Question about Childfree Outlook

Suezoled · 24th September 2003, 08:30 PM

When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage:

1.) Oh, you'll change your mind
2.) It'd different when it's your own
3.) accidents happen
4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes
5.) Why not?
6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through
7.) why are you so selfish?
8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!
9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old?
10.) kids are your immortality
11.) what's wrong with you?
12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption.
13.) Do you hate kids?
14.) were you abused as a child?
15.) have you found God?

Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever.

Why do some people have such a hard time believing that while there are some people who want kids, there are also some people who don't? I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for my own, and; while I am young, I don't appreciate people talking to me as if they know me better than I know myself.

arcticpenguin · 25th September 2003, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled

Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever.

The polite way to say, "You're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" is to turn it into a question: "Why do you ask?". This is supposed to make the inquisitioner examine themselves and come to the realization that this is none of their business. Those most extreme in their rudeness and whackjobness will not come to this realization. Say "la vive".

kittynh · 25th September 2003, 05:45 PM

Hey, I'm looking forward to being childfree again!

I love kids enough to work with them everyday in my job. But I also really enjoy the time when I am alone with my husband. And babies...never again! Asking why you don't have children is very personal. When you only have one child people ask you why you only have one, and don't you think it's unfair to the child? or won't the child become a spoiled brat (or the child WILL become a brat).

Then there is a friend who told me I was being selfish having a child at all when there were so many children that needed adoption. So you can't win.

Wile E. Coyote · 26th September 2003, 06:35 AM

Oh, you'll change your mind ... when you have your own.

Seriously, though, not everyone has to breed. Perhaps you can (and do)contribute to humanity in some other aspect. My contribution is to try and raise a person who will be happy and healthy and benefit society.

I would like to make some great contribution to mankind myself, but it may never happen. At least with a child, there is the possibility he will be better than I.

To each his own ...

Peach Jr. · 26th September 2003, 08:19 AM

Well, you could always use this...

"I dont' feel it's any of your business. If you ask again, Chthulu, my lord and master, will choke you with his tentacles."

I'm one of those freaks (just ask my many childfree friends) who has always wanted children. Until we were placed with The Littlest Peach, we were facing the very real possibility that we would be childfree as well. It's not something I was happy about, but I was willing to put that part of my life behind me.

Not everybody who is capable of having children wants them. IMO, it's better to not want them and not have them than to have them and resent them...or worse...

Suezoled · 26th September 2003, 10:01 AM

Ooh! Have you seen the Santa Chthulu? It's so dang cute! Little bells hanging off his tentacles and everything.

Since when did Chthulu get so cute?

Back on Topic: mainly, I save the "wackjob" comment to people who just keep asking and use any variation of the comments above. They want to know WHY WHY WHY and some ask What kind of monster could I be to not want my own babies? That's when I get really unsettled. It's not like I eat babies. Well, okay, on holidays and every other Sunday, but only because Chthulu told me to.

Denise · 28th September 2003, 04:32 AM

Isn't it great that people have a choice? 100 years ago there would have been no question about it, unless one was celibate of course.

Zep · 28th September 2003, 05:19 AM

Point at yourself and say: "You can't improve on perfection."

Yahweh · 28th September 2003, 03:04 PM

I have a few predetermined answers that I have formed for each and every scenario depicted below:

1.) Oh, you'll change your mind

I'm no so sure of that.

2.) It'd different when it's your own

Yeah, and I dont have my own.

3.) accidents happen

Accidents can be fixed.
(Is that shallow or what?)

4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes

I cant plan? Well, I alreay dont plan because I dont want kids. I the time comes, that means I've ruined my life.

5.) Why not?

I wouldnt want a pint sized little critter that thinks like me to be running around any time soon...

6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through

No, its not life altering. Life altering would be the indroduction of the child, until then my life is running pretty stable. [underbreath]You incompetent ass...[/underbreath]

7.) why are you so selfish?

*Punches person in the nose*

8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!

No, honestly, I wouldnt love my own kids.

9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old?

I will never be old, I refuse to grow old, in fact next year, I plan to celebrate my 25th birthday (its been working just fine for the last 7 or 8 years).

10.) kids are your immortality

What the Hell does that mean?!

11.) what's wrong with you?

I'm sorry, am I sick or something, do I need to freshen up *smell self*...

12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption.

I hate hand-me-downs...

13.) Do you hate kids?

If I answer "Yes" will you stop asking stupid questions.

14.) were you abused as a child?

Yes.

15.) have you found God?

Yes, and my god could kick your god's ASS!

Hee hee hee, I'm evil

.

uneasy · 28th September 2003, 03:23 PM

I don't know what to say Suezoled other than to say I'm in your situation. Shrugging off the questions and giving a cold stare sometimes works.

Once a sister was giving me a hard time about providing no cousins for her kids. I told her I always want to reserve the right to be alone any time I wanted to be. She blinked and said then maybe I shouldn't have kids. I don't know if it was my tone or what, but she doesn't bring it up any more (much

).

kittynh · 28th September 2003, 04:45 PM

well uneasy, I used to tease my brothers to be really nice to my kids as they would be picking their old folks homes. Then my one brother had kids! Hey, no cousins means more presents from grandma.

My daughter is dating a boy who is the result of the one child policy in China. It's interesting for one person to be the focus of so much attention by various older relatives - but it certainly has made his life easier!

I like kids, but I'm not big on newborns. They are so not interesting and sleep too little. While I had newborns I spent most of my time tricking them (a Raggedy Anne doll face is a great sub for mom at 3am). About 6 months I begin to enjoy them. I don't like them, but I can take care of one until they get likable.

Suezoled · 28th September 2003, 09:29 PM

Quote:

7.) why are you so selfish?

*Punches person in the nose*

I've officially enrolled in the Yahweh fanclub.

