LDS - Page 151

tsig · 17th May 2013, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by deaman

Is there anything "more human", than what they did?

No, humans' gods always seem concerned that the penis be pacified.

kblood · 17th May 2013, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by deaman

You and I both know that those who started the mormon church, did plenty of tapping.

Men hard at work

desertgal · 18th May 2013, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by Akhenaten

Corner of West South Temple and South Main Street, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA

Oh, my. Dad had it right. That IS funny.

Thanks, Pharaoh!

Akhenaten · 18th May 2013, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by desertgal

Oh, my. Dad had it right. That IS funny.

Thanks, Pharaoh!

halleyscomet · 21st May 2013, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Janadele

As an Australian of early settler Anglo Saxon descent my first and only language is British English.

Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language?

Akhenaten · 21st May 2013, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language?

Or that British English is the language everyone uses in their "pre mortal existence"?

Must be confusing for all those poor little unborn Chinese babies.

desertgal · 21st May 2013, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language?

No, it sounds like she meant it to imply English is her only language.

Cleon · 21st May 2013, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by desertgal

No, it sounds like she meant it to imply English is her only language.

Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.

RandFan · 21st May 2013, 09:09 AM

Originally Posted by Cleon

Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.

halleyscomet · 21st May 2013, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Cleon

Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.

Since Smith's "key" was a made up wad of nonsense and has never been successfully used to translate anything, it would be a short class.

"Here is some bovine excrement in print form. Examine it, marvel over it, for a standard Egyptian funeral text is alchemically transmuted into Mormon scripture by applying this herbivore feces to the hieroglyphs."

desertgal · 21st May 2013, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by Cleon

Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.

Because they already have their members studying a language: Joe Smith babble speak. Currently appearing in a BoM near you.

halleyscomet · 21st May 2013, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by desertgal

Because they already have their members studying a language: Joe Smith babble speak. Currently appearing in a BoM near you.

Mark Twain Meets The Mormons

Quote:

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few, except the elect have seen it or at least taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me. It is such a pretentious affair and yet so slow, so sleepy, such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print.

If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle. Keeping awake while he did it, was at any rate. If he, according to tradtion, merely translated it from certain ancient and myteriously engraved plates of copper, which he declares he found under a stone, in an out of the way locality, the work of translating it was equally a miracle for the same reason.

The book seems to be merely a prosey detail of imaginary history with the Old Testament for a model followed by a tedious plegiarism of the New Testament. The author labored to give his words and phrases the quaint old fashioned sound and structure of our King James translation of the scriptures. The result is a mongrel, half modern glibbness and half ancient simplicity and gravity. The latter is awkward and constrained, the former natural, but grotesque by the contrast. Whenever he found his speech growing too modern, which was about every sentence or two, he ladeled in a few such scriptural phrases as, "exceeding sore," "and it came to pass," etc. and made things satisfactory again. "And it came to pass," was his pet. If he had left that out, his bible would have been only a pamphlet.

His summary of the individual books that make up the overall volume is amusing in a typically Twain manner. I was particularly tickled by this:

Quote:

The book of Ether is an incomprehensible medley of history, much of it relating to battles and seiges among peoples the reader has possibly never heard of and who inhabited a country which is not set down in the geography.

Empress · 21st May 2013, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

Mark Twain Meets The Mormons

His summary of the individual books that make up the overall volume is amusing in a typically Twain manner. I was particularly tickled by this:

When I brought my mother her lunch yesterday, she was sitting at her computer listening to the BOM. In the few minutes it took me to move her keyboard and arrange her meal, I believe I heard "and it came to pass" three times. Why anyone would willing read that poorly-written snooze-fest is beyond me.

Mister Earl · 21st May 2013, 11:27 AM

Anyone have a digital copy of the BOM they can edit? I'm just curious... if you do a find / replace "And it came to pass" with "", how many pages does it lose?

halleyscomet · 21st May 2013, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by Mister Earl

Anyone have a digital copy of the BOM they can edit? I'm just curious... if you do a find / replace "And it came to pass" with "", how many pages does it lose?

I'll use the Project Gutenberg version of the text

The Book of Mormon by Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Smith

"and it came to pass" 1092 instances

Size before search and replace: 1,595,452 bytes
Size after search and replace: 1,574,704 bytes

This is probably an underestimate, as the text file contains line breaks in the paragraphs, and I didn't bother doing the search and replace as a regular expression to trap line breaks in the phrase.

