TAM X - Singles n' Singles

[Andriiya]

Well, I'm not really for or against this idea as it is.

But, might I suggest bowling at South Point (or some similar activity)? I find dinner settings to be horrible for meeting new people. You end up sitting near one or two people and don't have as much opportunity to mingle.

I'm not trying to say meeting people at TAM is easy for everyone, but honestly I saw more than one example at TAM9 of a group of friends seeing someone in the Del Mar alone and making it a point to include them in conversations.

Also, the extracurricular events are a great way to meet people. I think some people mentioned this before, but I can't stress this one enough. Some people made new friends just because they were willing to eat a vegan donut. Yes, a FREE donut and new friends... that's very minimal effort in my book.

Some singles my be intimidated by the idea of going to a singles get together. The reason I mention this is because I think it would be a good idea to incorporate another activity in the event. Some people are more comfortable with "Let's get ice cream and meet new people!" than with "Let's all go be single in a restaurant!"

And I'm just going to ask this out right because I don't like dancing around this subject: are you looking for a hookup for the weekend, a relationship, new friends, or any combination of those? I only ask because if it's a romantically geared event then you may or may not want to give people at least a vague idea of who you are (age, orientation, location, etc.) and what you're looking for. If for example you're in your early 20's and looking for someone your own age and everyone at the event ends up being people in their late 30's, then you're left with a bit of a let down.

[zooterkin]

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

The problem I have with your statement is that it makes a lot of assumptions. For example, you assume that everyone else is there to meet people as well. Take the bar for example. Sometimes people just go there to hang out with their friends, not to get approached by everyone else.

In my experience at two TAMs, two TAM Londons and one QEDCon, all of which I went to on my own, most people do go to these events to meet other people, and they hang out in the bars to do just that. I am not the most outgoing person in the world, but I did meet people and talk with them at those events, and the rolling crowd in the Del Mar was the most friendly. You do get the occasional group that is unwelcoming (even, in one case, a forumite), but that is extremely rare, and usually a group you might think from a distance was a group of old friends turns out to be people who have just met but who have a lot in common. Now, one thing which did really help me is that I met people I'd interacted with here first at all of these events, so joining in some threads you're interested in might be one way to prepare the ground.

ETA: Also what Andriya and Tamazon said, about joining extracurricular events. And, what I forgot to mention, I met a whole group of people when I volunteered to help (it's not clear yet if volunteers will be needed for TAMX, but if they are, I'll be signing up), that group of people including DJ and the Amazing one himself.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Quote:

But, might I suggest bowling at South Point (or some similar activity)? I find dinner settings to be horrible for meeting new people. You end up sitting near one or two people and don't have as much opportunity to mingle.

I completely agree with everything you've said. In fact, this is the reason why I don't really enjoy my local Skeptics in the Pub events. I would be all for a neutral event that everyone would be comfortable doing.

This is also my hesitation with Del Mar even though it seems to be the popular choice. As someone who doesn't drink, it's already a strange situation for me. At TAM 8 my friend and I came a bit late to a Del Mar meet up, and we ended up sitting in the most awkward place at the end of the table.

I would rather pick an activity where everyone can participate, and where they're free to move about and mingle.

Quote:

And I'm just going to ask this out right because I don't like dancing around this subject: are you looking for a hookup for the weekend, a relationship, new friends, or any combination of those? I only ask because if it's a romantically geared event then you may or may not want to give people at least a vague idea of who you are (age, orientation, location, etc.) and what you're looking for. If for example you're in your early 20's and looking for someone your own age and everyone at the event ends up being people in their late 30's, then you're left with a bit of a let down.

That's a fair question.

Personally, I'm not looking for a "hookup." My goal is to create an opportunity to meet people using a common situation as an ice breaker. If those meetings lead to hanging out for the weekend, or more, then that is awesome.

The reason I suggested that singles, first timers, and people attending solo is that it hopefully eliminates expectations that it geared towards any one goal.

