The Easter Conspiracy

[gumboot]

First it was the road cones...

Now I've uncovered another conspiracy perpetrated specifically to hinder me and mine. And this one really is the fault of the Jews...

It's Easter - Good Friday. I have no food in my house because I've been away working on a huge television commercial for the last two weeks.

Because it's Easter, nothing is open. There's no where for me to get any food.

Over 2000 years ago Jews intentionally had one Mr J Christ executed. This was the opening act in a devious and long-lasting plot to ensure I went hungry tonight.

-Gumboot

[ref]

First it was the road cones...

Now I've uncovered another conspiracy perpetrated specifically to hinder me and mine. And this one really is the fault of the Jews...

It's Easter - Good Friday. I have no food in my house because I've been away working on a huge television commercial for the last two weeks.

Because it's Easter, nothing is open. There's no where for me to get any food.

Over 2000 years ago Jews intentionally had one Mr J Christ executed. This was the opening act in a devious and long-lasting plot to ensure I went hungry tonight.

-Gumboot

I was prepared for this, I had foreknowledge. Finnish intelligence sent me a newspaper that confirmed the easter holidays. Luckily I got the info in time to fill my fridge. But that was close, my friend.

Seriously, nothing is open there? We always have something open, I guess the only day nothing is open over here is 25th of December.

[Brainache]

That happens to me and I always thank Ed for Chinese grocery stores. Sure, I'm not always certain what it is I'm buying, but I figure if they can eat it, so can I.

[Whiplash]

Surely there is a 24 hour gas station with a burrito or two waiting for you to nuke and enjoy ;)

[MG1962]

New Zealand lags some what in rampant consumerism. It was really only in the last 20 years or so that 24 hour gas stations became popular in Sydney. And maybe 15 years since McDonalds began opening on Good Friday.

I was lucky where I grew up. We had a strong arab presence in the suburb, so while most shops closed. There was always Turkish or Lebonnese shop owners happy to open and take advantage of the lack of competition

[jon]

What about the ancient Easter tradition of going to the pub? Doesn't lack of food in the house give you even more of a reason to participate in this important custom :D

[MG1962]

What about the ancient Easter tradition of going to the pub? Doesn't lack of food in the house give you even more of a reason to participate in this important custom :biggrin:


Good Christian pubs dont open on Easter. Besides Christ was a wine drinker anyway

[HawksFan]

I'm not entirely sure how much fun a good Christian pub would be, anyway. :D

[Loss Leader]

Over 2000 years ago Jews intentionally had one Mr J Christ executed.


His last name wasn't Christ, it was Ben Yosef.

As for whether we killed him, that part's true.

[jon]

I'm not entirely sure how much fun a good Christian pub would be, anyway. :D

I don't know - you buy one jug, and it's enough for the 5,000 :D

[Gord_in_Toronto]

His last name wasn't Christ, it was Ben Yosef.

As for whether we killed him, that part's true.

You're a Roman?

:boggled:

[thinkingaboutit]

First it was the road cones...

Now I've uncovered another conspiracy perpetrated specifically to hinder me and mine. And this one really is the fault of the Jews...

It's Easter - Good Friday. I have no food in my house because I've been away working on a huge television commercial for the last two weeks.

Because it's Easter, nothing is open. There's no where for me to get any food.

Over 2000 years ago Jews intentionally had one Mr J Christ executed. This was the opening act in a devious and long-lasting plot to ensure I went hungry tonight.

-Gumboot

Or maybe it's your fault for not having the foresight to stock up on groceries. DEBUNKED!

[thinkingaboutit]

You're a Roman?

:boggled:

BRIAN:
Can I... join your group?
REG:
No. Piss off.
BRIAN:
I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job. I hate the Romans as much as anybody.
PEOPLE'S FRONT OF JUDEA:
Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh. Shh. Shhhh.
REG:
Schtum.
JUDITH:
Are you sure?
BRIAN:
Oh, dead sure. I hate the Romans already.
REG:
Listen. If you really wanted to join the P.F.J., you'd have to really hate the Romans.
BRIAN:
I do!
REG:
Oh, yeah? How much?
BRIAN:
A lot!
REG:
Right. You're in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the ****ing Judean People's Front.
P.F.J.:
Yeah...
JUDITH:
Splitters.
P.F.J.:
Splitters...
FRANCIS:
And the Judean Popular People's Front.
P.F.J.:
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
LORETTA:
And the People's Front of Judea.
P.F.J.:
Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
REG:
What?
LORETTA:
The People's Front of Judea. Splitters.
REG:
We're the People's Front of Judea!
LORETTA:
Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.
REG:
People's Front! C-huh.
FRANCIS:
Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg?
REG:
He's over there.
P.F.J.:
Splitter!

