Nature is horrible ... HORRIBLE

Alareth · 10th September 2009, 07:53 AM

Nature creates horrible monsters.

For example, rare tongue-eating parasite found

W ... T ... F ... ?!?

Mojo · 10th September 2009, 08:04 AM

Or what about this charming little beastie?

Mojo · 10th September 2009, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by Alareth

Nature creates horrible monsters.

For example, rare tongue-eating parasite found

W ... T ... F ... ?!?

"Apparently there's not too much ill effect to the fish itself except it's lost its tongue."

calebprime · 10th September 2009, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Mojo

Or what about this charming little beastie?

oww, the traditional treatment sounds pretty unpleasant, too.

"A traditional treatment for those affected involves the use of two plants, the jagua or jenipapo plant (Genipa americana) and the Buitach apple which are inserted (or their extract in the case of tight spaces) into the affected area. It is thought that these two plants together will kill and then dislodge the fish.[10]"

I hate it when that happens.

NoZed Avenger · 10th September 2009, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by Mojo

Or what about this charming little beastie?

"Beneath you swims the dreaded candiru! A naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra!"

TjW · 10th September 2009, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by calebprime

oww, the traditional treatment sounds pretty unpleasant, too.

"A traditional treatment for those affected involves the use of two plants, the jagua or jenipapo plant (Genipa americana) and the Buitach apple which are inserted (or their extract in the case of tight spaces) into the affected area. It is thought that these two plants together will kill and then dislodge the fish.[10]"

I hate it when that happens.

The next line doesn't sound like a fun experience, either:

Quote:

Surgery to the affected region is the medical standard of care for those who have been attacked.[11][12]

Eddie Dane · 10th September 2009, 08:40 AM

Now there's intelligent design.

Thanks god!

shuttlt · 10th September 2009, 08:59 AM

Dead fish up his pee hole

themusicteacher · 10th September 2009, 09:45 AM

Well, God created all these wonderful little monsters and we should love them all the same, right? All part of God's wonderful, inexplicable, confusing and completely FUBAR plan. It would also explain this disgusting terror.

fuelair · 10th September 2009, 10:00 AM

According to sources I have read, you can avoid this by not swimming nude/bathing, or not urinating while swimming/bathing nude, or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid.

shuttlt · 10th September 2009, 10:15 AM

Could this be the basis for a survival technique?

Step 1: Settle yourself waste deep in the amazon naked from the waste down.
Step 2: Protect your modest from all those fishy eyes with a fine meshed fishing net.
Step 3: Urinate through the fishing net.
Step 4. Catch, cook and eat penis eating devil fish.

I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.

rocketdodger · 10th September 2009, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by shuttlt

I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.

Holy <RULE 8> that made me laugh so hard. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, thank you.

ExMinister · 10th September 2009, 11:14 AM

Here's another one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angler_fish

Quote:

Anglerfish employ an unusual mating method. Because individuals are presumably locally rare and encounters doubly so, finding a mate is problematic. When scientists first started capturing ceratioid anglerfish, they noticed that all of the specimens were females. These individuals were a few inches in size and almost all of them had what appeared to be parasites attached to them. It turned out that these "parasites" were the remains of male ceratioids.

At birth, male ceratioids are already equipped with extremely well developed olfactory organs that detect scents in the water. When it is mature, the male's digestive system degenerates, making him incapable of feeding independently, which necessitates his quickly finding a female anglerfish to prevent his death. The sensitive olfactory organs help the male to detect the pheromones that signal the proximity of a female anglerfish. When he finds a female, he bites into her skin, and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level. The male then atrophies into nothing more than a pair of gonads, which releases sperm in response to hormones in the female's bloodstream indicating egg release. This extreme sexual dimorphism ensures that, when the female is ready to spawn, she has a mate immediately available.

shadron · 10th September 2009, 11:25 AM

Hey, where there's a niche, there's always something to fill it.

