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#1 |
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Scholar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 102
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Awareness of Lubrication Controversy Growing
Awareness of Lubrication Controversy Growing Backed by famous actress, movement picks up momentum Associated News Service, September 2009 For years, the conventional wisdom had been taken for granted: putting oil into your car will protect it from the effects of friction and maybe even increase its lifespan. But now, in this era of ever-increasing consumer awareness, more and more drivers are questioning the value and the safety of this practice. "Everybody's just always assumed they're supposed to lubricate their cars," said Big Tom, owner of Big Tom's Automotive and one of the few experts who's spoken out on this issue. "But is it really that smart to take the most important part of your car, with all its complicated little moving pieces, and fill it with this goopy black sludge? Most people never really gave it any thought. They just did it because they were told they should - because it's what everybody was doing." So what's the harm? "You just don't know what that stuff is doing to your vehicle," Big Tom adds. And that's where drivers have started getting concerned. Over the last few years there's been a growing epidemic of Random Airbag Deployment (known as RAD) as more and more cars reportedly have had airbags that, for whatever reason, go off when they're not supposed to. It's dangerous. It causes accidents and injuries. And worst of all, the vehicle suffers from erratic behavior that makes it unable to cope with most normal driving situations - or to engage in meaningful interaction with its driver. Drivers, shocked and devastated to find that their vehicles suffer from RAD, have had no idea where to turn for answers. More and more, however, a small but vocal group has started theorizing that the effects of RAD are at least in part caused by some aspect of the lubrication process. And this group has gained increasing attention - as well as credibility - by the recent addition of a high-profile celebrity to its ranks. Bimbo Larue, formerly a porn star, has since become a Hollywood icon, staring in such films as Honk if You Like My Bod, Randy High School Road Trip, and Pull My Finger. But three years ago her world was rocked when her car, a blue 2006 Ford Focus, was diagnosed with RAD. She recounts her journey on her web site, as well as on any talk show that will have her: "The first time that airbag slammed me in the face like a brick wall... Well at first I was, like, shocked - then I thought, 'You know, there's really something special going on here.'" Based on her experience she came to believe that her car was a "Burnt-Orange Starship of a Higher Plane" and that she was its "Pilot/Aquarial Guide-Presence." "I just knew that car was meant for great things," Larue said, "that it was just too great for this dimension, you know, too advanced for the narrow little roads it was forced to travel... With all that built up tension inside, it's no wonder it felt the need to just let go and throw out its airbag." Since then, though, things have changed. "Now I realize that my car's just, like, broken - and it's all because those guys put oil in its engine." She's since started up a crusade, becoming a leading figure in what's become known as the "Anti-Lubrication Movement." "My goal is to educate as many people as possible about the effects lubrication can have on a car - to tell my story and help others make more informed choices. The oil industry owes it to us to provide a safe way to keep our engines running without filling them with dangerous chemicals that expose our cars to the effects of RAD." And her car? She takes her vehicle in to Big Tom to have the airbag repacked whenever it deploys. She rejects conventional avenues, such as having her car's electrical system diagnosed or reexamining her driving habits - and she says there's no way she's changing her car's oil again. "They've already done enough damage to Mr. Ford Focus," she adds sadly. Naturally, there's been a backlash against this movement, and against Bimbo Larue. The Department of Transportation has begun the now well-known "Put oil in your car or your engine will get ruined" ad campaign. And several experts have started to express their disagreement with the movement. "Good, clean motor oil is essential to the safe operation of a vehicle," says engineer Ed McCallister. "Without it an engine will simply burn out, and the car becomes useless... Really, I'm puzzled that there's even any controversy about this. There's absolutely no plausible reason to believe that airbag misdeployment could be caused by engine lubrication." "Ridiculous," says Larue. "This one site on Google says that, like, 150 years ago, almost nobody lubricated the engines on their vehicles. And how many airbags misdeployed? None. Now we have airbags firing off left and right - after more vehicles got lubricated. Coincidence? I think not. Anybody who denies the effects of lubrication on RAD is either in denial or is willfully closed-minded to anything that doesn't fit their 'science.'" But mainstream engineers like McCallister persist in their denial of the oil-RAD connection. "We'd been lubricating vehicles for decades before the airbag was even invented. And even now, the number of airbags that misdeploy falls within the expected range of electrical and mechanical malfunction. There simply is no 'RAD epidemic.'" However, most readers will easily identify McCallister as a mean old poo-poo scientist who never agrees with anything fun or interesting, and who only says boring technical stuff in interviews. Many other drivers agree, and they're growing angry that they've never been informed of the dangers of lubrication, or the fact that there are alternatives. The government still requires people to lubricate any vehicles they drive on public roads - but in some states they can apply for an exemption based on religious preference or personal fears. "[The exemption] is a positive first step," says Big Tom, "but there's still much more progress to be made both in laws and in overall public perception. People need to be made aware of their rights. Is it possible that oil might help a vehicle? Some studies say yes - there have been isolated cases where engine seizure has been attributed by some to a lack of motor oil. But there are a lot of different theories out there, and we really need to inform people of both the dangers and the benefits - then let them make the choice." Tom emphasizes open-mindedness. He adds that the Anti-Lubrication trend is not monolithic, that even within the movement people don't agree on everything. It originally encouraged people to avoid oil altogether. Over time, a few people started demanding the removal of substances like sulfur, detergents, and alkaline additives before they would lubricate. And when a study showed that these measures made no difference in the rate of RAD, some advised spreading out the oil changing schedule - changing the oil only every four to five years, or adding only a quart at a time. "The beautiful thing is, we have our differences, but unlike the 'scientific' community, we can live with them and be open to each others' ideas. That's really what this is about: letting people decide for themselves." So what about the body of evidence that contradicts the Anti-Lubrication movement? Why would anybody listen to Bimbo Larue when experts with years of mechanical experience disagree with her? Perhaps she says it best: "I'll always trust my driver's instinct over the so-called experts. I have Mr. Ford Focus back home - he's my years of mechanical experience." * DISCLAIMER: All people, movements, and organizations named or implied in this article are fictional, except for "the government" and the Department of Transportation. No actions or stances attributed to government agencies in this article are real. |
