Browne: No Bugs In Heaven [Archive]

Dr Adequate

13th July 2007, 07:42 AM

"All God's creatures exist on the Other Side with only one exception. The only living things I have never seen at Home are insects. I am not sure exactly why that is, but I have never seen a spider, fly, or any other type of insect..." --- Sylvia Browne, Animals on the Other Side.

This is little strange, considering God's well-known fondness for beetles (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/J._B._S._Haldane). If he doesn't like 'em, why make so many?

Anyway, this gives us an interesting clue about the ecology of Heaven. All the seed-bearing plants must be gymnosperms.

brodski

13th July 2007, 07:51 AM

This is little strange, considering God's well-known fondness for beetles (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/J._B._S._Haldane). If he doesn't like 'em, why make so many?

No, no, no Dr A, you just not thinking about this enough, the reason that there are so many beetles here- is because none of them ever get to leave and go to heaven, they are just constantly re-incarnated as a different sort of beetle.

Come on, use your nouce!
;)

bozothedeathmachine

13th July 2007, 07:58 AM

Boy, there sure are going to be a lot of pissed off entymologists up there.

Alice Shortcake

13th July 2007, 08:01 AM

Well, she WOULD say that, wouldn't she, bearing in mind the fact that so many people loathe creepy-crawlies! I wonder if dear departed ones who can't stand dogs, cats, reptiles etc. get their own little suburb of heaven in which to pass a pest-free eternity?

Cuddles

13th July 2007, 08:04 AM

The only thing that she has never seen is an insect. Except she hasn't seen any spiders either.

Minadin

13th July 2007, 08:15 AM

How do they make all the honey?

calebprime

13th July 2007, 08:22 AM

what are all the purple martins going to eat?

plus grasshoppers are mighty tasty!

She's unwittingly shown one of the problems with the concept of heaven, though. It's hard to imagine a liveable world without an ecosystem. It's hard to imagine an ecosystem without everything we know in it.

Oh, that's right. The predators all go back to being vegetarians as they were in the Garden of Eden.

BPSCG

13th July 2007, 09:06 AM

Hey, it's Heaven. God can make Heaven any old way He wants. If God doesn't want insects in Heaven, He'll make it work without insects. That's what makes Him God, and you not-God.

Of course, if insects don't go to Heaven, that means $ylvia doesn't get in. Because if she isn't a cockroach in human form, then I'm Santa Claus.

calebprime

13th July 2007, 09:23 AM

Hey, it's Heaven. God can make Heaven any old way He wants.

Can God make Heaven with the full 'dignity of risk' but without safety devices that beep? But where no children get run over by SUVs in reverse? Can he make it so everyone can have everything they want?

Just askin'.

fromdownunder

13th July 2007, 09:33 AM

I suppose that God can, as others have said, make any sort of heaven He wants to. But Jesus supposedly said:

"When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven."

So I wonder if this means no sex in Heaven or regular orgies? I'll go for the Muslim Heaven personally.

mmmmmm... 72 Houris.

Norm

Dr Adequate

13th July 2007, 09:59 AM

Now it all makes sense. There are no bees in Heaven so that pervert degenerate flowers won't be able to have their disgusting vegetable sex orgies.

There are no flies on God, eh?

grayman

13th July 2007, 10:04 AM

Now it all makes sense. There are no bees in Heaven so that pervert degenerate flowers won't be able to have their disgusting vegetable sex orgies.

There are no flies on God, eh?

No, the other fellow is the Lord of the flies.

tsg

13th July 2007, 11:51 AM

Can he make it so everyone can have everything they want?

I want nobody to get what they want except me.

Overman

13th July 2007, 12:03 PM

PHEW! I was worried that when I finally lay to rest and go to heaven I would be attacked by legions of Ants and Wasps and Spiders that I terrorized as a youth.

Bikewer

13th July 2007, 12:07 PM

Oy should be quite un-appy wi'out me loverly wee ant, 'enry.

wipeout

13th July 2007, 12:27 PM

"All God's creatures exist on the Other Side with only one exception. The only living things I have never seen at Home are insects. I am not sure exactly why that is, but I have never seen a spider, fly, or any other type of insect..." --- Sylvia Browne, Animals on the Other Side.

This is little strange, considering God's well-known fondness for beetles (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/J._B._S._Haldane). If he doesn't like 'em, why make so many?