NoZed Avenger · 10th September 2009, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by shuttlt

I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.

I am never swimming again.

Or bathing.

In fact, I have just decided to stop drinking water entirely.

catbasket · 10th September 2009, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by rocketdodger

Holy <RULE 8> that made me laugh so hard. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, thank you.

ETA - fixed it. Doesn't work using '10' rather than 'ten'

Madalch · 10th September 2009, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by fuelair

According to sources I have read, you can avoid this by not swimming nude/bathing, or not urinating while swimming/bathing nude, or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid.

Oh come on- what kind of fool would go to Brazil and not bring condoms?

Skeptic Guy · 10th September 2009, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by shuttlt

(SNIP)

I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.

Originally Posted by NoZed Avenger

I am never swimming again.

Or bathing.

In fact, I have just decided to stop drinking water entirely.

I don't know, just how big do you imagine this fish to be?

NoZed Avenger · 10th September 2009, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Skeptic Guy

I don't know, just how big do you imagine this fish to be?

I don't want to take the chance I'd run into one that was nearsighted or overly optimistic.

Skeptic Guy · 10th September 2009, 03:24 PM

I guess there is a limit to the 'bigger is better' philosophy.

godofpie · 8th December 2009, 12:33 AM

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009...discovered.php

New pics to keep you up at night. Colbert did a bit about this tonight.

popscythe · 8th December 2009, 12:40 AM

The cherry.. slop in my tv dinner has weird little chunks in it

uk_dave · 8th December 2009, 12:46 AM

Originally Posted by fuelair

or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid.

Ahhhh you can do that with yours too

Eos of the Eons · 8th December 2009, 10:36 AM

Oh those miters must cure something! Like urethra cancer or tongue cancer. Got my new cure to sell online!

Directions:

Empty pouch one into water (we'll not tell em its fish eggs).
Empty pouch two into water (we'll not tell em it's fish food).
Wait 3 days.
Insert tongue or penis.

Miracle cure will naturally eat away at cancer (we'll not tell them about what else it will eat away).

Mojo · 8th December 2009, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by Eos of the Eons

Oh those miters must cure something! Like urethra cancer or tongue cancer. Got my new cure to sell online!

Directions:

Empty pouch one into water (we'll not tell em its fish eggs).
Empty pouch two into water (we'll not tell em it's fish food).
Wait 3 days.
Insert tongue or penis.

Miracle cure will naturally eat away at cancer (we'll not tell them about what else it will eat away).

And it's NATURAL so no side-effects!

Eos of the Eons · 8th December 2009, 12:04 PM

Yes, because eating away stuff is the effect, so of course there are no side effects.

If your tongue or penis should happen to disappear entirely, then that was necessary, as the cancer had to be deleted entirely. If the cancer is spreading, then other parts of your body must be eaten away as well. If you disappear completely, then no cancer, no complaints.

Insert the usual disclaimer. I shall rake in the bucks!

ponderingturtle · 8th December 2009, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by shadron

Hey, where there's a niche, there's always something to fill it.

I don't think so. Look at the number of generations it took to get the Ecoli to metabolize citrate, and only one of the colonies did.

Skeptic · 8th December 2009, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by shuttlt

I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.

Well, I knew a girl whose idea of oral s... oh, never mind.

10th September 2009, 07:53 AM	#1
Alareth Sarcasm Distribution System Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Mississippi Posts: 4,047	Nature is horrible ... HORRIBLE Nature creates horrible monsters. For example, rare tongue-eating parasite found W ... T ... F ... ?!?
	__________________ Stellar Visions \| Stop Sylvia Browne \| Alareth Does Art! Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak "Hi mjd[1982]. Don't worry about breaking any news to us, you're really in very little danger of ever doing that." - Stellafane

10th September 2009, 08:04 AM	#2
Mojo Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Nor Flanden Posts: 14,927	Or what about this charming little beastie?
	__________________ "You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield "All blasphemies do not become great truths." - George Bernard Shaw