Does this mean I'm not an atheist anymore?

Anyway, thanks for the remarks everyone. Having been raised by wild dogs, I was really unprepared for the barrage of people who decided they knew what was better for me for my life.

uneasy · 28th September 2003, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kittynh well uneasy, I used to tease my brothers to be really nice to my kids as they would be picking their old folks homes. Then my one brother had kids! Hey, no cousins means more presents from grandma.

I feel sorry for my oldest niece. The thankless job of taking care of old people usually gets stuck on the women in the family, and she's such a responsible person. I think she will end up with the task of putting me in a home. I better start being nice to her.

juryjone · 29th September 2003, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Yahweh
12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption.

I hate hand-me-downs...

As an adoptive parent, I would hope that you wouldn't actually respond this way. We tend to get rather sensitive, because we are asked a whole bunch of other stupid questions (the most imbecilic being, "How much did she cost?").

Suezoled, all I can say is - YOU GO, GIRL! Stick to your guns! And come here every now and then and vent. There are obviously a lot of people here who sympathize with your dealing with idiots.

kittynh · 29th September 2003, 09:25 AM

uneasy, Claires is a great store, also Limited 2. Gift certificates...

Plus, all kids love music, but don't pick it out yourself. Gift certificates...

Send her one for Halloween, oh and never send a holiday card without some money or a gift certificate in it. That could be the difference between a state run and a privat facility.

Chanileslie · 29th September 2003, 09:33 AM

People are insensitive jerks sometimes and for some reason, many people feel that if they have kids, that everyone else should have them as well. I don't agree with that. I have children; I love my children more than anything, and they are my world, but to assume that you should feel exactly the same or something is "wrong" with you, is absurd. I think that those who want and would cherish having a child should and those who do not choose to do so should be respected for their choice as well. I think we can see many examples of people who should not have had children, and not everybody is cut out to be a parent nor does everyone have the drive or desire and that is neither selfish nor self-centered.

Be strong and realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Just smile next time, and say, something like, "Why do you want to know?" Or my favorite line when people say something stupid, "That's nice." BTW, nice is old English for stupid. :-)

Peach Jr. · 29th September 2003, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juryjone

As an adoptive parent, I would hope that you wouldn't actually respond this way. We tend to get rather sensitive, because we are asked a whole bunch of other stupid questions (the most imbecilic being, "How much did she cost?").

I hear ya. That's one of my least favorite stoopid adoption comments. The one I hate the most - "Oh, but she looks so much like you!"

My response? "And yours looks like the UPS man".

Professor Frink · 30th September 2003, 09:01 AM

I would tell them the horrors of the emergency operation which rendered you infertile and start screaming "why did you have to bring that up! The memories are flooding back!" Beat the perpetrator about the face and neck with exaggerated swings of your fists. That'll teach 'em.

Seriously, I commend you on your thoughtful decision to be child-free. I know people who are child-free by choice and some not by choice, and it is such a personal decision/issue that I would never bring it up with someone I didn't know.

Frink

arcticpenguin · 30th September 2003, 04:50 PM

Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Suezoled · 30th September 2003, 05:33 PM

Articpenguin, are you saying I should spiral down into eventual mental illness ending in suicide? Because, well, I have other things to do. But I do appreciate the suggestion. I'll even put it in my "suggestion" box.

kitsune · 30th September 2003, 05:49 PM

How about "I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for one of my own"?

It's definitely polite enough, gets the point across, and works for me. Granted, I also don't keep persisting on the "you want kids, right? You don't HATE kids, right?" questions, either.

The more clueless of us humanthings may keep persisting, and I'd just restate your feelings on the matter. You like your life just fine, and you can't see yourself with kids.

Oh, and please if you just so happen to run into a friend/stranger who is infertile for whatever reason, please, don't ever say "Well, there's always adoption..." Every time I hear that I want to thwack them.

Suezoled · 30th September 2003, 08:17 PM

Here's a riddle: I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am the youngest of all of us, but I was the third child my parents had. How can I be third of four children but still be the youngest?

Answer: adopted

I hear the adopted stuff myself:

1.) you don't look like your parents/sister/brothers
2.) Don't you want to find out who your real parents were?
3.) So how much of a tax deduction do adopted kids get?
4.) don't you wonder about your real family?
5.) do you have any natural brothers and sisters?
6.) what's your real name?
7.) do you think your real parents would love you more?

Head explody. Nothing but head explody. My reply: I used to tell them about my (fictional) gynocological visit and my (fictional)itch "down there" but don't worry the (fictional) doctor said he's pretty sure it's not contagious or at least the last (fictional) rash wasn't supposed to be but he was wrong last time so who knows about this time....?

Hey, if these people want to hear stories, they'll hear I story I want to tell.

Okay, I only really used the "fake gyno rash story" 2 times.

arcticpenguin · 1st October 2003, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled
Here's a riddle: I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am the youngest of all of us, but I was the third child my parents had. How can I be third of four children but still be the youngest?

Answer: adopted

Could you go over this in detail, please? Specifically, I want to know how this child could be the third child the parents had == he/she was adopted before the fourth was born, and also be the youngest of the four.

Perhaps he/she was adopted before he/she was born?

Or perhaps the fourth was adopted as well, at a later date but an older age?

Thank you.

arcticpenguin · 1st October 2003, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled
Articpenguin, are you saying I should spiral down into eventual mental illness ending in suicide? Because, well, I have other things to do. But I do appreciate the suggestion. I'll even put it in my "suggestion" box.

Buy the movie on DVD and loan it to the next people who ask stoopid questions about your procreative choices.

Checkmite · 1st October 2003, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled
When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage:

Well, a lot of those questions are admittedly rude, but...

Quote:

5.) Why not?

...

8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!

I don't think these two must indicate that your conversation partner is necessarily a "rude whackjob".

