Least favorite book of the Bible!

[elliotfc]

Open-ended topic, answer it how you will, the smarmier the better, but yalls would have been smarmy anyways!

I say 1 & 2 Chronicles. Boring. Just flat out boring. Which just shows that God will inspire a dullard to do something, but the dullard will still be a dullard. Does this speak against the omnipotence of God? Maybe it was his way of showing that dullards are people too...

-Elliot

[tamiO]

Originally posted by elliotfc
Does this speak against the omnipotence of God?

-Elliot

This just tells us about your personal taste in reading. :)

[wollery]

All it really shows is that people will read and believe) just about any old thing, no matter how boring or ridiculous it may be, if someone tells them that it is the word of God. :rolleyes:

[Tony]

Deuteronomy (sp?)
Leviticus (sp?)
Numbers

[elliotfc]

I wonder how a fundamentalist would answer this...and in this you might have some ammo against a fundamentalist. Let me demonstrate...

Skeptic: So, what's your fave book of the Bible?

Fundamentalist: Well, I read a selection from the Gospel of John every single day!

S: So would you call the Gospel of John the best book of the Bible?

F: Well, it does include John 3:16, doesn't it?

S: So that would make all other books of the Bible inferior to the Gospel of John?

F: Well, I don't know if I would use the word inferior!

S: What word would you use?

F: Well, I don't think that other books of the Bible mention the word Jesus, but they are still important because they are the word of God!

S: So you believe that the word of God is uneven then?

F: Well, I think that it comes out in different ways, but it is all God's word!

S: But why wouldn't God's word be equally good?

F: Well, I think God's word is all good as the phrase goes!

S: But you just said you have a favorite book of the Bible.

F: Well I did, didn't I, but I didn't say that the other books weren't good.

S: But if the other books aren't as good as your favorite book in the Bible, how can you accept that God would give you books that aren't equally valid to you?

F: Well, I don't quite follow you...

S: How dare you be judgmental to God's word?

F: Well, what do you mean, I don't...

S: How can you play favorites with the word of God? How can you like some things God says more than other things?

F: Well, it isn't like that at all.

S: So what is it like?

F: Well, I think that all things in the Bible are all important in their own way.

S: And what way is that? The way of yourself? Are you more important than the Word of God.

F: Well, no, of course not.

S: And yet you selectively decide to cherish certain lines of the Bible more than others? How can you sleep at night?

F: Well, I say my prayers before I go to bed, I find that helps me get to sleep.

-Elliot

[Upchurch]

Revelations. One man's bad trip that became a whole sub-culture's doomsday prophesy. Thanks bunches, John!

[whitefork]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Revelations. One man's bad trip that became a whole sub-culture's doomsday prophesy. Thanks bunches, John! But we did get "John the Revelator" as a result, so maybe it's a wash. http://www.ibiblio.org/jimmy/folkden/Revel.html

[Lord Emsworth]

I'd go with the Revelation, too.

It always makes me wonder if LSD was already invented at that time

[triadboy]

Originally posted by Lord Emsworth
I'd go with the Revelation, too.

It always makes me wonder if LSD was already invented at that time

shrooms were

[Jesse2]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Revelations. One man's bad trip that became a whole sub-culture's doomsday prophesy. Thanks bunches, John! I agree about the Book of Revelation. Except I think that John of Patmos (in exile on the isle of Patmos) probably had a mental disorder, like schizophrenia.

[Dragonrock]

Originally posted by Lord Emsworth
I'd go with the Revelation, too.

It always makes me wonder if LSD was already invented at that time

John, Paul, Luke, and Mark are sitting around toking on some camel dung.

John is dictating his new book to Luke

The doober goes to John and he takes a big hit...

John: So, like, there's this sheep, and he's like God or something...

Mark: God's a farm animal?

Paul: You mean like a Goat

Luke: I wonder if you could make a sweater out of God? I bet it would be warm.

J: No, not a farm animal, it's like, symbolic or something. Meaning he's gentle, you know, like a baby sheep.

M: You mean a lamb?

J: Yeah! a lamb! So, God's a lamb...

P: So who are his parents?

J: What are you talking about?

P: If God's a baby, then he must have parents, that's how it works.

J: Oh yeah, so God's dad is God. You know, he's like the same person...

L: Woah, that's like REALLY deep. Hey! don't bogart the turd!

John hands the roach to Luke

J: Anyway, so God's this sheep...

M: You mean lamb.