The fondness suggests to me maybe the insects actually hang out in an exclusive luxury resort area that Sylvia can't access.

tsg

13th July 2007, 12:47 PM

The fondness suggests to me maybe the insects actually hang out in an exclusive luxury resort area that Sylvia can't access.

You mean as opposed to the rest of the afterlife that Sylvia can't access?

Tricky

13th July 2007, 05:56 PM

Are all the extinct critters in heaven too? Man, I'd really like to see a T-Rex (or Marc Bolan). Being immortal would be a big comfort in any examination of carnivorous dinosaurs.

articulett

13th July 2007, 07:51 PM

Given that microbes, fungi, and the like are essential to life on planet earth...are they left out too?...or only the icky things that are visible to the naked eye? Speaking of naked eyes... I didn't realize things were corporeal in heaven. So "matter" matters in heaven? Or do creepy things have an "icky" essence or soul or whatever? What form do these entities take when their body is dead. I wonder if Thylacines get to hang out in the afterlife? I hear they have nasty tempers...but maybe they're toothless in heaven...

things can be however you want them to be in the land of the imagination....

Gee, maybe Sylvia's guides can give her a clue into something scientists haven't discovered yet so it doesn't sound like she's using her own provincial brain....

articulett

13th July 2007, 08:52 PM

The ick factor of bugs seems to be a visual thing...especially dark big bugs and spiders--also snakes. I wonder if blind people fear these things? If they felt or learned of ants walking all over their food, would they have the visceral reaction that sighted people would. Certainly a black widow or roach crossing their path would go unnoticed. A ladybug is a beetle that most people aren't afraid to touch...

I guess Sylvia's heaven has only cute critters (and, well, her). But whatever the heaven, it seems like the visual features are of some importance...so I wonder what organ is doing this "seeing" since they will have decayed along with the organ used to interpret visual input (the brain) along with the rest of the dead person. This used to confuse me as a kid...I couldn't imagine how eyeless entities were "watching over me"... nothing about religion ever makes sense when you have a brain that actually ponders such things.

ThatSoundAgain

13th July 2007, 08:53 PM

The explanation is simple. Have you ever known an insect (or arachnid) to live to be thirty?

articulett

13th July 2007, 09:12 PM

The explanation is simple. Have you ever known an insect (or arachnid) to live to be thirty?

God lets things he like live longer before taking them to "happily ever after" land?
I'm not sure a long life is the best life--not that I'm eager to die or anything...I just think quality matters more than quantity. And it you believed in heaven, then why wouldn't you be eager to start your eternity--especially before you commit any major sin...especially if you hate bugs or other of gods ugly critters?

I wonder if there are squids in heaven? I heard they have a better eye design. God might like them best. Or if longevity is the clue, I think he might like whales, tortoises, and several tree species much more than he likes humans. I don't think trees ever feel pain or sorrow either--no limbic system or amygdala.

ThatSoundAgain

14th July 2007, 04:20 AM

God lets things he like live longer before taking them to "happily ever after" land?

My post could have been clearer, I'm just trying to riff on Browne's opinion that "on the other side, everyone is 30".

And you're right, god's totally a sucker for giant redwoods!

Quakeulf

14th July 2007, 04:46 AM

This is just so incredibly stupid.

Dr Adequate

14th July 2007, 05:32 AM

My post could have been clearer, I'm just trying to riff on Browne's opinion that "on the other side, everyone is 30". Really?

Aren't any of the women, y'know, a little younger?

I think my idea of Heaven is a bit different from Ms Browne's.

mumchup

14th July 2007, 06:38 AM

So no disgusting, creepy insects in heaven huh? I guess Syvia can "see" it from down here, but she won't be allowed in when she finally curls up on her back under the refrigerator.

articulett

14th July 2007, 12:53 PM

My post could have been clearer, I'm just trying to riff on Browne's opinion that "on the other side, everyone is 30".

And you're right, god's totally a sucker for giant redwoods!

Ah... I didn't realize this heavenly tidbit. Do babies fast forward in heaven. Is 30 gods favorite age? I heard Sylvia gives the death of Jesus at assorted ages in various texts. I think Sylvia's "30" may have come from the movie Logan's Run. Carousel Begin...

ThatSoundAgain

14th July 2007, 01:46 PM

I thought I'd finally lost it and imagined the whole thread about it, but in the end - here it is (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=83252).

