A Letter From Hell

Alice Shortcake · 31st October 2007, 12:42 PM

Have a look at this little gem and give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that you don't take it seriously...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...891fd2e7277d15

Apology · 31st October 2007, 12:53 PM

I love Godtube. Here's a video for your amusement:

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...a27a0c99bff671

I was originally linked to this by an atheist and assumed it was a joke, but apparently it's entirely serious. I give it 5 crosses up for comedy.

Foster Zygote · 31st October 2007, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by Alice Shortcake

Have a look at this little gem and give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that you don't take it seriously...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...891fd2e7277d15

What an appalling piece of emotional manipulation. It was crap like this that actually contributed to my decision to leave religion. I had friends who died when I was young and I had to agonize over the belief that they were sent to Hell because they weren't born again Christians. Then I realized that any being who would send such fine people to eternal suffering was not a perfectly loving being but rather a malevolent, evil monster.

JAStewart · 31st October 2007, 01:21 PM

Man, way to use fear tactics huh. I guess its maybe the only thing that might convince people these days.

Fnord · 31st October 2007, 01:27 PM

A little over the top, but I'd give it two horns up for effort.

ImaginalDisc · 31st October 2007, 01:38 PM

That's absoultely ridiculous!

Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from?

Marquis de Carabas · 31st October 2007, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by ImaginalDisc

Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from?

Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod.

ImaginalDisc · 31st October 2007, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by Marquis de Carabas

Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod.

Just like an ass-hat.

Taffer · 31st October 2007, 02:25 PM

Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds.

Screw that.

Darth Rotor · 31st October 2007, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by Taffer

Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds.

Screw that.

Shemp seems to think that goats are less work.

DR

Taffer · 31st October 2007, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by Darth Rotor

Shemp seems to think that goats are less work.

DR

Hmm, I'll keep that in mind.

Incidentally, I told the hamsters to run faster.

Beerina · 1st November 2007, 09:37 AM

If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him.

Darth Rotor · 1st November 2007, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by Beerina

If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him.

Testing microwave ovens with

s might be tricky.

Large shoehorn needed, I would think.

DR

RenaissanceBiker · 1st November 2007, 10:25 AM

I think it is very realistic. If I was writing a letter in a holding cell, and two big angels came to drag me away, I would keep writing. I would even write my exclamation, "NO!" Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar. Liar, liar, lake of fire!

Foster Zygote · 1st November 2007, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by RenaissanceBiker

I think it is very realistic. If I was writing a letter in a holding cell, and two big angels came to drag me away, I would keep writing. I would even write my exclamation, "NO!" Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar. Liar, liar, lake of fire!

"Perhaps he died whilst writing it."

"Oh come on! He wouldn't bother to carve 'Arrrrrgh'."

TX50 · 1st November 2007, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by ImaginalDisc

Where would they get flame retardant paper...from?

Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my
cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew!

Alice Shortcake · 1st November 2007, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by TX50

Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my
cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew!

Cow-orkers? Is this another bestiality joke...?!

Ian Osborne · 2nd November 2007, 09:47 AM

Well put together, but he pinched his main idea from a Chick tract. As Foster Zygote said, scenarios like that preclude the existence of the Christian god for me. After all, if he's happy to let such suffering go, he ain't benevolent. If he doesn't know it's going on, he ain't omniscient. If he cares but can't do anything about it, he ain't all powerful.

lister · 2nd November 2007, 04:09 PM

I only got to the intro bit where the narrator says "They were best friends", and it reminded me so much of South Park's Cartman doing one of his fake serious speeches that the rest just seemed amusing

Safe-Keeper · 3rd November 2007, 03:35 AM

I can just so picture someone doing this.

DM: 'You're in a lake of fire with billions of other torture victims. The pain is unbearable, the screams horrifying, the devils very scary. What do you do?'
Player: 'Hmmm... Oh! I know! I'll write a letter!'

Fengirl · 3rd November 2007, 07:32 AM

That was excellent. I LOL’ed all the way through!

What a whiner Josh was.
“Waaaaaaaaaah, Zack…it’s all your fault – you didn’t tell me about Jeeeeebus!!”

Let him roast, I say.

Safe-Keeper · 3rd November 2007, 08:10 AM

...Zack was utterly horrified, and for the rest of his life he worked tirelessly to save as many people as he could. He joined the Army and killed many godless Muslims. He tithed to the church, persecuted gays, and picketed abortion clinics when he was on leave.

