paper and envelopes and a few minutes of your time. It gets recursive, you see, and skyrockets out of their control rapidly, BUT ONLY if they continue to send you stuff! It stops when THEY STOP SENDING STUFF. Which is what you wanted in the first place. And who knows! They may even pay you just to shut you up!

Neat, huh?!

Zep [/B]

That is a very good idea, but a waste of time for this UFO cult. Also after reading and thinking about it, I'd prefer for these people not to know that I recieved their bullsh*t. I wouldn't want to encourage them to mail me anything even if it is money from the sad people who give to their "religion."

[Zep]

Originally posted by Questioninggeller
That is a very good idea, but a waste of time for this UFO cult. Also after reading and thinking about it, I'd prefer for these people not to know that I recieved their bullsh*t. I wouldn't want to encourage them to mail me anything even if it is money from the sad people who give to their "religion." I totally agree, to be quite honest, but the very idea of the legal possibility of making great hunks of free money out of them amuses me enormously. And at least forcing them to actively take me off their mailing lists would be reward enough - they don't bug me, I won't bug them. I'm that perverse kinda guy... :D

Zep

[a_unique_person]

They will have some very good offers available in the newsletter. I would advise you to take them ASAP, as these offers will only be available for a short time, so if you don't hurry, you will miss out. You will save $$.

[arcticpenguin]

The universities I have attended keep finding me when I move, and keep begging for donations. I think they are using the postal service's address update service when I file a forwarding address. This could be circumvented by moving without filing a forwarding address, but then there's the chance of losing legitimate mail.

[Phillybee]

Originally posted by Zep
Send it back to them via registered post, with a professionally prepared invoice from you attached for "Professional Clerical Services - reading, processing and disposing of your mailed material". I would suggest a line-item charge of, oh, $100 per hour for a minimum of 3 hours, plus postage charges, would be a good start...

If they don't pay up then I'm sure you can have them put on all sorts of lists as "bad payers" or "bad debtors" or something (CPA's, help me here!).

If they DO pay up, repeat until they go broke!

Zep

I don't think baiting a litigious and deluded cult is going to reap many financial rewards, and it may in fact lead to more than you bargained for.

I would treat it like what it is, junk mail. Just recycle it, or toss it out. They are wasting money on nothing.

[BobK]

If they gave you a postage prepaid reply card I'd put a brick in a manila envelope and tape the card to it and mail it back to them.

Actually did that with an unremembered company many years ago. Never heard from the company again.:D

[Zep]

Originally posted by Phillybee
I don't think baiting a litigious and deluded cult is going to reap many financial rewards, and it may in fact lead to more than you bargained for.

Why? What can they do about it? Their simplest path of least stupidity is to stop sending me stuff - crisis over!

This has actually been tried in many places in the world (it is a standard practice for dealing with junk-mail houses who persist despite warnings). The intention is simply to get the spammer to stop of their own volition, not necessarily "make millions" out of them. But if they were so stupid as to actually pay, then, hey! I'll cash their cheque ASAP!

I would treat it like what it is, junk mail. Just recycle it, or toss it out. They are wasting money on nothing.

...and so they will pesist in sending more stuff to you, etc, etc. As has been noted by more than one of the posters above!

[Zep]

Originally posted by BobK
If they gave you a postage prepaid reply card I'd put a brick in a manila envelope and tape the card to it and mail it back to them.

Actually did that with an unremembered company many years ago. Never heard from the company again.:D Cute! Very cute! I'll remember that one! Thanks.