Whew, searching for threads on Browne can be hard.

ThatSoundAgain

14th July 2007, 01:48 PM

Really?

Aren't any of the women, y'know, a little younger?

I think my idea of Heaven is a bit different from Ms Browne's.

Nope, and none of them are older, either, if that's your thing.

articulett

14th July 2007, 02:12 PM

Really?

Aren't any of the women, y'know, a little younger?

I think my idea of Heaven is a bit different from Ms Browne's.

I think you want the Muslim Heaven...

Dr Adequate

14th July 2007, 04:12 PM

I think you want the Muslim Heaven... No, I don't.

Virgins?

Yuck.

Really, who thought that one up?

Look, the whole thing with ripping the hymen is gross, and I, for one, want to get through life without ever having sex with a virgin.

Seventy-two permanent virgins?

Sheesh.

Hokulele

14th July 2007, 04:20 PM

No, I don't.

Virgins?

Yuck.

Really, who thought that one up?

Look, the whole thing with ripping the hymen is gross, and I, for one, want to get through life without ever having sex with a virgin.

Seventy-two permanent virgins?

Sheesh.

Could be worse. Imagine if the same reward is offered to worthy muslim women (yeah, I know, just play along here).

72 permanently virgin males.

Yikes!

wipeout

14th July 2007, 07:36 PM

You mean as opposed to the rest of the afterlife that Sylvia can't access?

:D

wipeout

14th July 2007, 07:40 PM

What about aliens? And if it turns out that aliens are in Heaven and insects aren't, where do giant intelligent insect aliens go?

ShowerComic

14th July 2007, 07:44 PM

"When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven."

It's not Premarital sex if there is no marriage. -- So does that mean it's ok ?

I'll go for the Muslim Heaven personally.
mmmmmm... 72 Houris.

But they have to stay that way. :mad:

SezMe

14th July 2007, 07:47 PM

Now we know who gods representative on Earth is: The Orkin Man (http://www.orkin.com/).

ShowerComic

14th July 2007, 07:50 PM

Seventy-two permanent virgins?
Sheesh.

Well there was this guy in Greek mythology whose liver grew back every day, only to be eaten by a big bird like thing every night.

Then there was Norse Mythology where you got to fight in battles every day, and get your arms and legs chopped off, and pick them up off the battlefield so you could go out and do it again the next night..

You think Fundamentalist Muslim men wouldn't want to repress women in heaven with regrowable hymens

Suppressive Person

14th July 2007, 07:52 PM

Um ... before y'all strap on the bomb-vests, there's a good chance Allah's reward for your martyrdom will be 72 raisins, not virgins.

(Apparently I'm too n00b to be allowed to post a url, but if you just google houris and raisins together, you'll get it ....)

Whiplash

14th July 2007, 10:24 PM

So then, when I die, I'll never have to worry about insects of any kind, ever? Or will they actually be busy eating my remains for years after my death, while I know nothing about it?

rjh01

14th July 2007, 11:57 PM

Do we eat in heaven? If not then insects are no problem they stay away from us. Hence Sylvia has never seen them.

articulett

15th July 2007, 12:17 AM

Could be worse. Imagine if the same reward is offered to worthy muslim women (yeah, I know, just play along here).

72 permanently virgin males.

Yikes!

vomitous

RSLancastr

15th July 2007, 01:42 AM

What about aliens? And if it turns out that aliens are in Heaven and insects aren't, where do giant intelligent insect aliens go?Well, sinec Browne says that The Other Side is actually right where we are, just three feet above the ground, I would imagine that The Other Side for other planets would be three feet above their surface.

EeneyMinnieMoe

16th July 2007, 05:13 PM

I liked Dennis Miller's joke about Muslim heaven: "Mhhmm, 72 virgins? I don't know, the first 6 or 7 would be nice but after a while, I'd like a pro!"

If it goes the other way for women, well, I've never done it with someone who was previously a virgin so I'd at first jump at the chance for the experience but by about the 20th one, I'd be getting very bored.

RSLancastr

16th July 2007, 05:23 PM

well, I've never done it with someone who was previously a virgin...
Actually, anyone you've done it with was previously a virgin! :)

Hokulele

16th July 2007, 05:34 PM

No butterflies? :(

TX50

16th July 2007, 05:53 PM

Is there beer in heaven, or do I have to go to Valhalla for that?

