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View Full Version : Ive been forced to get a "real job"...Im back at the Coroners Office..


De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 02:36 AM
Upto yesterday i used to write for a living...it paid well, was easy work....but it dried up...I was reduced to writing poop for a pittance....

So, i needed to get a real job.

I heard that my old job, working for the Coroners office, was back on the market...

I re-applied and got it...beating all the other gore mongers to it..

As you can imagine, i have seen some horrific sights....and been around death at its bloodiest.....

Ive dug graves...opened crypts and tombs...dressed bodies...fired up cremators....watched autopsies...dragged bodies from railway lines, suicides, murders, collected various limbs from strange places...walked through unlit morgues, filled with bodies in the dead of night....

Have i ever seen anything remotely paranormal....no im afraid not...

If anyones got any questions about procedure or what happens when you die and are collected.., about cremations...dressing bodies, what occurs behind closed doors...how i personally can do a job like that and then come home and act like nothings happened...or anyone wants to hear some true life gore that i have seen...

There are a lot of myths floating around concerning funerals, cremations...

Id like to dispel a few and come home with the facts...

There's not much fun to be had around the subject of death...but it does have its moments....

Ask away...

(This will help me re-adjust back to the job and set myself up for what i know im going to be seeing again , because it does take a certain mindset.....)

Your mate..

De_Bunk

Lothian
5th November 2002, 02:46 AM
When you get to work do you feel a little stiff ?

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 02:51 AM
Its a bit of a "Dead" end job....:D

Lothian
5th November 2002, 02:52 AM
Why has is taken you so long to go back? Any skeletons in the closet ?

bangdazap
5th November 2002, 03:10 AM
The trillion pound question: what's the worst you experienced in your line of work?

Oh, and an important question: I have real trouble handling disgusting pictures (like the ones you get ambushed with on the net from time to time), do you have any advice on how to deal with this? Having a mental image of rotten & bloated female genitalia at lunchtime is not the funniest thing in the world.
I guess what I want to know is 'how you personally can do a job like that and then come home and act like nothings happened'.

Titanpoint
5th November 2002, 03:17 AM
Originally posted by Lothian
Why has is taken you so long to go back? Any skeletons in the closet ?

:D

xouper
5th November 2002, 04:16 AM
I don't know any myths about cremation so I don't know what questions to ask, other than what are some of them? If I ever get around to writing a will, I'm tempted to request I be cremated, unless I donate my carcass to some worthy cause.

davidhorman
5th November 2002, 06:32 AM
Do you model yourself after Quincy? :D

David

Titanpoint
5th November 2002, 06:34 AM
Originally posted by davidhorman
Do you model yourself after Quincy? :D

David

I was thinking Igor.... :cool:

mstricky
5th November 2002, 07:26 AM
Does one really get the ashes of loved ones back or is it usually just a bag of bonemeal from the garden centre. :D

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 07:54 AM
How do i handle it...and whats some of the gore ive seen...??

Im gonna answer two questions with one answer...

I was called out once, around 3am. I had to go to the local railway station...

When i got there, the Transport Police pointed up the line to where the body was...so me and my boss, put a body bag in a shell ( a fibreglass, leakproof coffin) and walked up...

He was laid out, chest down in the crucifix position....absolutely untouched and clean at the edge of the rails...except it was minus the head...

According to the train driver, he saw this man wait right until the train was upon him and then just lay flat down....

There was blood...a lot...but it had been a precision beheading...

We picked the body up and put it in the shell...I looked around for the head with a torch...couldnt see it...

The Police had a cursory look..but they had kinda left it to us to have a proper look...They had checked under the train..it had to be somewhere...

I walked past the train, it started to rain...I must have walked about 50 yards up infront...looking in the brush at the side of the track...something glinted...i looked again and found it...

Trouble is i'd forgotten to bring a limb bag to put it in...i called to my boss to get me a bag and some gloves...

When he got to me..he handed me a woolworths plastic bag...with no gloves..the police had walked up as well...some of them were looking a bit sick...

I picked up the head by the hair and noticed that the back of it had been smashed open....I put it in the bag and carried it back...

I took the whole lot to the morgue...

The next day i was informed that the Mother wanted to view the body and was travelling down....

One of these mortuary technicians then brought out the head in a bowl..and then began repairing the head...He removed parts of the inside, filled it with a plaster like substance and rebuilt the back of the head replacing the pieces of smashed skull...

By the evening, he had micro-stitched the head back onto the body...I helped him with the make up...brushed the hair...etc..

When his mother came to view the body she never noticed that his head had been crushed and then sewn back on...She thought he had just been hit by the train..

How could i go home and act like nothing happened..???

Well, this is how i dealt with it...it may sound strange..but me, i generally see people with their heads attached..moving and talking...When i come across a gore and blood spattered scene..to me thats not "real"...its like the movies...not nice too look at...but just not real...I couldnt recognise them as once living, no matter who or what i picked up...Somehow my inner defence transformed the horrific scenes into fantasy...and so never bothered me...

The tombs and crypt "Re-openers" are quite good fun...

I got all that to look foward too...once again...

orwell huxley
5th November 2002, 07:56 AM
Did you actually need a job, or are you just looking for a woman who won't turn you down? :D

LillyThePink
5th November 2002, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by orwell huxley
Did you actually need a job, or are you just looking for a woman who won't turn you down? :D

This soooooo reminds me of a really nasty joke.

;)

orwell huxley
5th November 2002, 07:59 AM
Originally posted by LillyThePink


This soooooo reminds me of a really nasty joke.

;) C'mon, Lilly, it isn't right to leave us hanging. Do tell! :D

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 08:23 AM
Max..(Good to see your still around)

UK Cremators are only large enough inside to take one body at a time...

The ashes fall through the grate to a large tray underneath..

When the body is completely gone (around 40 minutes) the cremator is switched to low...the top is scraped clean and everything falls into the shiny stainless steel tray underneath...with a few bits of bone that remain...

The whole lot is then placed into what looks like a front loading washing machine, without a door...its called a "cremulator"...

It has steel "cannonballs" of various sizes and reduces everything to fine granules...

The ashes are removed and then placed under a magnet to remove any metal...then immediately put into the chosen urn...

The metal...including gold...parts of watches...artificial hips..etc are welded together in a black mess and this is then buried in various pits around the cemetery...

Contrary to popular belief of cremating 3 or 4 bodies at once...it just dont happen...

Secondly..as for cremation staff opening coffins and removing things from the bodies...

No..from the second the curtain closes.. to the coffin in the cremator is around 5 or 6 seconds....they havent got the time to mess about...

Another myth is that the undertaker gets the coffins back and just the body is cremated...

Not true...coffins are very, very cheap to buy in...its the preparation work that costs the money...and nowadays due to the rules and regulations...thats not much...Its a very large profit for the undertaker....absolutely not worth the time to re-use coffins...

The crematorium is all high tech now...all computer controlled...fully automated...software controls the most efficient temperature...the fumes...everything...

Occasionally a coffin may have too much varnish on it...or have something that should have been removed...and the software will give a print out if the cremation exceeded the legal levels..

The offending undertaker is then reported to the local council and they issue a warning...

If something explodes in the sealed cremator...then the undertaker is reported again...the onus is on them to thoroughly check the body...and to ensure things like pacemakers are removed...

I removed dozens...Its not as hard or as gory as you think, as they are very close to the surface of the skin...and only needs a small incision and a pair of pliers...you leave the wires in and just remove the power unit...

Being cremated is very clean, quick and surgical in its operation...

It is the way to go....

Want to know why im against burial....Thats another story...

Hope this helps clear a few things up...

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 08:25 AM
Orwell...no i find them all a bit "cold" hearted....:D

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 08:29 AM
DavidHorman..

Quincy....Nah...

More like "Frasier" out of "Dads Army"....

LillyThePink
5th November 2002, 08:37 AM
Originally posted by orwell huxley
C'mon, Lilly, it isn't right to leave us hanging. Do tell! :D

ok, well there's these two blokes in a pub, and one of them's telling a story..

man 1 :- I was on my way home last night when I met this amazing woman. As I got off the train, I saw her tied to the railway tracks, so I untied her and she came home with me. It was incredible. We made love in every position you could imagine... her on top, me on top, on the kitchen table, doggy style, swinging from the chandaliers, jumping off the top of the wardrobe... every way you could imagine.

man 2: - wow! Did you get a blow job?

Man 1: - no, sadly, I couldn't find her head.


