Volvo's new Sales Gimmick - Fear

[Charlie Monoxide]

Volvo link http://www.volvocars.us/models/s80/FeaturesOptions.htm
check The Personal Car Communicator option ($495)

I caught a quick ad while watching Discover channel last night (Sunday) on cable. The ad went like this (from memory), "a woman just gets off an elevator in a parking garage top floor and is approaching her car (a Volvo) that is about 150 feet away. The next shot shows her vehicle sitting there starkly with no other vehicles around and the time is late evening. She glances at her remote key fob, and a light starts blinking. She turns around quickly and retreats back to the elevator. A spooky voice over say "she won't be getting in that car right now", and then says something about a heart monitor.

The gimmick is that there is a heart monitor in the car to warn the owner that someone (presumably the guy with the hook for a left hand from urban legends) is hiding in their vehicle.

It seems this is NOT a joke ad. This seems like some feature Karl Rove dreamt up.

I tried to google the "number of people attacked by hidden attackers in car" but got a lot of unrelated stuff. I'm not sure how to even put together the search parameters for this.

How many people get attacked by people hiding in their vehicles each year? Heck, how many ever (notwithstanding Hollywood movies)?

Charlie (the world is a scary place, VOTE REPUBLICAN) Monoxide

[Cheesejoff]

That's just stupid, a heartbeat monitor won't work against zombies...and you're probably only slightly more likely to be attacked by a person than a zombie.

[Brown]

I saw this ad as well, and it had me scratching my head. Don't Volvos come with locks on doors? Don't they make that annoying honk-honk-honk noise if someone breaks in? Anybody who can beat those first two systems is probably capable of beating the third system, too.

[Mephisto]

I doubt if it would be a helpful feature against zombies, vampires OR Karl (we know he's got no heart) Rove. ;)

[azazal]

What really sucks, the heart-beat was her boyfriend. He was in the car waiting to giver her a ring. Alas he was dragged out of the car by the cops and is currently in lock-up.

[Charlie Monoxide]

That's just stupid, a heartbeat monitor won't work against zombies...and you're probably only slightly more likely to be attacked by a person than a zombie.I believe there will be a an upgrade to the heart monitor that will check for zombie's (ie rotting flesh, dead people muttering "brains"), but it's not available till next model year ....

Charlie (why Volvo (vulva) and a male symbol?) Monoxide

[Tricky]

Well, you know for years, Michelin Tires have been running those ads that seem to be saying, "If you don't buy our tires, your cute little babies will die."

[alfaniner]

Wouldn't a remote taser or compartment gassing be much more effective?

[FarmallMTA]

Volvo link http://www.volvocars.us/models/s80/FeaturesOptions.htm
check The Personal Car Communicator option ($495)

I caught a quick ad while watching Discover channel last night (Sunday) on cable. The ad went like this (from memory), "a woman just gets off an elevator in a parking garage top floor and is approaching her car (a Volvo) that is about 150 feet away. The next shot shows her vehicle sitting there starkly with no other vehicles around and the time is late evening. She glances at her remote key fob, and a light starts blinking. She turns around quickly and retreats back to the elevator. A spooky voice over say "she won't be getting in that car right now", and then says something about a heart monitor.

The gimmick is that there is a heart monitor in the car to warn the owner that someone (presumably the guy with the hook for a left hand from urban legends) is hiding in their vehicle.

It seems this is NOT a joke ad. This seems like some feature Karl Rove dreamt up.

I tried to google the "number of people attacked by hidden attackers in car" but got a lot of unrelated stuff. I'm not sure how to even put together the search parameters for this.

How many people get attacked by people hiding in their vehicles each year? Heck, how many ever (notwithstanding Hollywood movies)?

Charlie (the world is a scary place, VOTE REPUBLICAN) Monoxide

Al Gore. You mean some feature Al Gore dreamed up. Al Gore is our national expert at dreaming up fears where none exist. Al Gore.

