Sitting here depressed.

[Cainkane1]

My best friend died recently and I'm depressed about it. He died of renal failure and it took him awhile to succumb to this disorder. He was buried coincidentally in the same cemetary where my family members are interred.

My feelings were this. Does my grandmother no longer love me because she died? Is my friend no longer my friend because he died? Atheism may be true but the end game is no fun at all.

[zooloo]

First of all I'd like to say that grief never really goes away but you do get used to it. How you now feel is perfectly understandable and natural. Time is a great healer even if that seems impossible right now.

On your question, plainly if somebody no longer exists they cannot express any emotion. If that is true then your grandmother does no longer love you and your friend is no longer your friend.

Where does this leave you? What "was" is still valuable, that it is gone doesn't diminish it or make it any less valuable.

Perhaps not now but at sometime a celebration of their life could be a positive thing for you. It seems trite to say "Remember the good-times" to you but that's really the best I can offer.

My thoughts are with you as there is no easy answer, no quick fix.

[Ryokan]

I've been in a similar situation, and feel for you. Believe me when I say the pain will lessen with time. It will never completely go away, though.

My best advice is to spend time with your friends and family. Do something together.

But this is part of being a human. It will happen, and it will happen again. Accept that and work with it.

[Zep]

No to both questions.

Your grandmother's love was given to you as an ongoing gift while she was still alive. She can't give it to you now she has passed, but that does not lessen what was received before. Note that you returned it to her as well, which made her happy.

Similarly for your friendships - it was a reciprocal deal, otherwise it would not have been a friendship.

The loss you feel now is from the inability for you to reciprocate those feelings as you would like to. That's why it feels like a big loss.

This loss will lessen in time, but it is in your memories that the love and friendship will reside. So treasure your memories. And writing stuff down, and keeping pictures, is how we reinforce our memories...

[frank462]

Since all of the elements that we are made of are never destroyed, do we ever really die? I think we just get redistributed.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die . . .

-- Mary Elizabeth Frye


My condolences.