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Old 17th November 2012, 03:36 AM   #3
HansMustermann
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But nevertheless, building those structures happened within an interval spanning thousands of years, and at that an interval when such atrocities were committed in the name of the same astronaut gods. You can't really get around the fact that the pyramids were built by whoever set himself or herself as god there, WHILE people were being sacrificed to him or her.

In fact, let me illustrate the kind of alien society you'd need for such encouraging atrocities to be as systematic and continue over thousands of years all over the globe. It's not even some over-the-top taking the piss, or indeed even funny at all, but, shall we say, an honest artist's impression of such a society.

Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl reporting for debriefing, Sir.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
At ease, captain. I was going over your report and wanted to go through it with you. Starting from the beginning... setting up a standard pantheon?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Standard procedure, according to article 249 of the Prime Directive, variant D.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Describe in your own words what that entailed.
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Well, sir, I set myself up as god of the sky, magic and afterlife, and demanded able men sacrificed to me, lest even the very sun ceases to rise. The science officer, Commander Tlaloc set himself up as rain god and demanded children sacrifices. Chief of security, lieutenant-commander Yaocihuatl set herself up as goddess of warrior women and demanded that women be "made warriors" in her honour by being flayed alive and having their skin worn by priests during ceremonies.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Any troubles or resistance?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
None, sir. One wise-guy protested that the sun was rising even before we got there -- there's always one, sir -- but we made them sacrifice him first, on threat of destroying their village otherwise. As usual, that kept the rest in line.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Moving on... Setting up checks and balances?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Standard variant C, according to article 250 of the Prime directive. The king can override our high priest, but only if he gets a vision by dragging a barbed fish spine through his penis until he hallucinates. His vision must be corroborated by the queen who is to drag another barbed spine through a hole in her tongue. Just the usual, really.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Let's move on then... Did you build the sacrificial pyramids that go with version D of the pantheon?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Not personally, sir. We applied the allowed variation as allowed by article 252, paragraph 20, section J.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
If I remember what that means, you made them enslave a neighbouring tribe and use the slaves to build the pyramid?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Yes, sir. The slaves were of course sacrificed afterwards to us, according to their age and gender.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
I see... While that is indeed allowed, it must be based on one of the allowed reasons. Which reason do you invoke for applying article 252?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
That would be section H, sir.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
"Just for lulz?"
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
For great lulz, sir. We made it a whole day event for the crew to watch the hundreds of sacrifices. Especially flaying the women was a great hit with the crew and greatly improved morale.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Moving on... resources taken by the expedition?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Hand carved idols, sir. We made them work overtime to make as many as they could.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
I assume they were taken care of apropriately?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Indeed they have, sir. According to article 190, paragraph 10, section B about alien cultural artefacts, they went straight down the incinerator chute.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
There is just one more issue, captain. You went a whole two months over the assigned deadline. What was the reason?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Well, sir, as detailed in my report, there was no local species of fish with a barbed enough spine to cause maximum destruction and pain. Commander Tlaloc had to splice the genes of several species to get a species of ray that was good enough for that ritual.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
It seems to me, captain, that then you could have just implemented one of the other kinds of checks and balances, that don't require one. Still, your resourcefulness has been noted. Now, moving on... any final remarks or recommendations?
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
Yes, sir. We have spotted several other tribes advanced enough to be of interest, yet too far to get their rites from the tribe we processed. For example there is a tribe on the other side of the world which seems obsessively protective of their children. I would strongly recommend they be given section K of the allowed pantheons, that is, the one where they have to burn their babies alive to their god. More expeditions are needed to process such tribes on a per-region basis.
Rear-Admiral Akbar Zeb:
Very well, I shall forward your recommendations to starfleet. Dismissed, captain.
Captain-Lieutenant Quetzalcoatl:
SIR!
Basically, really, you can't get something as systematic unless that's the standard psycho way to deal with primitive aliens.
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Last edited by HansMustermann; 17th November 2012 at 03:44 AM.
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