[FarmallMTA]

Volvo link http://www.volvocars.us/models/s80/FeaturesOptions.htm
check The Personal Car Communicator option ($495)

I caught a quick ad while watching Discover channel last night (Sunday) on cable. The ad went like this (from memory), "a woman just gets off an elevator in a parking garage top floor and is approaching her car (a Volvo) that is about 150 feet away. The next shot shows her vehicle sitting there starkly with no other vehicles around and the time is late evening. She glances at her remote key fob, and a light starts blinking. She turns around quickly and retreats back to the elevator. A spooky voice over say "she won't be getting in that car right now", and then says something about a heart monitor.

The gimmick is that there is a heart monitor in the car to warn the owner that someone (presumably the guy with the hook for a left hand from urban legends) is hiding in their vehicle.

It seems this is NOT a joke ad. This seems like some feature Karl Rove dreamt up.

I tried to google the "number of people attacked by hidden attackers in car" but got a lot of unrelated stuff. I'm not sure how to even put together the search parameters for this.

How many people get attacked by people hiding in their vehicles each year? Heck, how many ever (notwithstanding Hollywood movies)?

Charlie (the world is a scary place, VOTE REPUBLICAN) Monoxide

Even though the Volvo brand is now owned by Americans, this is such a Euroweenie solution. This is what GUNS are for. You find a guy waiting to go all Ted Bundy on you, you pull out your gun, order him out of the car and shoot his ass. The only heart monitor needed is the slug you put into his heart to make sure it's no longer beating. Did I REALLY need to remind the car buying public of this? Jeez.

Besides, it used to be when people called the cops and told them "my car's talking to me and it has a beating heart inside!" that the cops would just sigh and send an Insane Asylum van to pick the crazy b!tch up and do a lobotomy on her post haste. Now we're supposed to take the little scaredy girl seriously? What a joke!

[Tsukasa Buddha]

Al Gore. You mean some feature Al Gore dreamed up. Al Gore is our national expert at dreaming up fears where none exist. Al Gore.

I am sensing that you might slightly dislike someone... :p

[gnome]

I am sensing that you might slightly dislike someone... :p

Or he's on the "Talking Points" distribution list :)

[The Fool]

Its probably not before time...Everytime I walk past a Volvo I get this urge to hide in it and attack the returning owner. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this urge....

[fuelair]

Volvo link http://www.volvocars.us/models/s80/FeaturesOptions.htm
check The Personal Car Communicator option ($495)

I caught a quick ad while watching Discover channel last night (Sunday) on cable. The ad went like this (from memory), "a woman just gets off an elevator in a parking garage top floor and is approaching her car (a Volvo) that is about 150 feet away. The next shot shows her vehicle sitting there starkly with no other vehicles around and the time is late evening. She glances at her remote key fob, and a light starts blinking. She turns around quickly and retreats back to the elevator. A spooky voice over say "she won't be getting in that car right now", and then says something about a heart monitor.

The gimmick is that there is a heart monitor in the car to warn the owner that someone (presumably the guy with the hook for a left hand from urban legends) is hiding in their vehicle.

It seems this is NOT a joke ad. This seems like some feature Karl Rove dreamt up.

I tried to google the "number of people attacked by hidden attackers in car" but got a lot of unrelated stuff. I'm not sure how to even put together the search parameters for this.

How many people get attacked by people hiding in their vehicles each year? Heck, how many ever (notwithstanding Hollywood movies)?

Charlie (the world is a scary place, VOTE REPUBLICAN) Monoxide

Actually, this is just more obvious - Volvo has always run ads with a subtext of "we can keep you from danger - they can't".:)

[Charlie Monoxide]

Even though the Volvo brand is now owned by Americans, this is such a Euroweenie solution. This is what GUNS are for. You find a guy waiting to go all Ted Bundy on you, you pull out your gun, order him out of the car and shoot his ass. The only heart monitor needed is the slug you put into his heart to make sure it's no longer beating. Did I REALLY need to remind the car buying public of this? Jeez.

