Why do women cry more than men?

[CplFerro]

Dear All,

Or do they? In my experience, of both real world and the mass media, women cry, and are portrayed as crying, substantively more often than men. Why is this?

Cpl Ferro

[Xulld]

I dont know but when you find out tell me. I have always been a man that gets WAAAY to emotional at tender things, and D'AAAWWWs, and happy endings. I cant go to the movies and see an inspirational movie, or sad movie without feeling like less of a man!!!! Rudy is off the table dammit!

[Hokulele]

Because it works.

/cynic

[Darat]

Nothing more than social norms, in the predominate cultures in societies such as the USA & UK men are not meant to cry so don't cry as much as women.

Hokulele - I know you had your tongue in your cheek but I think there is an element of truth in what you say.

[Howie Felterbush]

Because they're weak.

/dick

[Lolly]

Because they have to put up with men?

[Resume]

Originally Posted by Hokulele

Because it works.

/cynic

Oh dude!

Wait . . .

[Draca]

Originally Posted by CplFerro

Dear All,

Or do they? In my experience, of both real world and the mass media, women cry, and are portrayed as crying, substantively more often than men. Why is this?

Cpl Ferro

Prolactin

[saraban]

In the pub tonight I was talking about a Sherlock Holmes story and found myself welling up.

I cry almost everywhere, an exception is funerals.

[saraban]

Even the above post brought a tear to my eye

[Halfcentaur]

I think it's mostly nothing more than culture. I literally went more than 10 years without shedding a tear in my late teens and 20s, but it wasn't out of "not trying to cry". I just found an emotional stability of sorts I'd never had before.

That all changed when my mother died when I was 25. It was very strange to cry after not crying for so long.

Now a days, if I am alone I will cry over the stupidest things. Not just movies, but commercials! Sometimes out of appreciation for beauty or nobility, sometimes tragedy.

[Brian-M]

I remember once in a shopping center I saw a woman with two children, a boy and a girl. The boy was crying loudly, and his mother admonished him by saying something like "Stop crying, don't be such a girl". This scene stuck in my mind because I wondered what the girl would make of this. After all, she wasn't the one who was crying.

Can you imagine a scene where the the daughter was crying instead, and the mother says "Stop crying, don't be such a boy"? Maybe as part of a comedy skit where gender roles are reversed, but not in real life.

I think that boys don't cry is a meme that's so deeply entrenched in our culture that the expectation influences the reality.

[CplFerro]

Originally Posted by Brian-M

I remember once in a shopping center I saw a woman with two children, a boy and a girl. The boy was crying loudly, and his mother admonished him by saying something like "Stop crying, don't be such a girl". This scene stuck in my mind because I wondered what the girl would make of this. After all, she wasn't the one who was crying.

Can you imagine a scene where the the daughter was crying instead, and the mother says "Stop crying, don't be such a boy"? Maybe as part of a comedy skit where gender roles are reversed, but not in real life.

I think that boys don't cry is a meme that's so deeply entrenched in our culture that the expectation influences the reality.

Dear Brian-M,

Do you think that this deeply entrenched cultural norm is hiding male feelings from being expressed? Are men repressing tears all the time and women choosing not to repress them? Or is culture so influential that it actually suppresses the emotions that lead to tears in men, while not suppressing the emotions that lead to tears in women?

Cpl Ferro

[Brian-M]

Originally Posted by CplFerro

Dear Brian-M,

Do you think that this deeply entrenched cultural norm is hiding male feelings from being expressed? Are men repressing tears all the time and women choosing not to repress them? Or is culture so influential that it actually suppresses the emotions that lead to tears in men, while not suppressing the emotions that lead to tears in women?

Cpl Ferro

I think this deeply entrenched cultural norm is influencing the behavior of the members of our culture. But to what extent, I cannot say. (However, I doubt that it has an extreme effect.)

