Who would you direct aliens to?

[heath]

This non-sequitur strip (http://www.ucomics.com/nonsequitur/2003/08/31/) got me thinking. Given a situation like this who would you direct an alien inteligence to and for what reason?

Some local government official? Local law enforcement? Local religious leader? Your head of state? Some foreign version of any of the above? Tell them to run, run now. There is no hope for them?

Personally I'm stumped. I can't think of a single relevent person I would be able to direct something to in order to get a reasonable, consistent idea about what our world is about.

Reminds me of the old addage that good proof there is inteligent life our there is the fact it hasn't contacted us.

[Soapy Sam]

Which pub does De_Bunk drink in?

[aerocontrols]

An intelligent alien race wouldn't come to our planet without some idea of how it runs. They certainly wouldn't ask some guy raking his leaves for directions. If a spacecraft with little lizard-dudes hovered over my head asking questions like that, I would probably direct them to a library or a shop where they could purchase a television.

Of course, smart aliens might choose to go to New York to address the UN or to Washington to address the US Congress. Really really smart aliens would skip those steps and directly address our Jewish masters in the Knesset.

MattJ

[heath]

I hadn't even considered the UN. They might be the most appropriate body I guess.

Washington? The horror! The thought that some people might actually say that is part of what prompted me to ask. I'd personally point them anywhere but. Even without Dubya in the whitehouse could you with good conscience say the US govt is in any way placed to speak for the world? Some americans might think so but the other 95% of the world might disagree. In fact many american might disagree.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Pillory.


That should keep them busy for a while.

[Doubt]

The UN is probably the best choice. Not sure how we would explain it to the aliens.

“See, we have this organization that is not a government but speaks for us. Sort of like a government, but anybody can ignore it if they want. Except the Security Council, which usually does not do very much until something bad has already happened.”

It I wanted to be a smart @ss, I would send them to the nearest church of scientology. Could be good for a laugh. First question from the CO$ people: “Do you know Xenu?”

[aerocontrols]

Originally posted by heath
I hadn't even considered the UN. They might be the most appropriate body I guess.

Perhaps you should watch The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Originally posted by heath
Washington? The horror! The thought that some people might actually say that is part of what prompted me to ask.

So I figured. Happy to oblige.

Originally posted by heath
I'd personally point them anywhere but.

Hyperbole, I hope.

Originally posted by heath
Even without Dubya in the whitehouse could you with good conscience say the US govt is in any way placed to speak for the world?

No I couldn't. Therefore, I didn't. Notice, please, that I said that the aliens, if they knew any bit at all about how our world runs, might decide on their own to go to the UN or the US Congress.

Did you read the strip that you linked to? There is no answer to the first question the alien asks. The second question that he asks, however, has a pretty clear answer. I would give him the correct answer. Pretty simple response.

Why must the person(s) I direct them to be someone who is 'placed to speak for the world'? Surely an alien race would be rational enough to recognize that the various governments on our planet would have competing interests, and respond accordingly. That having been said, if they wanted to speak to the world through the 'most powerful person on the planet', I would send them to George Bush. Since I am in a 'region' governed by the US, I would respond to the second question in the comic by directing them to DC.

Of course, my more serious answer is that any alien race who comes from the stars to ask a question like that clearly hasn't done its homework. I proposed a visit to the library in a sort of smart-alec manner, but educating them on our world would have to be a first step. For instance, they might not know about the UN. (How they could not, I don't know, but we seem to be positing some pretty ignorant aliens here) They might prefer to speak to world religious leaders. Or, as in The Day The Earth Stood Still, they may decide that none of our governing bodies are up to snuff, and attempt to address us through some organization that is not a governing body.

MattJ

[Lothian]

You don’t take them to anyone. Do you not understand yet ?. For years our public education department in Hollywood has made training films showing you what to do and you still don’t get it. You shoot them !!! sheeesh.

[Michael Redman]

"Who's our leader? You're looking at him."

[BPSCG]

Look, whenever advanced civilization meets backwards civilization, even when advanced has the most benificent intentions, backwards loses.

So I wouldn't take them to my leader or anywhere else. The safest thing is to kill them and eat them and hope the rest of the three-headed guys back home decide to leave us alone.

[Brown]

Did you ever see "The Day the Earth Stood Still?" That movie had a pretty good idea. Take the alien to Prof. Barnhardt, so that the alien can help Prof. Barnhardt with his arithmetic.

[Lurker]

I am unsure if aliens would even ask to be taken to our leader. Perhaps if they were so far advanced from us as they consider us almost beneath their notice.

But if we could possibly compete with them... I am of the mind that the aliens, just like ourselves, have learned that in the evolution of species and competition, it is the meanest SOBs that will survive.

Because of this, if they evolved similarly to us, they will wipe us out without us even knowing they existed. If they have the ability of faster than light travel (or even near light) it is a given that they have the ability to destroy our planet.

But then again, perhaps there is something on this rock that they need.

Lurker

[arcticpenguin]

I would send them to someone who understands the proper usage of 'who' and 'whom'.

[Bluegill]

Originally posted by Michael Redman
"Who's our leader? You're looking at him."


Hold still while they try to get a lock on you with their heat ray targeting systems...



Really, if some little flying lizard dudes came by and asked me, I'd invite them over for dinner. Would anyone really pass up the chance? "Welcome to Earth. We call this 'pizza.' How do you manage interstellar travel? Wanna hear some Tom Waits? Sure, I'd love to hear your music..."

[mjv]

I.N.S.?

Ba-dum-Chink!


Thank you, thank you...I'm here all ze veek.:D

[Zep]

Whenever I go to the USA, at passport control I have to go through the gate marked "Aliens". So I guess I'm actually one of those aliens of which you speak here.

I'll be back in just a sec after me and my fellow green lizards park the flying saucer...

[peptoabysmal]

Well, you turn left at that 4th planet from our star. You see that one that's really bright? Then you go straight towards alpha centauri for about 3 - 3 1/2 light years, it's on your left, you can't miss it, right next to the crab nebula.

[aerocontrols]

Originally posted by Zep
Whenever I go to the USA, at passport control I have to go through the gate marked "Aliens". So I guess I'm actually one of those aliens of which you speak here.

Read it again. He said alien... umm... inteligence. [sic]

Crazy British spellings. :D

[CapelDodger]

From Bluegill:
Really, if some little flying lizard dudes came by and asked me, I'd invite them over for dinner. Would anyone really pass up the chance? "Welcome to Earth. We call this 'pizza.' How do you manage interstellar travel? Wanna hear some Tom Waits? Sure, I'd love to hear your music..."
You'll introduce them to this forum, I hope? (I'm assuming no-one's done so already.) I'll look out for posts from 3HedLizudd.

[Rocky]

First I'd get an agent to handle my TV spots....
Second I'd get a Lawyer, an investment banker, etc...

See, with their help I would become the leader of the Earth. :D

[welshdean]

I'd simply take them to Sir James of Randi.org. Collect my Mil. Then, I'd auction 'em off to the highest commercial bidder!
With my squillions of dollars, I'd buy a small country and outlaw all woo woo notions. Punishable by 2 yrs, 24/7 day time tv (ala Clockwork Orange)!

[SRW]

In California we send them to the Department of Motor vehicles to get their drivers licenses.

[Nefertiti]

Never to the Military, Scientists or Governments.

A local down and out would be a saner choice.

[heath]

Originally posted by arcticpenguin
I would send them to someone who understands the proper usage of 'who' and 'whom'.

Or somebody who respects internet etiquette perhaps?