Besides, it used to be when people called the cops and told them "my car's talking to me and it has a beating heart inside!" that the cops would just sigh and send an Insane Asylum van to pick the crazy b!tch up and do a lobotomy on her post haste. Now we're supposed to take the little scaredy girl seriously? What a joke!Have you stopped taking your medication ....

Charlie (show Al Gore some love) Monoxide

[Charlie Monoxide]

Its probably not before time...Everytime I walk past a Volvo I get this urge to hide in it and attack the returning owner. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this urge....You know Fool, I gotta agree with you. I think Volvo's are great cars, but somehow owning a Volvo seems to affect the driver's brain. When I was driving motorbikes in California and Nevada (too scary to drive a bike in Florida), I was cutoff more often by people driving Volvo's than any other make of car. Usually I was cutoff by a Volvo driver changing lanes, or generally ignoring the fact that other people use the roads as well as them. I think Volvo drivers should be shot on sight as a pre-emptive effort to keep our roads safer ....

Charlie (shoot Volvo drivers, win valuable prizes!) Monoxide

[FarmallMTA]

You know Fool, I gotta agree with you. I think Volvo's are great cars, but somehow owning a Volvo seems to affect the driver's brain. When I was driving motorbikes in California and Nevada (too scary to drive a bike in Florida), I was cutoff more often by people driving Volvo's than any other make of car. Usually I was cutoff by a Volvo driver changing lanes, or generally ignoring the fact that other people use the roads as well as them. I think Volvo drivers should be shot on sight as a pre-emptive effort to keep our roads safer ....

Charlie (shoot Volvo drivers, win valuable prizes!) Monoxide

Not my experience with Volvo drivers at all. Usually they're the ones blocking the fast lane by going double nickel even though the posted limit is 70 and the actual speed is 85. They always stare straight ahead, never checking side to side. They come to a complete stop and THEN look around at YIELD signs. They are always the ones with 50 feet of space between them and the car in front after the light turns green before they accelerate the tiniest bit.

But, I gotta agree. Shoot 'em, yeah, but just because they're so GD slow and pestilential.

[Art Vandelay]

What really sucks, the heart-beat was her boyfriend. He was in the car waiting to giver her a ring. Alas he was dragged out of the car by the cops and is currently in lock-up.No, what REALLY sucks is that the woman was so scared to go to her car, she walked home instead, and got raped on the way.

[a_unique_person]

Its probably not before time...Everytime I walk past a Volvo I get this urge to hide in it and attack the returning owner. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this urge....

Half the time I have to kick the other guy out before I can hide in there.

[zooterkin]

Actually, this is just more obvious - Volvo has always run ads with a subtext of "we can keep you from danger - they can't".:)

True; the latest radio ad I heard here in the UK was something on the lines of "it may cost a little extra, but isn't your family worth it?", alongside some reference to the owner's young daughter.

[ponderingturtle]

That's just stupid, a heartbeat monitor won't work against zombies...and you're probably only slightly more likely to be attacked by a person than a zombie.

I believe I remember seeing something about them having a heartbeat monitor so that you can be sure your child is still alive in the back seat. Adding in this is a minor addition.

[Twilek]

My mom actually had an "incident" years ago that this commercial is playing on. She was working late and left work at night. As she's driving down the road she suddenly notices a person's head silhouetted in the rear view mirror. The person is sitting in the very back of our '76 Subaru station wagon, not saying a word. Mom is terrified. Finally she asks "who's there?".

It was my sister, who was about... 12 or 13 at the time. She went to my mom's office to catch a ride home. She didn't tell mom she was coming, and instead of coming inside she decided to wait in the car, and fell asleep.

It's funny now, but for a few seconds there...not so much. Needless to say mom learned to lock the car doors after that.