Mister Earl · 21st May 2013, 11:43 AM

So a 1.4% reduction. That's less than I would have thought. Thank you!

gabeygoat · 21st May 2013, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Empress

When I brought my mother her lunch yesterday, she was sitting at her computer listening to the BOM. In the few minutes it took me to move her keyboard and arrange her meal, I believe I heard "and it came to pass" three times. Why anyone would willing read that poorly-written snooze-fest is beyond me.

When I first really read the BOM, I had to actually go and mark out "and" as well as "and it came to pass" just to make the thing readable. Physically, with a pen.

halleyscomet · 22nd May 2013, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by gabeygoat

When I first really read the BOM, I had to actually go and mark out "and" as well as "and it came to pass" just to make the thing readable. Physically, with a pen.

I have a sudden desire to write a condensed Book of Mormon. The question is what would I CALL it and how could I market it to Mormons?

Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon targeted at Christians who want to learn more about this offshoot sect?

What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing?

sackett · 22nd May 2013, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

...What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing?

The BOM has been called a novel at least once. By Clifton Fadiman? Dunno; I was only a teenager when I read Fadiman on the Book, and that's a LONG DAMN TIME ago.

I would suggest a lampoon novelization, perhaps in the manner of Bored of the Rings. But beware: It's an old, sound rule among parodists that you can't lampoon something that's no good to start with.

Would Mormons read (I think you mean buy) such a thing? Yes, a few, clandestinely, like late-50s teens sneaking a look at Playboy.

Not that I would know!

Empress · 22nd May 2013, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

I have a sudden desire to write a condensed Book of Mormon. The question is what would I CALL it and how could I market it to Mormons?

Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon targeted at Christians who want to learn more about this offshoot sect?

What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing?

Well, apparently there are a few BOM fanfics out there, based on the book itself, not on the musical, so maybe you've got yourself a niche Mormon market.

halleyscomet · 22nd May 2013, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Empress

Well, apparently there are a few BOM fanfics out there, based on the book itself, not on the musical, so maybe you've got yourself a niche Mormon market.

I'd have to be drunk to write a BoM romance novel, but given the low quality threshold for fiction writing in religious markets that might not be a problem. I could quickly write a condensed BoM, which would give me the knowledge needed to write a novelization. After that I could churn out a few Harlequin format romance novels set in the BoM.

Every line written with a cocktail in hand.

bruto · 22nd May 2013, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by halleyscomet

Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon ....

Angel of Lite?

jsfisher · 22nd May 2013, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by bruto

Angel of Lite?

White and light some.

or maybe white and delete some.

pakeha · 23rd May 2013, 03:43 AM

Originally Posted by Cleon

Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.

No need to, Cleon!
As our Mormon posters have told us, the worth of the BOA outweighs any questions about its source.

18th May 2013, 06:38 AM	#6004
Akhenaten Heretic Pharaoh Pither Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Pi-Broadford, Australia Posts: 24,683	Originally Posted by desertgal Oh, my. Dad had it right. That IS funny. Thanks, Pharaoh!
	__________________ Life is mostly Froth and Bubble - Adam Lindsay Gordon The Australasian Skeptics Forum

21st May 2013, 08:29 AM	#6006
Akhenaten Heretic Pharaoh Pither Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Pi-Broadford, Australia Posts: 24,683	Originally Posted by halleyscomet Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language? Or that British English is the language everyone uses in their "pre mortal existence"? Must be confusing for all those poor little unborn Chinese babies.
	__________________ Life is mostly Froth and Bubble - Adam Lindsay Gordon The Australasian Skeptics Forum

21st May 2013, 08:31 AM	#6008
Cleon King of the Pod People Moderator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 20,536	Originally Posted by desertgal No, it sounds like she meant it to imply English is her only language. Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.
	__________________ "People like me are what stand between us and Auschwitz." - Newt Gingrich

21st May 2013, 09:09 AM	#6009
RandFan Mormon Atheist Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 53,426	Originally Posted by Cleon Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew.
	__________________ Ego, ain't it a bitch? It is not very unreasonable that the rich should contribute to the public expense, not only in proportion to their revenue, but something more than in that proportion. --Adam Smith