10th September 2009, 08:05 AM	#3
Mojo Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Nor Flanden Posts: 14,927	Originally Posted by Alareth Nature creates horrible monsters. For example, rare tongue-eating parasite found W ... T ... F ... ?!? "Apparently there's not too much ill effect to the fish itself except it's lost its tongue."
	__________________ "You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield "All blasphemies do not become great truths." - George Bernard Shaw

10th September 2009, 08:22 AM	#4
calebprime Somewhat Elitist Parasite Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 4,747	Originally Posted by Mojo Or what about this charming little beastie? oww, the traditional treatment sounds pretty unpleasant, too. "A traditional treatment for those affected involves the use of two plants, the jagua or jenipapo plant (Genipa americana) and the Buitach apple which are inserted (or their extract in the case of tight spaces) into the affected area. It is thought that these two plants together will kill and then dislodge the fish.[10]" I hate it when that happens.
	__________________ again: By the way have you anyone here aside from myself produced what to you is or should be the very first principle of clear thinking?--yrreg

10th September 2009, 08:31 AM	#5
NoZed Avenger Bitter Whiner Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 8,793	Originally Posted by Mojo Or what about this charming little beastie? "Beneath you swims the dreaded candiru! A naughty little fish with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra!"
	__________________ There is no substitute for good manners. Except fast reflexes.

10th September 2009, 08:33 AM	#6
TjW Philosopher Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: up in the air Posts: 5,986	Originally Posted by calebprime oww, the traditional treatment sounds pretty unpleasant, too. "A traditional treatment for those affected involves the use of two plants, the jagua or jenipapo plant (Genipa americana) and the Buitach apple which are inserted (or their extract in the case of tight spaces) into the affected area. It is thought that these two plants together will kill and then dislodge the fish.[10]" I hate it when that happens. The next line doesn't sound like a fun experience, either: Quote: Surgery to the affected region is the medical standard of care for those who have been attacked.[11][12]
	__________________ TjW People like TjW -- Kelly

10th September 2009, 08:40 AM	#7
Eddie Dane Graduate Poster Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,245	Now there's intelligent design. Thanks god!

10th September 2009, 08:59 AM	#8
shuttlt Graduate Poster Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,351	Dead fish up his pee hole
shuttlt Graduate Poster Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,351

10th September 2009, 09:45 AM	#9
themusicteacher Critical Thinker Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Burque, NM Posts: 462	Well, God created all these wonderful little monsters and we should love them all the same, right? All part of God's wonderful, inexplicable, confusing and completely FUBAR plan. It would also explain this disgusting terror.

10th September 2009, 10:00 AM	#10
fuelair Cythraul Enfys Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 16,733	According to sources I have read, you can avoid this by not swimming nude/bathing, or not urinating while swimming/bathing nude, or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid.
fuelair Cythraul Enfys Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 16,733	__________________ There is no problem so great that it cannot be fixed by small explosives carefully placed. Wash this space!

10th September 2009, 10:15 AM	#11
shuttlt Graduate Poster Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,351	Could this be the basis for a survival technique? Step 1: Settle yourself waste deep in the amazon naked from the waste down. Step 2: Protect your modest from all those fishy eyes with a fine meshed fishing net. Step 3: Urinate through the fishing net. Step 4. Catch, cook and eat penis eating devil fish. I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis.
shuttlt Graduate Poster Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,351

10th September 2009, 10:54 AM	#12
rocketdodger Illuminator Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Hyperion Posts: 4,662	Originally Posted by shuttlt I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis. Holy <RULE 8> that made me laugh so hard. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, thank you.