Suezoled · 1st October 2003, 04:58 PM

Quote:

I don't think these two must indicate that your conversation partner is necessarily a "rude whackjob".

How about do if I turned this around?

1.) Do you have kids? Why do you have kids? Justify to me for my satisfaction why you chose to have kids.

2.) Or how about: kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!

Well, here's the story behind that one: I made the mistake of trying a dating service. I had specified: "no kids, does not want children" on the little "prefers kids?" column. Well guess who answers me? Fathers and guys who want to be fathers. Guys who are fathers or want to be fathers and want to be fathers again (or for the first time) ASAP. Guys telling me that they're fathers, and I don't know what I'm talking about, of course I want kids. Of course I want kids WITH THEM. Guys who believe I'll be so into the idea of having kids as soon as they talk to me.

I could only thank these lovely men for openly treading on my lifestyle choice right off. At least I knew their relationships goals.

What's so rude about the comments? After I explain to these people I don't want kids, they brush off my reasons like dirt on their shoulder and proceed to try and convince me right then and there I should change my mind.

Suezoled · 1st October 2003, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Or perhaps the fourth was adopted as well, at a later date but an older age?

Bingo!

RPG Advocate · 1st October 2003, 11:18 PM

Well, I'm glad there are at least a few other people out there who see the wisdom of not having children. For some reason, it just seems like it's an unspoken rule that you will get married and have children. For me, it's just a matter of resources. Children would reduce my available resources that would not be offset by any benefit that children would bring me, so therefore it is irrational for me to have children. I understand the tension between preservation of personal resources and the continuity of society and the human race, but I think the crazy people that have huge families will take care of that for me.

In any case, I would answer the questions as follows:

1.) Oh, you'll change your mind

Maybe.

2.) It'd different when it's your own

Indeed it is. My own children would drain resources that could be used for my own personal benefit. Others' children do not.

3.) accidents happen

Not if you don't put yourself in a situation where an accident could happen. Besides, if it did, there's always abortion, or hell, YOU could adopt the unwanted child, since you're such a child lover.

4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes

You can plan for them fine.

5.) Why not?

Because children drain resources like time and money.

6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through

Actually, I have. It's much more rational for me not to breed than to do so.

7.) why are you so selfish?

Implying that it's selfish not to have children has a lot of strange metaphysical implications. Do you really want to commit yourself to that?

8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!

The love would be outweighed by the loss of resources.

9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old?

Either myself, or the State if I become incompetent.

10.) kids are your immortality

When I cease to exist, everything becomes irrelivant, so it wouldn't matter.

11.) what's wrong with you?

Nothing.

12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption.

I am capable of having children.

13.) Do you hate kids?

No.

14.) were you abused as a child?

No.

15.) have you found God?

I'm not looking.

Eos of the Eons · 3rd October 2003, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled
When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage:

1.) Oh, you'll change your mind
2.) It'd different when it's your own
3.) accidents happen
4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes
5.) Why not?
6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through
7.) why are you so selfish?
8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them!
9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old?
10.) kids are your immortality
11.) what's wrong with you?
12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption.
13.) Do you hate kids?
14.) were you abused as a child?
15.) have you found God?

Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever.

Why do some people have such a hard time believing that while there are some people who want kids, there are also some people who don't? I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for my own, and; while I am young, I don't appreciate people talking to me as if they know me better than I know myself.

Can I introduce you to a guy I have never met in person, but also doesn't want kids? He's about 30 ish, maybe 28...he's feeling alone in the "I don't want kids club". I sent him a link on VHEMT, but hey, you'd be way more interesting! He lives in California, but doesn't like it much.

Can I pm his email to you?

Suezoled · 7th October 2003, 05:17 AM

Hi Eos! Sorry about the delay in reply. I took the weekend to take care of a neighbor's dog at the dog's owner's house.

Sure PM the email. Thanks.

I think. Unless it's a cop pretending to be a teenage girl or boy who wants to meet. Then I would have issues.

roger · 7th October 2003, 05:36 AM

VHEMT - I just did a google search on that - it's so funny!

While I'd love to congratulate myself on not want to have children because I am concerned about the Earth's biosphere, it's merely a personal decision.

As far as how to answer people who question your decision, I have no answer, because I just don't care what other people think about my decisions. Just like this forum has quite a few members who are convinced that they have every single answer on politics, society, etc (answers not just for them, but for everyone), there are people who are convinced they know how you should run your life. Yawn.

Maybe it's because I'm more the observer/introspective type, but I find these conversations an interesting exercise in cultural anthropology - trying to find out why this person's views are so rigid and narrow. Turn it around on them, make them squirm

Andonyx · 7th October 2003, 08:02 AM

I think the next time I see someone with kids at a social occassion, whom I don't know well, I'll just strike up a conversation with this:

"So you had kids huh?"

"Ummmm...yes, that's my boy over there."

"Really? What made you do that?"

"Well....I....uh...do I know you?"

"Man, I decided not to have kids, it's the best decision I ever made."

"Look, I really think you're crossing-"

"I bet in a few years you'll change your mind...then where will you be? Man I love the freedom, the extra money, I'm not adding to the pool of unwanted children all over the world, and my household contributes less waste! Man You'd have to be CRAAAAZY to want kids."

"I'm going now."

"I mean what, do you like little boys or something?"

"I'm calling the police."

Eos of the Eons · 7th October 2003, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Suezoled
Hi Eos! Sorry about the delay in reply. I took the weekend to take care of a neighbor's dog at the dog's owner's house.

Sure PM the email. Thanks.

I think. Unless it's a cop pretending to be a teenage girl or boy who wants to meet. Then I would have issues.

This thread is so funny!

Nope, he's so not a cop. Big star wars fan like me though, and he has a doggy, really cute little pup. You can just let him know that you're in a great group of folks who don't want to have kids.

Kudos for following what you feel is best!

