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View Full Version : Giant Badgers Terrorize Iraqi Port City


BPSCG
12th July 2007, 07:00 AM
Okay, this is could arguably go into other threads, but since it's happening in Iraq and it's being blamed on the British forces (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070711/wl_mideast_afp/iraqunrestanimal)...
BASRA, Iraq (AFP) - The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a new fear -- a giant badger stalking the streets by night.

Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel rumours of a bear-like monster that eats humans and was allegedly released into the area by British forces to spread panic.

Iraqi scientists have attempted to calm the public but, amid the confusion and mistrust spawned by the ongoing guerrilla war, the story has spread like wildfire in the streets of the city and the villages round about.

Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, has inspected the corpses of several dead badgers and tries to reassure his fellow citizens that they are not a new post-war arrival in the region.

"These animals appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known as Al-Ghirayri and locally as Al-Girta," he told AFP. "Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."

(...snip...)

British army spokesman Major David Gell said the animals were thought to be a kind of honey badger -- melivora capensis -- which can be fierce but are not usually dangerous to humans unless provoked.

"They are native to the region but rare in Iraq. They're nocturnal carnivores with a fearsome reputation, but they don't stalk humans and carry them back to their lair," he said.Well, thank Allah for that!

Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger ought not to be a danger to humans, but so far they have failed to reassure the populace.

"I was sleeping at night when this strange animal hit me on my head. I have not seen such an animal before. My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," said Suad Hassan, a 30-year-old housewife.

(...snip...)

The honey badger, or ratel, is known as a brave predator capable of killing a cobra. It weighs up to 14 kilos (30 pounds), not usually known as man-eater.Yeah, not many 30-pound animals are known as man-eaters...

Sattar Jabbar, a 50-year-old local farmer from Abu Sakhar north of Basra, believes the badger can tackle even large prey.

"I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals. It even ate a cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece. I tried to shoot it with my gun but it ran away into the orchards. I missed it," he said.It ate a cow? :yikes:

In Iraq there can be only one explanation for an animal so vicious.

"I believe this animal appeared following a raid to the region by the British forces," said Ali Mohsen, a farmer in his 40s from Karmat Ali, near the air base used by the multinational force.

"As we are close to the airport, they probably released this animal into the area," he reasoned. Yes, that sounds like a reasonable explanation.

Amid such tales, there is little experts like Dr Ghazi Yaqub Azzam, deputy dean of the veterinary college, can do to reassure his neighbours.

(...snip...)

Azzam speculated that the badgers were being driven towards the city because Iraq is trying to re-flood marshland north of Basra that was drained by Saddam in order to persecute local Marsh Arab tribes.

For all that, the British army thinks Basrawis have little to fear.

"If you cornered it and poked it with a stick, then the smart money would be on the badger," warned Gell, who has faced many rumours like this one in his tour in Iraq.

"We have not released giant badgers in Basra," he said, "and nor have we been collecting eggs and releasing serpents into the Shatt al-Arab river."Do what, now? :yikes:

Related link (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/badgers/).
Another related link. Badgers! They're everywhere (http://www.uwbadgers.com/)!
And more (http://www.darryl.com/badges/)!

Overman
12th July 2007, 07:05 AM
They could use some help...

http://briancurtin.com/pahc/motivationalbearsonmotorbikes.jpg

Spins
12th July 2007, 07:24 AM
GOxR7rTYuSI

I couldn't resist! :D

Segnosaur
12th July 2007, 07:39 AM
Badgers? Badgers?

We don't need no stinkin' badgers.

Gord_in_Toronto
12th July 2007, 08:33 AM
Badgers? Badgers?

We don't need no stinkin' badgers.

Badgers don't STINK! They are fairly clean creatures and will bathe frequently if water is available. I am reporting this poast as another example of the extreme anti-badgerism on this BBS. :mad:







:D

fishbob
12th July 2007, 08:34 AM
The honey badger, or ratel, is known as a brave predator capable of killing a cobra. It weighs up to 14 kilos (30 pounds), not usually known as man-eater.


Chupacobra?

shemp
12th July 2007, 10:10 AM
I have no choice but to ask: WHY DO THESE GIANT MAN-EATING BADGERS HATE AMERICA?!

BPSCG
12th July 2007, 10:43 AM
I have no choice but to ask: WHY DO THESE GIANT MAN-EATING BADGERS HATE AMERICA?!They don't, obviously; they hate Iraq.

But let me be the first to say that if I see a giant man-eating badger on a plane with a gun, I'll kill him!

shemp
12th July 2007, 10:49 AM
They don't, obviously; they hate Iraq.

But let me be the first to say that if I see a giant man-eating badger on a plane with a gun, I'll kill him!

Obviously, since Iraq is our client state ally, hating Iraq means hating America. Therefore, I must ask you, "WHY DO YOU HATE BOTH IRAQ AND AMERICA!?"

But just in case these giant man-eating badgers take over, I must say that I, for one, welcome our new giant man-eating badger masters! I could be very useful in procuring tasty humans for them!

Badger
12th July 2007, 10:54 AM
Just so you know, I've been at work all week.