I never said it was funny. :p

panduh
5th November 2002, 09:01 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
Well, this is how i dealt with it...it may sound strange..but me, i generally see people with their heads attached..moving and talking...When i come across a gore and blood spattered scene..to me thats not "real"...its like the movies...not nice too look at...but just not real...I couldnt recognise them as once living, no matter who or what i picked up...Somehow my inner defence transformed the horrific scenes into fantasy...and so never bothered me...

When you think about it, people are just machines -- robots. I don't get grossed out when robots get torn apart, why is it gross when people get torn apart? I mean when I had to dissect grasshoppers, frogs and pigs in Biology class, I didn't get grossed out, but show me a frog getting smooshed by a truck or something, and I think its disgusting. Wierd.

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 09:35 AM
I once had to exhume a body...

It had been buried in 1969....

The grave did not have a headstone but someone had checked the records and had marked the grave....

We couldnt get a mechanical digger in so we dug down by hand...

(Re-opening any grave is a whole lot easier than digging a fresh one...the soil is never as compacted)....anyway...

We dug down...it was getting late....i climbed out of the pit to have a rest, and sat on the side of the open grave...suddenly the side gave way and i fell in...collapsing the supports...

Thats not all...the grave next to it had just been dug...the gap between the two was about 6inches of soil...when it should much further apart...

The coffin from the adjoining grave had been buried about 3 weeks...and had fallen through with the collapse of my pit..it had bust open and i found my self sitting on a 3 week old corpse....

and, in my surprise at falling..i had put my hand into its rotting face...The smell was surprise...it hits you like an ice pick up the nostrils....

How lovely for me...

and to add insult to injury...The wrong grave had been marked out in the first place...

So we had to fill it all in...and re-dig the correct one...right through the night...

Well...someones gotta do it...

This thread is becoming like "Tales from the Crypt"...

RSLancastr
5th November 2002, 09:38 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
how i personally can do a job like that and then come home and act like nothings happened...Did the heavy drinking start before or after you did this kind of work?

Girl 6
5th November 2002, 10:00 AM
Hey, De_Bunk! How about I become your assistant and type all of these stories out and we come out with a best seller called, "Real Coroners Don't Dig That!" :D

Seriously, though, have you considered writing about some your experiences? (Besides writing about them here? :p)

G6

richardm
5th November 2002, 10:33 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
I once had to exhume a body...


.. When my father was a student, one of the summer jobs he had was as a gravedigger. One day they were digging down in a family grave, to prepare it for the next incumbent to join the others. The bloke he was with hopped down into the grave to finish the digging - and crunched right through the top of the coffin underneath. Apparently he sank in about up to his knees, with a wail that still makes my father giggle to this day. Oh, and he came back out of the grave as though he were jet propelled. As you would ;)

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 10:35 AM
My drinking started years before...Its a throwback from the newspaper...

I have to cut right back now...im got to drive at a moments notice...so ive been sober for a few days now...not a real problem...theres always my days off....

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

G6..

Its a thought...there have been some real funny moments...ie watching an undertaker fall into the grave...watching the pall bearers drop the coffin as they walked it to the grave and the body coming out...etc...

Funny now..but not at the time...as you can imagine...

I could write about all the gore and the senseless way people commit suicide over the most stupid things...

Unusual deaths...the unusual finds when you have to dig...

Not much fun in death though...

I'd like to know...who put the "Fun" in "Funeral"...

I'll still write...and as soon as i get another good deal going i'll return to it full time, as before...

I had to get some more money coming in...i just bought a new car..its being delivered Monday...and i suddenly realised that i wouldnt be left with much after i paid for it...

A bit silly really...

Alcohol and Mercedes brouchures...Yes thats right...i just bought a new Mercedes.....

I could pull out of the deal..i suppose..i dont know...but i'd lose a lot of money ive already paid....

So im stuck with it..The Coroners work pays well...its been a few years since i worked there...

Some of the new faces there think im a newbie to it all....they are in for a bit of a shock...

I havent gone back at the same grade i was before...but the old boss said he'd work it around somehow...He was happy i was back...

The children are not too happy...but i do get a very expensive fitted 3 piece suit...and a nice new dayglo jacket...just like the local PD wear...oh yes...and a clipboard...various pagers and mobile phones...and a very flash ID card....and get to go under the stripey "POLICE..DO NOT CROSS" tape...

Was on TV once...removing a transexuals body from the sea...It appears i was the only one that could tell it was a man from the second i saw it...all the others thought it was a woman....it was only when the autopsy took place that they realised...

Anyway..not a bad idea...

I suppose the point of all this is...is that even though ive been around death..the deceased...bodies....graveyards...old churches...ive never seen jack squat that could be classed as paranormal...

oh well....

RSLancastr
5th November 2002, 10:43 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
watching the pall bearers drop the coffin as they walked it to the grave and the body coming out...etc...Reminds me of the funeral procession for the Ayatollah Khomeini! The coffin was passed around in the crowd, everyone wanted to touch it, and the body fell out a few times.

I believe someone even made a simple computer game out of it...

esquel
5th November 2002, 10:48 AM
De Bunk -- thanks for an interesting thread. When you decide to get "serious", you kick @$$!

Question: Are you at all involved in the forensic analysis that goes on at a crime scene, or is that a different department?

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 10:59 AM
Esqeul...

Its a different dept...but i am around it..and i will have to follow the same protocols as they do when around a crime scene...and when a body is picked up and removed to the morgue...there usually is a discussion on how the person died...

As in "Hanging" suicides....there are certain things that can point to murder...or suicide...

It can be pretty interesting...

I have to be involved because the bodies are signed over to me...

So i get to wear those disposable overalls and shoe covers....

The Coroner (not coroners officer) is a good man and i got on well with him...and thats what swung the job in my favor ...he remembered me from before...

I also have fell into a tomb and landed square on the coffins...busting them open in the process and ending up sitting amongst the water and floating mummified bodies... thats through being lazy though....:D

( PS..id love a copy of that game with the Ayatollah...I might make a flash version...:D )

malaka
5th November 2002, 11:04 AM
Very interesting stuff, DB! Thanks for sharing...

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 11:27 AM
Malaka..

I thought id start a thread on this subject because most of the sensible death websites gloss over the truth...and the Gore websites are a bit over the top in what really occurs...

Here, i give it how it really is....what ive actually seen and know to have taken place....

One of the best times was when me and few others discovered a victorian embalming room...still full of the original equipment...it had been unused and the entrance bricked over, for at least 80 years...

Now that was interesting....i was allowed to keep some of the embalming tools...

Ive also seen facial reconstruction in bodies that have severe head injuries...seen embalming being done...removed pacemakers from bodies....

Ive seen a lot...

It is an interesting subject...not to everyones taste...but still there is an awful lot to it...and a lot of myth's...

See you on here....

De_Quincy_Bunk

The Central Scrutinizer
5th November 2002, 12:11 PM
Congrats on your new position at the Coroners office. I've heard that people are just dieing to get in that place.

MRC_Hans
5th November 2002, 12:21 PM
:) How I love when the real people show through in this virtual babble world, hehehe.

Hans

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 12:47 PM
Once again.. if anyone wants to know any part of the process...

Ive always said to people..."Theres no dignity in death...The diginity only starts when you reach the Chapel Of Rest at the Funeral home..."

In all honesty ive never seen a Undertakers treat a body with disrespect...

Ive seen them make mistakes...

Ive made a couple...

At one of the Funeral directors i visited...he asked me to help him dress and prepare a body for a viewing

Not a problem...

I brushed the hair....put a bit of make up on the womans face to bring back a bit of color...

I put her glasses on but they wouldnt sit right...so i superglued them on to the bridge of her nose and to her ears...

The people came and went in...i was standing outside and i heard one of them burst into tears...not unusual....then the man came out holding these glasses...with the immortal words..

"My Mother never wore glasses...and when i took them off ive pulled some skin off"...

I looked at the glasses and there was large pieces of skin attached to them...

(When a person dies...especially older people...they get something called "Skin slip".......If you grab an arm to move a body..sometimes you can pull off a load of skin..Like a snake, sloughing its skin..and thats what had happened...)

I went in and looked...it wasnt pretty...

The glasses were there....i just assumed they were hers...and i must admit i had gone a bit over the top with the glue...I wanted to make sure they didnt fall down again...didnt i...

Or

Like the jokers who put a pager in a jacket of their deceased friend..and then set it off during a quiet moment in the service...

It made everyone laugh...and it the Vicar just turned his mic up...to drown out the constant beeping, coming from the coffin...

When it went through the curtains we had to open the coffin and remove it...

