N. Korea Wondering What It Has To Do To Attract U.S. Military Attention

subgenius · 14th February 2003, 09:36 AM

More great satire from the Onion:
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—As the U.S. continues to inch toward war with Iraq, a jealous and frustrated North Korea is wondering what it has to do to attract American military attention.
...
"What does it take to get a few F-16s or naval warships deployed to the Yellow Sea?" North Korean president Kim Jong Il asked Monday. "In the past month and a half, we've expelled U.N. nuclear inspectors, withdrawn from the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, restarted a mothballed nuclear complex capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium, and threatened to resume missile tests. You'd think that would be enough to get a measly Marine division or two on standby in the Pacific, but apparently not."

Kim said his nation is "way more deserving" of B-52 deployment than Iraq.

"Bush says his number one priority is eliminating weapons of mass destruction, but he sure doesn't act that way," Kim said. "Iraq may have weapons of mass destruction and may be developing more. The DPRK, on the other hand, does have weapons of mass destruction and isn't about to stop making them any time soon.

"Can I be any more clear?" Kim continued. "We have nuclear bombs and delivery methods. Kablooey! There goes Anchorage! But does Bush care? Nope—he just goes on about how we're 'a diplomatic issue, not a military one.' If he even mentions us at all, that is."

"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added."
http://www.theonion.com/onion3905/north_korea.html

Alaric · 14th February 2003, 11:31 AM

Aye..this one was a classic. Some of their finest work in a while.

I just got one of their collections for Christmas and I love it. There was one aways back where some other countries harbouring terrorists got together and formed the "Axis of Not Quite So Evil" That one got me rolling as well.

Jedi Knight · 14th February 2003, 11:36 AM

"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added.

If Kim keeps up his nuclear threats, his prediction will come true lol. (pun intended)

Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea.

JK

Goshawk · 14th February 2003, 12:05 PM

JK, you do understand that the Onion is a satirical website? That the quoted article is a satire, a parody, a joke?
You do understand that Kim isn't really complaining that we're ignoring him?

Okay.

Just checking.

VernorsRush · 14th February 2003, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jedi Knight
Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea.

JK

Where was that statement issued?

Jedi Knight · 14th February 2003, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by VernorsRush

Where was that statement issued?

The statement by Japan was issued yesterday.

I will post follow-ups as the rhetoric between those nations continues to escalate.

JK

14th February 2003, 07:16 PM

Once the fallout settles over Iraq, the US will take care of North Korea's Million Target Army.

shuize · 15th February 2003, 06:03 AM

I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected.

kittynh · 15th February 2003, 04:34 PM

take out a hit on Bush I...it worked for Iraq

The Fool · 16th February 2003, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by shuize
I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected.

I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"?

shuize · 16th February 2003, 08:04 AM

Fool: I believe you are correct. Japan's post war constitution only allows defensive measures. But I am not sure if that actually means they have to wait to be attacked before they can respond.

As I have posted elsewhere, Japan's military is not insignificant. In the past I doubted whether they have the will to use it even if threatened.

How they will resolve the threat of North Korea aiming new nuclear missiles at Tokyo, I am not sure. But I never would have expected them to take a tough and public military stance.

corplinx · 16th February 2003, 01:47 PM

In the end, I think this is what will provoke China into strongarming PRK into line. China does not want a militarized Japan.

VernorsRush · 16th February 2003, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Fool

I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"?

That's the way their policy reads to me:

http://www.jda.go.jp/e/policy/f_work/frame22_.htm

subgenius · 16th February 2003, 10:37 PM

N.Korea Says Sure of Winning Nuclear War with U.S.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...h_dc&printer=1

14th February 2003, 09:36 AM	#1
subgenius Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 4,788	N. Korea Wondering What It Has To Do To Attract U.S. Military Attention More great satire from the Onion: PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—As the U.S. continues to inch toward war with Iraq, a jealous and frustrated North Korea is wondering what it has to do to attract American military attention. ... "What does it take to get a few F-16s or naval warships deployed to the Yellow Sea?" North Korean president Kim Jong Il asked Monday. "In the past month and a half, we've expelled U.N. nuclear inspectors, withdrawn from the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, restarted a mothballed nuclear complex capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium, and threatened to resume missile tests. You'd think that would be enough to get a measly Marine division or two on standby in the Pacific, but apparently not." Kim said his nation is "way more deserving" of B-52 deployment than Iraq. "Bush says his number one priority is eliminating weapons of mass destruction, but he sure doesn't act that way," Kim said. "Iraq may have weapons of mass destruction and may be developing more. The DPRK, on the other hand, does have weapons of mass destruction and isn't about to stop making them any time soon. "Can I be any more clear?" Kim continued. "We have nuclear bombs and delivery methods. Kablooey! There goes Anchorage! But does Bush care? Nope—he just goes on about how we're 'a diplomatic issue, not a military one.' If he even mentions us at all, that is." "It's like I don't even exist," Kim added." http://www.theonion.com/onion3905/north_korea.html
subgenius Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 4,788	__________________ "The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is Fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any controlling private power."---Franklin D. Roosevelt Proud to be Liberal

