kittynh
6th November 2007, 08:12 AM
Katie Roiphe gives us a short history of seven important marriages, or relationships, among the Bloomsbury crowd of London. H.G. Wells, Vera Brittain, Vanessa Bell and the lesbian couple Una Tourbridge and Radclyffe Hall are among those covered.
This was a time of free thinking, and belief that marriage could be bettered by being open and honest. At a time when views like "Man should be a slave to nothing but his toothbrush" were being expressed, these people tried to make relationships work, simply by redefining them.
The odd feeling one gets is that in the end, marriage really is just a piece of paper. Many of these couples were trapped as firmly as any traditionally married couple simply because if their open relationships "failed" it would mean a failure to their cause, which was open relationships. "What would people say and think!" is a recurring theme.
A subject of debate on the JREF, I found this history of couples (and well most often NOT a couple, let's say a group) refreshing. H.G. Wells, who is often pointed out as having THE PERFECT open marriage, seems to have been rather happy. But his wife Jane (which wasn't her real name, he just liked Jane as a name for her... a sign of what was to come) would write short stories which poured out in fiction her dissatisfaction. During the eulogy he gave at her funeral, several well known writers that knew her well wondered who Wells was talking about so strong was his fantasy that she was the happy wife. At one point he wrote to Rebecca West (mother of his illegitimate child) about "this growing mania of yours about the injustices of my treatment of you in not murdering Jane".
Venessa Bell (sister of Virginia Wolf) had perhaps one of the most complex relationships, living with her husband, lover and her lovers boyfriend at one point. While it was a long lasting relationship, she kept it from her children (even the child she had with Duncan Grant her lover). Her daughter was shocked at the age of 17 to learn that her father was indeed her mothers lover (he was seen as a kindly uncle figure). It was probably only because of the daughters strong resemblance to Grant that she was even told then. Her openness had it's limitations when it came to the children. (a side note is that my favorite quote of all time is by her son Julian Bell "We who have never believed falsehoods have no need to fear the truth")
The point was that these relationships worked as well, or perhaps as poorly, as most conventional marriages. In a time when divorce was rare this was a time of experiment . And in a way, isn't that what "marriage" however you define it works? A commitment of sorts was made by these people. Some successfully, others not so.
A good book for those that post about how traditional marriage doesn't work, to perhaps prove my point that any relationship needs work to work!
<iframe src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=thejamesrandi-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=0385339372&fc1=000000&IS2=1<1=_blank&lc1=A70101&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr&nou=1" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"></iframe>
This was a time of free thinking, and belief that marriage could be bettered by being open and honest. At a time when views like "Man should be a slave to nothing but his toothbrush" were being expressed, these people tried to make relationships work, simply by redefining them.
The odd feeling one gets is that in the end, marriage really is just a piece of paper. Many of these couples were trapped as firmly as any traditionally married couple simply because if their open relationships "failed" it would mean a failure to their cause, which was open relationships. "What would people say and think!" is a recurring theme.
A subject of debate on the JREF, I found this history of couples (and well most often NOT a couple, let's say a group) refreshing. H.G. Wells, who is often pointed out as having THE PERFECT open marriage, seems to have been rather happy. But his wife Jane (which wasn't her real name, he just liked Jane as a name for her... a sign of what was to come) would write short stories which poured out in fiction her dissatisfaction. During the eulogy he gave at her funeral, several well known writers that knew her well wondered who Wells was talking about so strong was his fantasy that she was the happy wife. At one point he wrote to Rebecca West (mother of his illegitimate child) about "this growing mania of yours about the injustices of my treatment of you in not murdering Jane".
Venessa Bell (sister of Virginia Wolf) had perhaps one of the most complex relationships, living with her husband, lover and her lovers boyfriend at one point. While it was a long lasting relationship, she kept it from her children (even the child she had with Duncan Grant her lover). Her daughter was shocked at the age of 17 to learn that her father was indeed her mothers lover (he was seen as a kindly uncle figure). It was probably only because of the daughters strong resemblance to Grant that she was even told then. Her openness had it's limitations when it came to the children. (a side note is that my favorite quote of all time is by her son Julian Bell "We who have never believed falsehoods have no need to fear the truth")
The point was that these relationships worked as well, or perhaps as poorly, as most conventional marriages. In a time when divorce was rare this was a time of experiment . And in a way, isn't that what "marriage" however you define it works? A commitment of sorts was made by these people. Some successfully, others not so.
A good book for those that post about how traditional marriage doesn't work, to perhaps prove my point that any relationship needs work to work!
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