If a battery or disposable lighter explodes in a cremator...because of the heat and pressures involved..it can crack the brickwork and put a cremator out of commission...

Overweight people can create real problems as well...due to the fat content...There should always be an extra large cremator at most crematoriums...

Most crematoriums have three or four cremators working all day...and funerals are usually scheduled for every 40 minutes...

It can be pretty hard going...as one's going in...ones coming out of another burner...

The only problems are when a burner breaks down...then you get a backlog of deceased...and the remaining burners are pushed to the limits...and thats when you might get a bit of smoke from the chimneys...and the occasional strange smell...

Not nice when people are waiting outside for a funeral to commence... they know exactly what the smell is....

Not good practice....

( This is just therapy for myself...i got to re-adjust and get my self prepared again...Its all coming back to me now...oh well..someones got to do it...it might as well be me...)

arcticpenguin
5th November 2002, 01:06 PM
De_Bunk,

Did you ever run across one of these cases?

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=573&ncid=757&e=8&u=/nm/20021105/od_nm/germany_dog_dc

"Dog eats owner after death in apartment"

Luciana
5th November 2002, 01:12 PM
De_Bunk: I say, go for it. But keep an eye on the market, shop for a new job as if you were unemployed... someday you'll get to find a work that will make you feel more comfortable. You will never find it if you stop making an effort. Have in my mind that this must be temporary!

Being morbidly curious here...

But have you ever met a weirdo, someone that got actually turned on by a corpse? Not only an undertaker, but a family member? Any kind of unusual religious ritual? Or a certain... delight at the situation?

Is it true that most part of the ashes consist of wood from the coffin? That the "human" ashes would be minimum if not for the extra material?

Girl 6
5th November 2002, 01:15 PM
De_Bunk, you have a treasure trove of stories here! I'm quite fascinated by all of this. Some of it is humorous, yes, but, it's still fascinating.

G6

hal bidlack
5th November 2002, 01:16 PM
Remarkable, DB. You are far more than you let on.

Luciana
5th November 2002, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by arcticpenguin
De_Bunk,

Did you ever run across one of these cases?

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=573&ncid=757&e=8&u=/nm/20021105/od_nm/germany_dog_dc

"Dog eats owner after death in apartment"

Many times have I heard of these stories, and I always get to hear that this quite a common occurence. But are they? I'm pretty skeptical of that. It might happen once in a while, but I doubt that it's "common". It seems to be one of those "fascinating" facts that people use to shock buddies over a bar. But I might be wrong.

Girl 6
5th November 2002, 01:40 PM
Originally posted by bidlack
Remarkable, DB. You are far more than you let on.

Not to chide you too badly, but I've always thought that De_Bunk was more than what his online personality has led us to believe. I am not surprised, in the least. :)

I still think he should write a book about this, though.

G6

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 02:35 PM
Inery...

Necrophiliacs...No...ive not met any...

We had a Nigerian die....and they held some kind of weird ceremony...went on for about 4 hours in the chapel of rest...

I picked up a woman that her husband had sealed in a room upstairs...she'd been there for about 6 months...

They were both elderly and the husband couldnt be assed...so he just drew the curtains...closed the door and sealed it with electrical tape....

Then a man who had been dead about 3 or 4 months...sitting infront of his TV...which was still on....Christmas tree still up, in April...still flashing...You would have thought one of his neighbours would have noticed him sitting there...it took them until April...when someone decided to have a look through the window....

The most memorable funerals are the old soldiers....flags...The last post being played....full turn out of the old soldiers with all their medals....

As for animals eating their owners...well it totally possible...

But i have picked up an elderly man who died in his kitchen and his dog, which was also dead, in its basket....

Then there is the Freemasons....they are buried with all the masonic icons and regalia...

Suicides are the worst...always messy..

Picked up a husband and wife....he nearly cut her in half with a shoutgun on the stairs and then climbed into a cupboard and blew his head off....It was his children returning from school who discovered them..

Dug up a coffin only to find there was nothing there...no bones whatsoever...

I think the highlight of the job is when there is a crowd gathered...and i can walk up to the stripey "POLICE LINE>>DO NOT CROSS" tape and duck under and get right in with action...then give all the girls gathered a macho, manly "Im in charge" look....;)

Soapy Sam
5th November 2002, 02:57 PM
I can't help feeling you are missing out on a lot of tremendous material for a book. Sympathetically handled, it would be humorous and enlightening. Pretty sure it's the sort of thing I would buy. (Especially autographed by the author).
Get your notes in order. That Merc gets through a lot of fuel.

mshell67
5th November 2002, 03:09 PM
De_Bunk,

Thank you so much for this thread, I find it extremely fascinating!

Aoidoi
5th November 2002, 03:28 PM
Idle question, who cleans up the scene of something like a murder or messy suicide? I mean, blood all over the place and bullet holes in the walls isn't going to make a potential buyer terribly thrilled (or relatives, or anyone else).

I think I saw a movie about someone in a service that did the cleanup a while back. Just wondering if they're really out there.

And, just as some friendly kidding about, are you saying that you're not pickled when you're pickling the corpses? :D

Jeff Corey
5th November 2002, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
The ashes are removed and then placed under a magnet to remove any metal...then immediately put into the chosen urn...

The metal...including gold...parts of watches...artificial hips..etc are welded together in a black mess and this is then buried in various pits around the cemetery...]
Erm, the nonferrous metals would not be picked up by a magnet. What do you really do with the gold?

Jeff Corey
5th November 2002, 03:34 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
I'd like to know...who put the "Fun" in "Funeral"...

Weirder than that. "Funeral" is an anagram for "Real Fun".

So in a cryptic crossword (which I love, the Guardian ones are hard because of British references) the clue would be, "Rite that is hardly real fun." (7)

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 03:42 PM
Heres something i found strange...

It was the amount of people i had to pick up that had died taking a dump...far more than you could imagine...

It appeared to me, on a lot of occasions, that the person had felt the need take a sh*t...got up...went to the toilet...sat down...started to go to the toilet and then died...

Other times they had just gone where they lay and had obviously made an attempt to clean up after...and then died...

Obviously the sphincter relaxes when you die...but these people were obviously alive whilst they were going....often you would find used toilet tissue around them on the bed or in the toilet...

Its like people feel the need to go...5 or 10 minutes before they die...

one thing i did realise..you never know when you are going die...

There was this man of 33...a builder...a fit hardworking man...worked 10 hrs a day...

He came home one evening as usual...

His wife asked him what he wanted for dinner...he had a cup of coffee and went up to have a bath while his wife made his dinner...

When i turned up...he was in the bathroom....one leg up on the side of the bath...the water still steaming...he had his clean clothes set out on the washing basket....

His wife was in total shock....a neighbour came for the children and i went out in the kitchen to turn the oven off, which had his dinner in it...

Apparently

He'd gone up to have a bath...she had called him and got no reply..so continued with his dinner...after 15 minutes she called again...and got no response...she sent one of the children up...they called down and she went up...she couldnt open the door..but she managed to get it open a bit...she could see him lying there and called him...he didnt answer...she rang for an ambulance...the police were notified and so was i...

33 years old....never smoked...no previous history...never had a day off...always fit and healthy...didnt complain about feeling unwell beforehand...

Just went up to have a bath...and died...

Another sad thing is when ive had to attend funerals when i am the only one attending...Just me...the vicar...and the coffin...

Nobody should be buried or cremated without someone recognising that they once lived and laughed...

Aoidoi
5th November 2002, 03:46 PM
There was somebody or other over in R&P (Jedi Knight, I think) arguing that everybody calls out to God in the moment before death. Who knew that they actually just feel the need to take a dump?

I'm sure there's a deeper meaning in there somewhere, but I think I'll leave it alone. :D

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 03:51 PM
The gold melts along with the rest of the metal and ends up all together....in black lumps...there are far more lightweight nails than there is gold...so it all gets mixed in together and the magent picks up the metal...along with the gold that has fused...and everything else...

The most metal i have ever seen from a body was about the size of a golf ball....its usually much smaller and completely unrecognisable as anything..99% of which is nails and fittings...fused together with the other non magnetic materials...

Hope thats cleared that up...

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 04:01 PM
As for cleaning up....

Sometimes i would do it....

Gunshot suicides are obviously the most messy...

I have scraped brain matter of walls with a piece of cardboard and put it in a plastic bag before...but thats not the norm...

I have also washed walls down...cleaned excrement off of bedroom floors...

In the UK i have never heard of specialist clean-up teams...i know they exist in the US though...Its a boom business apparently...