[HawksFan]

I don't know - you buy one jug, and it's enough for the 5,000 :D

Well, sure, 'cause everybody only gets a sip! :D

[delphi_ote]

Surely there is a 24 hour gas station with a burrito or two waiting for you to nuke and enjoy ;)
You need to read more closely:
There's no where for me to get any food.
Emphasis mine.

[jon]

anyway, talking about pubs opening over Easter - just remembered that my plan for Easter Sunday is to walk down to my local, see a couple of rock bands play, and get smashed on cider.

Isn't secularism great :D

[gumboot]

New Zealand lags some what in rampant consumerism. It was really only in the last 20 years or so that 24 hour gas stations became popular in Sydney. And maybe 15 years since McDonalds began opening on Good Friday.


Sydney is in Australia, not New Zealand...:mad:

:p

-Gumboot

[gumboot]

Good Christian pubs dont open on Easter. Besides Christ was a wine drinker anyway



What's so stupid is the majority of New Zealanders are Atheist... yet we aren't allowed to be open on a religious holiday. It's silly.

The only argument supporting it is "Well it's not so bad that they have a few days off, workers need the time off".

Which is stupid for a number of reasons:

1) Stores don't have to open. In fact they can close any day they feel like.
2) Easter can still be a statutory holiday without compulsive closing - employees do not have to work on statutory holidays, however if they do they get time and a half and a day in lieu.

Personally I think ANZAC Day morning is the only time opening of stores should be forbidden by law.

-Gumboot

[jhunter1163]

In Auckland there is no beer
That's why we drink it here
And when we're all gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer....

[scissorhands]

Sydney is in Australia, not New Zealand...:mad:

:p

-Gumboot

Arent they the same place though really?
Youve got a big island and a smaller one next to it.
You both play rugby.
Why be so uptight about these definitions?

[gumboot]

Arent they the same place though really?
Youve got a big island and a smaller one next to it.
You both play rugby.
Why be so uptight about these definitions?



Almost but not quite. We have a collection of islands here, the largest being the "West Island".

-Gumboot

[Gord_in_Toronto]

New Zealand -- Australia's Canada?

We feel your pain. :boxedin:

[gumboot]

New Zealand -- Australia's Canada?

We feel your pain. :boxedin:


You have it backwards...

Australia is New Zealand's USA... :p

-Gumboot

[MG1962]

Arent they the same place though really?
Youve got a big island and a smaller one next to it.
You both play rugby.
Why be so uptight about these definitions?

Because we are Australians and they are New Zealanders. It is a fascinating relationship really. We bicker and banter among ourselves day in day out. But if any country threatens either. We are suddenly thiick as theives.

It is interesting how the two countries have progressed in recent years. At one stage there was a standing joke that so manyt Kiwis were leaving the place. Could the last man out turn of the lights in Auckland

Recently adds have begun appearing in Australia encouraging Australians to move there. The economy is booming so hard and fast they cant find enough skilled labour to keep up with the job creation.

But all jokes aside - I remember an Australian servicemen once saying to me. If he ever got in a fight, he would always be honoured to have a New Zealander watching his back

[defaultdotxbe]

First it was the road cones...

Now I've uncovered another conspiracy perpetrated specifically to hinder me and mine. And this one really is the fault of the Jews...

It's Easter - Good Friday. I have no food in my house because I've been away working on a huge television commercial for the last two weeks.

Because it's Easter, nothing is open. There's no where for me to get any food.

Over 2000 years ago Jews intentionally had one Mr J Christ executed. This was the opening act in a devious and long-lasting plot to ensure I went hungry tonight.

