Why does one loose respect for another if the latter is a pushover?

[Undesired Walrus]

A question I have been thinking of for some time now (30 minutes), is that I cannot understand the underlying reason why someone would show respect to another person who is not a pushover to their demands/questions/pleads.

Example#1:

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: Oh.. er.. ok, here you go.

Or

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: No. I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that.

Example#2:

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: Oh.. er.. sure I will!

Or

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: I'm sorry, but not right now.

Now, the latter of both cases will always, after some time, create more respect for the version who refuses this.

Why?

[Undesired Walrus]

Doh. Too much 'loose' change thought today.

[AgeGap]

I will have the utmost respect for anyone who can find beer for a quid.

[Soapy Sam]

The extra "o" is practically required nowadays. A word in the process of mutation by error, I think.
Not sure I understand what you mean in the OP.
I wouldn't respect someone who simply refused on general pinciples to be helpful when help was needed. I'd view him as an unhelpful person who can't be relied on in a pinch and I would refuse to help him in turn.

I might respect someone who refused help for some moral principle- for example not giving alcohol to a drunk, but there are also circumstances where giving alcohol to a drunk is the kindest thing to do. Depends on context.

[Bethany]

I think this is something you do, not something that people in general do. If a friend of mine was willing to help me with something, for no other reason than because s/he was a nice person, I'd appreciate it. And if a friend of mine refused to help me with something for no good reason other than stubborness, I wouldn't gain respect for them.

[JoeEllison]

It seems to be about social hierarchy and pecking order. Someone who always bows down to the will of others established themselves as being lower on the pecking order than someone who asserts themselves. It isn't a one-time thing, or based on a single behavior, but something that establishes itself over time. So if you say "yes" sometimes, and "no" other times, you'll likely be treated as an equal. If you say "yes" every time, you're a pushover and an inferior. And, if you say "no" every time, people stop asking and label you a jerk. :) Refusing to ever help puts you out of the social group, and you have little or no status.

[ShowerComic]

I'd need to know more about the context your in, to understand this. Are we talkning about a friend / friend, a random stranger, or a begger. examples:

A Friend who never buys lunch for the other, while the other friend always does.

A random person on the street asking what time it is?
-- Don't these people have watches? and in one case if one turned around 180 degrees, and looked up they could see a public clock with the correct time.

A begger asking for money, or food?
A stranger asking for a light for a cigarrette. -- Which I never have as I don't smoke.

[Southwind17]

A question I have been thinking of for some time now (30 minutes), is that I cannot understand the underlying reason why someone would show respect to another person who is not a pushover to their demands/questions/pleads.

Example#1:

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: Oh.. er.. ok, here you go.

Or

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: No. I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that.

Example#2:

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: Oh.. er.. sure I will!

Or

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: I'm sorry, but not right now.

Now, the latter of both cases will always, after some time, create more respect for the version who refuses this.

Why?

You're feeling bored aren't you; very bored, in fact!!! :rolleyes:

[Thabiguy]

Why does one lose respect for another if the latter is a pushover?
Obvious answer: because the former is a jerk and/or a bully.

Only a bully will demand that another person does them a favor for no reason at all. Only a jerk will do it just because they know the other person to be very kind (like their mother, for example) and call them a "pushover" for it.

In both your examples given in the OP, the first person is clearly a jerk. They don't respect the other person to begin with, and so nothing less than plain refusal to meet their unreasonable demands will earn respect from the first person - not because the latter person is a "pushover", but because the former person is a jerk.

Now, if the first person actually has a valid reason to ask for a favor, the situation is entirely different, and the person who complies is the one who will earn respect, and the person who doesn't will act like a jerk themselves (unless of course they too have a valid reason not to comply).

For example, in your example #2, imagine that Friend is bedridden with high fever, while Friend2 is tossing a ball against a wall.
Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: Oh.. er.. sure I will!
Worthy of respect.
Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: I'm sorry, but not right now.
Not worthy of any respect at all.

[Niobe]

Now, if the first person actually has a valid reason to ask for a favor, the situation is entirely different, and the person who complies is the one who will earn respect, and the person who doesn't will act like a jerk themselves (unless of course they too have a valid reason not to comply).

However, if the pushover is doing favors because they lack assertiveness to either say no or ask for a favor in return (see: Typical nerd - pretty girl interaction), and then the pushover is bitching about being taken advantage of, they lose social status because they're basically attention whoring for sympathy.

[Jimcalagon]

I will have the utmost respect for anyone who can find beer for a quid.

BBC Radio 4 News Item this morning - some supermarkets selling beer cheaper than bottled water; 22p a can.

(I suspect one would be hard pushed to tell the 22p beer from water...)

[Southwind17]

Obvious answer: because the former is a jerk and/or a bully.

Only a bully will demand that another person does them a favor for no reason at all. Only a jerk will do it just because they know the other person to be very kind (like their mother, for example) and call them a "pushover" for it.