In the UK its left mainly to the people left behind, those who occupy the house...if the person lived alone...the local council clean it up...

But i have cleaned up before, out of feeling for the person who has got to live in the house...it wasnt my job and on many occassion, my boss would moan about me wasting time...and 95% of the time..he would let me do it on my own...while he had a coffee and chatted to the local PD...


Im glad people find this interesting...death holds no mystery for me....

Girl 6
5th November 2002, 04:10 PM
De_Bunk... You mentioned previously that some people have death rituals.

Were you in a situation where they would not let you touch the body until they performed their ritual over it? And, once it was over, did they have any special instructions for you on how to dispose of it according to their customs or something?

thanks,
G6

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 05:10 PM
Only the time with the Nigerians..

They asked the funeral director not to close the mouth...and they placed a small cloth bag which smelt like lavender...(could have been for all i know)... around the mans neck...They wanted a private room for the body because some funeral ritual they wanted to perform, was going to take a few hours...

They bodies are always checked after to see if anything that may explode has been put inside a jacket pocket..ie cigarettes and a lighter...etc..

But it was just this bag...

As for the mouth...i dunno..they just came out and asked if the coffin could be closed then and there...which someone did...

There was another person who had asked that all the crosses and religious iconery be removed from the booth he would lie in...and to be removed from the crematorium....(which,funny enough, had been built with that in mind..just incase someone asked...they can change the religious symbols around to whatever is needed....)

The deceased man did have someone speak for him at the crematorium...Not a religious person or a preacher...but the person giving the eulogy did have a title which i cant remember...but it was nothing to do with religion whatsoever...No flowers either....

A bit weird...

Heres another thing....this poem...

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die…."

Every undertaker / crematorium worker knows this poem word for word...

Its read out by someone at a service, at least three times a day

The funny thing is...people think its totally original....

Me...im totally sick of it...its nice the first time...but kinda loses its meaning after the 1,000th time you heard it...

Never mind....

JANman
5th November 2002, 05:41 PM
interesting job DB,
thats for sure,
Im curious though,what kind of an education is required to qualify for it?

Luciana
5th November 2002, 05:52 PM
De_Bunk:

You should most definitely write about it. Think about it, it would be a service for skepticism - I can only imagine the number of books, particularly in this field, that are written by believers. And you have the opportunity of telling how many souls you have seen departing, the cold spells and the visits by ghosts that you haven't experienced.

The moral of the story: death sucks ... and that's it.

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 06:27 PM
Qualifications...

There are loads of specialist qualifications....

But mainly... the ability to be a smartass and in the right place at the right time...Its a case of who you know and not what...

And to be able to blur the line between reality and fantasy....

If for one moment i viewed the mangled, headless corpses, as real human beings...id be throwing up with the rest of you...

I have a college education....but it did not help me get the job the first time around...

It was advertised....i went...sold myself...took various in-house courses...got fed up with digging in the snow, being surrounded by crying people for most of the day and being on 24hr call, one week out of two, and left....went back to writing...and drinking excessively...

Last week i got fed up with the drinking and writing for a living and trying to convince editors that my work is suitable...and decided to go back to working at something with a bit more excitement...

At the moment...im no more than a go-fer with a flash title...and i doubt if i'll get much above that...but at least my wages will increase...and its steady work..theres never a shortage of dead people...

I didnt think id get the job back...it has been a few years since i left the last time...but then i realised...

Its rapidly approaching winter..and theres always an increase of dead people then....They couldnt take the chance of internally promoting a Nurse / Orderly or whoever and then having to train them in all the procedures...

So they gave me my old job back...at roughly the same pay grade as before...

I start next Tuesday as my new...yes new.. Mercedes is being delivered on Monday and im gonna use the last of my money to fill the gas tank...

I couldnt take the monetary ups and downs of writing for a living anymore...some months are extremely profitable...and some are not...and i dont want the car to be repossessed...hence i had to guarantee a regular income...

I'll still write though...just now the pressures off a bit...working one week a month did have its good side...but it didnt always bring home the bacon..

I'll post a picture on Monday...:p



Its ok kids....Daddy's gonna get the electric re-connected...:D

Mr. Skinny
5th November 2002, 07:01 PM
When I was in the police academy we had a presentation from the Coroners office.

I seem to recall him saying that female suicides are often discovered all done up in their nicest make-up and finest clothes, and if the suicide is by gun, they will often fire the gun underneath their nice clothing, so as not to put a hole in it.

I always thought that was a weird factoid.......

Any experience with that DB?


edited for some spelling stuff

De_Bunk
5th November 2002, 07:16 PM
Skinny...

I never thought of that...now you mention it..yes 99% of the women suicides i picked up, were smartly dressed...

Its the men that seem to commit suicide in their underpants...or grubby pyjama bottoms...

Ive picked up women who have slashed their wrists...but never a man...and the women have mainly been in the bath...so's not to make a mess, i assume..

Interesting point...i'll keep an eye out to see how many are smartly dressed...

I could give a daily tally...

ie...

Man / underpants / Shotgun to head

Man / grubby sweat pants / knife in the eyeball...

Woman / Gucci dress / overdose

Woman / Ball gown / single shot to the heart with a .22

Man / pyjama bottoms / Ritual disembowelment with blunt bayonet

Trouble is...thinking about it...thats about right...as it goes..


:D

Wyrd1
6th November 2002, 09:00 AM
I was going to post a funeral director joke but after reading a few of the latest posts it seems unappropriate now. DeBunk, you seem to approach this job with a great deal of humanity and I wonder if many of your cohorts do the same?

Talking about smartly dressed women committing suicide always reminds me of Lupe Valez, an actress in Hollywood quite a few years ago. She set up her "death scene" very carefully decorating her bedroom the way she wanted and dressed in her finest outfit. She lay down in her bed to wit for the sleeping pills to do their work. Unfortunately her last meal reacted with the pills and she ran into the bathroom to throw up. She slipped or tripped and hit her on the toilet bowl which killed her. After her carefully staged scene they found her with her head in the toilet bowl. Not exactly as she had imagined it.

I am a US Navy Hospital Corpsman and years ago I was an Ambulance attendent (an EMT, Emergency Medical Technician.) We got a call early in the morning to one of the barracks on Treasure Island in San Francisco Bay. When we got there we found a man in the "head" who had poisoned himself by drinking ammonia and bleach. We found him in the toilet stall with a trail of vomit running from the sink to the stall but instead of his head in the toilet or closest to it he had obviously fallen forward trying to defecate! You may have something here, De Bunk! Anyway he hadn't done the deed so we weren't treated to excrement soaked areas. Our Medical Director ordered us to commence CPR (even though rigor had firmly set in!) and transport to the nearest Medical facility. The Coroner for San Francisco County was very irate that the body had been moved.

I have only had to deal with death a couple of times but that was plenty for me.

Anyway I hope that whoever picks up the body of any of my family members has an attitude similar to yours. And thanks for a geat thread!

Geriwatcher
6th November 2002, 09:12 AM
Here's a question for you, DeBunk. How long does it
take a body to completely decompose? I've always
assumed that if a body has been embalmed, it
is preserved for years. If you were to exhume a
body that had been buried 20 years ago, what would
you find?
Bones? Dust? Anything?

ManfredVonRichthoffen
6th November 2002, 09:42 AM
I've got me a question. I'm what some people consider frugal. I don't, since I will spend plenty of money if it is something I want, just don't want to get screwed. I am under the impression that embalming was started to make sure that the person was dead, because it was common a hundred years ago to bury a comotose person who would later wake in the grave. Is there any good reason to have someone embalmed these days? Or would it be the last time I was screwed out of some money?

Girl 6
6th November 2002, 10:05 AM
I think if you want to save money, you would want to get cremated, no?

G6

Wyrd1
6th November 2002, 10:44 AM
Didn't they use Strychnine as a preservative in the 1900's? I read about a body that was cut down from a funhouse. It was thought to have been a dummy but it was in fact human remains. They called in Clyde Snow a forensics expert from Oklahoma to investigate. The body was an outlaw from the late 1800's who had been executed or killed during a crime. The local doctor or undertaker did the embalming but when the county didn't pay the bill he put the body on display. From there it wound up in Hollyweird where it was presumed to be an excellent fake.

RSLancastr
6th November 2002, 11:04 AM
Originally posted by Wyrd1
I read about a body that was cut down from a funhouse. It was thought to have been a dummy but it was in fact human remains.There was a similar incident back in the 1970's, where a "mummy" exhibit at a carnival was found to be the body of a hobo named Andrew McCrew, who died while jumping from a moving train, and who "poshumously toured" with the carnival for more than 30 years.