And I'm not a MAN eater. I prefer females.

BPSCG
12th July 2007, 11:10 AM
Obviously, since Iraq is our client state ally, hating Iraq means hating America. Therefore, I must ask you, "WHY DO YOU HATE BOTH IRAQ AND AMERICA!?"

But just in case these giant man-eating badgers take over, I must say that I, for one, welcome our new giant man-eating badger masters! I could be very useful in procuring tasty humans for them!You know badgers enjoy goat meat, don't you?

Meadmaker
12th July 2007, 03:31 PM
"WHY DO YOU HATE BOTH IRAQ AND AMERICA!?"


And Wisconsin!

Ohmer
12th July 2007, 03:58 PM
Release the Dachshunds!

JamesM
12th July 2007, 04:13 PM
Iraq Slogger (http://www.iraqslogger.com/index.php/post/3469/Rumors_of_Strange_Creatures_Abound_in_Basrah) provides some more details on the honey badger, including some information strangely missing from other reports:

“It looks like a dog, but its head looks like that of a bear,” said Nazar. “It has short hands and 15-cm-long claws, long hair, a penis like a man’s, and it only moves around at night.”My my, Mr Nazar, you're awfully -- some might say suspiciously -- well-acquainted with the anatomy of the honey badger.

Comrade Ogilvy
12th July 2007, 05:13 PM
On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!
Grand old badger state!
We, thy loyal sons and daughters,
Hail thee, good and great.
On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!
Champion of the right,
"Forward", our motto -
God will give thee might!

Wait till the Wolverines arrive...will eat them for breakfast...MGOBLUE!

Dr Adequate
12th July 2007, 09:04 PM
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." --- Major Mike Shearer.

shemp
12th July 2007, 09:44 PM
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." --- Major Mike Shearer.

An obvious lie.

MelBrooksfan
12th July 2007, 09:49 PM
Those sneaky Brits. Getting the badgers to do their fighting, now?

Dr Adequate
12th July 2007, 10:41 PM
British badgers are completely different.

An Iraqi Honey Badger.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/af/Honey_badger.jpg

A British Badger.

http://www.distlab.dk/badger/img/badger-photo.jpg

A Rubbish American Badger. You Call That A Badger? Don't Make Me Laugh.

http://www.municipiodenogales.org/images/BADGER.jpg

Dr Adequate
12th July 2007, 10:46 PM
According to Wikipedia, honey badgers attack by going for the scrotum "if provoked" ... you can see why people are worried.

Shi'ites, Sunnis, Kurds --- and now testicle-biting badgers. "Mission accomplished" my derriere. No, we'll just have to partition the country four ways, it's the only solution.

Tricky
12th July 2007, 10:52 PM
According to Wikipedia, honey badgers attack by going for the scrotum "if provoked" ... you can see why people are worried.
Oh hell. I was just thinking, "As long as they aren't Giant Gay Badgers, then it's not a big deal." Now I realize that I have been engaging in wishful thinking. All badgers are gay. Even giant ones.

armageddonman
13th July 2007, 12:57 AM
Badger cavalry!

Big Les
13th July 2007, 01:14 AM
Best thread ever.

armageddonman
13th July 2007, 03:23 AM
Best thread ever.

At least it's epic now. Let's get it over 9000.

sphenisc
13th July 2007, 04:52 AM
A Rubbish American Badger. You Call That A Badger? Don't Make Me Laugh

Ooooo! Who ratelled your cage?

Crossbow
13th July 2007, 09:30 AM
We have to fight the Badgers in Iraq so that we do not have to fight them in America!

;)

Darth Rotor
13th July 2007, 11:01 AM
We have to fight the Badgers in Iraq so that we do not have to fight them in America!

;)
Too late, the guys at Michigan, Ohio State, and Michigan State are already fighting Badgers here in America.
http://forums.randi.org/imagehosting/109624697bd9381424.png
F*** 'em, Bucky!

DR

Ziggurat
13th July 2007, 11:52 AM
Strangely enough, this isn't the first time I've heard about the confluence of modern military and badgers:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/06/21

http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2002/20020621h.gif

Kilgore Trout
13th July 2007, 11:53 AM
Badgers? Pshaw. Now if the Brits had unleashed a horde of Boilermakers -- then there would be serious trouble.

Ziggurat
13th July 2007, 11:54 AM
All badgers are gay. Even giant ones.

Especially the giant ones. :boxedin:

Tricky
13th July 2007, 12:42 PM
Badgers? Pshaw. Now if the Brits had unleashed a horde of Boilermakers -- then there would be serious trouble.
Buckeyes, on the other hand, we have countermeasures for.
http://www.floridadude.com/OhioFloridaTshirt.jpg

Darth Rotor
13th July 2007, 04:39 PM
Buckeyes, on the other hand, we have countermeasures for.
http://www.floridadude.com/OhioFloridaTshirt.jpg
Tsk Tsk, Tricky, forum rule 38(d) dictates that no t-shirt is allowed to be posted as an image without teeks boobs in it. As TLA dictator, you should know that.

*Niedemeier voice*

Now drop, and give me twenty!

DR