In both your examples given in the OP, the first person is clearly a jerk. They don't respect the other person to begin with, and so nothing less than plain refusal to meet their unreasonable demands will earn respect from the first person - not because the latter person is a "pushover", but because the former person is a jerk.

Now, if the first person actually has a valid reason to ask for a favor, the situation is entirely different, and the person who complies is the one who will earn respect, and the person who doesn't will act like a jerk themselves (unless of course they too have a valid reason not to comply).

For example, in your example #2, imagine that Friend is bedridden with high fever, while Friend2 is tossing a ball against a wall.

Worthy of respect.

Not worthy of any respect at all.

However, if the pushover is doing favors because they lack assertiveness to either say no or ask for a favor in return (see: Typical nerd - pretty girl interaction), and then the pushover is bitching about being taken advantage of, they lose social status because they're basically attention whoring for sympathy.

I guess this just goes to show how absurd the generality of the OP is! Moving swiftly on ...

[Undesired Walrus]

You're feeling bored aren't you; very bored, in fact!!! :rolleyes:

What is your purpose here?

[Southwind17]

What is your purpose here?

I suppose I could ask you the same thing. I can think of much better cures for boredom!

[Undesired Walrus]

I suppose I could ask you the same thing. I can think of much better cures for boredom!

I suggest perhaps some beer for you, if you get your pants all riled up inside your arse cheeks for a (In your eyes meaningless) thread on a vague internet forum.

[Southwind17]

I suggest perhaps some beer for you, if you get your pants all riled up inside your arse cheeks for a (In your eyes meaningless) thread on a vague internet forum.

I think you meant to write: "... for a vague thread on an otherwise interesting internet forum."

You're rapidly becoming somewhat of a 'pushover', in my eyes, and no, I haven't even had any beer yet!

[Suggestologist]

A question I have been thinking of for some time now (30 minutes), is that I cannot understand the underlying reason why someone would show respect to another person who is not a pushover to their demands/questions/pleads.

Example#1:

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: Oh.. er.. ok, here you go.

Or

Drunk man: I really need a quid for a beer
Man: No. I'm sorry but I'm not going to do that.

Example#2:

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: Oh.. er.. sure I will!

Or

Friend: Can you go down the shops and get me some food?
Friend2: I'm sorry, but not right now.

Now, the latter of both cases will always, after some time, create more respect for the version who refuses this.

Why?

Think about it this way: A girl who goes to bed with every guy who asks her to go to bed with her is easy. And of low value.

In the same way, a guy (or girl) who does anything someone requests of them is easy and of low value.

Someone of value does not simply do whatever is asked of them. And people of value are sought after more than those who are not. They are "challenging". Someone who never offers challenges is easy and of low value.

Yes, if a friend (implying that this person has already earned attention and respect from the high value person) makes a reasonable request, there is no loss of value in doing them a favor.

People with much to offer didn't get there by giving everything away for nothing.

If someone asks for something, you get quid pro quo, or if they're a friend you've already established a mutually beneficial relationship, or you don't do it for them.

Never do something for nothing. It only lowers your value in other people's eyes.

Doing something for a friend is not doing something for nothing, friendship (with people of value to you) is a something.

Helping those in need (homeless, old ladies, etc.) is also not a nothing, because it makes you feel good about yourself.

But doing something for someone who offers you no value, and shows no "need" for a good reason, is a nothing. Don't do it.

A practical example: I don't buy girls drinks just because they ask for them. Usually, the correct response is: "Why don't you get this round, and I'll get the next one." So, I establish basic quid pro quo, which also ensures a longer interaction with her or her group.

Added: A pushover gives a lot to get a little - or nothing - back. A person of value can give a little to get a lot back (or at least close to the same back) - their "a little" is valued more than a pushovers "a lot".

[Suggestologist]

That which can be taken for granted, which comes too easily, is not valued, is even devalued. (You don't know what you've got until it's gone, but while it's there, you're not going to value it much.)

That which takes effort and resources to get, is valued, is even appreciated (increased in value).

Even if what is taken for granted has more objective value than what takes effort to get.

Effort and Resources and Time = Value.

Why would I buy you a drink? Don't I have people in my life I value more than you, who I would rather buy a drink for? People of Value have friends who are People of Value.

A girl does not sleep with every guy who asks her to, if she has a guy of value (or several) waiting to sleep with her, nor if she gets asked out all the time. A girl who sleeps with anyone who asks, places no value on herself - and I certainly don't want that type of girl. A guy who buys every drunk who asks, for a drink, places no value on himself. And the value you place on yourself contributes greatly to the value most people will attribute to you.

It's all about value exchange. You give to those who give to you: Those are the people you make alliances with - often you call them your friends and lovers and perhaps business partners and various other types of mutually beneficial relationships. Why would you want to give to someone who doesn't give (much) to you (or doesn't have much potential to give to you - you might want to try to befriend a potential source of capital for a proposed business, for example)? Only a loser would do that.