Songwriter Don McLean read the story, and immortalized it in "The Legend of Andrew McCrew". Here's the song's chorus:

Who are you? Who are you?
Where have you been where are you going to?
Well Andrew McCrew must have lost his way,
For though he died long ago, he was buried today.After the song came out, someone donated the money for a headstone on McCrew's grave, on which one of the song's verses was engraved:

What a way to live a life, and what a way to die
Left to live a living death with noone left to cry
Petrified amazement, woner beyond worth
A man who found more life in death than life gave him at birthMy favorite part of the song is the closing line:

Well at least you got the best of life until it got the best of you
So from all of us, to what's left of you, farewell Andrew McCrew

Quinn
6th November 2002, 11:29 AM
I recently heard an interview with a guy who had written a book about the one that ended up in Hollywood. Apparently in life, the guy got fed up with working for The Man and decided to become an outlaw. He then turned out to be a piss-poor outlaw, never successfully stole anything, and found himself shot dead six months later. According to the interview, not only did his remains travel the funhouse and carnival circuit for years, but even made a cameo appearance in a TV show. (I want to say "The Six Million Dollar Man," but I wouldn't swear to it.)

Quinn

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 11:56 AM
Wyrd1....

You will find that 99.9% of funeral parlours will treat a deceased persons body with the upmost respect for that person...

Never have no fear of how you will be presented...Dignity is always preserved...

The only people you might find yourself exposed to is the Coroners Officers....From then on a body will be taken to the morgue and then onto the Funeral Director...where you will be washed...dressed...and made to look better than when you were alive...Never have any fear of what will happen when you die...

I Picked up a man once...laying on his front...on his bed...

His wife was distraught...

As i moved him..the duvet moved back and i saw a porno magazine....

I instantly felt that his wife shouldnt see this....

I picked it up and put it under the bed....Let his wife find it later....

Now be honest....anyone of you would have done that....

It takes a certain kind of person to deal with the dead, respectfully...

Never have fear of how you will look at the time of your death...99.9% of Funeral Directors are fully aware..and totally used to the sights / sounds and smells...You are not to blame...

You died..they are alive...they understand that fact and it is foremost in their minds...They know what to do and what to hide...they know what to say to the living relatives...They are quick thinking and cover any situation...and thats the truth...

Hope this puts peoples minds at rest...because thats what happens...99.9% of the time...

You'd be pretty unlucky to find the "rogue" undertaker...

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 12:10 PM
Geriwatcher...

Decomposition varies....indoors...cold room...4 weeks..you would still be recognisible as you....

8 weeks..same conditions...you would stink...have some flesh rot...be black all over...tightening of skin...swelling of skin...

12 weeks...burst skin...total skin shrink...split skin....black...hard...locked in the position you died...

Embalming...totally not worth the expense...I mean..who the f*ck will ever see your corpse again...eventually..no matter how good the embalming...you will rot away...

I say...Cremation...Go back to the universe...be a part of the Earth of where you came from...who knows...one tiny atom of you, might merge with a pregant woman...and you will become part of that unborn child....doesnt matter how small...

If you were embalmed...and dug up 20 years later...you would still look the same...unless the water...dampness...got to you..and that counts on the Coffin...

Wanna spend $10,000 on a Coffin...yes you would still look the same...50...100 years...the same...

Its down to the seal on the Coffin...

Submerge an embalmed body underwater...it would look like **** after a month...

Go back to what you came from...dust...atoms...nothingness...

RSLancastr
6th November 2002, 12:20 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
From then on a body will be taken to the morgue and then onto the Funeral Director...where you will be washed... dressed... and made to look better than when you were alive... I'm sorry, but in all of the open casket services I've been to, the corpse NEVER even looks as good as the live person did, let alone "better".

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 12:22 PM
Manfred...

Embalming has been around for thousands of years...

There is no point...Who the f*ck is going to want to dig you up and look at you again...

No one....

Its a total waste...

You can preserve a body in deep freeze for ages...

I have picked up an 18yr olds body that had been frozen for 3 months....when she thawed out she looked wet...thats all..

I took her back to the Chapel....and washed her hair...then dried it...

She had some red blotches appear on her face...so i applied some make up and hid them...

Rapidly her fingertips began to turn black....so i hid them under the gown....

I sprayed her with a special "Air Freshener"...and then she was ready for viewing...

Her father came in...he was heartbroken....

Suddenly i thought of something...I asked him if he would like a lock of her hair...

He said "Yes"...

He went out... and i cut six pieces of her curls off...took them outside and put them into ID card wallets...and then ran them through the laminator....which airtight sealed them...

I thought of that...that was my idea...and i offered it to everyone...

Its an everlasting keepsake....

(Funeral Directors...you are free to offer this to your clients...and it costs practically nothing...)

De_Quincy_Smartass_Bunk

Badger
6th November 2002, 12:31 PM
Well, you've done it now, De_Bunk.

We all know what a really good guy you truly are.

The jig is up.

Congrats on the car and job, too!

ManfredVonRichthoffen
6th November 2002, 12:39 PM
I don't really care what would happen to my body after I am dead, and would probably go with creamation(I'm sure that's spelled wrong, but it looks funny) if I had the choice. However, it's often up to the person living, and i don't have the energy to write out my wishes to be followed. Even though there is a pen and paper right in front of me. But if I bitch about how embalming is a waste of money for the next 50 years, then my wife will know not to embalm me. Yes, that is clearly the correct course of action.

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 12:41 PM
RSLancastr..

I agree..not every Funeral director is as skilled as the next...

But they all try their best....making a dead body look better than when it was alive is a hard job...some are more skilfull than others...

Being a funeral director takes a certain type of person...

Being a Coroners Officer takes a different type....

Ipecac
6th November 2002, 12:46 PM
Mmmm . . . creamation.

RSLancastr
6th November 2002, 12:48 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
But they all try their best....making a dead body look better than when it was alive is a hard job......and it's nothing like making a live person look good.

I once attended a funeral where two of the deceased woman's daughters decided that THEY would apply the makeup and do the hair.

The woman ended up looked like a scarecrow. It was awful...

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 12:53 PM
Badger...

Thanks...

But never forget...i am a complete bastard when it comes to people claiming they talk to the dead...Believe in God...and all that utter garbage...

I know what is....I am not a skeptic....i know what happens...there is no doubt in my mind...i do not respond to "But what if"....

You know and i know...maybe you want to explore the possibility of the afterlife...???

But you will eventually come to the same conclusion...

Stick around...and post more...

Wait till the real kooks turn up....

You will know who they are...and Bethke's not one of them...(Hes a joker...playing a game...posting from the USA...on an .edu address and then using a proxy server...)

See you on here...

Your mate...

De_Bunk

(To all WooWoos...Kooks...Mediums...Psychics...Believers in God...never, ever think i take you seriously...to me you are nothing more than utter f*ckwit asswipers...walking examples of dogsh*t...someone to make fun of...nothing more..nothing less..)

RSLancastr
6th November 2002, 12:56 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
(To all WooWoos...Kooks...Mediums...Psychics...Believers in God...never, ever think i take you seriously...to me you are nothing more than utter f*ckwit asswipers...walking examples of dogsh*t...someone to make fun of...nothing more..nothing less..) Now THAT'S the De_Bunk we all know and... well... that we all know, anyway.

Badger
6th November 2002, 01:06 PM
You're welcome!

I suppose I'll do a thorough investigation of the afterlife once my heart stops beating. That's soon enough I figure.

Bethke is a small boy waving a toy gun at a passing police car. IMHO

And as the weather cools I'll be around more.

Later!

De_Bunk
6th November 2002, 01:09 PM
RSLancastr...

I totally agree....

Making a dead person look good...is nothing like making up a living person...

Its a totally different process...and takes a lot longer...

Its more like painting....

You have to step back...take a look...go back to the deceased...step back...wipe off...re-apply...

Its an art form...thats never been truly recognised for the skill thats involved...

Teeth...padding....making the eyeballs retain their shape...making sure the cheeks are full and not drawn in...The placing of the hands....

Its a skill that has to be learnt...and thats where the Embalming trade is heading...not in preservation...but making the body look good for the short space of time it is to be on view...

Covering the smell of a dead body after 3 days on view is a difficult task....it has a certain, unmistakeable odour that need controlling...

Too much and the deceased will smell like a perfumed ho'...

Too little and they will smell like the sewers.....

