Bogus Bible Time Line. Or the art of making it up!

[The Grave]

Facts:-

1 - The bible refers to these people, as people; they have friends and families and lives - really long lives!

2 - Faithers try and tone down these dates by accounting for them using 'clans' or 'tribes', rather than the meaning they quite clearly have ie as referring to people (mostly men). This is simply a squirming reaction to the fallacy of the bible they are faced with explaining.

3 - Faithers use ascension to account for large loop holes in their accounts of history that don't fit the facts...eg no bones, for Jesus or Mary, and disappearing acts like Enoch. But they are not the only ones!

4 - The ascension aspect of religion is markedly similar in tone to "alien abduction" in modern 'scientific' eras.




Let me start by defining 0 AA as the moment Adam was born...of god's creation. And all the dates referred to are dates of death after 0 AA.

{{and no, AA doesn't stand for Alien Abduction}}

Adam lived to 931AA and begot Seth at 130 yrs of age! {dirty old man}.

Seth died in 1043AA; begot Enosh who died in 1141AA. He begot Kenan who died 1236AA.

Next came Ma-halalel -1291AA; Jared 1423AA and of course Enoch who died in 988AA.

Have you got it yet?

It's Enoch.

He 'dies' before his father, Jared; his grand father, Mahalel; his great grand father, Kenan; his great-great grand father, Enosh AND his great-great-great grand father!!!!, Seth.

See fact 3.

Even if Enoch was wafted up to heaven by god, he went before all those other ancestors; whom I suppose he knew. Most people never know their great grand parents, let-alone any further back !!!.

But to calm all the shouting about Enoch and his 'alleged' ascension up to heaven...There's more....I know, you've come to expect more from Griff ... so here it is:-

Luckily, Enoch was a young starter (compared to the others) and he begot Methu'selah who died 1657AA. {who by-the-way, lived to be 969 yrs of age!....cor!}

He begot Lamech died 1652AA;
He begot Noah [the drunkard who was buggered by his son and built the ark for the flood] and died 2007AA {yes 2007!}-spooky!
He begot Shem - 2159AA;
He begot Arpach'shad who died in 2097AA;
He begot Shelah 2127AA;
He begot Eber 2188AA;
He begot Peleg 1997AA;
He begot Reu 2027AA;
He begot Senig 2050AA;
He begot Nahor 1998AA;
He begot Terah 2084AA.

Then comes Abraham 2184AA; Isaac 2289AA; Jacob/Isreal 2316AA and finally Joseph 2370AA.......phew!

So what's important?

Well:-

Peleg {1997AA}
Reu {2027AA}
Senig {2050AA}
Nahor {1998AA}
Terah {2084AA} and
Abraham {2184AA}

All died before the one who begot them all...Eber! {2188AA}

Explanation:-

Well, Peleg dies before his old man...so?
And, Reu dies before his grand father...so?

But, Senig dies before his great grand father...oh?
And, Nahor dies before his great-great grand father...O-oh!

Next, Terah dies before his great-great-great grand father...No!
AND, Abraham dies before his great-great-great-great grand father...NO!

AaaBraHhaamm come on doowwn, you're the record holder!!!!!!!!

:jaw-dropp


None of these have the nice "get-out" clause of 'ascension at hand to help them out.

So to end... Are there any christians out there who can hand on heart say they believe this rubbish and if so could they please explain it to those of us who don't!

And yes, this did involve a lot of work.

Any donations can be sent to The Richard Dawkins Foundation on behalf of Griff...

{disclaimer - I have absolutely nothing to do with them, but if you're going to send money some place, why not there?}

Griff.... enjoy!

[Zep]

Any questions? No? Good.

[Ducky]

Any questions? No? Good.

I have one. Do I have to memorize those dates for the f***ing test?

[triadboy]

An anagram for Enoch and Eber is "Beech Crone".

A crone is an old wise woman.

A beech is a tree.

I think you may have stumbled on The Tree of Knowledge of Old Women!

Nice job.

[Zep]

I have one. Do I have to memorize those dates for the f***ing test?....test?? :confused:

[The Grave]

Actually there is one question up there.

And no, the test will not include dates... that went out with Grammar schools!

Maybe the crone IS the old beech?

Griff... I take it no faithers are prepared to explain this blunder then?

[catbasket]

What?

Somebody hit me with a Clue Bat.

[hgc]

What?

Somebody hit me with a Clue Bat.


Would you settle for a Blue Cat?

[hgc]

Polaris, You have an interesting point with this thread, but seriously ... Unless you can find a bible dude who who died before his ancestor was born, you'll make no headway with apologists.