10th September 2009, 11:14 AM	#13
ExMinister Graduate Poster Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,269	Here's another one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angler_fish Quote: Anglerfish employ an unusual mating method. Because individuals are presumably locally rare and encounters doubly so, finding a mate is problematic. When scientists first started capturing ceratioid anglerfish, they noticed that all of the specimens were females. These individuals were a few inches in size and almost all of them had what appeared to be parasites attached to them. It turned out that these "parasites" were the remains of male ceratioids. At birth, male ceratioids are already equipped with extremely well developed olfactory organs that detect scents in the water. When it is mature, the male's digestive system degenerates, making him incapable of feeding independently, which necessitates his quickly finding a female anglerfish to prevent his death. The sensitive olfactory organs help the male to detect the pheromones that signal the proximity of a female anglerfish. When he finds a female, he bites into her skin, and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level. The male then atrophies into nothing more than a pair of gonads, which releases sperm in response to hormones in the female's bloodstream indicating egg release. This extreme sexual dimorphism ensures that, when the female is ready to spawn, she has a mate immediately available.
	__________________ www.stopsylvia.com

10th September 2009, 11:25 AM	#14
shadron Illuminator Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 3,856	Hey, where there's a niche, there's always something to fill it.

10th September 2009, 11:59 AM	#15
NoZed Avenger Bitter Whiner Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 8,793	Originally Posted by shuttlt I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis. I am never swimming again. Or bathing. In fact, I have just decided to stop drinking water entirely.
	__________________ There is no substitute for good manners. Except fast reflexes.

10th September 2009, 12:05 PM	#16
catbasket atheist godfather Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: The naughty step Posts: 1,484	Originally Posted by rocketdodger Holy <RULE 8> that made me laugh so hard. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, thank you. ETA - fixed it. Doesn't work using '10' rather than 'ten'
	__________________ Mathew 13:13 Therefore I speak to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. Last edited by catbasket; 10th September 2009 at 12:09 PM.

10th September 2009, 12:59 PM	#17
Madalch The Jester Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: The wet coast. Posts: 4,810	Originally Posted by fuelair According to sources I have read, you can avoid this by not swimming nude/bathing, or not urinating while swimming/bathing nude, or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid. Oh come on- what kind of fool would go to Brazil and not bring condoms?
	__________________ As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of resolving approaches zero. -Vaarsuvius

10th September 2009, 01:08 PM	#18
Skeptic Guy Raccoon Death Squad Leader Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Southeast of Disorder Posts: 6,335	Originally Posted by shuttlt (SNIP) I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis. Originally Posted by NoZed Avenger I am never swimming again. Or bathing. In fact, I have just decided to stop drinking water entirely. I don't know, just how big do you imagine this fish to be?
	__________________ "Our history is in part a battle to the death of inadequate myths" - Carl Sagan Even Mother Teresa^WP doubted.

10th September 2009, 01:10 PM	#19
NoZed Avenger Bitter Whiner Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 8,793	Originally Posted by Skeptic Guy I don't know, just how big do you imagine this fish to be? I don't want to take the chance I'd run into one that was nearsighted or overly optimistic.
	__________________ There is no substitute for good manners. Except fast reflexes.

10th September 2009, 03:24 PM	#20
Skeptic Guy Raccoon Death Squad Leader Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Southeast of Disorder Posts: 6,335	I guess there is a limit to the 'bigger is better' philosophy.
	__________________ "Our history is in part a battle to the death of inadequate myths" - Carl Sagan Even Mother Teresa^WP doubted.

8th December 2009, 12:33 AM	#21
godofpie Chief Cook & Bottle Washer Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: south of the mason dixon Posts: 649	http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009...discovered.php New pics to keep you up at night. Colbert did a bit about this tonight.
	__________________ king of all that is pizza http://www.stopsylvia.com/ http://www.stopsylvia.com/ http://www.stopsylvia.com/ _{"You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out" - Warren Buffett}

8th December 2009, 12:40 AM	#22
popscythe Space Opera Symphony Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Silent Hill, Oregon Posts: 552	The cherry.. slop in my tv dinner has weird little chunks in it
	__________________ "If using cute little pejoratives that are recently invented is acceptable but using established ones is unacceptable then I'm Freetarded." Pejorative for one who supports (the) freedom (of speech)