It needs just the right amount...according to the odour being emitted...

I used to spray the bodies in the Chapel....

One squirt, all over, for every day on show...thats what i reckoned...

Thats what i told everyone....

Its not an easy job....

It requires certain skills and mindset, that are not readily available to the average person...

You are either a funeral worker...or you definitely not...

Your born with the ability...and you only know if you have it, the first time you have to touch and handle a dead body...

hal bidlack
3rd December 2002, 01:11 PM
I had an idea: (insert your own joke here) I thought I would pick a moribund thread that was interesting, and give it a bump before it expires.

Today's is this one. :D

LeFevre
3rd December 2002, 01:20 PM
never click on De Bunk's webcam when he says to.

arcticpenguin
3rd December 2002, 01:22 PM
Originally posted by LeFevre
never click on De Bunk's webcam when he says to.
And looking over LeFevre's avatar, ignore him when he says: "Pull my finger!"
:)

Jedi Knight
3rd December 2002, 01:29 PM
lol, the comedy.

JK

Lisa
3rd December 2002, 01:32 PM
Did I mention that I used to work in a funeral home?
I was 17 and desperately wanted a summer job. But I was competing with the college students from the local music conservatory. No one wanted a 17 year old.
I ended up at job services, and asked them what was available. The lady said there was one job no one would take. (This is classic: her lip went into sneer mode, and she said no one would take it because they're too superstitious)
I worked night shift. Never saw even one ghost, heard any knocking, and embalmed meat doesn't get up and walk.
Ended up leaving only because "sleeping with the boss" wasn't on the job description.

3rd December 2002, 01:39 PM
HEY ADMINISTRATORS:

Why don't you move this thread to the "PUZZLES forum"?

Or you just were afraid of "the Carlos Swett affair "?

http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/show...3837#post253837

Thanks,
S&S

Jedi Knight
3rd December 2002, 01:47 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
Upto yesterday i used to write for a living...it paid well, was easy work....but it dried up...I was reduced to writing poop for a pittance....

So, i needed to get a real job.

I heard that my old job, working for the Coroners office, was back on the market...

I re-applied and got it...beating all the other gore mongers to it..

As you can imagine, i have seen some horrific sights....and been around death at its bloodiest.....

Ive dug graves...opened crypts and tombs...dressed bodies...fired up cremators....watched autopsies...dragged bodies from railway lines, suicides, murders, collected various limbs from strange places...walked through unlit morgues, filled with bodies in the dead of night....

Have i ever seen anything remotely paranormal....no im afraid not...

If anyones got any questions about procedure or what happens when you die and are collected.., about cremations...dressing bodies, what occurs behind closed doors...how i personally can do a job like that and then come home and act like nothings happened...or anyone wants to hear some true life gore that i have seen...

There are a lot of myths floating around concerning funerals, cremations...

Id like to dispel a few and come home with the facts...

There's not much fun to be had around the subject of death...but it does have its moments....

Ask away...

(This will help me re-adjust back to the job and set myself up for what i know im going to be seeing again , because it does take a certain mindset.....)

Your mate..

De_Bunk

With all your experience in handling dead bodies driving an ambulance, maybe you should start a funeral home and call it "Gerri's Place", Gerri.

JK

arcticpenguin
3rd December 2002, 01:49 PM
Originally posted by S&S
HEY ADMINISTRATORS:
Why don't you move this thread to the "PUZZLES forum"?

Hey S&S, why don't you (deleted) your (deleted)?

RichardR
3rd December 2002, 01:50 PM
Originally posted by Lisa
Ended up leaving only because "sleeping with the boss" wasn't on the job description. So you'd have stayed if it was on the job description?

Jedi Knight
3rd December 2002, 01:51 PM
Originally posted by RichardR
So you'd have stayed if it was on the job description?

lol

JK

Lisa
3rd December 2002, 01:55 PM
S&S, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply to my post. It really shows you've read everything here. In another thread, I hijacked your hijack. So sorry. Didn't know this whole forum was about you. My bad.

Back to topic: *ahem*
Even though I worked at a funeral home, I don't think I could handle the job that De_Bunk is doing. I've stopped at some pretty messy accident sites and did my job okay. I have to get roaring drunk afterwards. I couldn't handle his job on a day to day basis.

Lisa
3rd December 2002, 02:01 PM
Originally posted by RichardR
So you'd have stayed if it was on the job description?
Sorry, I missed your post. Nitpicker.
Obviously not.
It was still kind of a cool job. Too bad the owner was such an a**hole. I'd even thought about going into that industry, until he chased me off. Instead, I joined an organisation where the harassment was lower, and women are more accepted. I spent 20 years in the USAF.

a_unique_person
3rd December 2002, 03:08 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
Skinny...

I never thought of that...now you mention it..yes 99% of the women suicides i picked up, were smartly dressed...

Its the men that seem to commit suicide in their underpants...or grubby pyjama bottoms...

Ive picked up women who have slashed their wrists...but never a man...and the women have mainly been in the bath...so's not to make a mess, i assume..

Interesting point...i'll keep an eye out to see how many are smartly dressed...

I could give a daily tally...

ie...

Man / underpants / Shotgun to head

Man / grubby sweat pants / knife in the eyeball...

Woman / Gucci dress / overdose

Woman / Ball gown / single shot to the heart with a .22

Man / pyjama bottoms / Ritual disembowelment with blunt bayonet

Trouble is...thinking about it...thats about right...as it goes..


:D

forget the merc, db, get another job. you are too sensitive for this kind of work.

Patricio Elicer
3rd December 2002, 06:09 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
I say...Cremation...Go back to the universe...be a part of the Earth of where you came from...who knows...one tiny atom of you, might merge with a pregant woman...and you will become part of that unborn child....doesnt matter how small...

Go back to what you came from...dust...atoms...nothingness... I like this De_Bunk. I see poetry skills on the man :)

I read this thought somewhere: "When we die we return to Earth the atoms it has lent us"


[edited for spelling]

De_Bunk
3rd December 2002, 06:15 PM
Unique Person...

Sensitive...yes..that me...

You must have read my post about...

"The day i picked the head up off the railway track, and one of its eyes fell out, causing me to accidently kick it into the bushes at the side of the track and then having to look for it" story...

I think that showed my sensitive side...:D

De_Bunk
3rd December 2002, 07:16 PM
I was gonna save this till a rainy "JREF Board" day came along...but hey...what the heck....

About 10 days ago me and a co-worker had to pick up a man from an apartment block...(Alcoholic poisoning)

He was on the top floor and i went up in the elevator to see what would be needed to bring him down...

The elevator only held two people....so it was tiny in size...and so it was rapidly looking like a "Carry down four floors" kinda' pickup...

I walk into the apartment...I took one look, and knew it was just gonna be one of those days...

He was approx 6ft ...and about 270-280lb

I went back down...got my co-worker and asked some of the PD to give a hand...and they all promptly vanished into the night...Sirens blazing...

Leaving just me and my subordinate...

Up we went....and we squeezed this man into a rigid body bag...

There was absolutley no way we could get him down four floors...so we dragged / carried him to the tiny elevator..

It took us about 10 minutes to get the body upright, and jammed in the elevator...feet against the door....

I stepped back...and pressed the button for the ground floor...The door jammed on the mans feet and i pushed them back in....the door closed...

As it went down...and we stood there, recovering...it suddenly dawned on both of us....

"What happens when it gets to the ground floor...and we aint' standing there when the doors open.."

Me and him ran down four floors....only to hear the lift open on the FIRST floor.....right above us..

Oh dear...

I just rolled my eyes upwards...and sprinted back up the stairs...to find that an elderly couple had pressed the "Down" button....

( Looks like i didnt think of that happening...doesnt it...:D )

The elevator had stopped and opened its doors.....

This huge, dead man, had shot out like a "Jack in the Box"...('cos i had kinda "Sprung Loaded" him into the small space)...and had half fallen out the body bag in the process...and just to really impress the crowd...he, in a "things you do when your dead" kinda way.., decided to land on his stomach, ass in the air....which made a yellowish substance run out of his mouth....and another substance from somewhere else...(You can guess where)

What made it worse...some of these people gathered round, knew him and had spoken to him that morning...

I think some of them thought he was having some kind of drunken, alcoholic joke with them...

Without saying anything...we just picked him up..put him back in the bag...and somehow found the strength to carry / slide him down the stairs to the trolley....

We only had two official complaints over this....and one of those was because i squealed the tyres on the Ambulance, pulling away from there...

It really was just one of those days....


