How ill are you? (totally reliable online questionnaire to tell you)

[jon]

I've been doing a blog about the nutritionist Patrick Holford (http://stopholfordtalkingrubbish.blogspot.com/). His Food for the Brain Foundation has a wonderful online questionnaire to diagnose health problems (http://www.foodforthebrain.org/content.asp?id_Content=517) (this organisation has got plenty of positive UK media coverage - e.g. on ITV's Tonight programme).

I used to think I was pretty healthy, but this questionnaire diagnosed me with a high risk of a dozen serious health problems (from heavy metal poisoning to 'detox overload').

Now, I know you know how utterly reliable online medical diagnosis is - so perhaps some people on the forum would like to try the questionnaire? I'd be interested to know how ill you are - if you feel comfortable sharing this highly accurate personal information ;) Either post your results here, or in the comments on my blog. Oh yeah, and according to the questionnaire my illnesses are:

Blood Sugar Imbalance 40%
Allergies 42%
Underactive Thyroid 36%
Need for B Vitamins 38%
Need for Essential Fats 42%
Heavy Metal Toxicity 38%
Pyroluria 30%
High Histamine 35%
Low Serotonin 36%
Adrenal Excess 36%
Adrenal Exhaustion 29%
Low Acetylcholine 33%
Detox Overload 33%
Stimulant Dependence 45%
High Homocysteine 36%

I'm obviously an ill man ;)

[andyandy]

let me guess.....if you just drink 2 patented brocolli and egg-white shakes* a day you'll be alright....

*brocolli and egg white shakes available exclusively at Patrick Holford's holisitic Brain Food range. Always read the label - may cause giganticism.

[Lisa Simpson]

http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/7867/dowr7.jpg

[Gbob]

What a crock.

Blood Sugar Imbalance 24%
Allergies 21%
Underactive Thyroid 25%
Need for B Vitamins 14%
Need for Essential Fats 18%
Heavy Metal Toxicity 23%
Pyroluria 12%
High Histamine 24%
Low Serotonin 19%
Adrenal Excess 18%
Adrenal Exhaustion 29%
Low Acetylcholine 21%
Detox Overload 18%
Stimulant Dependence 33%
High Homocysteine 29%


My stimulant dependance should be well over 90%

As for a prescription of avoiding alcohol, caffine and nicotine....well, they can only have my coffee pot when they pull it from my cold dead hands.

[Orangutan]

Oh Yeah, I definitively don't expect to get spammed if I sign up there:

Privacy Policy:

Privacy Policy

Food for the Brain is committed to the privacy of all of our customers. Any information you do provide to us will be dealt with in accordance with this privacy statement.

This statement determines how foodforthebrain.org will store and use any information relating to you. This privacy statement applies to the entire web site. Any changes to these policies will be posted on our terms and conditions.

Under the terms of the UK Data Protection Acts (1984, 1998), we maintain strict security procedures in the storage and disclosure of all customer or visitor information. If you have any concerns or questions about privacy, please contact us at info@foodforthebrain.org


Ok so that didn't say anything other than you will store and use our info,lets look at Terms and Conditions:

...snip.
6: Advertisements and Promotions. We may use our web site or any of the services we provide or in any of the correspondence we send to you to run advertisements promoting products and services we offer or any of its subsidiaries, or any person or corporation duly authorised by us to advertise or promote their product or services through us.
...snip.


!! It practically admits it's an email harvesting site and will sell rights to send you email!

[Dragon]

Well - someone was going to post this - might as well be me -

Edmund: Never had anything you doctors didn't try to cure with leeches. A leech on my ear for ear ache, a leech on my bottom for constipation.
Doctor: They're marvellous, aren't they?
Edmund: Well, the bottom one wasn't. I just sat there and squashed it.
Doctor: You know the leech comes to us on the highest authority?
Edmund: Yes. I know that. Dr. Hoffmann of Stuttgart, isn't it?
Doctor: That's right, the great Hoffmann.
Edmund: Owner of the largest leech farm of Europe.

(Blackadder II, Bells - by Richard Curtis)

[Marquis de Carabas]

I am no iller than my license allows.