J: Yeah, lamb, and he's comin' cause it's the end of the world. He has to, you know, kill everyone and stuff.

P: So one sheep is gonna kill everyone in the world?

J: He has help.

M: From who?

J: He has some friends, some...uh...Seals! Yeah! he has some seals to help him!

M: Seals? You mean like those things that swim in the ocean?

J: Yep, seals, seven of them in fact. Seven seals come down from heaven to help him kill everyone.

L: That sucks, I don't want to die...

P: Yeah, what did everyone do to deserve that?

J: Oh, um, he takes the good people away first. Kind of like this...

John tries several times to snap his fingers but is unable to. He become enraptured by the movement of his hand and quits talking.

L: Dude! The sheep, the seals, killing everyone, you there?

J: Oh, right, so, all the good people are gone and the the sheep and seals can just kill everyone that's left.

P: Man, How can sheep and seals come down from heaven without getting hurt.

J: Well, the sheep has the wool, and it like cushioned it when it fell.

P: What about the seals?

J: This angel was up there, throwing them down from heaven...

M: It doesn't matter who threw them, they'd still die when they hit the ground.

J: Yeah, they did, the angel threw them all down and they all died.

L: So the angel broke all seven seals...

P: Who's gonna help him kill everyone now?

J: There's these four guys, and they can like, kill people.

M: Only four? How are four people gonna do what 7 seals were supposed to?

J: They can move really fast, cause, they're like riding camels.

L: Camels suck! Except for what they leave behind.

Luke takes another hit and passes on to Paul

P: Yeah, camels do suck, it must be something better.

J: Ok, fine. They're on horses, better?

M: Horses are cool. Hey, John! Paul! George! Where's the skunkflop?

Mark looks at Luke

M: George, give me the roll, I need a hit! I know you got it, you're always losing everything!

L: I gave it to Paul so lay off me. Remember two things for me, My name is Luke and you're NOT my father!

Paul hands the roach to Mark

P: Chill out you two, John's in the middle of something important.

J: Thanks Paul, so anyway, The four guys on horses kill everyone.

L: So, a sheep, 7 dead seals, and 4 men riding horses kill everyone in the world?

J: Yeah! You got it?

L: Yep, I'll have to pad it out a little, but I think it'll work. I'll take a little extra camel dookie and have it back to you by Thursday.

J: Cool, man this Bible thing is easy! Say, anyone else got the munchies?

Thus, a new religion was created.

[Skeptical Greg]

:D :D :D :D

[Peter Jenkins]

Those gospels..........Repetitive, or what?
Peter

[Yahzi]

I think Gensis, Job, and the porn are my favorite parts.

All the rest sucks horribly. It's hard to pick out just one.

But I think I'd go with Revelations. Even our resident teenage angster could have written a less juvenile screed.

[Ruby]

Originally posted by elliotfc
Open-ended topic, answer it how you will, the smarmier the better, but yalls would have been smarmy anyways!

I say 1 & 2 Chronicles. Boring. Just flat out boring. Which just shows that God will inspire a dullard to do something, but the dullard will still be a dullard. Does this speak against the omnipotence of God? Maybe it was his way of showing that dullards are people too...

-Elliot

The book of Genesis in addition to the ones you listed.

[Ruby]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Revelations. One man's bad trip that became a whole sub-culture's doomsday prophesy. Thanks bunches, John!

Oh yeah, forgot about the book of Revelation. I got myself in trouble very recently by posting on a Christian forum saying that the book of Revelation was unimportant.:D

[Jesse2]

There's something at the end of revelation which prevents me from adding my own books to the bible. Honestly, what if I have some grand revelation that I need to add? I have just as much credibility as those guys (Matthew, Mark, Luke, etc..), especially if I say it is an inspired revelation from God. If you take their words for it, you'd take my word for it, right?

From the first and only book of the modern testament of God:

We made a mistake. Just ignore the bible, ok? Sorry for the mixup.

[Ruby]

Originally posted by Jesse2
There's something at the end of revelation which prevents me from adding my own books to the bible. Honestly, what if I have some grand revelation that I need to add? I have just as much credibility as those guys (Matthew, Mark, Luke, etc..), especially if I say it is an inspired revelation from God. If you take their words for it, you'd take my word for it, right?

From the first and only book of the modern testament of God:

We made a mistake. Just ignore the bible, ok? Sorry for the mixup.

:D

[Bullwinkle]

There's a LOT of stuff in those two epistles which were intended for a specific church, with a specific set of problems, which were turned around and applied to all churches at all times -- probably to assure a male-dominated patriarchy.