I want to be clear, I don't want this idea to come across as some cheesy reason to find a "hookup." When it comes to the "singles" aspect of it, I just want to give anyone who is single an opportunity to meet like minded people.

The overall goal (in my opinion) is to take some of the pressure off meeting people at TAM, by presenting them with a situation where they know everyone is basically in the same boat. What personal goals people have beyond that is their own.

I hope that makes some sense?

[crazylegsmurphy]

Quote:

ETA: Also what Andriya and Tamazon said, about joining extracurricular events. And, what I forgot to mention, I met a whole group of people when I volunteered to help (it's not clear yet if volunteers will be needed for TAMX, but if they are, I'll be signing up), that group of people including DJ and the Amazing one himself.

Personally, I'm all about the extracurricular events. I have been trying to get events organized outside of the pub in my local city because I am not a fan of bars/pubs. I find the atmosphere is not conducive to meeting new people because you have to talk loudly, people are getting "tipsy", and the seating arrangement is usually annoying as Andriiya mentioned above.

I met a few people the first time I was there because I was promoting my skeptic based comic, and had a few fans there, but I still found that it didn't lead to much hanging out or anything because people were there with friends and such.

All good ideas though. I think that if we can get a nice little group of people together, it will give everyone the confidence to partake in some of the activities because they can worry about having fun, instead of finding someone to talk to.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by Tamazon

I will sign up for your event and look forward to it.

I thought you were coming to my event?

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by zooterkin

You do get the occasional group that is unwelcoming (even, in one case, a forumite)...

I made it quite clear you could sit at my table if you bought me a beer. I can't believe you're still whining about it.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

I thought you were coming to my event?

So far, my "event" does not run from the 12th to the 15th, 24 hours a day...so you're probably still ok.

[xinit]

Originally Posted by Andriiya

I'm not trying to say meeting people at TAM is easy for everyone, but honestly I saw more than one example at TAM9 of a group of friends seeing someone in the Del Mar alone and making it a point to include them in conversations.

I think the kind of embarrassment that arises from bowling is a sure way to break some ice. Organize a group trip to go see an afternoon magic show like Mac King, perhaps.

Wear the 1st TAMmer button - we will talk to you. If you're at the Del Mar and nobody waves you over, sit down at the first table you see that has more than 2 people chatting at it.

If it's just two people, they may be conspiring, so maybe ask first... otherwise, just sit down like you met them last year and they forgot who you were.

Originally Posted by Andriiya

Some people made new friends just because they were willing to eat a vegan donut. Yes, a FREE donut and new friends... that's very minimal effort in my book.

Somehow, I didn't connect the vegan donuts guy to Jamie... He better be there this year, spending another $100 on egg-free pastries.

[Tamazon]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

I thought you were coming to my event?

Of course I am. Um. You did get the plastic wrap, lava lamp, chocolate pudding and python, right?

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by Tamazon

Of course I am. Um. You did get the plastic wrap, lava lamp, chocolate pudding and python, right?

No.

[Andriiya]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

No.

No? NO?! They might as well just cancel TAM then.

[shawmutt]

You should arrange to have the meeting in an elevator.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by shawmutt

You should arrange to have the meeting in an elevator.

Just me and Rebecca Watson? That didn't work out so well last time.

[saganite]

Hanging out at the Del Mar might be the most direct way to interact and make friendships with new people. On the other hand, I'll fully agree that it can be difficult in that environment -- smoky, loud, boozy, etc. I mean, nobody can accuse me of not spending enough time at the bar, but I tend to stick to groups of people I already know when I'm there just by default, because it can be intimidating to wander in and not know anybody. I've been going to this thing for years and walking into the Del Mar by myself still brings out the socially awkward teenager in me. More than once I've walked in, realized I didn't recognize anyone, chickened out and gone back to my room.

That said, here are some of the ways in which I've met and made friendships with people at TAM that in no way involved a bar:

- Bumlet5 and I were sitting near each other at a panel and struck up a conversation afterward about where we had traveled from and what we thought about the conference.