While in Iraq, however, he fell victim to some disease that plagues the people of those lands because they're evil Muslims who hate America and practice teh ghey. Lying on his deathbed, gasping, he felt gratitude that he had been a good Christian for most of his life, and had been able to make up for the misdeed by saving many souls for Christ. He anticipated, any second, to be retrieved by the Angel of Death, who'd bring him to Heaven.

Imagine, therefore, his surprise when a horse swooped down from the sky and touched down near him, hurling up a cloud of sand as it came to a halt next to him. Dismounting from it was a fierce-looking woman clad in medieval battle armour, who picked him up and got back on the horse, with surprising strength for a person who was, after all, as a woman supposed to sit home and give birth to and care for children.

The horse soared back into the air with both Zack and the woman on its back, and flew for hours upon hours until it descended into a blizzard. The woman unceremoniously pushed Zack off the horse, and he collapsed into the deep, powdery snow. The horse flew off into the air without him, vanishing in the whirling snow.

Zack had no clue paradise was so cold. His wound was miraculously gone, but he was freezing like mad and every cell of his body seemed frozen to ice in minutes. Suddenly he saw a man approach him, and demanded an explanation. But the man just kicked him back into the snow and laughed. He explained that Zack had been deceived, that the letter was from him, and that he was now in Hel for having died a boring death in a hospital, rather than on the battlefield like a good warrior.

The end.

[Insert long tirade about not believing the lies of Loki and the importance of living like a true warrior here. Complete with cliché references to Norse mythology]

I know the ending was way too contracted, and that real glurges expand far more on horror and pain. Sorry about that

.

31st October 2007, 12:42 PM	#1
Alice Shortcake Muse Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: York, England Posts: 750	A Letter From Hell Have a look at this little gem and give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that you don't take it seriously... http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...891fd2e7277d15

31st October 2007, 01:20 PM	#3
Foster Zygote Dental Floss Tycoon Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge Posts: 14,407	Originally Posted by Alice Shortcake Have a look at this little gem and give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that you don't take it seriously... http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...891fd2e7277d15 What an appalling piece of emotional manipulation. It was crap like this that actually contributed to my decision to leave religion. I had friends who died when I was young and I had to agonize over the belief that they were sent to Hell because they weren't born again Christians. Then I realized that any being who would send such fine people to eternal suffering was not a perfectly loving being but rather a malevolent, evil monster.
	__________________ It looks just like a Telefunken U47... You'll love it.

31st October 2007, 01:21 PM	#4
JAStewart Graduate Poster Tagger Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Shetland Islands Posts: 1,523	Man, way to use fear tactics huh. I guess its maybe the only thing that might convince people these days.
	__________________ Ignorance and google is a horrible combination. - BigAl Argumentum ad YouTubeum - sts60

31st October 2007, 01:27 PM	#5
Fnord Metasyntactic Variable Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 6,633	A little over the top, but I'd give it two horns up for effort.
	__________________ Belief is the subjective acceptance of a (valid or invalid) concept, opinion, or theory; Faith is the unreasoned belief in improvable things; *and Knowledge* is the reasoned belief in provable things. Belief itself proves nothing.**

31st October 2007, 01:38 PM	#6
ImaginalDisc Proactive Untwister of Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 10,225	That's absoultely ridiculous! Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from?
	__________________ Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds. *-HK-47*

31st October 2007, 12:53 PM	#2
Apology Reader's of the Boden Codex Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,583	I love Godtube. Here's a video for your amusement: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.ph...a27a0c99bff671 I was originally linked to this by an atheist and assumed it was a joke, but apparently it's entirely serious. I give it 5 crosses up for comedy.

31st October 2007, 01:42 PM	#7
Marquis de Carabas Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: vuori Posts: 27,106	Originally Posted by ImaginalDisc Where would they get flame retardant paper, envelopes, and stamps from? Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod.
	__________________ Jesus ... wasn't he the bloke who turned fish into wine and made the lepers multiply? -KateHL Violence is more acceptable than incest. I have been told to keep this in mind.