-Gumboot
easter wont be bothering us anymore....ive sent the nWo a messege...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/defaultdotxbe/easter.jpg

[gumboot]

But all jokes aside - I remember an Australian servicemen once saying to me. If he ever got in a fight, he would always be honoured to have a New Zealander watching his back


There's an old saying... There's no defensive position the Australians can't assault and capture... and if held by New Zealanders the position will never be lost.

This is an interesting revelation. Were it our will, the ANZACs would seize and hold the entire planet as part of our domain. All other men should give thanks that we have not done so... ;)

-Gumboot

[MG1962]

There's an old saying... There's no defensive position the Australians can't assault and capture... and if held by New Zealanders the position will never be lost.

This is an interesting revelation. Were it our will, the ANZACs would seize and hold the entire planet as part of our domain. All other men should give thanks that we have not done so... :wink:



And once we conqured the world, would you put your hand up to teach the Americans how to play Rugby properly? Talk about a lost cause ')

[gumboot]

And once we conqured the world, would you put your hand up to teach the Americans how to play Rugby properly? Talk about a lost cause ')


Imagine trying to get them to take off all that body armour...

-Gumboot

[negativ]

Hmm. South Park just this week did a show about the Easter Conspiracy.

8QH_0Ap42gI

[skepticalcriticalguy]

JC faked his death. Oldest CT in the book.

[skepticalcriticalguy]

Imagine trying to get them to take off all that body armour...

-Gumboot

Americans finally got body armour?????

[gumboot]

Americans finally got body armour?????

...

We're talking about football...

-Gumboot

[delphi_ote]

Imagine trying to get them to take off all that body armour...
You're just trying to strip us down so we'll join your homerotic rugby gang bang!
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i133/delphi_ote/rugby_scrum.jpg

[gumboot]

You're just trying to strip us down so we'll join your homerotic rugby gang bang!
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i133/delphi_ote/rugby_scrum.jpg



Nothing wrong with a burly lock putting his arm between a burly prop's thighs to ensure a strong grip that maintains the integrity of the scrum!

(I'm serious, the locks put their arms between the props legs and hold the front of their jerseys)

-Gumboot

[delphi_ote]

Nothing wrong with a burly lock putting his arm between a burly prop's thighs to ensure a strong grip that maintains the integrity of the scrum!

(I'm serious, the locks put their arms between the props legs and hold the front of their jerseys)

-Gumboot
Yes, but our sport is totally heterosexua...
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i133/delphi_ote/FPI701120332AR_b.jpg
... who am I kidding?

[skepticalcriticalguy]

I never realized how gay sports are.:boggled:

[gumboot]

I never realized how gay sports are.:boggled:


I've played a multitude of sports for most of my life and I've never once felt gay.

-Gumboot

[Brainache]

I never realized how gay sports are.:boggled:

I blame the English Public (ie Private) School system.

[gumboot]

I blame the English Public (ie Private) School system.


There's nothing quite as invigorating as a group of likely young chaps kicking their leathery balls around a grassy pitch in the hope of giving one's chums a good old walloping.

-Gumboot

[Brainache]

I've played a multitude of sports for most of my life and I've never once felt gay.

-Gumboot

Not once?

Not ever? How about when you were in the change room showers with a lot of other naked guys? You didn't look around and say, "Hmmm, this looks a bit gay to me."?:duck:

[gumboot]

Not once?

Not ever? How about when you were in the change room showers with a lot of other naked guys? You didn't look around and say, "Hmmm, this looks a bit gay to me."?:duck:


I don't think I've ever been in a room before full of naked guys...

Although often in theatre I've been in rooms filled with dozens of undressing women... and they think theatre is gay... pffft.

-Gumboot

[PhantomWolf]

What's so stupid is the majority of New Zealanders are Atheist...

No they aren't. 32% of the respondants in the NZ 2006 Census put no religion, not a majority at all. 53% of the respondants indicated some form of Christianity.

[gumboot]

No they aren't. 32% of the respondants in the NZ 2006 Census put no religion, not a majority at all. 53% of the respondants indicated some form of Christianity.


Only 10% of New Zealanders routinely attend some form of religious service.

People who put "Christian" because their parents are Christians, or because they went to church as a kid, are not christians. And "Jedi" isn't a religion... ;)

-Gumboot

[rjh01]

Easter is a pagan holiday to celebrate Spring. Hence rabbits and eggs. Hence even if you are not a Christian you can celebrate Easter.