[jon]

Sorry, I didn't know about the e-mail harvesting. I'd suggest people use a fake e-mail, then (something like bad@advice.com should work fine) - and apologies if anyone gets extra spam from this not-profit.

Thanks for the results. Interesting that there's a 0% chance that Lisa isn't getting enough essential facts (not something they could know without knowing her diet, surely?)

Anyway, so it looks like they just list the same 'illnesses' for everyone, then guess at your chances of having them.

Oddly, there's not a great deal of stuff sold on the site (it's a not-for-profit). Maybe they've got genuinely benevelent motives for giving crap advice ;)

[delphi_ote]

According to our survey...
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i133/delphi_ote/rundmc_2.jpg
You be illin'

[Molinaro]

Blood Sugar Imbalance 17%
Allergies 21%
Underactive Thyroid 19%
Need for B Vitamins 17%
Need for Essential Fats 12%
Heavy Metal Toxicity 15%
Pyroluria 3%
High Histamine 27%
Low Serotonin 17%
Adrenal Excess 13%
Adrenal Exhaustion 17%
Low Acetylcholine 12%
Detox Overload 36%
Stimulant Dependence 27%
High Homocysteine 29%


I have no idea if that's good or bad or what.

[PrincessIneffabelle]

Ohhhh, I'm lovin' the tight pants! They are so much better than the baggy, hangin-off-your-butt pants!

[Hamradioguy]

Well, I was really low- just a few percentage points- on everything but "Stimulant Dependence". Those few cups of coffee and the glass of red wine I have with dinner each day sent that up to something like 30%.

I predict hypochondriacs will just love this poll.

[jon]

no fair - I got higher than hamradioguy for stimulant dependence, and I barely drink alcohol and have a couple of teas/coffees each day :( I'd like to know what kind of algorithms they've got behind this thing...

[zooloo]

They told me

Your questionnaire does not indicate any major imbalances. However, these results are only a guide and are not designed to be as effective as a professional diagnosis. If you are suffering with a mental health problem, it's likely that it can be corrected with an appropriate nutritional strategy.

We therefore recommend that you see a nutrition consultant with experience of treating mental health who can take a full case history and arrange further tests if necessary.

So there is nothing wrong with me but I should go and see a nutrition consultant anyway - I wonder if the answer is always go see a nutrition consultant?

Half a mo... a nutrition consultant with experience of treating mental health??? Because their thing doen't diagnose mental health issues I should go and see a mental health nutrition consultant.

If I turned up to one and said "I've come here because a website told me to...". The answer would be quite evident - "You're out of your tiny mind mate! Go away before I call the police".

[cesium]

Detox Overload?

[Steven Howard]

I want to second the bafflement over "Detox Overload."

Also, the very first question cracks me up:

"Do you live in a city?"

Okay, the question's not that funny. What cracks me up is that the possible responses are "No/Never", "Occasionally", "Often", "Always/Yes". "I often live in a city." Really? I tried that, but now I find it's more convenient to only occasionally live in a city."

I answered "No/Never" to every question except the last one ("Do you take heroin?"), to which I answered "Yes/Always." I have 9% "Stimulant Dependence" (even though heroin's a depressant) and a clean bill of health otherwise.

ETA:

"Do you have crowded upper front teeth?"

Is this a health questionnaire or am I making an appointment with an orthodontist?

"Do you have little body hair and a lean build?"

Is this a health questionnaire or a personal ad?

"Do you have large ears or long fingers and toes?"

Do you suffer from rabbitosis?

"Do you alcohol or drug abuse?"

Do you ever leave out words when composing an online survey?

[jon]

Yep, I find it's more convenient to only occasionally have dyspraxia, too ;) Hell, they could at least have proof-read the survey properly...

zooloo- you may be giving 'nutritional consultants' too much credit. At least in the UK, anyone - whoever unqualified and however stupid - can call themselves a 'nutritional consultant'. I'm sure lots of them would be very happy to sell uneccesary products to healthy people.
Anyway, I was advised to see a Dr - to ask for a dozen (fairly expensive, and completely pointless) tests. I can imagine my NHS GP's response to that, too ;)

[Fnord]

* PHISHING ALERT *


The website provided in the OP requires information that could lead to new waves of spam to your inbox, telemarketing calls, and/or junk mail to the address you provide.