Melissa Johnson · 23rd October 2003, 09:53 AM

Found this thread late, as usual.

We don't have kids. We don't want them. We're having too much fun without them right now. This is my response:

"Oh, and how many kids do you have?"

*Give 'em a flat, humorless glance* "I don't have kids, I have cats."

Or

"I have one kid--my husband. That's enough."

My answer when they ask why? There are six billion people on this planet. Me not squeezing out a couple of bundles of joy won't matter here nor there, and nobody will remember anyway in another hundred years. Of course, rant on about this in a group of mothers and you'll get looks of pure malice, so I tend not to bring it up too much. I don't have any animosity toward children, as long as they aren't hurting my pets or touching my stuff with sticky hands

gethane · 24th October 2003, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kittynh
I like kids, but I'm not big on newborns. They are so not interesting and sleep too little. While I had newborns I spent most of my time tricking them (a Raggedy Anne doll face is a great sub for mom at 3am). About 6 months I begin to enjoy them. I don't like them, but I can take care of one until they get likable.

I'm the opposite, I adore newborns. Once they get ambulatory, I just can't wait until they are 3 or so and understand full sentences

As for those who don't want kids, good for you! Do what makes you happy, not what society says you should. Do try to understand that its just as bad for those of us on the other end of the stick. Defying the "norm" of 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, gets you an AWFUL lot of rude comments as well.

"Don't you know what causes that?"

Good lord! No, I don't. Could you fill me in?

Mom of 3, soon to be 4.

Chaos · 24th October 2003, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gethane

I'm the opposite, I adore newborns. Once they get ambulatory, I just can't wait until they are 3 or so and understand full sentences

As for those who don't want kids, good for you! Do what makes you happy, not what society says you should. Do try to understand that its just as bad for those of us on the other end of the stick. Defying the "norm" of 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, gets you an AWFUL lot of rude comments as well.

"Don't you know what causes that?"

Good lord! No, I don't. Could you fill me in?

Mom of 3, soon to be 4.

Another "nice" comment I heard once: "Don´t you have any other hobbies?"

Pirate_Lad · 17th November 2003, 12:49 PM

Hmm, I'm late to the party but I'll chime in anyhow.

I kind of sit on the fence on this issue. On the one hand, how cool would it be to get to show my own kid the zoo for the very first time? Or teach them to swim, or any of the million other 'firsts' that you could explore?

On the other, I love being independent. I could up & move anywhere in the U.S. tomorrow if I felt like it. I also realize having a kid would endanger that freedom. I'd have to cancel the world tour with my brother, start buying baby shoes. baby shoes!

I'm right at the age where a lot of women are getting out of school with their degrees, and they're wanting to settle down. The last two girls I've dated wanted kids. Right from the start they knew I didn't want them, didn't want to get married, had travel plans and goals to achieve. But slowly, insideously, they tried to change my mind.

In a perfect world where I had a few million bucks, I'd love to have kids. But I'm starting to realize that I'm probably never going to make big bucks and having kids would cause me to lose some of the freedom & flexibility I love so much.

So, ixnay on the idskay until I win the lottery. I don't think I'll be reproducing for a long, long time (if ever).

Keziah Mason · 18th November 2003, 12:11 PM

I've never wanted kids. I don't had a shred of a maternal instinct and do not find kids 'cute'. I simply have no calling or need or deepseated (or not-so-deepseated) or any other sort of feeling that I should have a child.

I've heard most of the things on Suezoled's list and a few more:

"Oh, your parents must be so unhappy."
No, they are just fine with my decision and even if they weren't, so what? People should not expect to live their lives through their children.

"Oh, I feel sorry for you."
This one pretty much boggles me. They're sorry because I don't have something I don't want to have?!? That's a bit like the "You're selfish" (I've gotten that bunches) - how is it selfish to not want something?

Ah well, at least I've reached the ripe old age where the "You'll change your mind" is starting to sound utterly ridiculous. Although the next person who hatefully asks "How come you hate children?" is going to get a nice lecture on how much I love and adore children. And if they doubt me, they should be sure to buy my cookbook that is being published next spring.

Andonyx · 18th November 2003, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pirate_Lad
Hmm, I'm late to the party but I'll chime in anyhow.

I kind of sit on the fence on this issue. On the one hand, how cool would it be to get to show my own kid the zoo for the very first time? Or teach them to swim, or any of the million other 'firsts' that you could explore?

This enters my mind occassionally but then I also think to myself, "How many millions of children out there right now need to be shown a zoo a school and a book for the first time? How many need a parent who wants to do those things for them, and how many will go to bed hungry, alone and dreaming about those things?"

My kids can wait, there are plenty right now who could use my help if I feel like parenting.

Samus · 18th November 2003, 01:40 PM

Kids are great...with Worcestershire sauce.

My jury is still out on whether to have kids. Or get married, for that matter. My girlfriend wants to have kids, and her time frame is basically within the next 5 years. One can count back from that and determine when she has to be married by, and when she would have to be engaged by to make that happen. I think she's trying to tell me something.

Anyway, I have no problem with folks that don't want kids. I'd just assume those people not have kids, because there are already enough unwanted offspring. A friend of mine has a very cute kid that's about two years old. Great kid, fun to be around. For every one of him, I've seen many kids in the grocery store, restaurant, in my family, etc. that are but a walking headache.

Besides, flying is expensive, and I don't know if I could afford wife, kids and flying. Out of the three, the pilot's license came first, so it will have priority.

