A Letter From Hell [Archive]

Alice Shortcake

31st October 2007, 01:42 PM

Apology

31st October 2007, 01:53 PM

I love Godtube. Here's a video for your amusement:

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=97759aa27a0c99bff671

I was originally linked to this by an atheist and assumed it was a joke, but apparently it's entirely serious. I give it 5 crosses up for comedy.

Foster Zygote

31st October 2007, 02:20 PM

Have a look at this little gem and give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that you don't take it seriously...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=e10543891fd2e7277d15

:jaw-dropp :jaw-dropp :mad:

What an appalling piece of emotional manipulation. It was crap like this that actually contributed to my decision to leave religion. I had friends who died when I was young and I had to agonize over the belief that they were sent to Hell because they weren't born again Christians. Then I realized that any being who would send such fine people to eternal suffering was not a perfectly loving being but rather a malevolent, evil monster.

JAStewart

31st October 2007, 02:21 PM

Man, way to use fear tactics huh. I guess its maybe the only thing that might convince people these days.

Fnord

31st October 2007, 02:27 PM

A little over the top, but I'd give it two horns up for effort.

ImaginalDisc

31st October 2007, 02:38 PM

That's absoultely ridiculous!

Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from?

Marquis de Carabas

31st October 2007, 02:42 PM

Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from?
Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod.

ImaginalDisc

31st October 2007, 02:48 PM

Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod.

Just like an ass-hat.

Taffer

31st October 2007, 03:25 PM

Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds.

Screw that.

Darth Rotor

31st October 2007, 03:27 PM

Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds.

Screw that.
Shemp seems to think that goats are less work.

DR

Taffer

31st October 2007, 04:55 PM

Shemp seems to think that goats are less work.

DR

Hmm, I'll keep that in mind.

Incidentally, I told the hamsters to run faster.

Beerina

1st November 2007, 10:37 AM

If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him.

Darth Rotor

1st November 2007, 10:41 AM

If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him.
Testing microwave ovens with :goat s might be tricky. :p Large shoehorn needed, I would think.

DR

RenaissanceBiker

1st November 2007, 11:25 AM

I think it is very realistic. If I was writing a letter in a holding cell, and two big angels came to drag me away, I would keep writing. I would even write my exclamation, "NO!" Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar. Liar, liar, lake of fire!

Foster Zygote

1st November 2007, 01:27 PM

TX50

1st November 2007, 02:40 PM

Where would they get flame retardant paper...from?

Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my
cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew!

Alice Shortcake

1st November 2007, 04:30 PM

Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my
cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew!

Cow-orkers? Is this another bestiality joke...?!

Ian Osborne

2nd November 2007, 10:47 AM

Well put together, but he pinched his main idea from a Chick tract. As Foster Zygote said, scenarios like that preclude the existence of the Christian god for me. After all, if he's happy to let such suffering go, he ain't benevolent. If he doesn't know it's going on, he ain't omniscient. If he cares but can't do anything about it, he ain't all powerful.

lister

2nd November 2007, 05:09 PM

I only got to the intro bit where the narrator says "They were best friends", and it reminded me so much of South Park's Cartman doing one of his fake serious speeches that the rest just seemed amusing :D

Safe-Keeper

3rd November 2007, 04:35 AM

I can just so picture someone doing this.

DM: 'You're in a lake of fire with billions of other torture victims. The pain is unbearable, the screams horrifying, the devils very scary. What do you do?'
Player: 'Hmmm... Oh! I know! I'll write a letter!'

Fengirl

3rd November 2007, 08:32 AM

That was excellent. I LOL’ed all the way through!

What a whiner Josh was.
“Waaaaaaaaaah, Zack…it’s all your fault – you didn’t tell me about Jeeeeebus!!”

Let him roast, I say.:D

Safe-Keeper

3rd November 2007, 09:10 AM

...Zack was utterly horrified, and for the rest of his life he worked tirelessly to save as many people as he could. He joined the Army and killed many godless Muslims. He tithed to the church, persecuted gays, and picketed abortion clinics when he was on leave.

While in Iraq, however, he fell victim to some disease that plagues the people of those lands because they're evil Muslims who hate America and practice teh ghey. Lying on his deathbed, gasping, he felt gratitude that he had been a good Christian for most of his life, and had been able to make up for the misdeed by saving many souls for Christ. He anticipated, any second, to be retrieved by the Angel of Death, who'd bring him to Heaven.

Imagine, therefore, his surprise when a horse swooped down from the sky and touched down near him, hurling up a cloud of sand as it came to a halt next to him. Dismounting from it was a fierce-looking woman clad in medieval battle armour, who picked him up and got back on the horse, with surprising strength for a person who was, after all, as a woman supposed to sit home and give birth to and care for children.

The horse soared back into the air with both Zack and the woman on its back, and flew for hours upon hours until it descended into a blizzard. The woman unceremoniously pushed Zack off the horse, and he collapsed into the deep, powdery snow. The horse flew off into the air without him, vanishing in the whirling snow.

Zack had no clue paradise was so cold. His wound was miraculously gone, but he was freezing like mad and every cell of his body seemed frozen to ice in minutes. Suddenly he saw a man approach him, and demanded an explanation. But the man just kicked him back into the snow and laughed. He explained that Zack had been deceived, that the letter was from him, and that he was now in Hel for having died a boring death in a hospital, rather than on the battlefield like a good warrior.

The end:(.

[Insert long tirade about not believing the lies of Loki and the importance of living like a true warrior here. Complete with cliché references to Norse mythology]

I know the ending was way too contracted, and that real glurges expand far more on horror and pain. Sorry about that:o.