It'd be interesting if we could do an experiment where a few hundred children are raised in an environment where these cultural behaviors are reversed. (Eg, TV show remade so the exact same things happen, but the characters are the opposite gender. Books re-written to reverse the gender of the characters, but not altering the behavior of the characters. The adults who care for the children acting and dressing in a masculine fashion if female, and acting and dressing in a feminine fashion if male. Girls encouraged to engage in competitive games, boys encouraged to engage in cooperative games, etc.) Observing how they behave as they mature would probably provide interesting insights on traditional gender stereotypes.

[Sam.I.Am]

Hormones... and because it works (most of the time).

[epepke]

Culture. Watch some teevee from Latin Catholic cultures, and you'll see a lot of men crying. Anglos don't have that de los sus ojos tan fuertamientre plorando shtick.

[angrysoba]

Real men have no hangups about blubbing like a girl!

[Halfcentaur]

In the Song of Ice and Fire series there is a city Daenerys lives in where it is custom for the men to cry over the littlest of issues. I can't remember which city at this point.

[gabeygoat]

Women cry more than men, because men are a-holes.
Actually, I dunno, but I'd suspect the usual social conditioning. I don't think it's all that weird of a dichotomy.

[JJM 777]

Originally Posted by Darat

Nothing more than social norms

Evidence?

[Howie Felterbush]

Originally Posted by Lolly

Because they have to put up with men?

*sob*

[Tsukasa Buddha]

It is a well known fact that women are controlled by their vaginas. Whether they are young and having PMS or old and having menopause, they cannot help but be irrational and overemotional.

[Darat]

Originally Posted by JJM 777

Evidence?

As pointed out above in many other cultures men are seen/allowed to cry in circumstances not allowed/considered manly in cultures predominate in coteries such as the USA and the UK.I've also noticed that this has changed immensely over the course of Mt lifetime along with men touching each other (non sexually) e.g. hugging on meeting.

[bumlet5]

Weakness, PMS, and manipulation.

[Belz...]

Originally Posted by Darat

Nothing more than social norms

I'm not so sure. Although I cry quite a bit, myself, especially watching sad movie scenes. Seems pretty universal to me*, so I'd think there might be a hormonal component.

*: And I don't mean "men don't cry" but the "women cry more" thingy.

[3point14]

Originally Posted by Tsukasa Buddha

It is a well known fact that women are controlled by their vaginas. Whether they are young and having PMS or old and having menopause, they cannot help but be irrational and overemotional.

Hysterical, one might say.

[sphenisc]

Originally Posted by Darat

As pointed out above in many other cultures men are seen/allowed to cry in circumstances not allowed/considered manly in cultures predominate in coteries such as the USA and the UK.I've also noticed that this has changed immensely over the course of Mt lifetime along with men touching each other (non sexually) e.g. hugging on meeting.

That's evidence that men cry to different extents in different countries, it could still be the case that women cry more than men in all cultures.

[Darat]

Originally Posted by sphenisc

That's evidence that men cry to different extents in different countries, it could still be the case that women cry more than men in all cultures.

True but that itself wouldn't indicate that it was anything bar cultural norms at work.

I've been looking for some research on line into the matter and haven't found anything that looks at all reliable. But there does seem to be a lot of "men are from Uranus and women are from Pluto" nonsense.

[Elaedith]

If the question is really 'do women cry more' it seems a bit strange to just talk about what you observe. You need to know how often men and women cry when nobody is watching.

[kedo1981]

Stress inducing hormones can by shed during a cry.
Funny how you feel better after good a cry, HMMMMM

[Draca]

Originally Posted by Draca

Prolactin

It is likely hormonal according to this biochemist's theory:

Quote:

One substance being studied in connection with crying is the hormone prolactin, levels of which increase in women during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, and breastfeeding, as well as when we're under stress. We average up to 60 percent more prolactin in our bodies than men. William Frey, Ph.D., biochemist and author of Crying: The Mystery of Tears, theorizes that prolactin lowers women's emotional bar by stimulating the endocrine system, which makes us more prone to tears.

Read more at Women's Health: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/...#ixzz1vzRYJ3IH

[sadhatter]

Originally Posted by Hokulele

Because it works.

/cynic

Id say this is on the right track, but not quite 100% right.

It is because of the reaction.

