Worst Idea for a Film on Hannibal

[Foolmewunz]

Evidently this project has been "in the works" for years, and has gotten no where. (I was watching Discovery on Hannibal and wanted to look something up and stumbled across several headlines.)

Vin Diesel to Star in Hannibal Film

Now there's something to bleach your eyeballs after viewing! Apparently no one's taking it seriously - he can't get backers and he's listing himself as the director.

Here's my favorite article. He must have been on drugs! A trilogy,... in the Punic language, no less!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11812189/

Anyhow - back to the main theme.... Vin Diesel as Hannibal!!!????? :faint:

(Next, we'll have Cristina Aguilera doing Elizabeth I.)

[shemp]

At first, I thought you meant "Hannibal Lecter." I think a Vin Diesel trilogy about the young Hannibal Lecter, done in Punic, would be a great idea, as long as it's a musical comedy.

[Earthborn]

When I first heard that there was film named "Hannibal (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212985/)", I thought "Cool, elephants in the Alps!". I was disappointed when I learned it was another "The Silence of the Lambs" movie, and thought there really should be movie about Hannibal the military commander (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannibal). Apparently other people thought so, too.

But a trilogy? Honestly, after seeing an army trying to make it through the Alps with elephants, a few battle scenes and a "Braveheart" like speech by Hannibal to his men about what sort of moronic thing they are fighting for, I think the rest is going to be mighty repetitive. "Hey, let's kill some people over there, too!" The only thing that is will set this film apart from other 'epic battle' movies is the 'elephants in the Alps' story. The rest will just be the same old 'very unpleasant people causing very unpleasant wars with lots of unpleasant CGI soldiers killing eachother in very unpleasant ways'.

Unfortunately film producers have discovered that making the same movie thrice will draw the same crowd three times over, so every stupid movie has to be a 'trilogy' now.

[Madalch]

Unfortunately for this movie, I think the target audience will be confused that it isn't a Hannibal Lecter story.

[fuelair]

On the bright side, if Earthborn has it right there will be a Hannibal Lecture somewhere in it!!!!!

[shemp]

OK, he can make a trilogy about Hannibal the commander, but he needs to throw in some cannibalism here and there, to keep the audience interested.

[Earthborn]

Here is a suggestion for the script: after Hannibal made it through the Alps and managed to kill whoever it is he set out to kill, he should say: "I love it when a plan comes together!"

[MG1962]

Yeah well try Jupiters Darling. All sing all dancing Hannibal. The final scene is Hannibal (Howard Keel) Amytis (Esther Williams) riding of into the sunset singing a duet on the back of an elephant

I kid you not

[alfaniner]

I can hear the pitch now.

"It's like The Fast and the Furious -- with elephants!!!"

[Foolmewunz]

The comments about assuming it was a sequel to Silence of the L aren't far off. When I first saw one of the articles (Google "Vin Diesel" & "Hannibal"), it was an IMDB type "upcoming features" from 2002, and all the comments on the discussion board were from people saying "Why would Ridley Scott make another Hannibal one year later, dude?"

Finally, after about twenty posts, someone explained that they were all a bunch of clones and that there was actually someone else named Hannibal, an actual historical character.

Vin Diesel! He's back! He's got elephants! He's still speaking in incomprehensible syllables! Hannibal, The Conqueror Part I! Catch it!

Maybe they could get The Rock to play Scippio?
:spjimlad: :spjimlad:

[hgc]

Just when you thought Vin Diesel, yesteryear's it-boy action figure, was long consigned to the dustbin of movie dreckdom.. along he comes with this vanity crapfest that will make "300" look like "Citizen Kane."

[Wolfman]

Well, to be fair...once upon a time, there was a guy named Sylvester Stallone who had a reputation as a talentless hack, who was running around Hollywood with a script he had written himself, trying to get someone to work with him to produce it. He was laughed at, turned down, etc.

Eventually, however, it came together, and the result was Rocky...which went on to win numerous awards.

...

...

...naw...just can't see this story coming out the same way! Vin Diesel, Hannibal, Punic, trilogy...I just can't see it.

[shemp]

Well, to be fair...once upon a time, there was a guy named Sylvester Stallone who had a reputation as a talentless hack, who was running around Hollywood with a script he had written himself, trying to get someone to work with him to produce it. He was laughed at, turned down, etc.

There was a reason for that. They had all seen him play Machine Gun Joe Viterbo in Death Race 2000 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/).

[Madalch]

There was a reason for that. They had all seen him play Machine Gun Joe Viterbo in Death Race 2000 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/).
Hey! For that, you just bought yourself a ticket to the morgue!!