31st October 2007, 01:48 PM	#8
ImaginalDisc Proactive Untwister of Octagonal Hippopotamus Pants Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Miami, Fl Posts: 10,225	Originally Posted by Marquis de Carabas Reported. Retard is an insult, nimrod. Just like an ass-hat.
	__________________ Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds. *-HK-47*

31st October 2007, 02:25 PM	#9
Taffer Shén Tōu Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: 台中 Posts: 4,531	Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds. Screw that.
	__________________ Die Dulce Fruere "Whereof one cannot speak, Thereof one must be silent." BUILDS YOUR ROOFS OF DEAD WOOD. BUILDS YOUR WALLS OF DEAD STONE. BUILDS YOUR DREAMS OF DEAD THOUGHTS. COMES CRYING LAUGHING SINGING BACK TO LIFE, TAKES WHAT YOU STEAL, AND PULLS THE SKINS FROM YOUR DEAD BONES SHRIEKING. -- Clay tablet in an abandoned Trickster temple.

31st October 2007, 02:27 PM	#10
Darth Rotor Salted Sith Cynic Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Rat cheer Posts: 34,279	Originally Posted by Taffer Took me half an hour to load the first 20 seconds. Screw that. Shemp seems to think that goats are less work. DR
	__________________ Helicopters don't so much fly as beat the air into submission. "Jesus wept, but did He laugh?"--F.H. Buckley____"There is one thing that was too great for God to show us when He walked upon our earth ... His mirth." --Chesterton__"If the barbarian in us is excised, so is our humanity."--D'rok__ "I only use my gun whenever kindness fails."-- Robert Earl Keen__"Sturgeon spares none.". -- The Marquis

31st October 2007, 03:55 PM	#11
Taffer Shén Tōu Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: 台中 Posts: 4,531	Originally Posted by Darth Rotor Shemp seems to think that goats are less work. DR Hmm, I'll keep that in mind. Incidentally, I told the hamsters to run faster.
	__________________ Die Dulce Fruere "Whereof one cannot speak, Thereof one must be silent." BUILDS YOUR ROOFS OF DEAD WOOD. BUILDS YOUR WALLS OF DEAD STONE. BUILDS YOUR DREAMS OF DEAD THOUGHTS. COMES CRYING LAUGHING SINGING BACK TO LIFE, TAKES WHAT YOU STEAL, AND PULLS THE SKINS FROM YOUR DEAD BONES SHRIEKING. -- Clay tablet in an abandoned Trickster temple.

1st November 2007, 09:37 AM	#12
Beerina Sarcastic Conqueror of Notions Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: A floating island above the clouds Posts: 23,835	If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him.
	__________________ "Great innovations should not be forced [by way of] slender majorities." - Thomas Jefferson The government should nationalize it! Socialized, single-payer video game development and sales *now!* More, cheaper, better games, right? Right?

1st November 2007, 09:41 AM	#13
Darth Rotor Salted Sith Cynic Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Rat cheer Posts: 34,279	Originally Posted by Beerina If he uses goats for the same thing other people use hamsters, more power to him. Testing microwave ovens with s might be tricky. Large shoehorn needed, I would think. DR
	__________________ Helicopters don't so much fly as beat the air into submission. "Jesus wept, but did He laugh?"--F.H. Buckley____"There is one thing that was too great for God to show us when He walked upon our earth ... His mirth." --Chesterton__"If the barbarian in us is excised, so is our humanity."--D'rok__ "I only use my gun whenever kindness fails."-- Robert Earl Keen__"Sturgeon spares none.". -- The Marquis

1st November 2007, 10:25 AM	#14
RenaissanceBiker Eats shoots and leaves. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: South Carolina Posts: 6,810	I think it is very realistic. If I was writing a letter in a holding cell, and two big angels came to drag me away, I would keep writing. I would even write my exclamation, "NO!" Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar. Liar, liar, lake of fire!
	__________________ "Truth does not contradict truth." - St. Augustine "Faith often contradicts faith. Therefore faith is not an indication of truth." - RenaissanceBiker

1st November 2007, 12:27 PM	#15
Foster Zygote Dental Floss Tycoon Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge Posts: 14,407	Originally Posted by RenaissanceBiker I think it is very realistic. If I was writing a letter in a holding cell, and two big angels came to drag me away, I would keep writing. I would even write my exclamation, "NO!" Anybody who says they wouldn't is a liar. Liar, liar, lake of fire! "Perhaps he died whilst writing it." "Oh come on! He wouldn't bother to carve 'Arrrrrgh'."
	__________________ It looks just like a Telefunken U47... You'll love it.