24th September 2003, 08:30 PM	#1
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Question about Childfree Outlook When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage: 1.) Oh, you'll change your mind 2.) It'd different when it's your own 3.) accidents happen 4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes 5.) Why not? 6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through 7.) why are you so selfish? 8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! 9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old? 10.) kids are your immortality 11.) what's wrong with you? 12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption. 13.) Do you hate kids? 14.) were you abused as a child? 15.) have you found God? Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever. Why do some people have such a hard time believing that while there are some people who want kids, there are also some people who don't? I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for my own, and; while I am young, I don't appreciate people talking to me as if they know me better than I know myself.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

25th September 2003, 06:40 AM	#2
arcticpenguin woo ban clan Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,717	Re: Question about Childfree Outlook Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever. The polite way to say, "You're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" is to turn it into a question: "Why do you ask?". This is supposed to make the inquisitioner examine themselves and come to the realization that this is none of their business. Those most extreme in their rudeness and whackjobness will not come to this realization. Say "la vive".
	__________________ The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. - George Bernard Shaw

25th September 2003, 05:45 PM	#3
kittynh The Hupsu Detective auctioneer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: If I told the aliens could find me, and you know they read this forum Posts: 22,707	Hey, I'm looking forward to being childfree again! I love kids enough to work with them everyday in my job. But I also really enjoy the time when I am alone with my husband. And babies...never again! Asking why you don't have children is very personal. When you only have one child people ask you why you only have one, and don't you think it's unfair to the child? or won't the child become a spoiled brat (or the child WILL become a brat). Then there is a friend who told me I was being selfish having a child at all when there were so many children that needed adoption. So you can't win.
	__________________ WWW.BADALIEN.ORG - not all the buttons work yet, and the science content is coming...but it's ALIVE!

26th September 2003, 08:19 AM	#5
Peach Jr. Critical Thinker Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 258	Well, you could always use this... "I dont' feel it's any of your business. If you ask again, Chthulu, my lord and master, will choke you with his tentacles." I'm one of those freaks (just ask my many childfree friends) who has always wanted children. Until we were placed with The Littlest Peach, we were facing the very real possibility that we would be childfree as well. It's not something I was happy about, but I was willing to put that part of my life behind me. Not everybody who is capable of having children wants them. IMO, it's better to not want them and not have them than to have them and resent them...or worse...
	__________________ I'm going to be more assertive today - if that's OK with you... 99 multi-tentacled demon gods on the wall, 99 multi-tentacled demon gods, If one of those Chthulus should happen to fall, 98 multi-tentacled demon gods on the wall

26th September 2003, 10:01 AM	#6
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Chthulu! Ooh! Have you seen the Santa Chthulu? It's so dang cute! Little bells hanging off his tentacles and everything. Since when did Chthulu get so cute? Back on Topic: mainly, I save the "wackjob" comment to people who just keep asking and use any variation of the comments above. They want to know WHY WHY WHY and some ask What kind of monster could I be to not want my own babies? That's when I get really unsettled. It's not like I eat babies. Well, okay, on holidays and every other Sunday, but only because Chthulu told me to.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

26th September 2003, 06:35 AM	#4
Wile E. Coyote Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 342	Oh, you'll change your mind ... when you have your own. Seriously, though, not everyone has to breed. Perhaps you can (and do)contribute to humanity in some other aspect. My contribution is to try and raise a person who will be happy and healthy and benefit society. I would like to make some great contribution to mankind myself, but it may never happen. At least with a child, there is the possibility he will be better than I. To each his own ...

28th September 2003, 04:32 AM	#7
Denise Succubus Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 2,869	Isn't it great that people have a choice? 100 years ago there would have been no question about it, unless one was celibate of course.
Denise Succubus Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 2,869	__________________ Sundog- Do the words Biosphere 2 convey anything to anyone?

28th September 2003, 05:19 AM	#8
Zep Banned Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 26,985	Point at yourself and say: "You can't improve on perfection."
Zep Banned Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 26,985

28th September 2003, 03:04 PM	#9
Yahweh Ayay ashay ayay Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 9,029	Re: Question about Childfree Outlook I have a few predetermined answers that I have formed for each and every scenario depicted below: 1.) Oh, you'll change your mind I'm no so sure of that. 2.) It'd different when it's your own Yeah, and I dont have my own. 3.) accidents happen Accidents can be fixed. (Is that shallow or what?) 4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes I cant plan? Well, I alreay dont plan because I dont want kids. I the time comes, that means I've ruined my life. 5.) Why not? I wouldnt want a pint sized little critter that thinks like me to be running around any time soon... 6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through No, its not life altering. Life altering would be the indroduction of the child, until then my life is running pretty stable. [underbreath]You incompetent ass...[/underbreath] 7.) why are you so selfish? Punches person in the nose 8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! No, honestly, I wouldnt love my own kids. 9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old? I will never be old, I refuse to grow old, in fact next year, I plan to celebrate my 25th birthday (its been working just fine for the last 7 or 8 years). 10.) kids are your immortality What the Hell does that mean?! 11.) what's wrong with you? I'm sorry, am I sick or something, do I need to freshen up smell self... 12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption. I hate hand-me-downs... 13.) Do you hate kids? If I answer "Yes" will you stop asking stupid questions. 14.) were you abused as a child? Yes. 15.) have you found God? Yes, and my god could kick your god's ASS! Hee hee hee, I'm evil .
Yahweh Ayay ashay ayay Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 9,029

28th September 2003, 03:23 PM	#10
uneasy Muse Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 504	I don't know what to say Suezoled other than to say I'm in your situation. Shrugging off the questions and giving a cold stare sometimes works. Once a sister was giving me a hard time about providing no cousins for her kids. I told her I always want to reserve the right to be alone any time I wanted to be. She blinked and said then maybe I shouldn't have kids. I don't know if it was my tone or what, but she doesn't bring it up any more (much ).
uneasy Muse Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 504	__________________ Mud, Mud, glorious mud Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood!