- I met El_Spectre because I was wandering around by myself, looking for anyone else with a badge (this was in the pre-South Point days) and he was the first person I saw so I said hey and asked if I could tag along to wherever he was going.

- I met Scrut by asking roughly 100 people if they knew what Scrut looked like, because I thought his forum posts were funny and wanted to tell him so. I regret that decision to this day.

- I met KingMerv00 after having wandered into someone's hotel room uninvited. That's not what it sounds like. Our first conversation was a three-hour rant about relationships. I'm not sure how it started, but I do know that once you get started ranting about relationships, other people in the room tend to slowly move away.

- I introduced myself to RustyPouch because I decided I wanted to know the guy wearing a bowtie and carrying a flask in his pocket.

- I met Rebecca Watson in the women's bathroom at TAM 5, where I highly weirded her out by introducing myself while giggling like a nervous schoolgirl.

- I met MattusMaximus by eavesdropping on a conversation he was having with some people in the hall and overhearing the words "giant dildo."

Some of these people have become enduring friends. Others, I've never spoken with again, which is fine -- you can't win them all. Point? I guess it's that I'd never look first to a conventional social scene to make connections and friendships at TAM because it can be challenging. It's those small in-between moments, taking those opportunities to chat and make small talk, that lead to meeting new people, who might then introduce you to their friends, who may then invite you to join them later at the bar.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by saganite

I met Scrut by asking roughly 100 people if they knew what Scrut looked like, because I thought his forum posts were funny and wanted to tell him so. I regret that decision to this day.

I think you met an impostor.

Originally Posted by saganite

I met Rebecca Watson in the women's bathroom at TAM 5, where I highly weirded her out by introducing myself while giggling like a nervous schoolgirl.

That's the same way I met her.

Originally Posted by saganite

I met MattusMaximus by eavesdropping on a conversation he was having with some people in the hall and overhearing the words "giant dildo."

So the best way for the OP to meet people is to walk into a crowded Del Mar and say "I think I left my giant dildo here somewhere".

[zooterkin]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

So the best way for the OP to meet people is to walk into a crowded Del Mar and say "I think I left my giant dildo here somewhere".

Well, it works for Tobias.

[saganite]

Originally Posted by zooterkin

Well, it works for Tobias.

That guy definitely knows how to take a good concept and run with it.

I think your singles event is a good idea, crazylegsmurphy. Maybe you could go with a theme to give people something to focus on besides being single and meeting other singles. In the past, for instance, people have organized get-togethers around game night, pajama parties, and scotch and cigars.

[rustypouch]

I suppose this means I'll have to wear a bowtie and carry a flask again...

But I don't know if I'm keen on the overall idea of something activity based, as the the participants are somewhat stuck in one location, can't easily say hi to people outside the little group, move somewhere quieter, or join a different group if the people near them smell funny.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Quote:

I think your singles event is a good idea, crazylegsmurphy. Maybe you could go with a theme to give people something to focus on besides being single and meeting other singles. In the past, for instance, people have organized get-togethers around game night, pajama parties, and scotch and cigars.

Well, on the Facebook event page I created, I suggested perhaps an activity of sorts. I don't mind doing some kind of theme based idea, but I would be afraid it would make everything too difficult or uncomfortable and people would avoid it.

I think a simple, accessible activity that everyone can enjoy would be a great start. From there it is up to everyone to decide if they like each other or not, whether they want to hang out or not.

I'm not sure what you meant by "being single and meeting other singles" but I again want to make it clear this isn't just for single people (romantically). You might be married, but attending TAM for the first time. You might be in a group of four people, but none of you have been to TAM before. You might be dating five people back home, but attending TAM alone.

The main goal is to just make it easier for people to meet other people. Because first timers, singles, and solos all share a similar situation, it only makes sense to meet up instead of wandering around Del Mar talking about dildo's.