21st May 2013, 11:24 AM	#6013
Empress Abandoned All Hope Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Blandings Castle Posts: 1,558	Originally Posted by halleyscomet Mark Twain Meets The Mormons His summary of the individual books that make up the overall volume is amusing in a typically Twain manner. I was particularly tickled by this: When I brought my mother her lunch yesterday, she was sitting at her computer listening to the BOM. In the few minutes it took me to move her keyboard and arrange her meal, I believe I heard "and it came to pass" three times. Why anyone would willing read that poorly-written snooze-fest is beyond me.
	__________________ www.stopsylvia.com

17th May 2013, 07:54 PM	#6001
tsig a carbon based life-form Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 26,800	Originally Posted by deaman Is there anything "more human", than what they did? No, humans' gods always seem concerned that the penis be pacified.

17th May 2013, 09:21 PM	#6002
kblood Suspended Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Aalborg Posts: 1,088	Originally Posted by deaman You and I both know that those who started the mormon church, did plenty of tapping. Men hard at work

18th May 2013, 06:13 AM	#6003
desertgal Illuminator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia City Posts: 3,250	Originally Posted by Akhenaten Corner of West South Temple and South Main Street, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA Oh, my. Dad had it right. That IS funny. Thanks, Pharaoh!

21st May 2013, 07:54 AM	#6005
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by Janadele As an Australian of early settler Anglo Saxon descent my first and only language is British English. Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language?

21st May 2013, 08:29 AM	#6007
desertgal Illuminator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia City Posts: 3,250	Originally Posted by halleyscomet Did you intend that post to imply pride in not knowing a second language? No, it sounds like she meant it to imply English is her only language.

21st May 2013, 09:12 AM	#6010
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by Cleon Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew. Since Smith's "key" was a made up wad of nonsense and has never been successfully used to translate anything, it would be a short class. "Here is some bovine excrement in print form. Examine it, marvel over it, for a standard Egyptian funeral text is alchemically transmuted into Mormon scripture by applying this herbivore feces to the hieroglyphs."

21st May 2013, 10:32 AM	#6011
desertgal Illuminator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia City Posts: 3,250	Originally Posted by Cleon Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew. Because they already have their members studying a language: Joe Smith babble speak. Currently appearing in a BoM near you.

21st May 2013, 11:07 AM	#6012
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by desertgal Because they already have their members studying a language: Joe Smith babble speak. Currently appearing in a BoM near you. Mark Twain Meets The Mormons Quote: All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few, except the elect have seen it or at least taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me. It is such a pretentious affair and yet so slow, so sleepy, such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle. Keeping awake while he did it, was at any rate. If he, according to tradtion, merely translated it from certain ancient and myteriously engraved plates of copper, which he declares he found under a stone, in an out of the way locality, the work of translating it was equally a miracle for the same reason. The book seems to be merely a prosey detail of imaginary history with the Old Testament for a model followed by a tedious plegiarism of the New Testament. The author labored to give his words and phrases the quaint old fashioned sound and structure of our King James translation of the scriptures. The result is a mongrel, half modern glibbness and half ancient simplicity and gravity. The latter is awkward and constrained, the former natural, but grotesque by the contrast. Whenever he found his speech growing too modern, which was about every sentence or two, he ladeled in a few such scriptural phrases as, "exceeding sore," "and it came to pass," etc. and made things satisfactory again. "And it came to pass," was his pet. If he had left that out, his bible would have been only a pamphlet. His summary of the individual books that make up the overall volume is amusing in a typically Twain manner. I was particularly tickled by this: Quote: The book of Ether is an incomprehensible medley of history, much of it relating to battles and seiges among peoples the reader has possibly never heard of and who inhabited a country which is not set down in the geography.

21st May 2013, 11:27 AM	#6014
Mister Earl Master Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,144	Anyone have a digital copy of the BOM they can edit? I'm just curious... if you do a find / replace "And it came to pass" with "", how many pages does it lose?

21st May 2013, 11:36 AM	#6015
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by Mister Earl Anyone have a digital copy of the BOM they can edit? I'm just curious... if you do a find / replace "And it came to pass" with "", how many pages does it lose? I'll use the Project Gutenberg version of the text The Book of Mormon by Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Smith "and it came to pass" 1092 instances Size before search and replace: 1,595,452 bytes Size after search and replace: 1,574,704 bytes This is probably an underestimate, as the text file contains line breaks in the paragraphs, and I didn't bother doing the search and replace as a regular expression to trap line breaks in the phrase.