All in return for "Information" that may be irrelevant, or even false, when applied to your particular physiology, medical history, and dietary needs.

You have been warned.

-Fnord of Dyscordia-

[jon]

Sorry, I didn't mean to encourage anyone to attract extra spam (I use a different e-mail address for these things). They don't *seem* to have started any kind of onslaught - but certainly best to give a fake e-mail.

ETA: and yes, the information you get in response to the questionnaire may be irrelevent or false. I certainly wouldn't trust it, at all, as health advice. I found some of the answers funny, though ;)

[bruto]

OMIGAWD! I'm gonna die! I don't even know what adrenal exhaustion is, but I've got it! And high histamine too!

I'm reminded of a couple of jokes, one long shaggy dog one involving an outfit like this that does urine tests, which keeps, against all logic, sending back accurate diagnoses, including tennis elbow. Finally, the person throws a whole lot of extraneous junk into the sample, and masturbates into it. The result comes back with the usual accurate analysis, and the note, "and if you don't stop that wanking, you'll never get rid of your tennis elbow!"

A YMCA decides to send the water from its swimming pool for analysis. The result comes back, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you that your horse has diabetes."

[skeptigirl]

I won't be logging on, now that I have read a few more of the posts here. I see I was likely correct. It's one of those gimmick sites. There are a million of them, take the IQ test, take the personality test, etc etc.

Some of these online come-ons are just gimmicks to get email addresses. I made the mistake once, and that was enough. My spam went from 10/ to 100+/day overnight. So, why do they need me to log on and give them a name and address?

Second, I can tell you right off the bat you don't diagnose the stuff they are claiming by a questionnaire. Blood tests and hair analyses can give you more accurate information. So, are there any studies they cite which compare their results with blood tests or other legitimate objective evidence which validates their conclusions or did someone just make the stuff up? (Let me guess, you eat tuna and have amalgam fillings so you must have mercury poisoning.)

Third, what research have they done to connect the results with any documented consistent illnesses? The human body has a lot of capacity for damage before symptoms occur with a number of 'deficiencies' and levels of toxins.

Because from my current vantage point (outside looking in) I'm guessing there is no legit research with this stuff and literally, someone just made it up and decided to claim it was true.

[skeptigirl]

I want to second the bafflement over "Detox Overload."

Also, the very first question cracks me up:

"Do you live in a city?"

Okay, the question's not that funny. What cracks me up is that the possible responses are "No/Never", "Occasionally", "Often", "Always/Yes". "I often live in a city." Really? I tried that, but now I find it's more convenient to only occasionally live in a city."

I answered "No/Never" to every question except the last one ("Do you take heroin?"), to which I answered "Yes/Always." I have 9% "Stimulant Dependence" (even though heroin's a depressant) and a clean bill of health otherwise.

ETA:

"Do you have crowded upper front teeth?"

Is this a health questionnaire or am I making an appointment with an orthodontist?

"Do you have little body hair and a lean build?"

Is this a health questionnaire or a personal ad?

"Do you have large ears or long fingers and toes?"

Do you suffer from rabbitosis?

"Do you alcohol or drug abuse?"

Do you ever leave out words when composing an online survey?

Maybe there are some hidden sales survey questions in there. If you have bad teeth you get on a thousand mailing lists for a dental clinic franchise.

[jon]

Before I log on that thing I need more info.

Some of these online come-ons are just gimmicks to get email addresses. I made the mistake once, and that was enough. My spam went from 10/ to 100+/day overnight. So, why do they need me to log on and give them a name and address?

Second, I can tell you right off the bat you don't diagnose the stuff they are claiming by a questionnaire. Blood tests and hair analyses can give you more accurate information. So, are there any studies they cite which compare their results with blood tests or other legitimate objective evidence which validates their conclusions or did someone just make the stuff up? (Let me guess, you eat tuna and have amalgam fillings so you must have mercury poisoning.)