FramerDave

16th July 2007, 07:15 PM

Well there was this guy in Greek mythology whose liver grew back every day, only to be eaten by a big bird like thing every night.

Wasn't that the punishment for Prometheus? The gods were pissed at him for having stolen their fire and giving it to Man. So they chained him to a rock to get paecked at by the bird for eternity.

Gryphus-1

17th July 2007, 01:05 AM

in sylvia browne's book Phenomenon, the subject of what the other side or heaven is like goes something like this and I quote directly from the book.

"Rather than being far, far away or beyond the moon and the stars or any of those other lovely but vague descriptions, the other side is right here among us, another dimension superimposed on ours, just three feet above our version of ground level. It's vibrational frequency is simply much higher than ours, which is why we don't precieve it. It's topography is a perfect mirror of ours, with one exception-Because there's no erosion or pollution on the other side, it's landscape is an image of the Earth from thousands of years ago, when bodies of water were pure blue and mountains and coastlines were perfectly intact. On the other side Atlantis and Lemuria, the Earth's lost continents, thrive. So do the world's great architectural and artistic masterpieces evn if they're now crumbling or have long since been destroyed on our struggling planet."

The section on the "other side" goes on to state.

"All Spirits on the other side are thirty years old, No matter what age they were when they died.

And this other side does sounds like a happening place according to sylvia.

"The spirits on the other side are constantly active, studying, working, researching, enjoying parties and concerts and dancing and sporting events, even working on cures for Earthly diseases to transmit to our doctors and scientists telepathically so they can discover them.

While the original poster was quoting from Animals on the Other Side this gives us more insight into what Sylvia Browne says the "other side" or what "heaven" will be like.

Also. I can't remember if she said it on the Montel Show, or if I read it in a Sylvia Book but I remember hearing from her that pets don't go to the "other side" that people go to, they go to like a doggy and kitty "other side" Maybe the Original Poster can clear that up since he was quoting from the Animals Book.

mumchup

17th July 2007, 06:31 PM

But my cat hates all other cats. She would hate kitty-heaven.

ConspiRaider

17th July 2007, 06:54 PM

Ah HAH! The old three-feet-above-us Heaven trick! So THAT'S why, when I'm pacing, it feels like I keep bumping my ... um ... thing ... into boot heels and stiletto heels! I mean not that I don't like it ... okay sure it hurts, roger that, hurts big time, but yet in an odd way... (oh dear)

Checkmite

17th July 2007, 07:01 PM

Is there beer in heaven, or do I have to go to Valhalla for that?

Not beer; Mead, which is a type of wine made from honey. Honey which is made by bees, and which must be extracted by beekeepers.

So I'm certainly going to Valhalla.

ksbluesfan

17th July 2007, 08:12 PM

Where Browne is going, there will be plenty of oligochaetes.

VanillaCone

17th July 2007, 08:52 PM

What happens in Heaven with cases where on Earth. the passing of an ice age gave rise to one prospering community in an area previously covered with ice, but landed another prospering community at the bottom of a lake? Who wins?

Also, doesn't there have to be a serious overcrowding problem in Sylvia's Heaven? I don't think that extra six feet in the Earth's diameter would create a whole lot more room for all those millennia worth of dead people.

bpesta22

17th July 2007, 08:59 PM

I'd still rather eat my heavenly veggies grown with bug spray. Much healthier than that organic crap.

RSLancastr

17th July 2007, 10:29 PM

No butterflies? :(
Actually, Dr. Adequate did not give the entire quote.

She goes on to say that it is possible that she has not seen any insects there because she does not care for them, and perhaps, if you love insects, there will be lots of them there for you.

Bug Girl, rest easy...

Also. I can't remember if she said it on the Montel Show, or if I read it in a Sylvia Book but I remember hearing from her that pets don't go to the "other side" that people go to, they go to like a doggy and kitty "other side" Maybe the Original Poster can clear that up since he was quoting from the Animals Book.

Well, since the whole point of the book is that all our beloved pets who have died throughout our life will be waiting on The Other Side to greet us, I don't think they are in their own separate place.

Locknar

18th July 2007, 05:48 AM

RSLancastr

18th July 2007, 04:31 PM

So what happens when our sun goes nova or otherwise dies off....destroying the Earth?