[Darth Rotor]

Facts:-

1 - The bible refers to these people, as people; they have friends and families and lives - really long lives!

2 - Faithers try and tone down these dates by accounting for them using 'clans' or 'tribes', rather than the meaning they quite clearly have ie as referring to people (mostly men). This is simply a squirming reaction to the fallacy of the bible they are faced with explaining.

3 - Faithers use ascension to account for large loop holes in their accounts of history that don't fit the facts...eg no bones, for Jesus or Mary, and disappearing acts like Enoch. But they are not the only ones!

4 - The ascension aspect of religion is markedly similar in tone to "alien abduction" in modern 'scientific' eras.

Griff.... enjoy!
Griff:

Given your questions, did you consider asking a Jew, rather than a Christian? The lineage is a Hebrew line.

Also, is it ironic if an Atheist preaches to a choir? ;)

It is kind of fun to tease a CI type, the sort who use Christianity as a wedge issue against those horrible nasty Jews. :rolleyes: The tease goes like this:

"So, who is your daddy? If you go back far enough up your own tree, friend, it's some Jew named Noah! Hate your own blood much?"

The responses I got were rather unprintable, but it made me laugh all the same.

DR

[Lensman]

Jesus (if he existed) was Jewish! Shock! Horror!! GASP!!!!!

[Zep]

I'd like evidence of that. From his mohel.

[The Grave]

Having studied science all my life, you can tell I know shyt about the particulars of each faith system! To be quite honest I think of them all in the same 'hole'....pigeon hole, that is!

But who cares? Thanks for this guys...Unfortunately I couldn't manage to find someone prior to an ancestor, who would fit the bill of dying before them; I should of made one up! Damn it!

After all, they did!

Griff...

[Beerina]

An anagram for Enoch and Eber is "Beech Crone".

A crone is an old wise woman.

A beech is a tree.

I think you may have stumbled on The Tree of Knowledge of Old Women!

Gross! I wanna eat of The Tree of Knowledge of Young Women Or At Least Middle Aged Women Who Are Age Fifty Nine And A Half Or Younger And Sub Two Hundred Pounds And Haven't Given Up On Feminine Hairstyles Who Have Gotten A Male Shorthaired One But Still Have A Remotely Girly One.

[The Grave]

I suppose, technically speaking, that not only do the religions merge, but so to do the phenotypes/genotypes of us all; what always amazes me is how "tolerant" religions are yet they "refuse" to accept that they are related...very much related.

For instance:

2^1 = your parents....2^4 = your great grand parents (16) ~ probably (not certainly)...

Go to 2^ 100 and you get 1.3*10^30

1,300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 or 1.3 M,M,M,M,M ancestors!

Assuming 5 generations per century, this gives, rather neatly, 2000 yrs!

I think there may have been some inter-breeding along this line-age some where....

Griff...

[triadboy]

Gross! I wanna eat of The Tree of Knowledge of Young Women Or At Least Middle Aged Women Who Are Age Fifty Nine And A Half Or Younger And Sub Two Hundred Pounds And Haven't Given Up On Feminine Hairstyles Who Have Gotten A Male Shorthaired One But Still Have A Remotely Girly One.

I had no idea Trees-of-Knowledge came in different flavors like that. And why are you eating the trees? :)

[Darth Rotor]

Having studied science all my life, you can tell I know shyt about the particulars of each faith system!
No kidding? I'd never have guessed.
To be quite honest I think of them all in the same 'hole'....pigeon hole, that is!
Let's hear it for an open mouth mind.
But who cares?
You must, or you wouldn't be raving about this stuff on this Religion/Philosophy Forum.

Why do you care?

DR

[The Grave]

I've noticed a lot of ambiguity about my 'morals'-'reasons'...What I mean to say is "I don't care about religion...either one of them"...What I do care about is consciousness raising and putting to rights the 'rubbish' taught by the faithers - to be taken on faith.

It is well known here [by some] the fallacy of, say the bible, but it is also true to say there are many who are still being fed [or are feeding] the infantile rubbish known as creation...simply because science can't confirm it with an experiment.

I've heard a few silly stories about these interesting ages...Lots of clouds blocking out UV so they can live longer etc...as if that were the only [main] factor...and it's not.

I myself not being taught religion at more than the basic levels have been blissfully unaware of these people, reputed to be 969 yrs old; so how many more of us ignoramuses exist...100's of 1000's is a guess...and plenty who believe the bible [for one] is true.

Like it or not they do; yet true to say also that some of them don't know about some of these interesting facts.

Griff...