Third, what research have they done to connect the results with any documented consistent illnesses? The human body has a lot of capacity for damage before symptoms occur with a number of 'deficiencies' and levels of toxins.

Because from my current vantage point (outside looking in) I'm guessing there is no legit research with this stuff and literally, someone just made it up and decided to claim it was true.

If you're concerned about spam, I'd suggest giving a fake e-mail address - no@spam.com, or whatever you choose. Credit where credit's due, though - I gave that Foundation my e-mail a good month ago (doing some research for a blog) and I haven't noticed increased spam. It could be better safe than sorry, though - by all means use a fake address.

I'm not sure how they make their 'diagnoses'. The questionnaire doesn't really ask about your diet (aside from drugs etc.) so no idea how they can tell you're lacking essential fats etc. I'm generally pretty healthy - no symptoms of heavy metal poisoning afaik ;) - so no idea how they decided I'm at a serious risk of this...

I know Holford's Institute of Optimum Nutrition has done some (badly designed) questionnaire 'research'. It's plausible that they *might* have mined this poor quality research for any correllations, and used these to build an even poorer quality questionnaire - but the Foundation could also have made it up, or used data from elsewhere. tbh, your guess is as good as mine.

[bruto]

I used a real yahoo mail account, which never gets spam, and a fake name, so it should be pretty easy to determine if I suddenly start getting spam.

[catbasket]

Mr Arfur Cutout, who answered "no/never" for every question, scores 0% on everything and gets the following -
Your Analysis
Your questionnaire does not indicate any major imbalances. However, these results are only a guide and are not designed to be as effective as a professional diagnosis. If you are suffering with a mental health problem, it's likely that it can be corrected with an appropriate nutritional strategy.

We therefore recommend that you see a nutrition consultant with experience of treating mental health who can take a full case history and arrange further tests if necessary.
BS quotient = 100%

[bruto]

Mr Arfur Cutout, who answered "no/never" for every question, scores 0% on everything and gets the following -

BS quotient = 100%

On the contrary, answering "no" to every question is a sure indication of a negative attitude. You're sicker than you think, and by the way, your cat also has fleas.

[baron]

I'm interested how people actually answered this survery. Example ~

Q: Do you have little body hair and a lean build?
Options: Never, Occasionally, Often, Always / Yes

WTF does that mean? Is it asking if I'm a werewolf or something?

Like I'm really going to take notice of some quack who can't even write a few questions on a survey :boggled:

[skeptigirl]

Your results
0% 100%
Blood Sugar Imbalance 8%
Allergies 0%
Underactive Thyroid 6%
Need for B Vitamins 19%
Need for Essential Fats 3%
Heavy Metal Toxicity 19%
Pyroluria 0%
High Histamine 16%
Low Serotonin 7%
Adrenal Excess 8%
Adrenal Exhaustion 4%
Low Acetylcholine 8%
Detox Overload 3%
Stimulant Dependence 3%
High Homocysteine 7%

Heavy metal and I didn't even mention fish. Must be that music coming from my son's room all the time.

Whole thing was silly. Nothing of substance in that questionnaire. Yet they had a plea for psychiatrists to join there 'circle'. At a glance, it looks like one of those food allergy woo sites. I couldn't go to "evidence" without more registering. Didn't want to spend anymore time on it.

[Eos of the Eons]

Blood Sugar Imbalance 10% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Allergies 0% Underactive Thyroid 14% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Need for B Vitamins 21% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Need for Essential Fats 3% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Heavy Metal Toxicity 12% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Pyroluria 21% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif High Histamine 16% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Low Serotonin 7% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Adrenal Excess 8% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Adrenal Exhaustion 4% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Low Acetylcholine 4% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Detox Overload 3% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Stimulant Dependence 9% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif High Homocysteine 7% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif

The questions are stupid. There could be any number of reasons you can get tired, for instance. Eating lots of sugar won't make you automatically have a sugar imbalance. Blah blah. And I gave them my email address :covereyes

[jon]

Thanks for the replies. It's also kind-of worrying that they'd say you've got a 0% chance of allergies based on an online questionnaire :eek:

I'd agree it looks like a woo site (is a woo site). The only reason to notice the thing is it seems to have received an unusual amount of media attention, and also to have persuaded pretty reputable organisations like Mind to affiliate to it.