Maybe there is another sun, three feet above our own, vibrating at a different frequency, which light up The Other Side.

Locknar

19th July 2007, 05:43 AM

Maybe there is another sun, three feet above our own, vibrating at a different frequency, which light up The Other Side.

The Other Side...anything like The Far Side (no offense to Gary Larson intended) :)

Furcifer

19th July 2007, 08:14 AM

I think Sylvia's "30" may have come from the movie Logan's Run. Carousel Begin...

Carousel!,Carousel!, Carousel!,Carousel!...

:)

tsg

19th July 2007, 08:32 AM

Carousel!,Carousel!, Carousel!,Carousel!...

:)

Best line ever: "But it's different this time because it's me!"

Beerina

20th July 2007, 10:54 AM

Well, thank God that polio is in Heaven at least. :rolleyes:

Ashles

20th July 2007, 01:40 PM

So does Sylvia also claim to have seen ALL of heaven?

Maybe heaven's like Disneyworld and she didn't get as far as Insectland.

If Sylvia can drop in an out of heaven as she feels I reckon heaven needs better bouncers.

darnell11

20th July 2007, 02:46 PM

Well there was this guy in Greek mythology whose liver grew back every day, only to be eaten by a big bird like thing every night.

Then there was Norse Mythology where you got to fight in battles every day, and get your arms and legs chopped off, and pick them up off the battlefield so you could go out and do it again the next night..

You think Fundamentalist Muslim men wouldn't want to repress women in heaven with regrowable hymens

But hymens have NOTHING to do with being a virgin! Mine didn't pop until after having sex 3 times, and my friend lost hers from falling off a horse when she was 9. Some women have very thick hymens, some very brittle ones, some in the middle of thickness and thinness, and some even have hymens that tear in small sections before finally tearing completely. Virgins are those who have never had sexual intercourse. I feel bad for Muslim women who don't bleed the first time they have sex; it doesn't mean they weren't virgins necessarily.

Back to Browne, I wonder what she says about those evil serpents? Are they in heaven?

RSLancastr

20th July 2007, 06:39 PM

But hymens have NOTHING to do with being a virgin!

Well, I wouldn't say that, but they are definitely not a reliable indicator.

pchams

20th July 2007, 06:40 PM

in sylvia browne's book Phenomenon, the subject of what the other side or heaven is like goes something like this and I quote directly from the book.
...On the other side Atlantis and Lemuria, the Earth's lost continents, thrive. So do the world's great architectural and artistic masterpieces evn if they're now crumbling or have long since been destroyed on our struggling planet."

So where do all the rebuilt cities, and monuments end up?
We seem to be running out of room. Imagine Mexico City, or Jerusalem. ;)
Nevermind plate tectonics.....

darnell11

22nd July 2007, 05:20 PM

Well, I wouldn't say that, but they are definitely not a reliable indicator.

Oops, you're right.

articulett

22nd July 2007, 06:16 PM

Best line ever: "But it's different this time because it's me!"

Carousel begin...

articulett

22nd July 2007, 06:21 PM

But hymens have NOTHING to do with being a virgin! Mine didn't pop until after having sex 3 times, and my friend lost hers from falling off a horse when she was 9. Some women have very thick hymens, some very brittle ones, some in the middle of thickness and thinness, and some even have hymens that tear in small sections before finally tearing completely. Virgins are those who have never had sexual intercourse. I feel bad for Muslim women who don't bleed the first time they have sex; it doesn't mean they weren't virgins necessarily.

Back to Browne, I wonder what she says about those evil serpents? Are they in heaven?

http://www.revirgination.net/hymenrepair.html

EeneyMinnieMoe

27th July 2007, 11:12 PM

Bill Maher has a HBO special (I forget which one it is) in which he blasts Islam and Arabic culture and compares it very disfavorably with Christianity and Western culture, which is funny because he makes a living blasting Christianity every Friday, and especially mocks the idea of 72 virgins in heaven.

I gotta agree with him. The idea of 72 virgins in heaven is particularly silly, base and idiotic. I respect Muslims but that's one thing I can't get over. I agree with what Bill Maher said: "Jesus neversaid 'Blessed are the meek for they shall get laid'!"

Really, how dumb: you should practise self-sacrifice not for the sake of doing the right thing, not for eternal bliss but for casual group sex.