Want to buy a soul?

[Some Friggin Guy]

Okay, so I was walking through the streets of downtown today. Where I live, there are an awful lot of two types of people on the streets: homeless and bible-beaters.

It just so happened that there was a homeless man sitting and panhandling not 5 feet from a REALLY obnoxious beater.

So while I had "YER GONNA BURN IN HELL FER ETERNITY IF YE DON'T ACCPET JEEEE-ZUS!" in one earm the homeless man (who was actually very soft-spoken, though still smelled of cheap wine.) asked me if I had a dollar. It was at that point, I hatched the most mean-spirited idea I've had in a while.

I usually have a notebook with me when I'm downtown. I tend to just write things down as I see them. When the homeless man (Teddy, as it turns out) asked me for money, the beater immediately turned his attention, since I actually started to pay attention to Teddy.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a dollar. I have a five, but I can't just hand it over to you. How about you sell me something for it?"

Teddy patted down his pockets looking for anything he could sell me. Then, I sprung it:

"I want to buy your soul. I've got a small collection, and I'm always looking for a new one."

The look of abject terror on the beaters face was priceless. He refused to go away, though. So, I continued.

I now have, for the price of five dollars, a piece of paper signed by a homeless man named Teddy which promises me legal ownership of his soul.

But more important, I have the knowledge that there is one street fundie out there, who is absolutly convinced he has proof that Satan walks the earth.

[fishbob]

HA.

Your story is worth way more than 5 bucks.

[RCNelson]

Some Friggin Guy:
I now have, for the price of five dollars, a piece of paper signed by a homeless man named Teddy which promises me legal ownership of his soul.

But more important, I have the knowledge that there is one street fundie out there, who is absolutly convinced he has proof that Satan walks the earth.I wonder if you could have turned around and sold the soul to the fundie for a nice profit.

[Jim_MDP]

Wow, you made out like a bandit...

http://www.wewantyoursoul.com/index.php


Mine BTW, could have sworn the percentage would've been higher. :confused:

Your soul is worth £21072. For your peace of mind, 45% of people have a purer soul than you.

[Some Friggin Guy]

Wow! I am, apparently, pretty stinking corrupt:

Your soul is worth £6929. For your peace of mind, 88% of people have a purer soul than you

[Jim_MDP]

Truly vile sir, I salute you.

[Mercutio]

I wonder if you could have gotten the homeless guy some more money by getting into a bidding war with the thumper. Play your cards right and you can creatively re-distribute the wealth of the church without any cost to yourself!

Funny, that he's the moral one, yet you are the one who gave five bucks to someone in need...

[shemp]

Originally posted by Mercutio
I wonder if you could have gotten the homeless guy some more money by getting into a bidding war with the thumper. Play your cards right and you can creatively re-distribute the wealth of the church without any cost to yourself!

Funny, that he's the moral one, yet you are the one who gave five bucks to someone in need...

Which he immediately blew on cheap wine.

[Jim_MDP]

Originally posted by shemp


Which he immediately blew on cheap wine.

Careful, I believe envy is one of the big ones.

:D

[c4ts]

I almost bought a soul on E-Bay but they closed the auction!

[Some Friggin Guy]

Not being an idiot, I accompanied the sellar of my newest possesion (wow, that takes on a whole new meaning, I guess) to Subway.

He did have about $1.50 left, but I don't think there's any wine out there for that price. Unless anyone just gave him money after, he had enough for a burger later on.

Rule of thumb when dealing with pan-handlers. If you want to help them, make sure you are there when they use the money.

[Mercutio]

SFG, you are my new hero.




* (compliment void in areas where "hero" is the sandwich purchased at the subway shop)

[Yahweh]

Your soul is worth £13146. For your peace of mind, 66% of people have a purer soul than you.
I'm disappointed... I'm much more pure than I thought I'd be...

[Demon Yoyoloach]

Originally posted by Yahweh

I'm disappointed... I'm much more pure than I thought I'd be...

YOU'RE dissapointed??? I have SO much work to do!

Your soul is worth £22068. For your peace of mind, 43% of people have a purer soul than you.

:(

[Ladewig]

I like it, but may I suggest that you add maniacal laughter on the next transaction? Nothing adds to the purchase of a soul as much as maniacal laughter.

[I'll_buy_that]

How do you know he didn't turn around and sell his sould again?
How do you know that someone didn't buy it before you?

[Marvel Frozen]

Your soul is worth £22015. For your peace of mind, 43% of people have a purer soul than you.

Where exactly do I find people to buy my soul anyway?

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by Marvel Frozen
Where exactly do I find people to buy my soul anyway?
Look hard enough and you'll find a group of cultish D&D nerds who are willing to buy anything...

Tell them your soul will increase their RAM... thats it, deal closed...

[evildave]

Your soul is worth £14398. For your peace of mind, 62% of people have a purer soul than you.

What, so high?

The form certainly sends the data to be tallied, and collects statistics. I hope they get posted somewhere, someday as an aggregate of "soul value". Check the "666 Free Hours" link on one of the pages for their "insightful" view of the Internet.

[Crossbow]

A friend of mine has a collection of souls and so far he has 18.

He got one for half a cigarette.

[Mercutio]

My son (14) collects souls; he's gotten some of them for gum.

[Swishy McJackass]

Your soul is worth £29635. For your peace of mind, 28% of people have a purer soul than you.

I'm one pure mother f**ker. Hello, Heaven! :D

[evildave]

I dunno, I think 28% of the Earth's population has got to be more than the 144,000 (give or take) that the Jehova's Witlesses predict. Various other Christian sects and religions believe you'll only go to 'heaven' if you follow them, and them only.

In Heinlein's 'Job', the figure was 7%.

[BobK]

I'm in a very select group.
Your soul is worth £458. For your peace of mind, 99% of people have a purer soul than you.
I always knew I was a fairly unique fella. ;)

[LW]

Originally posted by Swishy McJackass

I'm one pure mother f**ker. Hello, Heaven! :D

Heathen,

Your soul is worth £51471. For your peace of mind, 12% of people have a purer soul than you.

Mind you, it helps a lot that there are quite lot culture-specific questions down there.

[ebola]

I tried it three ways:

A deliberate attempt to score low:


Your soul is worth £1060. For your peace of mind, 99% of people have a purer soul than you.


A deliberate attempt to score high:


Your soul is worth £49793. For your peace of mind, 13% of people have a purer soul than you.


And the truth:


Your soul is worth £12918. For your peace of mind, 67% of people have a purer soul than you.


I don't think I'll mind the warm place. I'll be too busy talking to all of you. Just for the record, if you're not heaven-bound, you might as well get what you can for your soul.

Eric

[NoZed Avenger]

Your soul is worth £35738. For your peace of mind, 22% of people have a purer soul than you.


That D*mned Billy Graham and his family have blown the curve for all of us.

Uh-oh. That outburst just lost me £450.


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