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#2 |
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Master Poster
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,804
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lol - great!!
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__________________
"It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile." - John Hinderaker, Powerline |
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#3 |
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Graduate Poster
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: N/W England
Posts: 1,013
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oh wow
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#4 |
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Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 176
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But, does it hurt the engine to run it without gas?
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#5 |
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NLH
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,092
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Shouldn't the evil Oil Corps be suppressing this Bimbo?
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#6 |
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Philanthropic Misanthrope
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Macedonia, OH
Posts: 908
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Wow, this took some time. Well done.
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__________________
Sandra's seen a leprechaun, Eddie touched a troll, Laurie danced with witches once, Charlie found some goblins' gold. Donald heard a mermaid sing, Susie spied an elf, But all the magic I have known I've had to make myself. - Shel Silverstein |
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#7 |
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Philosopher
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Just past ' Resume Speed '
Posts: 9,115
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Yeah, it took me a while to read it too..
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__________________
A quantum of solace, is better than no solace at all.. " Don't come home a' drinkin' , with lovin' on your mind "... Loretta Lynn |
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#8 |
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New York Skeptic
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 9,731
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Send it to Car Talk. http://www.cartalk.com/menus/email.html
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#10 |
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Hypocrisy Detector
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 11,302
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I've been making popcorn without oil, and there's never a RAD. There is, however, RPP.
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__________________
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." - Willy Wonka "Rational arguments don't work on religious people. If they did, there wouldn't be any religious people." - House I am a techno sadist - when I'm not beating you with my fists, I'm fisting you with my beats! |
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#11 |
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Muse
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 729
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I object to my initials being used in such a fradulent manner
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Un-american Jack-booted thug Graduate of a liberal arts college! |
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#12 |
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Critical Thinker
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 498
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It's the synthetics. All was okay before synthetic additives - made in laboratories to keep you going back to the mechanic for more and more services. It's a bit like shaving, once you use oil in your car, it never ends.
We need to remove the synthetics. "DON'T SPOIL OUR OIL". (T-Shirts available soon) But the government need you to use oil. For decades the Illuminati have been putting nano-chips in it (the laboratories, you know) so your vehicle can be tracked without your knowledge. Have you ever noticed how often traffic lights turn red - just as YOU are approaching? And why is it that just when you accidentally drift over the speed limit - BAM! - there's a speed camera taking YOUR photo? And, if you're honest with yourself, you just know that guy at the licensing department is of reptilian heritage. Ask him if you should use oil in your car and I guarantee he'll say you should. Ask him if he gets kickbacks from the big oil companies and he'll deny it - so you know he does. I filled the fuel tank on my lawn mower with a mixture of 40% fuel and 60% oil and it blew a huge cloud of smoke and coughed and banged and stalled. When I filled the tank with just oil - it wouldn't start at all. Nothing. Now the mower doesn't work at all, even with normal fuel. What is this stuff doing to the engine when we add it directly into the lubrication system? Is it true that oil is made from the remains of dead animals? |
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#13 |
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formerly skeptigirl
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: headed back to that dark dark house in the dark dark woods
Posts: 19,317
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__________________
Sk'p' 'el(*Tired of continuing to hear the "Democrat Party" repeatedly I've decided to adopt the name, Republic Party, in response.) (**Tired of the current Republican talking point of naming everything after Pelosi, Reid &/or Obama, I've decided to start adding Republican names to their fault fiascos.) |
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#14 |
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Elf Wino
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Posts: 597
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Brilliant!