Paul says he will not allow women to teach in the church. He does NOT mean "the entire Church", but was addressing a specific church with a specific set of problems.

In the same epistle, Paul says that women are to be subordinate to the men -- again, in that SPECIFIC church, which had a situation of near-anarchy.

So what did the Roman Catholic Church do? Use that to establish an all-male clerical caste system (which is nearly impenetrable). The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod followed suit. So did the Southern Baptists.

My award for the most mis-interpreted book would be Revelation. It boggles the mind that fundamentalists would take that book, with its obvious symbolism (even if we can't quite figure out the symbols) and try to use that book as The Roadmap For The End Of The World. 666 refers to the Emperor Diocletan; the Great Whore refers to the political clique around the Emperor -- so much of this become obvious with just a LITTLE in-depth study of the book, but no -- leave it to fundamentalist Christians to turn Revelation into a narrative of (fundamentalist) Christians being whisked into the air into comfortable, over-stuffed recliners in Heaven so they can watch "them AWFUL heathens" being burned up below!

My favorite books are Ecclesiastes (there is some real, common-sense wisdom to be found there!) and Romans (probably the best theological treatise ever written). Did you know that the word arsenokotoi, which is deliberately mistranslated as "homosexual" in the first chapter of Romans, is actually referring to a form of ritual same-sex male temple prostitution which was used to honor a fertility god, so that the people would be blessed with a good harvest? :eek:

[triadboy]

1 and 2 Timothy are known forgeries. These and Titus put anti-Gnostic words in the mouth of Paul.

They were written in the 2nd century - at a time when the Literalist Xians were trying to degrade the Gnostic Xians.

[JesFine]

Leviticus is pretty bad -- pure hate all the way through. Also contains instructions which are impossible to follow. The hate level in Timmy 1 & 2 is pretty high as well, but they also contain a couple of verses which basically tell you not to follow anything in the Bible anyway, so I say that's a wash.

[RSLancastr]

Paul's Letters to the Editor - They are repetitious, and a bit on the whiny side. The one in which he goes on and on about his neighbor not cleaning up after his dog is simply interminable.

[c4ts]

I didn't care much for Numbers.

[SFB]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Revelations. One man's bad trip that became a whole sub-culture's doomsday prophesy. Thanks bunches, John!

What gets me about Revelations is that all the described events were to shortly come to pass! Christ how long do we have to wait???

Oh, nevermind ... it is not our place to question the Almighty, I almost forgot.

[RoadToNoReturn]

Joshua
Judges
Ruth

...which also happens to be my favorite Lyle Lovett album :D

[KelvinG]

It's all just so damn boring.

However, I don't find Revelations as the worst book in the bible. To me, it's the best. Apocalyptic destruction, fire, brimestone, and all the rest.
Hell, that's exciting stuff.

If I had to pick most boring. That easy: Psalms. It never seems to end.

[Yahweh]

I didnt like Leviticus or Deuteronomy. Too much prejudice and hate.

I did in fact find Genesis and Revelations to be the most entertaining parts of the bible. The first 6 and the last 6 pages of the bible are no doubt the funniest things you'll ever read in your life. Skip all the stuff in the middle, its hardly worth it.

[Nefertiti]

I didn't care much for the entire Bible. Reason; too much prejudice, hatred and lies.

[UnrepentantSinner]

Personally I find Galations a little too preachy.

Not to be a pedant, but it's not "Revelations" it's "Revelation" the "The Apocalypse."

[a_unique_person]

This all reminds me of the time actually thought that, as I was a god fearing catholic, I should actually read some of it.

After wading through a few pages of Genesis, I couldn't help noticing how ridiculous it all was, and stopped reading.

[LW]

Originally posted by Bullwinkle

666 refers to the Emperor Diocletan;

I've never seen a calculation linking Diocletianus to 666, but the numbers do fit to Emperor Nero.

[Pahansiri]

Originally posted by LW


I've never seen a calculation linking Diocletianus to 666, but the numbers do fit to Emperor Nero.

666 is found in 3 places in the Bible.


Ezra 2:13
The children of Adonikam, six hundred sixty and six. ( clearly a VERY very busy man)


1 Kings 10:14
The weight of the gold that Solomon received yearly was 666 talents, ( that is about 23 metric tons)

And of course.

Revelation 13
18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Bullwinkle
666 refers to the Emperor Diocletan;

I thought it was Nero.