(Moderators, please note, I'm not threatening him, I'm quoting the movie.)

[Foolmewunz]

Well, to be fair...once upon a time, there was a guy named Sylvester Stallone who had a reputation as a talentless hack, who was running around Hollywood with a script he had written himself, trying to get someone to work with him to produce it. He was laughed at, turned down, etc.

Eventually, however, it came together, and the result was Rocky...which went on to win numerous awards.

...

...

...naw...just can't see this story coming out the same way! Vin Diesel, Hannibal, Punic, trilogy...I just can't see it.

Bolded part pretty much recaps my reaction, too, and in about the same order.

I remember reading the farewell column that Dwight MacDonald (a great film critic) wrote, where he said how much he'd miss doing the column and all that, but that he was nevertheless delighted that he wouldn't have to sit through or review Charlton Heston in a grand Hollywood production on General Chinese Gordon, one of his heroes. I feel the same way. I've always been fascinated by Hannibal.

[malbui]

But a trilogy? Honestly, after seeing an army trying to make it through the Alps with elephants, a few battle scenes and a "Braveheart" like speech by Hannibal to his men about what sort of moronic thing they are fighting for, I think the rest is going to be mighty repetitive. "Hey, let's kill some people over there, too!" The only thing that is will set this film apart from other 'epic battle' movies is the 'elephants in the Alps' story. The rest will just be the same old 'very unpleasant people causing very unpleasant wars with lots of unpleasant CGI soldiers killing eachother in very unpleasant ways'.


A while ago I watched a documentary thing about Hannibal starring the doctor from DS9 and even for me with my Roman history obsession it started to pale after a while... as you said, it was basically endless sequences of "let's march here and slaughter some more people".

[Foolmewunz]

A while ago I watched a documentary thing about Hannibal starring the doctor from DS9 and even for me with my Roman history obsession it started to pale after a while... as you said, it was basically endless sequences of "let's march here and slaughter some more people".

That's the one I was watching. Discovery Channel cut it into two parts, but it was originally a BBC production of about 90 minutes according to IMDB.

Actually, I found it rather well done. The battle scenes and pseudo carnage did get rather wearisome, but they got the story of the political infighting down pretty good, as ultimately it was the Carthaginian senate that did Hannibal in.

I only found one serious flaw and I'm not even sure about that. The show said that it was Hannibal's decision to allow Rome to make peace and surrender rather than attack the city. The version I've always read is that he lacked the siege equipment and attack force to try to take on a city and battle of that magnitude.

Anyhow, I thought it was fairly well done. Nothing new or earth-shattering, but accurate as far as documentaries go.

On the other hand, I'm sure Vin's version will be the one by which all future films on Hannibal are judged!

[Marquis de Carabas]

I have doubts the movies will be great, but I vote for withholding judgment until more is known. Diesel's early directorial work went to Cannes and Sundance. While no guarantee of high quality (I've seen neither), it does mean he's likely not a total hack. He's in good shape and looks tough, so he gets typecast and our new action-movie guy. That doesn't mean it's all he's capable of.

[anor277]

Does anyone remember the old Hollywood version of "Hannibal", starring Victor Mature in the title role? I haven't seen that for long years but I do remember an hilarious scene when a papier mache boulder strikes Victor when he's crossing the Alps - the scene wasn't edited out. Those Barca boys are tuff. I'd like to see Vin Diesel do that.

[Foolmewunz]

I have doubts the movies will be great, but I vote for withholding judgment until more is known. Diesel's early directorial work went to Cannes and Sundance. While no guarantee of high quality (I've seen neither), it does mean he's likely not a total hack. He's in good shape and looks tough, so he gets typecast and our new action-movie guy. That doesn't mean it's all he's capable of.

I don't know about Cannes. You can exhibit at Cannes to try to sell your product, but I don't think Strays was actually a part of the Festival. It was at Sundance, but didn't win and I don't think he ever found a distributor, as I can't see that it was ever released commercially. Maybe it's out on DVD somewhere. (I see he did get his famed 10 minute short shown at Cannes, but I don't think it was an invite for him rathern than for the compilation it was part of.)

I think his Sundance sojourn is more famous for the fool he made of himself in the HBO docu they did on the festival that year. Maybe it was tongue in cheek, but I doubt it. I think he's just a wee tad on the egotistical side, which is partly why I think he'll crap all over the Hannibal story/legend.

He hasn't directed anything since Strays. And not having seen that, the only body of work we can judge by is what's out there. The stuff that he's produced in the last few years is edawful, so I'm going to take a gamble that what he produces, and additionally directs is going to be totally over the top.