Quote:

But I don't know if I'm keen on the overall idea of something activity based, as the the participants are somewhat stuck in one location, can't easily say hi to people outside the little group, move somewhere quieter, or join a different group if the people near them smell funny.

I'm not sure I understand. You don't want to do an activity because you don't want to commit to a few hours meeting people?

It's not like you're signing a contract to be someones best friend for the entire conference. Come out, hang out, and if you connect with someone and want to hang out with them again, do it....if not, then you've lost nothing.

[rustypouch]

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

<snip>
I'm not sure I understand. You don't want to do an activity because you don't want to commit to a few hours meeting people?

It's not like you're signing a contract to be someones best friend for the entire conference. Come out, hang out, and if you connect with someone and want to hang out with them again, do it....if not, then you've lost nothing.

Say the activity was bowling. You're pretty much forced to stick with the same three or four people, and the people in the lanes next to you, to a lesser extent, for the duration of the event. Wandering around is discouraged, as it could negatively affect the experience of the people you're playing with. A movie is even worse for meeting people, as it's just sitting still and being quiet.

Compared to parties in someone's room, where you mingle, make snarky comments about the cheap bottle someone brought, watch guys deep throat chocolate phalluses, take a quick shower with someone new, hang with the smokers, snuggle with the Marquis, listen to Hitchens tell jokes that go nowhere... all of which have happened at previous TAMs.

I just think there's more opportunity for interpersonal interaction when there's less structure to an event.

[hcmom]

Originally Posted by saganite

- I met El_Spectre because I was wandering around by myself, looking for anyone else with a badge (this was in the pre-South Point days) and he was the first person I saw so I said hey and asked if I could tag along to wherever he was going.

It helps that he's very easy to find again if you get separated from him...

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by rustypouch

Say the activity was bowling. You're pretty much forced to stick with the same three or four people, and the people in the lanes next to you, to a lesser extent, for the duration of the event. Wandering around is discouraged, as it could negatively affect the experience of the people you're playing with. A movie is even worse for meeting people, as it's just sitting still and being quiet.

Compared to parties in someone's room, where you mingle, make snarky comments about the cheap bottle someone brought, watch guys deep throat chocolate phalluses, take a quick shower with someone new, hang with the smokers, snuggle with the Marquis, listen to Hitchens tell jokes that go nowhere... all of which have happened at previous TAMs.

I just think there's more opportunity for interpersonal interaction when there's less structure to an event.

Personally, other than Hitchens, everything you described sounds very unappealing to me. No offence, but that's the kind of stuff I used to do back when I played Rugby. And while I wouldn't fault anyone for finding that enjoyable, I'm not sure a bunch of people who have never met would be interested in "taking a quick shower" with each other.

Perhaps I'm just and old Fuddy Duddy, but I don't really view TAM as some big skeptic version of the movie "The Hangover." I just want to meet cool people, have good conversations, and perhaps do some cool and meaningful stuff.

I do however agree with you in some respects about the event. Some events are better than others. A group movie would make no sense, and you're probably right about bowling as well.

That said, it's not like TAM is being held in rural Baltimore or something. This is Las Vegas...if there is any place in the world where there is a lot of possibilities it's there.

I mean, you (and everyone else) is free to do whatever you like so feel free to bring up your idea on the Facebook page and see if people are into it. I would personally like to find something a little more comfortable. I tend to believe that those who are into random showers, and deep-throating stuff will probably have little problem meeting and finding people at TAM.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

I'd be up for the quick shower with someone new.***





***As long as she's hot and a she.

[rustypouch]

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

Personally, other than Hitchens, everything you described sounds very unappealing to me. No offence, but that's the kind of stuff I used to do back when I played Rugby. And while I wouldn't fault anyone for finding that enjoyable, I'm not sure a bunch of people who have never met would be interested in "taking a quick shower" with each other.

Perhaps I'm just and old Fuddy Duddy, but I don't really view TAM as some big skeptic version of the movie "The Hangover." I just want to meet cool people, have good conversations, and perhaps do some cool and meaningful stuff.