28th September 2003, 04:45 PM	#11
kittynh The Hupsu Detective auctioneer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: If I told the aliens could find me, and you know they read this forum Posts: 22,707	well uneasy, I used to tease my brothers to be really nice to my kids as they would be picking their old folks homes. Then my one brother had kids! Hey, no cousins means more presents from grandma. My daughter is dating a boy who is the result of the one child policy in China. It's interesting for one person to be the focus of so much attention by various older relatives - but it certainly has made his life easier! I like kids, but I'm not big on newborns. They are so not interesting and sleep too little. While I had newborns I spent most of my time tricking them (a Raggedy Anne doll face is a great sub for mom at 3am). About 6 months I begin to enjoy them. I don't like them, but I can take care of one until they get likable.
	__________________ WWW.BADALIEN.ORG - not all the buttons work yet, and the science content is coming...but it's ALIVE!

28th September 2003, 09:29 PM	#12
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Quote: 7.) why are you so selfish? Punches person in the nose I've officially enrolled in the Yahweh fanclub. Does this mean I'm not an atheist anymore? Anyway, thanks for the remarks everyone. Having been raised by wild dogs, I was really unprepared for the barrage of people who decided they knew what was better for me for my life.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

28th September 2003, 09:55 PM	#13
uneasy Muse Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 504	Quote: Originally posted by kittynh well uneasy, I used to tease my brothers to be really nice to my kids as they would be picking their old folks homes. Then my one brother had kids! Hey, no cousins means more presents from grandma. I feel sorry for my oldest niece. The thankless job of taking care of old people usually gets stuck on the women in the family, and she's such a responsible person. I think she will end up with the task of putting me in a home. I better start being nice to her.
uneasy Muse Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 504	__________________ Mud, Mud, glorious mud Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood!

29th September 2003, 08:59 AM	#14
juryjone Refusing to be confused by facts Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 879	Re: Re: Question about Childfree Outlook Quote: Originally posted by Yahweh 12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption. I hate hand-me-downs... As an adoptive parent, I would hope that you wouldn't actually respond this way. We tend to get rather sensitive, because we are asked a whole bunch of other stupid questions (the most imbecilic being, "How much did she cost?"). Suezoled, all I can say is - YOU GO, GIRL! Stick to your guns! And come here every now and then and vent. There are obviously a lot of people here who sympathize with your dealing with idiots.
	__________________ "Humanity is slipping into the void of ignorance while you cheer and wave." - Tirdun, in reference to geggy and the 9/11 conspiracy theorists

29th September 2003, 09:25 AM	#15
kittynh The Hupsu Detective auctioneer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: If I told the aliens could find me, and you know they read this forum Posts: 22,707	uneasy, Claires is a great store, also Limited 2. Gift certificates... Plus, all kids love music, but don't pick it out yourself. Gift certificates... Send her one for Halloween, oh and never send a holiday card without some money or a gift certificate in it. That could be the difference between a state run and a privat facility.
	__________________ WWW.BADALIEN.ORG - not all the buttons work yet, and the science content is coming...but it's ALIVE!

29th September 2003, 09:33 AM	#16
Chanileslie Master Poster Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 2,378	People are insensitive jerks sometimes and for some reason, many people feel that if they have kids, that everyone else should have them as well. I don't agree with that. I have children; I love my children more than anything, and they are my world, but to assume that you should feel exactly the same or something is "wrong" with you, is absurd. I think that those who want and would cherish having a child should and those who do not choose to do so should be respected for their choice as well. I think we can see many examples of people who should not have had children, and not everybody is cut out to be a parent nor does everyone have the drive or desire and that is neither selfish nor self-centered. Be strong and realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Just smile next time, and say, something like, "Why do you want to know?" Or my favorite line when people say something stupid, "That's nice." BTW, nice is old English for stupid. :-)

29th September 2003, 12:26 PM	#17
Peach Jr. Critical Thinker Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 258	Re: Re: Re: Question about Childfree Outlook Quote: Originally posted by juryjone As an adoptive parent, I would hope that you wouldn't actually respond this way. We tend to get rather sensitive, because we are asked a whole bunch of other stupid questions (the most imbecilic being, "How much did she cost?"). I hear ya. That's one of my least favorite stoopid adoption comments. The one I hate the most - "Oh, but she looks so much like you!" My response? "And yours looks like the UPS man".
	__________________ I'm going to be more assertive today - if that's OK with you... 99 multi-tentacled demon gods on the wall, 99 multi-tentacled demon gods, If one of those Chthulus should happen to fall, 98 multi-tentacled demon gods on the wall

30th September 2003, 09:01 AM	#18
Professor Frink Scholar Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 87	I would tell them the horrors of the emergency operation which rendered you infertile and start screaming "why did you have to bring that up! The memories are flooding back!" Beat the perpetrator about the face and neck with exaggerated swings of your fists. That'll teach 'em. Seriously, I commend you on your thoughtful decision to be child-free. I know people who are child-free by choice and some not by choice, and it is such a personal decision/issue that I would never bring it up with someone I didn't know. Frink
Professor Frink Scholar Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 87	__________________ J: "Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it." K: "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it."

30th September 2003, 04:50 PM	#19
arcticpenguin woo ban clan Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,717	Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
	__________________ The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. - George Bernard Shaw

30th September 2003, 05:33 PM	#20
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Articpenguin, are you saying I should spiral down into eventual mental illness ending in suicide? Because, well, I have other things to do. But I do appreciate the suggestion. I'll even put it in my "suggestion" box.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

30th September 2003, 05:49 PM	#21
kitsune Student Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 28	How about "I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for one of my own"? It's definitely polite enough, gets the point across, and works for me. Granted, I also don't keep persisting on the "you want kids, right? You don't HATE kids, right?" questions, either. The more clueless of us humanthings may keep persisting, and I'd just restate your feelings on the matter. You like your life just fine, and you can't see yourself with kids. Oh, and please if you just so happen to run into a friend/stranger who is infertile for whatever reason, please, don't ever say "Well, there's always adoption..." Every time I hear that I want to thwack them.
kitsune Student Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 28	__________________ "Give a man fire, and you keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for a lifetime" -- Terry Pratchett