[Roboramma]

Blood Sugar Imbalance 24% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Allergies 39% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Underactive Thyroid 25% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Need for B Vitamins 19% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Need for Essential Fats 30% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Heavy Metal Toxicity 23% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Pyroluria 33% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif High Histamine 24% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Low Serotonin 19% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Adrenal Excess 15% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Adrenal Exhaustion 25% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Low Acetylcholine 12% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Detox Overload 18% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif Stimulant Dependence 12% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif High Homocysteine 21% http://www.foodforthebrain.org/images/mhq-graph-bar.gif

Some of those questions didn't even make sense! Like, "Do you ever feel ‘unreal'?" Huh?
Or, "Do you ever 'hear' your own thoughts?" What? Obviously I don't hear them the way I hear a bell, but I do 'hear' them as a voice in my head speaking sometimes... but doesn't everyone?
I don't get it.

And since all they really tell you from this survey is the above %'s, I have to wonder what answering "always" to "Do you ever feel 'unreal'?" would do to my results. In fact, I think I will.
So, I put everything else to "no/never". It says I have a 7% chance of "Need for B vitamins" based on the fact that I always feel unreal...
I don't get it.

[catbasket]

You're sicker than you think...
Not possible - I am one seriously sick individual ;)

[jon]

I think I'm still sicker than anyone else here ;) My problems are:

Blood Sugar Imbalance
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Glycosylated Haemoglobin blood test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Allergies
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that ALLERGIES may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Food Intolerance Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Underactive Thyroid
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that UNDERACTIVE THYROID may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Thyroid Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Need for B Vitamins
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that NEED FOR B VITAMINS may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Homocysteine Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Need for Essential Fats
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that NEED FOR ESSENTIAL FATS may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Blood Test for Essential Fats. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Heavy Metal Toxicity
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that HEAVY METAL TOXICITY may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Hair Mineral Analysis. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Pyroluria
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that PYROLURIA may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Kryptopyrrole Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

High Histamine
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that HIGH HISTAMINE may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Histamine Blood Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Low Serotonin
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that LOW SEROTONIN may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Neurotransmitter Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Adrenal Excess
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that ADRENAL EXCESS may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Neurotransmitter Test . This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Low Acetylcholine
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that LOW ACETYLCHOLINE may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Neurotransmitter Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Detox Overload
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that DETOX OVERLOAD may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Liver Detoxification Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

Stimulant Dependence
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that STIMULANT DEPENDENCE may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a period of abstinence from sugar, stimulants and other potential addictive substances, backed up by appropriate nutritional and psychological support. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

High Homocysteine
You have a relatively large number of symptoms indicating that HIGH HOMOCYSTEINE may be contributing to your health problem. The best way to check for this is to have a Homocysteine Test. This can be arranged through your doctor, psychiatrist or a clinical nutritionist.

I actually answered honestly, too :eek:

[Solus]

Blood Sugar Imbalance 6%
Allergies 12%
Underactive Thyroid 6%
Need for B Vitamins 14%
Need for Essential Fats 6%
Heavy Metal Toxicity 8%
Pyroluria 9%
High Histamine 14%
Low Serotonin 12%
Adrenal Excess 3%
Adrenal Exhaustion 12%
Low Acetylcholine 21%
Detox Overload 0%
Stimulant Dependence 0%
High Homocysteine 7%

our Analysis
Your questionnaire does not indicate any major imbalances. However, these results are only a guide and are not designed to be as effective as a professional diagnosis. If you are suffering with a mental health problem, it's likely that it can be corrected with an appropriate nutritional strategy.

We therefore recommend that you see a nutrition consultant with experience of treating mental health who can take a full case history and arrange further tests if necessary.

Wow to think they could figure all that out with just a few simple questions...
How stupid of me, I thought you went to a psychologist or psychiatrist if you had mental problems but no it's a nutritionist now, I know better! :rolleyes:

I used 123@fakeemail.com :p

Who comes up this garbage?