I do however agree with you in some respects about the event. Some events are better than others. A group movie would make no sense, and you're probably right about bowling as well.

That said, it's not like TAM is being held in rural Baltimore or something. This is Las Vegas...if there is any place in the world where there is a lot of possibilities it's there.

I mean, you (and everyone else) is free to do whatever you like so feel free to bring up your idea on the Facebook page and see if people are into it. I would personally like to find something a little more comfortable. I tend to believe that those who are into random showers, and deep-throating stuff will probably have little problem meeting and finding people at TAM.

That's exactly it. Vegas is full of possibilities.

To me, the people are the entertainment. The milieu is a bonus. Put interesting people together, and interesting things happen.

Also, from past experiences, trying to organize a large event, on the fly, with so many independent people, just turns into a gong show. I just prefer a looser environment where relationships can naturally coalesce, rather than being forced, and if someone doesn't like the people they're with, they can easily find another group.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by rustypouch

Also, from past experiences, trying to organize a large event, on the fly, with so many independent people, just turns into a gong show. I just prefer a looser environment where relationships can naturally coalesce, rather than being forced, and if someone doesn't like the people they're with, they can easily find another group.

Well, to be fair it's still like 88 days until the conference, so I wouldn't really consider this "on the fly."

Also, I'm not sure this is going to be a large event seeing that I expect only a handful of people to actually commit.

I understand what you're saying though. I just think that you are, and please don't take this the wrong way, making an issue where there isn't any.

What I mean is, you seem to be finding reasons to get out of the situation before you are even in it. No one is forcing anyone to commit to anything. If you come out for a meet up and you hate everyone, you're free to leave. I just don't understand why you would go into a situation like this looking for an out.

To be honest, I have no idea if I'll like any of the people who decide to come out, but I also have no idea that I won't. I'm exited to meet whoever shows up, and if it turns out to totally blow goat nuts, then oh well.

My suggestion would be to come up with some ideas. Throw some stuff out there and see what people think. I'm pretty much open to anything as long as everyone is comfortable, so throw some ideas out.

[Allecher]

TAM 8 was my first and on the Wednesday night a large group of fourm-ites went to a restaurant across town and then checked out the Fremont Street Experience. While I mostly hung out with the randomly assigned folks who were in the same car, it was fun and made me feel a part of an "in" crowd.

[AdMan]

Originally Posted by Allecher

TAM 8 was my first and on the Wednesday night a large group of fourm-ites went to a restaurant across town and then checked out the Fremont Street Experience. While I mostly hung out with the randomly assigned folks who were in the same car, it was fun and made me feel a part of an "in" crowd.

Joining one or several of the many "extracurricular" activities around TAM is usually a great opportunity to meet people.

[bumlet5]

Originally Posted by Allecher

TAM 8 was my first and on the Wednesday night a large group of fourm-ites went to a restaurant across town and then checked out the Fremont Street Experience. While I mostly hung out with the randomly assigned folks who were in the same car, it was fun and made me feel a part of an "in" crowd.

That was the dinner at which I met my current SO.

[xinit]

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

Personally, other than Hitchens, everything you described sounds very unappealing to me.

I think that hanging with Hitchens at TAM 2012 would be pretty unappealing.

[bumlet5]

Does anyone else think it's funny that a post looking for a roommate is posted in a Singles thread?

[crazylegsmurphy]

That guy seems to be posting it in every thread.

Seems legit /sarcasm

[xinit]

Originally Posted by bumlet5

Does anyone else think it's funny that a post looking for a roommate is posted in a Singles thread?

Hey, he has coffee up in his room....

[The Central Scrutinizer]

I will not be attending this function. I do not want to be trapped and not be able to leave.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

I will not be attending this function. I do not want to be trapped and not be able to leave.

What are you talking about?

[Phlebas]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

I will not be attending this function. I do not want to be trapped and not be able to leave.