[Katana]

Not my experience with Volvo drivers at all. Usually they're the ones blocking the fast lane by going double nickel even though the posted limit is 70 and the actual speed is 85. They always stare straight ahead, never checking side to side. They come to a complete stop and THEN look around at YIELD signs. They are always the ones with 50 feet of space between them and the car in front after the light turns green before they accelerate the tiniest bit.

But, I gotta agree. Shoot 'em, yeah, but just because they're so GD slow and pestilential.

What you're describing is my experience with Subaru drivers, especially those with Outbacks. They drive (pun intended) me crazy. They are constantly in my way.

[hgc]

Actually, this is just more obvious - Volvo has always run ads with a subtext of "we can keep you from danger - they can't".:)


I'm picturing a TV commercial where a Volvo is pushed from some high place to the ground, nose first, to demonstrate how it wasn't totally destroyed. Anyone remember that?

[BPSCG]

My house has one of those heartbeat detectors. It never went off until the night Mrs. BPSCG and I came home to a surprise anniversary party. I managed to bring down three people before the police arrived.

[EGarrett]

Quite stupid of them to blatantly insult the hook-handed murderer demographic.

I'm sure Kia will tailor an ad to them soon, touting their lack of heart monitors. Or Ford, since my Mustang conveniently has a folding backseat whereby one can hide in the trunk then lurch into the main cabin at an opportune time.

[FarmallMTA]

My mom actually had an "incident" years ago that this commercial is playing on. She was working late and left work at night. As she's driving down the road she suddenly notices a person's head silhouetted in the rear view mirror. The person is sitting in the very back of our '76 Subaru station wagon, not saying a word. Mom is terrified. Finally she asks "who's there?".

It was my sister, who was about... 12 or 13 at the time. She went to my mom's office to catch a ride home. She didn't tell mom she was coming, and instead of coming inside she decided to wait in the car, and fell asleep.

It's funny now, but for a few seconds there...not so much. Needless to say mom learned to lock the car doors after that.

So the lesson she learned is... lock the doors so the pubescent daughter has to sit all by herself in a dark parking lot outside the car while Mom gets hammered in the fern bar (this would be a modern take on your situation) and frustrated sexual predators turned down by the ladies inside lurk outside. Anything to keep the Volvo's heartbeat monitor from dinging you when you press the unlock button on the key fob.:rolleyes:

C'mon. The OBVIOUS lesson here is that the kid should have had the presence of mind to do a passable Night of the Living Dead imitation when she reared up in the back seat, thereby really sending your mother into orbit.

[ZirconBlue]

True; the latest radio ad I heard here in the UK was something on the lines of "it may cost a little extra, but isn't your family worth it?", alongside some reference to the owner's young daughter.

Whatever happened to "Volvo: They're boxy, but they're good"?

[FarmallMTA]

Whatever happened to "Volvo: They're boxy, but they're good"?

I thought that was "Volvo: they're butt-ass ugly, boring and slow but your liberal buddies will think they're really cool since Sweden is so socially-conscious and blah, blah, blah"

I think that when Ford bought Volvo they turned a butt-ass ugly slow boring car into a ...butt-ass ugly boring slow car with no credibility at all.

Heck, if I got into a Volvo I'd be hoping somebody IS waiting in the back seat to cack me off so I wouldn't have such a yt!hS ride home!

[Esperdome]

What you're describing is my experience with Subaru drivers, especially those with Outbacks. They drive (pun intended) me crazy. They are constantly in my way.

For me its Ford Focuses (or is that Foci?). I know the cars can do more than 50, I guess reluctance to press down with the right foot is a driver prerequisite.

[LeFevre]

Its probably not before time...Everytime I walk past a Volvo I get this urge to hide in it and attack the returning owner. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this urge....

No I think it's just you. No one else keeps hearing "Do it Fool!" over and over in their head. ;)

[schplurg]

Wouldn't a remote taser or compartment gassing be much more effective?

That would be awesome!