Mind if I copy this over (with a link back here and attribution).
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__________________
"Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions." - Frater Ravus "Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense." - Chapman Cohen Larian LeQuella Armyn ab Treanid
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#15 |
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Scholar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 102
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Thanks for the feedback, everybody!
Certainly, anybody can feel free to copy and distribute any of my postings wherever they want. I appreciate attribution, of course, but I don't require it. I want to do anything I can to help chip away at the anti-scientific "alternative" mentality in medicine (and society) - and if humor like this helps, I would love for it to be spread where it can make a difference. |
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#16 |
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Scholar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 102
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Oh, one other thing... If anybody does copy and distribute anything I've written, could they let me know? (Just for the sake of curiosity)
![]() Thanks! |
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#17 |
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Critical Thinker
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 451
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*clap clap clap*
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#18 |
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Scholar
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 78
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Genius lol
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#19 |
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Godless Socialist
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Denmark
Posts: 4,180
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__________________
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. -K. Marx |
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#20 |
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Graduate Poster
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,548
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It was a joke? Uh oh.........
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__________________
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. --Albert Einstein Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven. --Shakespeare |
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#21 |
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Philosopher
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,170
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__________________
"Reality is what's left when you cease to believe." Philip K. Dick Now completely free. |
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#22 |
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Butterbeans and Breadcrumbs
Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Emily's shop
Posts: 7,132
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I posted it on Bad Science: http://www.badscience.net/forum/view...hp?f=3&t=11970
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I think you'll find it's a little bit more complicated than that. |
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#23 |
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Graduate Poster
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Trevose, PA
Posts: 1,656
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I can't tell if this story makes fun of Jenny McCarthy, Tom Cruise, Charlie Sheen, or all three!
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#24 |
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NLH
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,092
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#25 |
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Chordate
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Dunedin
Posts: 754
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Excellent! Very funny, and true to the tone of the deplorable original. This was deftly crafted!
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__________________
Science is about finding out which untruths can be asserted so as to make the system tractable, while still achieving an adequate account of what will appear. They had no god; they had no gods; they had no faith. What they appear to have had is a working metaphor. - Ursula K. Le Guin, "Always Coming Home" |
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#26 |
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Philosopher
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Japan
Posts: 6,323
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Nominated. Great post and welcome to the JREF forum.
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__________________
I can't come to bed yet, honey. Someone on the Internet is wrong. -XKCD Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. -Anonymous Religions are God's way of telling us that He doesn't exist. -Pat Condell |
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#27 |
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Butterbeans and Breadcrumbs
Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Emily's shop
Posts: 7,132
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__________________
I think you'll find it's a little bit more complicated than that. |
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#28 |
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fishy rocket scientist
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: among the machines
Posts: 1,516
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#29 |
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Scholar
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 120
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My apologies, when the article first mentioned a famous porn star I thought it was about another use for lubricants. Dang it!
Well done bit, which is somewhat rare. I've sent it on to a few people. |
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#30 |
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Scholar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 102
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Shameless plug time:
Most of you probably know, but "Lubrication Controversy" is currently being voted on for the language award. If you happen to consider it worthy, please drop by. It's too late to vote early, but you still have time to vote often!
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#31 |
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Official Nemesis
TLA Dictatrix
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: To be determined.
Posts: 21,351
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__________________
You, madam, do not appear to be bound by the physical laws that govern the rest of us. - JoeyDonuts You should listen to the evil one - Don't try to understand it, just experience it. - AJM8125 |
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#32 |
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Graduate Poster
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,263
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__________________
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#33 |
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Scholar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 102
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#34 |
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Vegan Cannibal
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Going off the rails on the Crazy Train.
Posts: 5,434
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Facebooked!
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__________________
Cows are in large numbers, and do not serve any other purpose, other than to eat grass, and moo -- makaya325
I ♥ my kids. I ♠ my dog. I ♣ my baby Harp Seal. |
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