If you leave, you might walk past people playing the penny slots when you yourself do not play the penny slots.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by Phlebas

If you leave, you might walk past people playing the penny slots when you yourself do not play the penny slots.

That's exactly what I am talking about.

[crazylegsmurphy]

You'll have to forgive me. I'm a little slow this morning.

What it sounds like to me, is that you're not interested in attending an event, because you don't want to have to commit to something you may not enjoy.

I really hope I'm simply not understanding this because if that is the case, it's ridiculously rude. Someone else above said something similar as well, and I took offence to it.

It's like, imagine if you invited someone to your birthday party and they said, "I'm not going to come because I'm not sure I'll enjoy talking to you, and I don't want to be trapped at your potentially sucky party."

The question I would have at that point is what makes you think anyone would want you there at all? Other people are attending an event because for those few hours they are commented to getting to know new people. Sure, they may, or may not get along with them, but that's just the nature of life.

To say you're not interested in attending because you don't want to be "trapped" with people you don't like is super insulting. The question I have is why you would feel the need to even say anything?

Why do we care at all that you're not attending this function? What purpose does it serve to muddy up the thread with nonsense like that? If you don't want to attend for whatever reasons you have, then move on and find something else to do.

-------

I have to apologize, but this entire thread is making me cranky. I came on here and proposed and idea for people meeting each other, and it has been criticized and insulted by some for the last two pages.

To put this in perspective, I recently started a Facebook event for fans of a cartoon to meet at the local comic convention. I now have 33+ people who are committed to coming, and many of them have expressed that they think the idea is great. I didn't have to explain a million things, or defend my reasons for liking the cartoon or for creating the event. People who were interested joined, and they have been positive and providing great suggestions. I also didn't see anyone criticizing the "Canadians eat Mexican food" event in the other thread, or any of the other events, yet for some reason some people have felt the need to shoot down this idea.

Again, I'm sorry for the outburst, but I have never had such a frustrating time setting up an event in my life. The amount of explaining, defending, and clarifying I have had to do in this one thread has almost driven me to the point where it seems like it would just be easier to just not attend.

To put it another way, there have been a few in this thread that have not been encouraging or supportive, and seem to be going out of their way to make myself and others feel unwelcome.

So...to conclude the rant....The Central Scrutinizer, no offence, but you really haven't been adding anything of value to this thread, your negativity is making me cranky, and now in the end you don't seem interested in attending anyway (if you ever did), so perhaps it might be a good time to find somewhere else to post. ya?

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

I also didn't see anyone criticizing the "Canadians eat Mexican food" event in the other thread, or any of the other events, yet for some reason some people have felt the need to shoot down this idea.

We go easy on the Canadians, because they already have to live with the shame of being Canadian.

Originally Posted by crazylegsmurphy

So...to conclude the rant....The Central Scrutinizer, no offence, but you really haven't been adding anything of value to this thread, your negativity is making me cranky, and now in the end you don't seem interested in attending anyway (if you ever did), so perhaps it might be a good time to find somewhere else to post. ya?

I thought you would appreciate the RSVP.

[crazylegsmurphy]

Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer

We go easy on the Canadians, because they already have to live with the shame of being Canadian.

While I can see you're attempting to be humorous, if that were actually the case it would seem you would be quite supportive of this considering that out of the seven people confirmed at least 3 of us are Canadian.

Quote:

I thought you would appreciate the RSVP.

No, I'm not really interested in your personal negative reasons why you're not interested in attending. As well, I don't recall posting anywhere in this thread that I wanted everyone on this forum to please let me know if they're not going, and the reason.

It seems more likely that you're attempting to be facetious, with no intention of doing anything but shooting this idea down or making others feel unwelcome.

I have looked over your posts in this thread and you seem to be commenting for the sake of it. If you are interested in attending, then that's great, but if you're just here to put in your "two bits" without any intention of going, then I would encourage you to find some other thread to post in where they're more interested what you have to say.

Thanks.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Phlebas and I will play the penny slots instead.