[Dark Jaguar]

Raptors have heartbeats, but the one in the car is just the decoy. As she runs back to the elevator, SWOOP, the other two she didn't see come in from the sides.

No seriously, why HEARTBEATS specifically? Why not just ANY noise inside the car?

And oh yes, when I make MY system for a car, it'll go on the offensive, sending out small robots to actively seek out and neutralize threats, like raptors.

"DJCar, because they eat you while you're still alive."

Now THAT is how you sell fear.

[timhau]

I thought that was "Volvo: they're butt-ass ugly, boring and slow but your liberal buddies will think they're really cool since Sweden is so socially-conscious and blah, blah, blah"


Yeah, and what's funny is this: Volvos give and have always given you just atrocious gas mileage. My mom used to have a V70 automatic, and I had to turn the fuel consumption display off when I borrowed it.

It did have one thing going for it though: not very many cars make driver's seats that are good for a leggy 6'4" guy, but in the bigger models, Volvo does. The seat in the V50 is nothing special, but V70 is sweet.

[brodski]

Finally Volvo have the means to protect us from the Bishop of Southwark! (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=421568&in_page_id=1770) (Mitre detection optional extra)

[Twilek]

So the lesson she learned is... lock the doors so the pubescent daughter has to sit all by herself in a dark parking lot outside the car while Mom gets hammered in the fern bar (this would be a modern take on your situation) and frustrated sexual predators turned down by the ladies inside lurk outside. Anything to keep the Volvo's heartbeat monitor from dinging you when you press the unlock button on the key fob.:rolleyes:

Now THAT would make for an interesting "fear gimmick" commercial.

C'mon. The OBVIOUS lesson here is that the kid should have had the presence of mind to do a passable Night of the Living Dead imitation when she reared up in the back seat, thereby really sending your mother into orbit.

Yes, we've made jokes along those lines ourselves. :D

[Pope130]

I can see one good application for the heartbeat monitor. Tie it in to the "OnStar" (Tm.) system that calls the monitoring center when you have an accident. The operator can check if there's a heartbeat and tell emergency services whether there's any point in hurrying. "Take your time fella's, he's already dead."

Robert

[fuelair]

My house has one of those heartbeat detectors. It never went off until the night Mrs. BPSCG and I came home to a surprise anniversary party. I managed to bring down three people before the police arrived.
Pretty reasonable - unless you had to reload!

[Dorian Gray]

The heartbeat detector does nothing if a person is waiting NEAR the car rather than IN it. I think Volvo took a page from Karl Rove's book - specifically the 'smoking gun is a mushroom cloud' page.

[strathmeyer]

Wouldn't a remote taser or compartment gassing be much more effective?

Or, you know, a reasonable solution.

http://forums.randi.org/imagehosting/thum_6691461db2bba16eb.jpg (http://forums.randi.org/vbimghost.php?do=displayimg&imgid=5125)

[The Great Hairy One]

I want that system that was demonstrated in the first Robocop movie, where the thief pops the car door lock, gets in the front seat and is promptly electrocuted. Why don't I have that as a security option yet????

Cheers,
TGHO

[steverino]

This seems like some feature Karl Rove dreamt up.
Charlie (the world is a scary place, VOTE REPUBLICAN) Monoxide

The Volvo has always been the quintessential liberal people-mover, a left-wing symbol if there ever was one. When I was a kid the dealer practically affixed a George McGovern bumper sticker to those burnt orange and olive green wagons before they even left the lot. Has this changed?

Steve (I can't afford a safe car) erino

[Jekyll]

Wouldn't a remote taser or compartment gassing be much more effective?

It would keep the kids quiet as well.

[timhau]

I want that system that was demonstrated in the first Robocop movie, where the thief pops the car door lock, gets in the front seat and is promptly electrocuted. Why don't I have that as a security option yet????

Vastly more powerful electric seat-warmers would also do the trick.

[scratchy]

Want car security? THIS is car security!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/232777.stm