1st November 2007, 01:40 PM	#16
TX50 Graduate Poster Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,556	Originally Posted by ImaginalDisc Where would they get flame retardant paper...from? Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew!
TX50 Graduate Poster Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,556

1st November 2007, 03:30 PM	#17
Alice Shortcake Muse Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: York, England Posts: 750	Originally Posted by TX50 Well my personal hell would be stuck in the office for eternity with my cow-orkers. At least that means I won't have to do paperwork, phew! Cow-orkers? Is this another bestiality joke...?!

2nd November 2007, 09:47 AM	#18
Ian Osborne JREF Kid Tagger Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Wiltshire Posts: 6,383	Well put together, but he pinched his main idea from a Chick tract. As Foster Zygote said, scenarios like that preclude the existence of the Christian god for me. After all, if he's happy to let such suffering go, he ain't benevolent. If he doesn't know it's going on, he ain't omniscient. If he cares but can't do anything about it, he ain't all powerful.
	__________________ "Faith without doubt leads to moral arrogance, the eternal pratfall of the religiously convinced" - Joe Klein, Time magazine "The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." - Carl Sagan

2nd November 2007, 04:09 PM	#19
lister Thinker Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Midlands, UK Posts: 221	I only got to the intro bit where the narrator says "They were best friends", and it reminded me so much of South Park's Cartman doing one of his fake serious speeches that the rest just seemed amusing
	__________________ Are you a JREF Folder?

3rd November 2007, 03:35 AM	#20
Safe-Keeper Philosopher Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sogndal, Norway Posts: 7,121	I can just so picture someone doing this. DM: 'You're in a lake of fire with billions of other torture victims. The pain is unbearable, the screams horrifying, the devils very scary. What do you do?' Player: 'Hmmm... Oh! I know! I'll write a letter!'

3rd November 2007, 07:32 AM	#21
Fengirl Graduate Poster Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Cambridgeshire, UK Posts: 1,194	That was excellent. I LOL’ed all the way through! What a whiner Josh was. “Waaaaaaaaaah, Zack…it’s all your fault – you didn’t tell me about Jeeeeebus!!” Let him roast, I say.
	__________________ "'Tis with our judgments as our watches, none Go just alike, yet each believes his own." Alexander Pope: An Essay on Criticism lines 9-10

3rd November 2007, 08:10 AM	#22
Safe-Keeper Philosopher Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Sogndal, Norway Posts: 7,121	...Zack was utterly horrified, and for the rest of his life he worked tirelessly to save as many people as he could. He joined the Army and killed many godless Muslims. He tithed to the church, persecuted gays, and picketed abortion clinics when he was on leave. While in Iraq, however, he fell victim to some disease that plagues the people of those lands because they're evil Muslims who hate America and practice teh ghey. Lying on his deathbed, gasping, he felt gratitude that he had been a good Christian for most of his life, and had been able to make up for the misdeed by saving many souls for Christ. He anticipated, any second, to be retrieved by the Angel of Death, who'd bring him to Heaven. Imagine, therefore, his surprise when a horse swooped down from the sky and touched down near him, hurling up a cloud of sand as it came to a halt next to him. Dismounting from it was a fierce-looking woman clad in medieval battle armour, who picked him up and got back on the horse, with surprising strength for a person who was, after all, as a woman supposed to sit home and give birth to and care for children. The horse soared back into the air with both Zack and the woman on its back, and flew for hours upon hours until it descended into a blizzard. The woman unceremoniously pushed Zack off the horse, and he collapsed into the deep, powdery snow. The horse flew off into the air without him, vanishing in the whirling snow. Zack had no clue paradise was so cold. His wound was miraculously gone, but he was freezing like mad and every cell of his body seemed frozen to ice in minutes. Suddenly he saw a man approach him, and demanded an explanation. But the man just kicked him back into the snow and laughed. He explained that Zack had been deceived, that the letter was from him, and that he was now in Hel for having died a boring death in a hospital, rather than on the battlefield like a good warrior. The end. [Insert long tirade about not believing the lies of Loki and the importance of living like a true warrior here. Complete with cliché references to Norse mythology] I know the ending was way too contracted, and that real glurges expand far more on horror and pain. Sorry about that.
	Last edited by Safe-Keeper; 3rd November 2007 at 08:13 AM.