30th September 2003, 08:17 PM	#22
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Here's a riddle: I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am the youngest of all of us, but I was the third child my parents had. How can I be third of four children but still be the youngest? Answer: adopted I hear the adopted stuff myself: 1.) you don't look like your parents/sister/brothers 2.) Don't you want to find out who your real parents were? 3.) So how much of a tax deduction do adopted kids get? 4.) don't you wonder about your real family? 5.) do you have any natural brothers and sisters? 6.) what's your real name? 7.) do you think your real parents would love you more? Head explody. Nothing but head explody. My reply: I used to tell them about my (fictional) gynocological visit and my (fictional)itch "down there" but don't worry the (fictional) doctor said he's pretty sure it's not contagious or at least the last (fictional) rash wasn't supposed to be but he was wrong last time so who knows about this time....? Hey, if these people want to hear stories, they'll hear I story I want to tell. Okay, I only really used the "fake gyno rash story" 2 times.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

1st October 2003, 07:22 AM	#23
arcticpenguin woo ban clan Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,717	Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled Here's a riddle: I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am the youngest of all of us, but I was the third child my parents had. How can I be third of four children but still be the youngest? Answer: adopted Could you go over this in detail, please? Specifically, I want to know how this child could be the third child the parents had == he/she was adopted before the fourth was born, and also be the youngest of the four. Perhaps he/she was adopted before he/she was born? Or perhaps the fourth was adopted as well, at a later date but an older age? Thank you.
	__________________ The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. - George Bernard Shaw

1st October 2003, 07:23 AM	#24
arcticpenguin woo ban clan Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,717	Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled Articpenguin, are you saying I should spiral down into eventual mental illness ending in suicide? Because, well, I have other things to do. But I do appreciate the suggestion. I'll even put it in my "suggestion" box. Buy the movie on DVD and loan it to the next people who ask stoopid questions about your procreative choices.
	__________________ The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it. - George Bernard Shaw

1st October 2003, 10:17 AM	#25
Checkmite Skepticifimisticalationist Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Third in line Posts: 14,879	Re: Question about Childfree Outlook Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage: Well, a lot of those questions are admittedly rude, but... Quote: 5.) Why not? ... 8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! I don't think these two must indicate that your conversation partner is necessarily a "rude whackjob".
	__________________ "¿WHAT KIND OF BIRD? ¿A PARANORMAL BIRD?" --- Carlos S., 2002

1st October 2003, 04:58 PM	#26
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Quote: I don't think these two must indicate that your conversation partner is necessarily a "rude whackjob". How about do if I turned this around? 1.) Do you have kids? Why do you have kids? Justify to me for my satisfaction why you chose to have kids. 2.) Or how about: kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! Well, here's the story behind that one: I made the mistake of trying a dating service. I had specified: "no kids, does not want children" on the little "prefers kids?" column. Well guess who answers me? Fathers and guys who want to be fathers. Guys who are fathers or want to be fathers and want to be fathers again (or for the first time) ASAP. Guys telling me that they're fathers, and I don't know what I'm talking about, of course I want kids. Of course I want kids WITH THEM. Guys who believe I'll be so into the idea of having kids as soon as they talk to me. I could only thank these lovely men for openly treading on my lifestyle choice right off. At least I knew their relationships goals. What's so rude about the comments? After I explain to these people I don't want kids, they brush off my reasons like dirt on their shoulder and proceed to try and convince me right then and there I should change my mind.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

1st October 2003, 05:18 PM	#27
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Quote: Or perhaps the fourth was adopted as well, at a later date but an older age? Bingo!
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

1st October 2003, 11:18 PM	#28
RPG Advocate Critical Thinker Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 279	Well, I'm glad there are at least a few other people out there who see the wisdom of not having children. For some reason, it just seems like it's an unspoken rule that you will get married and have children. For me, it's just a matter of resources. Children would reduce my available resources that would not be offset by any benefit that children would bring me, so therefore it is irrational for me to have children. I understand the tension between preservation of personal resources and the continuity of society and the human race, but I think the crazy people that have huge families will take care of that for me. In any case, I would answer the questions as follows: 1.) Oh, you'll change your mind Maybe. 2.) It'd different when it's your own Indeed it is. My own children would drain resources that could be used for my own personal benefit. Others' children do not. 3.) accidents happen Not if you don't put yourself in a situation where an accident could happen. Besides, if it did, there's always abortion, or hell, YOU could adopt the unwanted child, since you're such a child lover. 4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes You can plan for them fine. 5.) Why not? Because children drain resources like time and money. 6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through Actually, I have. It's much more rational for me not to breed than to do so. 7.) why are you so selfish? Implying that it's selfish not to have children has a lot of strange metaphysical implications. Do you really want to commit yourself to that? 8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! The love would be outweighed by the loss of resources. 9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old? Either myself, or the State if I become incompetent. 10.) kids are your immortality When I cease to exist, everything becomes irrelivant, so it wouldn't matter. 11.) what's wrong with you? Nothing. 12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption. I am capable of having children. 13.) Do you hate kids? No. 14.) were you abused as a child? No. 15.) have you found God? I'm not looking.