De_Lets use the elevator, it will save us a lot of work_Bunk

3rd December 2002, 07:25 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by De_Bunk
I say...Cremation...Go back to the universe...be a part of the Earth of where you came from...who knows...one tiny atom of you, might merge with a pregant woman...and you will become part of that unborn child....doesnt matter how small...

Go back to what you came from...dust...atoms...nothingness...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like this De_Bunk. I see poetry skills on the man

I read this thought somewhere: "When we die we return to Earth the atoms it has lent us"

I kinda like that system in India -- the Towers of Silence -- where they put you up in a big tower full of buzzards and the birds eat you. Only, it no longer works because some virus has killed 90% of the birds. This has created a serious problem; there's not much in the way of an alternative for disposing of the bodies.

Pluton
3rd December 2002, 07:50 PM
The closest available family members clean up after a messy home suicide. Personal Experience.

Originally posted by Aoidoi
Idle question, who cleans up the scene of something like a murder or messy suicide? I mean, blood all over the place and bullet holes in the walls isn't going to make a potential buyer terribly thrilled (or relatives, or anyone else).

I think I saw a movie about someone in a service that did the cleanup a while back. Just wondering if they're really out there.

And, just as some friendly kidding about, are you saying that you're not pickled when you're pickling the corpses? :D

arcticpenguin
4th December 2002, 07:28 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
I was gonna save this till a rainy "JREF Board" day came along...but hey...what the heck....

About 10 days ago me and a co-worker had to pick up a man from an apartment block...(Alcoholic poisoning)

He was on the top floor and i went up in the elevator to see what would be needed to bring him down...


Start packing a parachute in your gear. It's called base jumping. Er... base pushing?

Crossbow
4th December 2002, 07:55 AM
To: De_Bunk

One of my favorite old TV shows is "The Night Stalker" and one of the characters was a person who worked in the morgue and was one of Karl's best contacts.

Anyway, my question is (assuming you are familar with this program), are there really people who work in morgues that slip reporters info?

Thanks in advance!

Pyrrho
4th December 2002, 08:53 AM
Originally posted by Crossbow
To: De_Bunk

One of my favorite old TVs is "The Night Stalker" and one of the characters was a person who worked in the morgue and was one of Karl's best contacts.



That would be "Gordy the Ghoul" :D

De_Bunk
4th December 2002, 10:40 AM
Crossbow...

Yes...and i also call myself De_Quincy and solve minor crimes off my own back...:D


In all seriousness.....Occasionally someone will approach for a story...only if its of major interest...

It is frowned upon though....

The local PD press office, normally give out a list of all crime related deaths to the newspapers...

This has just sprung to mind...probably totally off subject and at a obtuse tangent...

But...

Years ago...anyone who worked with the dead was shunned...it was kept quiet...nobody liked to admitting they handled the deceased...the departed...the gone over...it is a dead parrot....It is not sleeping...its dead....Helloooooo Polly...Wake up Polly...

I find that todays average person finds it fascinating...especially the women...the gorier, the better...I must admit it is a lot more hi-tech than it was...and a lot more involved...

Nowadays, i model myself on "Frazer" from "Dads Army" and "Egor, the lab assistant"...

De_Bunk

Crossbow
4th December 2002, 10:58 AM
Thanks De_Bunk!

You are H*lla Cool!

Dragonrock
4th December 2002, 12:19 PM
De_Bunk,

A while back you said that you don't even think of the bodies as people. My sister went to veterinary school a few years ago and she once said that she had a tougher time with some of the dead animals than she did with the dead people. The people looked like they could have been made out of rubber. But, because of their fur, animals just look like they were asleep. She would sometimes find herself being shocked when she would reach inside an incision and the guts would be cold as ice. She also described the train system used to bring out the horses looked like a morbid carousel, all that's needed is some caliope music.

De_Bunk
4th December 2002, 12:41 PM
DragonRock...

I know what your sister means...Its a psychological thing..

Its easier if the deceased actually looks dead....

I picked up a person who had died in his chair...and his eyes were wide open...I had to double check...

Its funny...the only time i ever thought of the deceased as once being alive, was when i saw their eyes open...



The Horse Carousel idea has got me thinking....

How about a rotary unmanned 24hr "Chapel of Rest"......

For example...

Downtown...rent a small shop with a large backroom...

The front of the shop...furnish as a chapel...and place a conveyor belt behind a glass partition....Give each dead person an ID number...

On the wall is a "jukebox" style selector...

You put in 50c....select the music (ie D3 "Handels Messiah")...then the body you wish to view...(ie F5 "Mr Jones")...

The body is selected...the lights dramatically dim...and then the departed trundles into view just as the curtains open....to the strains of your favorite tune..

Two times around for a dollar....sort of like a necrophiliac peep show...


Oh well...just a thought...

De_Bunk

( And i dont want anyone stealing my ideas...i might make a fortune outta that one...:D )

Kess
4th December 2002, 01:26 PM
Hi De_Bunk

There's a few gory academic questions that have puzzled me for some time, so this is too good a chance to miss:

1. On TV we sometimes see impressive sculpted or computer-generated facial reconstructions based on skulls (often in archaeological programmes), but there sometimes to be a lot of artistic license involved. I've never seen such a reconstruction compared to the real face. Any experience of these; do the reconstructed faces really turn out to be good likenesses?

2. Just how long does a body lying out in the open take to decompose? I've always assumed it would take months, but sometimes news reports imply that bodies can be reduced to skeletons in only a couple of weeks.

Thanks for any answers,
Kess

De_Bunk
4th December 2002, 02:30 PM
Kess...

Ive not seen any reconstructed clay faces built from just a plain skull....

Thats totally down to the criminal investigation and is rarely used due to the cost...it takes hours of work and is highly specialist and is only used on the most hard to crack cases...

I have seen facial reconstruction on heads that had been disfigured in accidents...and they have looked like nothing has happened..(Unless you get up real, real close)

I have never stopped to watch the actual procedure but i know it involved wire and plaster of paris...

I once took a decapitated head, which had the back of it ripped off, to the morgue...and a specialist technician, brought especially in for the job, made it look like it had never been severed...

He had repaired the back of it with a mesh and replaced the skin and remaining hair...

He then "microfragilistically" stitched it back on to the body...

They have certain materials that have come straight from a film special effects workshop...and it looked great...

Well... as great as you could, if you had your head removed by a train running over it...and then stitched back on again...:D

But you get my gist...

I have seen reconstructed noses...lower jaws....skulls...all created and painted so you couldnt tell the difference from 10ft..

Anyway

Decompostion....

I have had bodies in cold storage for months...(Well.. its more than "Cold Storage"..more of a Freezer unit )...and when they thaw out they look remarkably fresh...just wet...but once out they seem to decompose fairly quick...faster than usual...

Out in the open, it depends on various factors...the time of year...the surrounding area...

One week in the open..you would still be recognisible as you..but blackened extremities,... fingers.. toes..and leathery skin....not smelling pleasent..

In two weeks out in the open..in the summer...you would look like total sh*t...80-90% blackened...swollen skin...some skin splitting...maybe recognisible...maybe not...and the body would stink due to gas build up inside the body caused by microbes digesting you from the inside out....

There would definitely be insect infestation..usually around the softer membranes...mouth...nose...eyes..and in places where the skin has split...

A month and there would be bones visible...dried skin would be flapping about in the wind...eyes gone...non recognisible...skin hard in most places...turning brittle...organs exposed and dried out...animal marks


Now in the cold...that could take months to get that far...

Guessing how long a body has been dead, using decomposition as a benchmark, is not an exact science...its far from it...

It varies too much.....

Being submerged in water makes your body go all slimy...waxy...it called "Adipocere"....and can help preserve a body for years if the water is cold enough...and it usually is that cold at the bottom of a lake or averagely deep river...Just makes it real difficult to get a grip on the body though...

So there you have it...

Take your pick......:D

De_Bunk

Tesserat
4th December 2002, 02:35 PM
De_Bunk, this is definately my favorite thread at the moment. You really deserve the mercedes. Get yourself a Jacuzzi too.

originally posted by De_Bunk
I find that todays average person finds it fascinating...especially the women...the gorier, the better.


So, do you ever see any death groupies?

Also, have you had to deal with anybody's paranormal beliefs during your work? Anybody trying to tell you that "the spirit of my uncle is in the room with us"?

I wanna see the next JE. "I see a large man in an elevator...does that mean anything to you?..."

De_Bunk
4th December 2002, 02:58 PM
I had a rather normal looking couple...(which surprised me seeing as they both turned out to be complete kooks)...