21st May 2013, 11:43 AM	#6016
Mister Earl Master Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,144	So a 1.4% reduction. That's less than I would have thought. Thank you!

21st May 2013, 04:30 PM	#6017
gabeygoat Muse Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Hard Corvallis, Oregon Posts: 668	Originally Posted by Empress When I brought my mother her lunch yesterday, she was sitting at her computer listening to the BOM. In the few minutes it took me to move her keyboard and arrange her meal, I believe I heard "and it came to pass" three times. Why anyone would willing read that poorly-written snooze-fest is beyond me. When I first really read the BOM, I had to actually go and mark out "and" as well as "and it came to pass" just to make the thing readable. Physically, with a pen.
	__________________ "May I interest you in some coconut milk?" ~Akhenaten Wallabe Esq

22nd May 2013, 07:42 AM	#6018
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by gabeygoat When I first really read the BOM, I had to actually go and mark out "and" as well as "and it came to pass" just to make the thing readable. Physically, with a pen. I have a sudden desire to write a condensed Book of Mormon. The question is what would I CALL it and how could I market it to Mormons? Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon targeted at Christians who want to learn more about this offshoot sect? What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing?

22nd May 2013, 08:00 AM	#6019
sackett Illuminator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Detroit Posts: 3,622	Originally Posted by halleyscomet ...What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing? The BOM has been called a novel at least once. By Clifton Fadiman? Dunno; I was only a teenager when I read Fadiman on the Book, and that's a LONG DAMN TIME ago. I would suggest a lampoon novelization, perhaps in the manner of Bored of the Rings. But beware: It's an old, sound rule among parodists that you can't lampoon something that's no good to start with. Would Mormons read (I think you mean buy) such a thing? Yes, a few, clandestinely, like late-50s teens sneaking a look at Playboy. Not that I would know!
	__________________ Dyslexic and prond!

22nd May 2013, 08:08 AM	#6020
Empress Abandoned All Hope Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Blandings Castle Posts: 1,558	Originally Posted by halleyscomet I have a sudden desire to write a condensed Book of Mormon. The question is what would I CALL it and how could I market it to Mormons? Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon targeted at Christians who want to learn more about this offshoot sect? What about a novelization? Christians read adaptations of Bible stories all the time. Would Mormons read such a thing? Well, apparently there are a few BOM fanfics out there, based on the book itself, not on the musical, so maybe you've got yourself a niche Mormon market.
	__________________ www.stopsylvia.com

22nd May 2013, 08:14 AM	#6021
halleyscomet Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2012 Posts: 413	Originally Posted by Empress Well, apparently there are a few BOM fanfics out there, based on the book itself, not on the musical, so maybe you've got yourself a niche Mormon market. I'd have to be drunk to write a BoM romance novel, but given the low quality threshold for fiction writing in religious markets that might not be a problem. I could quickly write a condensed BoM, which would give me the knowledge needed to write a novelization. After that I could churn out a few Harlequin format romance novels set in the BoM. Every line written with a cocktail in hand.

22nd May 2013, 08:32 PM	#6022
bruto Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: way way north of Diddy Wah Diddy Posts: 11,191	Originally Posted by halleyscomet Do you think there's a market for a condensed version of the Book of Mormon .... Angel of Lite?
	__________________ "Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding.(Samuel Johnson) The gods are less for their love of praise....(Wendell Berry)

22nd May 2013, 08:40 PM	#6023
jsfisher ETcorngods survivor Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 11,484	Originally Posted by bruto Angel of Lite? White and light some. or maybe white and delete some.
	__________________ As long as Comparison is sunk in the urine of one's mind, new glasses will not help. --Doronshadmi. *A proud member of the Simpson 15+7, named in the suit, Simpson v. Zwinge, et al., and founder of the ET Corn Gods Survivors Group.* By the way, the Nominate button is to your ~~right~~ left, sort of..

23rd May 2013, 03:43 AM	#6024
pakeha Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8,014	Originally Posted by Cleon Odd that LDS doesn't have people studying Reformed Egyptian the way Jews study Hebrew. No need to, Cleon! As our Mormon posters have told us, the worth of the BOA outweighs any questions about its source.
pakeha Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8,014	__________________ To a conspiracy theorist, having double standards just means that they have twice as many standards. carlitos