14th February 2003, 11:31 AM	#2
Alaric Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 55	Aye..this one was a classic. Some of their finest work in a while. I just got one of their collections for Christmas and I love it. There was one aways back where some other countries harbouring terrorists got together and formed the "Axis of Not Quite So Evil" That one got me rolling as well.
Alaric Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 55

14th February 2003, 11:36 AM	#3
Jedi Knight Banned Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2,734	"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added. If Kim keeps up his nuclear threats, his prediction will come true lol. (pun intended) Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea. JK
Jedi Knight Banned Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2,734

14th February 2003, 01:19 PM	#5
VernorsRush Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 37	Quote: Originally posted by Jedi Knight Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea. JK Where was that statement issued?
VernorsRush Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 37	__________________ Opinions flagged by IMHO are actually rarely humble... IMHO.

14th February 2003, 06:04 PM	#6
Jedi Knight Banned Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2,734	Quote: Originally posted by VernorsRush Where was that statement issued? The statement by Japan was issued yesterday. I will post follow-ups as the rhetoric between those nations continues to escalate. JK
Jedi Knight Banned Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2,734

14th February 2003, 12:05 PM	#4
Goshawk Graduate Poster Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Decatur, Illinois, USA Posts: 1,453	JK, you do understand that the Onion is a satirical website? That the quoted article is a satire, a parody, a joke? You do understand that Kim isn't really complaining that we're ignoring him? Okay. Just checking.

14th February 2003, 07:16 PM	#7
Brooklyn Dodger Guest Posts: n/a	Once the fallout settles over Iraq, the US will take care of North Korea's Million Target Army.
Brooklyn Dodger Guest Posts: n/a

15th February 2003, 06:03 AM	#8
shuize Master Poster Join Date: May 2002 Location: Japan Posts: 2,305	I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected.

15th February 2003, 04:34 PM	#9
kittynh The Hupsu Detective auctioneer Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: If I told the aliens could find me, and you know they read this forum Posts: 22,705	take out a hit on Bush I take out a hit on Bush I...it worked for Iraq
	__________________ WWW.BADALIEN.ORG - not all the buttons work yet, and the science content is coming...but it's ALIVE!

16th February 2003, 02:12 AM	#10
The Fool Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 11,558	Quote: Originally posted by shuize I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected. I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"?
	__________________ And what is good, Phaedrus,and what is not good. Need we ask anyone to tell us these things? R. M. Pirsig. (Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance) Lose half your IQ....Ask me how.

16th February 2003, 08:04 AM	#11
shuize Master Poster Join Date: May 2002 Location: Japan Posts: 2,305	Fool: I believe you are correct. Japan's post war constitution only allows defensive measures. But I am not sure if that actually means they have to wait to be attacked before they can respond. As I have posted elsewhere, Japan's military is not insignificant. In the past I doubted whether they have the will to use it even if threatened. How they will resolve the threat of North Korea aiming new nuclear missiles at Tokyo, I am not sure. But I never would have expected them to take a tough and public military stance.

16th February 2003, 01:47 PM	#12
corplinx JREF Kid Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 8,944	In the end, I think this is what will provoke China into strongarming PRK into line. China does not want a militarized Japan.
corplinx JREF Kid Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 8,944

16th February 2003, 03:13 PM	#13
VernorsRush Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 37	Quote: Originally posted by The Fool I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"? That's the way their policy reads to me: http://www.jda.go.jp/e/policy/f_work/frame22_.htm
VernorsRush Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 37	__________________ Opinions flagged by IMHO are actually rarely humble... IMHO.

16th February 2003, 10:37 PM	#14
subgenius Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 4,788	N.Korea Says Sure of Winning Nuclear War with U.S. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...h_dc&printer=1
subgenius Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 4,788	__________________ "The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is Fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any controlling private power."---Franklin D. Roosevelt Proud to be Liberal