If a woman cries, men tend to immediately want to make them feel better. It is just an instinct, no matter if we think the reason is silly, we just want to do whatever we can to not make the female sad. And on the flipside , other females generally encourage this kind of emotional release.

Now, for us guys, there is a whole slew of crap that could be launched our way if we were to cry. Mockery from friends, putting off the wrong vibe in regards to sexuality, the list goes on and on.

So in short, for women, there are generally positive effects for openly crying , while for men, there is a lot more negative reactions that positive ones.

[Soapy Sam]

Originally Posted by sadhatter

So in short, for women, there are generally positive effects for openly crying , while for men, there is a lot more negative reactions that positive ones.

This matches my thoughts.
As for the argument that men cry more in some cultures, I've been in a number of cultures and I've never seen one where men cry publically as much or as easily as women.

[RemieV]

http://picsauce.com/post/23485323053

[Morrigan]

Originally Posted by Halfcentaur

In the Song of Ice and Fire series there is a city Daenerys lives in where it is custom for the men to cry over the littlest of issues. I can't remember which city at this point.

Qarth. Xaro is a big weeping sissy in the book, haha.

Quote:

“Tell me the words of the Pureborn,” prompted Xaro Xhoan Daxos. “Tell me what they said to sadden the queen of my heart.”
“They said no.” The wine tasted of pomegranates and hot summer days. “They said it with great courtesy, to be sure, but under all the lovely words, it was still no.”
“Did you flatter them?”
“Shamelessly.”
“Did you weep?”
“The blood of the dragon does not weep,” she said testily.
Xaro sighed. “You ought to have wept.” The Qartheen wept often and easily; it was considered a mark of the civilized man.

[ConspiRaider]

Go to a multi-floor corporate office building and get on the elevator. Push the button to Floor 5.

The elevator door opens and you see signs directing you to hallways and office room numbers. You have to pay close attention as you navigate the maze-like setup of Floor 5.

Next day, nearly the same plan, but get off at Floor 6.

The elevator door opens and you see the entire floor at once. Oh sure, there are 4-foot-tall partitions dividing the cubicles but you can see over all of them. Some cubicles appear empty but they may or may not be. In some, people are standing or moving around. You've got that entire corporate office right in front of you.

Floor 5 is the man's brain. We're more compartmentalizers in how we think - in a very general sense. Something comes in and we want to get it to the proper room, close the door, and either deal with it then or come back later. We can go into that room and then shut out, for a time, all other room activity completely. Those pressing activities demand appropriate reaction - just not now. Pros and cons abound in this type of thinking, of information processing.

Floor 6 is the woman's brain. Compartments are loosely defined, in a very general sense. Thoughts come in and are distributed to multiple areas - all at once. Reactions tends to be immediate; perhaps some not seeming to correlate at the time. But it works out eventually, things get sorted and filed quite nicely at the end of the day. Pros and cons abound in this type of thinking, of information processing.

Therefore: A woman may cry more, and immediately, simply because she is handling incoming stimuli in real time. We dudes might stick the stimuli in a box temporarily and duct tape that sucker shut.

Not etched in stone. Lots of variances. Still, another fascinating wonder as to some basic differences in how women think, how men think.

[sadhatter]

Originally Posted by Soapy Sam

This matches my thoughts.
As for the argument that men cry more in some cultures, I've been in a number of cultures and I've never seen one where men cry publically as much or as easily as women.

It, like almost all reactions is hugely culture based, and we are not talking geographic culture here, even subcultures have completely different expectations for certain things.

This is a great op, i just feel it isn't quite broad enough, there are so many actions that are permitted by men in some cultures, women in others.

I mean, lets just take the bar, and my personal experience as someone who plays on both teams.

If i see a rather good looking gent at the bar, walk up and see if he would like to buy me a drink. That usually goes over pretty well, within the gay subculture it is essentially saying , " I want an excuse to be around you, and want to see if you will put in a bit of effort to keep me around.".

Now, lets say i see a rather attractive lady at the bar, walk up and ask her to buy me a drink. Your probably already hearing the muted trumpet noise now. Essentially i am saying , " I came to the bar with no money, but wanting to get laid. Help me out with that?".