8th December 2009, 12:46 AM	#23
uk_dave Philosopher Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,627	Originally Posted by fuelair or tying your equipment in a knot while swimming/bathing in water with the little barstid. Ahhhh you can do that with yours too
uk_dave Philosopher Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,627	__________________ Those evil-natured robots they're programmed to destroy us she's gotta be strong to fight them so she's taking lots of vitamins

8th December 2009, 10:36 AM	#24
Eos of the Eons Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Alberta Posts: 13,253	Oh those miters must cure something! Like urethra cancer or tongue cancer. Got my new cure to sell online! Directions: Empty pouch one into water (we'll not tell em its fish eggs). Empty pouch two into water (we'll not tell em it's fish food). Wait 3 days. Insert tongue or penis. Miracle cure will naturally eat away at cancer (we'll not tell them about what else it will eat away).
	__________________ Motion affecting a measuring device does not affect what is actually being measured, except to inaccurately measure it. the immaterial world doesn't matter, cause it ain't matter-Jeff Corey my karma ran over my dogma-vbloke The Lateral Truth: An Apostate's Bible Stories by Rebecca Bradley, read it!

8th December 2009, 11:43 AM	#25
Mojo Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Nor Flanden Posts: 14,927	Originally Posted by Eos of the Eons Oh those miters must cure something! Like urethra cancer or tongue cancer. Got my new cure to sell online! Directions: Empty pouch one into water (we'll not tell em its fish eggs). Empty pouch two into water (we'll not tell em it's fish food). Wait 3 days. Insert tongue or penis. Miracle cure will naturally eat away at cancer (we'll not tell them about what else it will eat away). And it's NATURAL so no side-effects!
	__________________ "You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield "All blasphemies do not become great truths." - George Bernard Shaw

8th December 2009, 12:04 PM	#26
Eos of the Eons Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Alberta Posts: 13,253	Yes, because eating away stuff is the effect, so of course there are no side effects. If your tongue or penis should happen to disappear entirely, then that was necessary, as the cancer had to be deleted entirely. If the cancer is spreading, then other parts of your body must be eaten away as well. If you disappear completely, then no cancer, no complaints. Insert the usual disclaimer. I shall rake in the bucks!
	__________________ Motion affecting a measuring device does not affect what is actually being measured, except to inaccurately measure it. the immaterial world doesn't matter, cause it ain't matter-Jeff Corey my karma ran over my dogma-vbloke The Lateral Truth: An Apostate's Bible Stories by Rebecca Bradley, read it!

8th December 2009, 01:04 PM	#27
ponderingturtle Orthogonal Vector Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ossining NY Posts: 18,770	Originally Posted by shadron Hey, where there's a niche, there's always something to fill it. I don't think so. Look at the number of generations it took to get the Ecoli to metabolize citrate, and only one of the colonies did.
	__________________ Sufficiently advanced Woo is indistinguishable from Parody "There shall be no poofing in science" Paul C. Anagnostopoulos Force ***** on reasons back" Ben Franklin

8th December 2009, 01:09 PM	#28
Skeptic Sum, ergo cogito Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Behind the chessboard Posts: 13,337	Originally Posted by shuttlt I tell you what, it's a good thing there isn't a creature with the combined abilities of the one that replaces the fishes tongue and the one that swims up your penis. Well, I knew a girl whose idea of oral s... oh, never mind.
	__________________ CNN, Fox, MSNBC are all terrible, all do the exact same thing: take news wire reports, add a bunch of unnecessary opinion, and then re-brand it as "infotainment" as if this were some sort of useful service. It is akin to paying me to read a newspaper to you, while interrupting frequently with my own opinion. -- Zaphod2016 Last edited by Skeptic; 8th December 2009 at 01:11 PM.