This is God. YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!

[c4ts]

I've just about had it with humanity. You want to know why I created you? To suck up to me and kill each other in my name like you've been doing? Is that what you think it is? So I can to some little parlor tricks and cantrips like bringing people back from the dead just so you can be entertained? NO! I made people because I was drunk. Really, really, drunk. I mean I was f***in' wasted when I designed mankind. I mean, what the f*** was I thinking? No claws, no sharp teeth, not even a tail or some strong arms or legs... nothing! Just an oversized head, and now you have to make me feel even worse about it by taking over the planet and ruining everything for each other. The least you could do is STOP PRAYING TO ME FOR ALL THIS CRAP YOU WANT! What, you think I'm some kind of omniscient miracle man who can- uh, never mind. Just stop this religion nonsense, it's a disgrace to me, to mankind, and the rest of the universe which has to put up with you. You keep this kind of behavior up and I WILL end the world.

[Yahweh]

From the mouth of Yahweh himself:

Wow, I'm really disappointed with myself. I could have done waaaaaaay better.

[Upchurch]

Originally said by God

uh-huh-huh-huh

Watch me send them an earthquake.

LOOK AT THEM RUN!! That was so cool!.

huh-huh-huh-huh-a-huh-huh-huh

Hey, Jesus. Watch me set a few of 'em on fire.
Originally said by Jesus

F-f-f-f-fire! Yeah, God! Set 'em on fire!

[Dancing David]

And here I thought that humans were designed by a comitte of comedians.

God like us to have kittens and puppies and be nice to each other. Those that are nice get to go to the snack bar while they are on break, those who don't they go to the harmony hut.

Yes God does expect us to work after death, no pay, no benefits and really long hours.

[Skeptical Greg]

Imagine God dropping chunks of brimstone upon Sodom and Gomorah:

' Got'ta time this just right.. ( closes one eye, estimates lead time ) '.. Let's go.. Splat! Fizzle !


Jesus: " Way to go Dad! That was a good one ! She was carrying a baby in one arm and was dragging a toddler behind her.. The toddler is still running around screaming, with only one arm.. "

[roger]

YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!

Dear God,

The feeling is mutual. Get off your butt and do something already. Didn't you notice all those starving children? How about the 3 year old in the chemo ward?? :mad:

[Ipecac]

God is hardly one to talk.

He created one person, then belatedly realized he needed another.

These first two people immediately screwed up and he had to banish them.

These people then had two children. One of them quickly killed the other and was further banished.

Finally, after several generations of his creation's misbehavior, God had had enough and decided to wipe the slate clean and start over. He picked one family to survive and wiped out everyone else.

As soon as they were on dry land, the hand-picked survivors screwed up and their descendants went on pretty much as before.

Later, God picks a man to provide clear commandments to his "chosen people". While the man is gone receiving the commandments, the chosen people screw up and have to be punished.

Afterwards, despite the clear commandment of "Thou Shalt Not Kill", God specifically orders his chosen people to slaughter other people, also apparently descended from the same people created by God.

Centuries later, God decides to send his son to earth to soak up the sins of all humanity. Mission accomplished, somehow the word of this great deed took centuries to make its way around the world where it was interpreted differently by almost everyone. What's more, despite this sacrifice and the "forgiveness of sins", God still requires everyone to behave in very specific ways, failure of the smallest guaranteeing an eternity of torture.

If God does exist, he's an incompetent idiot.

[Crossbow]

Originally posted by c4ts
I've just about had it with humanity. You want to know why I created you? To suck up to me and kill each other in my name like you've been doing? ... You keep this kind of behavior up and I WILL end the world.

Sounds like god needs a hug.

:p

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Crossbow


Sounds like god needs a hug.

:p

Awwwwwww.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by Crossbow


Sounds like god needs a hug.

:p
I feel muuuuch better now.

[Roadtoad]

You know, the scary part is that C4ts probably isn't too far off the mark...

Then again, Roger's got it pretty close, too...

[c4ts]

Originally posted by roger


Dear God,

The feeling is mutual. Get off your butt and do something already. Didn't you notice all those starving children? How about the 3 year old in the chemo ward?? :mad:

You know, your species is already overpopulated. Anything that kills your people is good for you in the long run. Let 'em die before they reproduce, that's what I always say. You're just lucky those kids aren't giving birth before they die.