And I bought fruit and veg on Good Friday at the markets in Belconnen ACT (Australia).

Religion should be declared an endangered species in Australia. This is the off-shore island of New Zealand.

[gumboot]

Easter is a pagan holiday to celebrate Spring. Hence rabbits and eggs. Hence even if you are not a Christian you can celebrate Easter.



Except down here it's Autumn, not Spring... ;) Which only makes the entire thing even more pointless.

-Gumboot

[LashL]

Ack ~ thanks for the reminder. It is time for me to go and hide chocolate eggs and such (yes, even though the devil child is now 19 years old) so I'm out ~ ~ ~ Happy Easter, folks!

Cheers,
Lash

[PhantomWolf]

Only 10% of New Zealanders routinely attend some form of religious service.

People who put "Christian" because their parents are Christians, or because they went to church as a kid, are not christians. And "Jedi" isn't a religion... ;)

-Gumboot

Jedi wasn't accepted on the Census form. An atheist is someone that actively disbelieves in a god, not some one that doesn't attend a church on a regular basis. I know people who are devotely christian, but neither attend church nor consider themselves a specific denomination. The census form shows that at least 68% of New Zealanders ascociate themselves with a religion some sort, 53% of New Zealander doing so with Christianity in some form, even if they aren't active in a church. In fact a recent survey (Shown on Close Up on Friday) put the figure of New Zealanders who believe in a god at around 80%.

What you can say is that New Zealand is a secular soceity, but to claim that the majority of New Zealanders are atheist is totally wrong and utterly unsupported by the figures.

[gumboot]

An atheist is someone that actively disbelieves in a god.


How do you actively not believe in something? If we want to be more precise an atheist is a person that practises a relion in which there are no deities, such as a buddhist.

-Gumboot

[Brainache]

This pretty off topic for this forum, but isn't an Atheist someone who denies the existence of God or Gods?

Slightly different from someone who follows Buddhism as a philosophy as if it was a religion.

[gumboot]

This pretty off topic for this forum, but isn't an Atheist someone who denies the existence of God or Gods?

Slightly different from someone who follows Buddhism as a philosophy as if it was a religion.

Just about anything can be a religion... which is essentially just a series of ceremonial or ritualistic traditions, usually of a spiritual nature. They can be "theistic" (involving deities) or "atheistic" (no deities). Theistic religion is further divided into monotheistic (one god) or pantheistic (multiple gods).

Buddhism itself denies the existence of Gods by its very nature, so the definitions could be one in the same.

-Gumboot

[Brainache]

Just about anything can be a religion... which is essentially just a series of ceremonial or ritualistic traditions, usually of a spiritual nature. They can be "theistic" (involving deities) or "atheistic" (no deities). Theistic religion is further divided into monotheistic (one god) or pantheistic (multiple gods).

Buddhism itself denies the existence of Gods by its very nature, so the definitions could be one in the same.

-Gumboot

So are you saying that the majority of New Zealanders are Buddhists?

Or that they practice rituals and ceremonies devoid of God even though they declare themselves Christian on the census form?

[defaultdotxbe]

Except down here it's Autumn, not Spring... ;) Which only makes the entire thing even more pointless.

-Gumboot
its still an equinox :p

[gumboot]

its still an equinox :p


Well we should be celebrating with a Harvest Festival then shouldn't we... ;)

Making a corn doll from the last sheaf of corn, and decorating the last horse and wagon with garlands... that sort of thing...

-Gumboot

[gumboot]

So are you saying that the majority of New Zealanders are Buddhists?

Or that they practice rituals and ceremonies devoid of God even though they declare themselves Christian on the census form?



No I used the term "atheist" incorrectly. :)

I am saying, despite what they put on consensus forms, most New Zealanders are non-religious.

-Gumboot

[Brainache]

I kind of thought that was what you meant, but I couldn't resist the urge to be pedantic. It happens sometimes.

The thought of several million Buddhist Kiwis just gave me a giggle. Sorry.

[gumboot]

I kind of thought that was what you meant, but I couldn't resist the urge to be pedantic. It happens sometimes.

The thought of several million Buddhist Kiwis just gave me a giggle. Sorry.



Heh that would be funny...

I guess we all did something right in our last lives...;)

-Gumboot