The exact same action , by the exact same person, for the exact same reason, with 2 completely different connotations ( and for the record, no i don't do the second option. For the simple fact it doesn't work as a method of showing interest, due to the reasons above.).

[Quad4_72]

Sometimes, you just gotta cry...

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the JREF. The JREF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.

I AGREE

[ponderingturtle]

Originally Posted by Darat

Nothing more than social norms, in the predominate cultures in societies such as the USA & UK men are not meant to cry so don't cry as much as women.

Hokulele - I know you had your tongue in your cheek but I think there is an element of truth in what you say.

I am not sure that is entirely true. Women talk about getting more weepy sometimes as a hormonal effect.

Now that is certainly a confounding factor you identify though.

[Tsukasa Buddha]

Originally Posted by ConspiRaider

Go to a multi-floor corporate office building and get on the elevator. Push the button to Floor 5.

The elevator door opens and you see signs directing you to hallways and office room numbers. You have to pay close attention as you navigate the maze-like setup of Floor 5.

Next day, nearly the same plan, but get off at Floor 6.

The elevator door opens and you see the entire floor at once. Oh sure, there are 4-foot-tall partitions dividing the cubicles but you can see over all of them. Some cubicles appear empty but they may or may not be. In some, people are standing or moving around. You've got that entire corporate office right in front of you.

Floor 5 is the man's brain. We're more compartmentalizers in how we think - in a very general sense. Something comes in and we want to get it to the proper room, close the door, and either deal with it then or come back later. We can go into that room and then shut out, for a time, all other room activity completely. Those pressing activities demand appropriate reaction - just not now. Pros and cons abound in this type of thinking, of information processing.

Floor 6 is the woman's brain. Compartments are loosely defined, in a very general sense. Thoughts come in and are distributed to multiple areas - all at once. Reactions tends to be immediate; perhaps some not seeming to correlate at the time. But it works out eventually, things get sorted and filed quite nicely at the end of the day. Pros and cons abound in this type of thinking, of information processing.

Therefore: A woman may cry more, and immediately, simply because she is handling incoming stimuli in real time. We dudes might stick the stimuli in a box temporarily and duct tape that sucker shut.

Not etched in stone. Lots of variances. Still, another fascinating wonder as to some basic differences in how women think, how men think.

Evidence? And no, I don't think "men tend to score 1.3 points higher on average than women on this compartmentalization exam" quite cuts it for your picture there.

Quote:

British psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen claims that the “male brain” is the “systematizing brain” while the “female brain” is the “empathizing brain.” (Though Baron-Cohen says that women can have “male brains” and men “female brains,” he makes clear that “on average, more males have systematizing brains while more females have empathizing brains.”) He has been published in the New York Times, quoted in a Newsweek cover story, and featured in a PBS documentary and in countless other major media outlets.

...

Is this true? No. Baron-Cohen’s study had major problems. It was an “outlier” study. No one else has replicated these findings, including Baron-Cohen himself. It is so flawed as to be almost meaningless. Why?
The experiment lacked crucial controls against experimenter bias and was badly designed.

Linky.

Quote:

Take, for example, the persistent popular idea that his brain is a waffle (compartmentalized and focused), while hers is spaghetti (diffuse and interconnected). Supposedly, this explains why she’s so much better at multitasking but her emotions cloud her each and every judgment, while his waffle brain makes him more focused and analytic but renders him practically incapable of talking about his emotions. This idea, distantly based on studies of sex differences in language processing, reinforces old stereotypes of men as thinkers and women as feelers, and is a staple of popular books targeted to parents, educators, spouses and business leaders.

Neuroscience can contribute to this myth when scientists check for sex differences by default, don’t report absence-of-difference, but report, and perhaps make prominent even, marginal differences based on small sample sizes. This is a great way of littering the literature with misleading false positive findings, and popular writers aren’t shy about picking up those findings and running with them. But scientists have also helped to tackle this myth, for example, by statistically pooling the data from all studies investigating sex differences in brain activity while processing language, and finding that the supposed evidence for the more specialized male brain and the more interconnected female brain adds up to a big fat zero.

Linky.