Anyway...i took them to view the body of the womans father...

The usual practice is..to lead the people into the chapel...remove the linen cover...stay for a few seconds..tell them that you are going...and then wait outside, where you can go into the bosses office and take a quick shot from his "secret" bottle of whisky he hides in the cabinet...

Well on this occasion i led them in...and removed the cover...

The woman looked..and turned to her husband and said .."I can smell him...John (whatever her husbands name was)..i can smell my father...its his smell..he must be here..."

"Fine".. i thought....."thats if your Father smelt of putrid, rotting flesh when he was alive..."

I left them alone....couldnt find the whisky 'cos he had hid it elsewhere...and waited for them to leave...

She wanted her sister to see the body the next day...so the next morning...i went in and sprayed the body with the most potent "Anti-rotting flesh" air freshener we had...

I done this on several occasions whenever i had the chance...and just before this woman and her sister turned up...

In they went and the woman said the same thing...

"Ok" i thought...."Now dont tell me your Father also smelt like a cheap prostitutes armpit on a busy night...with a subtle "Lemony zest fragrance.."

My reasoning was, that her Father and i both bought the same aftershave from the Salvation Army Welfare store...You know the aftershave / Cologne that costs 50c per 500ml...i think its called "Ranch"...or some other BS name like that...

Well that my logical reasoning...

And to think people say im not a "Critical thinker"...

I think im gonna ask my boss if i can carry a gun...:D

De_Quincy with a .38 snub nose_Bunk

Tesserat
6th December 2002, 01:49 AM
De_Bunk, I still wanna know if you've had any run-ins with death groupies. It seems like the morgue would be a natural hangout for Goths.

6th December 2002, 01:54 AM
Believe me, Goths can't handle real death, disease and disability. I know this from experience.

Ove
6th December 2002, 02:08 AM
Ive picked up women who have slashed their wrists...but never a man...and the women have mainly been in the bath...so's not to make a mess, i assume..

I can't quite decide if you are serious or not but the reason why they do it in a bath is that the hot water stops the blood from coagulating so she is sure to die, otherwise there are a small risk(chance??) that the blod will coagulate and stop the bleeding before she is dead.

a_unique_person
6th December 2002, 03:17 AM
Originally posted by Ove


I can't quite decide if you are serious or not but the reason why they do it in a bath is that the hot water stops the blood from coagulating so she is sure to die, otherwise there are a small risk(chance??) that the blod will coagulate and stop the bleeding before she is dead.

it also keeps you warm as you cool down from blood loss. he is being serious.

de bunk, i have the perfect job for you. after hearing about your friend with downs syndrome, why don't you get a job looking after people like that. there are always jobs in that area, they are alive, and appear to be pretty open and friendly. my sister and father work in that area, and they enjoy it.

Dragonrock
6th December 2002, 06:00 AM
Originally posted by Ove


I can't quite decide if you are serious or not but the reason why they do it in a bath is that the hot water stops the blood from coagulating so she is sure to die, otherwise there are a small risk(chance??) that the blod will coagulate and stop the bleeding before she is dead.

My wife is an emergency room nurse and she has seen many people who have slashed their wrists. More often than not they survive. People think you can kill yourself by slashing across your wrists, but even sitting in hot water usually isn't enough to keep the blood flowing. The "successful" suicides cut along the veins for several inches giving them a large opening that won't clot off.

I, on the other hand, am a coward. The thought of intentionally injuring myself, especially by cutting along my arm for several inches, is something I would rather not do.

Kess
6th December 2002, 08:48 AM
De_Bunk - Thanks for the earlier answers for me.

Out of interest (if you don't mind me asking, of course), whereabouts in the UK do you operate?

De_Bunk
6th December 2002, 10:21 AM
(Edited because i was just being a smartass...again)

Kess
6th December 2002, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
Kess...

Can anyone be 100% sure i am actually in the UK...

It may appear that way...and then again it don't....Take a good look at my posts...

Apologies, DB. A couple of your posts indicated specific knowledge of UK crematoria and procedures, so I just wondered if you might be in the neighbourhood...

I won't inquire any further.

Mr. Skinny
6th December 2002, 01:48 PM
De_Bunk speaks several languages......

De_Bunk can disguise his ISP......

De_Bunk appears on Paltalk in several shadowy forms.....



Bow down and worship De_International Man of Mystery_Bunk. ;)

De_Bunk
6th December 2002, 01:59 PM
Mr Tampon / Skinny...

In the words of various artists....respect to them and in recognition that i have used these lyrics with their full permission....and in a full "Drag Artiste, Platinum blonde wig, stylee.."

I sing....

"I am what I am
I don`t need praise,
I don`t need pity,
I bang my own drum
Some call it noise,
I call it pretty.
And so what if I love each bauble and each bangle,
Why not try to see things from a different angle?
Your life is a sham
'Till you can shout out,
"I am what I am!"

And that just about sums me up....

Thats me...darling....

Oh you boys......such brutes.... ;)

And i feel i must confess....Im really Mr Skinny....

6th December 2002, 08:32 PM
Originally posted by Lisa
S&S, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply to my post. It really shows you've read everything here. In another thread, I hijacked your hijack. So sorry. Didn't know this whole forum was about you. My bad.




Hi Lisa:

I am giving you my public excuses or apologizes .

I don't even care if you are not that pretty lady at your avatar, I am sure you are a lovely and beautiful woman.

My best wishes to you and your thread. Sorry again.

Thanks,
S&S

De_Bunk
6th December 2002, 11:50 PM
:rolleyes:

D'ya think S&S has looked up the meaning of "Sarcasm" by now.......???

Earthborn
3rd January 2003, 06:39 PM
1. On TV we sometimes see impressive sculpted or computer-generated facial reconstructions based on skulls (often in archaeological programmes), but there sometimes to be a lot of artistic license involved. I've never seen such a reconstruction compared to the real face. Any experience of these; do the reconstructed faces really turn out to be good likenesses?Judge for yourself:
http://www.dordt.nl/nieuws/dossiers/rowenarikkers/rowenareconstr_gr.jpghttp://krant.telegraaf.nl/krant/vandaag/fotos/bin.artikel.rowena.jpg
This is the reconstruction of a girls face after her head and some other body parts were found. Very sad story... This was a major national news event in the Netherlands.
The reconstruction turned out good enough to identify her and the mother was arrested for murder.

I hope you notice that those facial reconstructions for crime investigations usually don't look as lifelike as those for archaeology. I guess the forensic reconstructors don't want to confuse people with details they don't really know. For archaeological displays however the purpose is to show a lifelike face of a person found so the public can identify with the finds. Recognition isn't as important, so the reconstructor has more freedom to pretty the face up (adding hair and a realistic skintone). However they always say that the reconstruction is only good enough that someone who knew this person can recognize him/her, but that it's not an actual representation

Kess
4th January 2003, 01:58 AM
Thanks for the pictures, Earthborn. It's the first time I've seen such a comparison, and it does demonstrate how effective the reconstructions can be.

Kess

Questioninggeller
23rd July 2003, 05:52 PM
Originally posted by De_Bunk

Ask away... [/B]

After reading this post, I was wondering what would you prefer when you die... being buried or cremated? I often wonder what the people who deal with the dead, plan for after they die.

Also, you mentioned you have kids in this post; how do you explain death to them since you do not believe in a afterlife?

Lastly, I know the founder of the Church of Satan (Anton LaVey) used to work for a corner's office as a photographer; do you have to document the dead and the enviroment of the dead by taking pictures of the scene or is that just for a police investigation?

HopkinsMedStudent
23rd July 2003, 06:34 PM
Interesting thread going on here....

I can definitely vouch for some of what DB said, especially in regards to body changes during decomposition.

I havent seen any dead bodies in their natural environments, but in gross anatomy course we spent 12 weeks cutting up human bodies in various ways (some of them disturbing).

Towards the end of the course, we got lax in keeping our body hydrated with formalin/phenol, and there were places, especially in the feet and lower limbs where the skin started turning black and very tough/rubbery.

DB is accurate in describing it as having the consistency of leather.

jj
24th July 2003, 12:18 AM
Originally posted by De_Bunk
Want to know why im against burial....Thats another story...



TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL!!!!! :)

Questioninggeller
24th July 2003, 12:43 PM
Originally posted by jj



TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL!!!!! :)

I concur. Tell.

Soapy Sam
26th July 2003, 07:54 AM
Gosh. Is it really a year since D_B went back (briefly) to the Coroner's office? Doesn't seem like it.