3rd October 2003, 09:39 PM	#29
Eos of the Eons Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Alberta Posts: 13,894	Re: Question about Childfree Outlook Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled When people ask me if I have children, I (usually) politely answer no, I don't. If they ask me when I'll have them, I'll (not so politely) say I don't want them. Then comes the barrage: 1.) Oh, you'll change your mind 2.) It'd different when it's your own 3.) accidents happen 4.) you can't plan for these things but you'll do fine when your time comes 5.) Why not? 6.) That's a life altering decision you're making and I don't know if you've thought it through 7.) why are you so selfish? 8.) kids are where it's at! You'll love them when you have them! 9.) who's going to take care of you when you're old? 10.) kids are your immortality 11.) what's wrong with you? 12.) you're just saying you can't have kids, right? There's always adoption. 13.) Do you hate kids? 14.) were you abused as a child? 15.) have you found God? Any decent replies that won't offend the populace? I can't tell people "you're a rude whackjob to even ask such a thing" forever. Why do some people have such a hard time believing that while there are some people who want kids, there are also some people who don't? I don't hate kids, I just have no desire for my own, and; while I am young, I don't appreciate people talking to me as if they know me better than I know myself. Can I introduce you to a guy I have never met in person, but also doesn't want kids? He's about 30 ish, maybe 28...he's feeling alone in the "I don't want kids club". I sent him a link on VHEMT, but hey, you'd be way more interesting! He lives in California, but doesn't like it much. Can I pm his email to you?
	__________________ Motion affecting a measuring device does not affect what is actually being measured, except to inaccurately measure it. the immaterial world doesn't matter, cause it ain't matter-Jeff Corey my karma ran over my dogma-vbloke The Lateral Truth: An Apostate's Bible Stories by Rebecca Bradley, read it!

7th October 2003, 05:17 AM	#30
Suezoled Mentally Interesting Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 4,588	Hi Eos! Sorry about the delay in reply. I took the weekend to take care of a neighbor's dog at the dog's owner's house. Sure PM the email. Thanks. I think. Unless it's a cop pretending to be a teenage girl or boy who wants to meet. Then I would have issues.
	__________________ "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -priest guy from Boondock Saints "And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme/Too far along in our crime/ Stepping over what now towers to the sky/ With no connection" -Shins

7th October 2003, 05:36 AM	#31
roger Penultimate Amazing Join Date: May 2002 Location: Mountain View, CA Posts: 11,021	VHEMT - I just did a google search on that - it's so funny! While I'd love to congratulate myself on not want to have children because I am concerned about the Earth's biosphere, it's merely a personal decision. As far as how to answer people who question your decision, I have no answer, because I just don't care what other people think about my decisions. Just like this forum has quite a few members who are convinced that they have every single answer on politics, society, etc (answers not just for them, but for everyone), there are people who are convinced they know how you should run your life. Yawn. Maybe it's because I'm more the observer/introspective type, but I find these conversations an interesting exercise in cultural anthropology - trying to find out why this person's views are so rigid and narrow. Turn it around on them, make them squirm

7th October 2003, 08:02 AM	#32
Andonyx Graduate Poster Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,834	I think the next time I see someone with kids at a social occassion, whom I don't know well, I'll just strike up a conversation with this: "So you had kids huh?" "Ummmm...yes, that's my boy over there." "Really? What made you do that?" "Well....I....uh...do I know you?" "Man, I decided not to have kids, it's the best decision I ever made." "Look, I really think you're crossing-" "I bet in a few years you'll change your mind...then where will you be? Man I love the freedom, the extra money, I'm not adding to the pool of unwanted children all over the world, and my household contributes less waste! Man You'd have to be CRAAAAZY to want kids." "I'm going now." "I mean what, do you like little boys or something?" "I'm calling the police."
Andonyx Graduate Poster Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,834	__________________ Andonyx www.andonyx.com Shy Gypsy Slyly Shyly Tryst By My Crypt.

7th October 2003, 06:00 PM	#33
Eos of the Eons Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Alberta Posts: 13,894	Quote: Originally posted by Suezoled Hi Eos! Sorry about the delay in reply. I took the weekend to take care of a neighbor's dog at the dog's owner's house. Sure PM the email. Thanks. I think. Unless it's a cop pretending to be a teenage girl or boy who wants to meet. Then I would have issues. This thread is so funny! Nope, he's so not a cop. Big star wars fan like me though, and he has a doggy, really cute little pup. You can just let him know that you're in a great group of folks who don't want to have kids. Kudos for following what you feel is best!
	__________________ Motion affecting a measuring device does not affect what is actually being measured, except to inaccurately measure it. the immaterial world doesn't matter, cause it ain't matter-Jeff Corey my karma ran over my dogma-vbloke The Lateral Truth: An Apostate's Bible Stories by Rebecca Bradley, read it!

23rd October 2003, 09:53 AM	#34
Melissa Johnson Muse Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 575	Found this thread late, as usual. We don't have kids. We don't want them. We're having too much fun without them right now. This is my response: "Oh, and how many kids do you have?" Give 'em a flat, humorless glance "I don't have kids, I have cats." Or "I have one kid--my husband. That's enough." My answer when they ask why? There are six billion people on this planet. Me not squeezing out a couple of bundles of joy won't matter here nor there, and nobody will remember anyway in another hundred years. Of course, rant on about this in a group of mothers and you'll get looks of pure malice, so I tend not to bring it up too much. I don't have any animosity toward children, as long as they aren't hurting my pets or touching my stuff with sticky hands
Melissa Johnson Muse Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 575	__________________ We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose..

24th October 2003, 07:27 AM	#35
gethane Thinker Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 142	Quote: Originally posted by kittynh I like kids, but I'm not big on newborns. They are so not interesting and sleep too little. While I had newborns I spent most of my time tricking them (a Raggedy Anne doll face is a great sub for mom at 3am). About 6 months I begin to enjoy them. I don't like them, but I can take care of one until they get likable. I'm the opposite, I adore newborns. Once they get ambulatory, I just can't wait until they are 3 or so and understand full sentences As for those who don't want kids, good for you! Do what makes you happy, not what society says you should. Do try to understand that its just as bad for those of us on the other end of the stick. Defying the "norm" of 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl, gets you an AWFUL lot of rude comments as well. "Don't you know what causes that?" Good lord! No, I don't. Could you fill me in? Mom of 3, soon to be 4.
gethane Thinker Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 142