Prayer Before Sex

RandFan · 9th October 2009, 09:21 PM

I'm not making this up.

Quote:

British prayer book for spouses includes 'Prayer Before Making Love'

LONDON (CNS) -- A prayer for couples to recite "before making love" has been included in a new British book of prayers for married couples.

The 64-page "Prayer Book for Spouses" contains prayers for every station of family and married life, including engagement, planning a family, raising children and caring for sick and dying relatives.

The booklet, published by the Catholic Truth Society, a London-based publisher and charity, also includes a "Prayer Before Making Love."

The prayer reads: "Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes.

"Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will," it says. "Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen."

Oh god, oh god, ooooohhhhhh..... GOD!

Gmonster2 · 9th October 2009, 09:51 PM

Before going out I too offer up a prayer to the FSM. I hope I get some tonight

RandFan · 9th October 2009, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by Gmonster2

Before going out I too offer up a prayer to the FSM. I hope I get some tonight

Best of luck my friend. Clearly you are a man. The difference between men and women is that men wonder if they will get lucky. Women know.

Ausmerican · 9th October 2009, 09:58 PM

RandFan I have 2 questions.
1) Is during sex good enough?
2) Does "Oh god, please, not yet!" count?

Madalch · 9th October 2009, 11:05 PM

Why am I suddenly picturing a priest praying, "Please God don't let her wake up yet?"

Andrew Wiggin · 9th October 2009, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by Madalch

Why am I suddenly picturing a priest praying, "Please God don't let ~~her~~him wake up yet?"

Fixed it for ya.

In an only slightly more serious note, does 'please god, don't let her get pregnant' count? How about 'Oh god oh god oh god'. I've been told, though had no confirmation (read 'I personally don't, and no one I've had the fortune to see has either), that even athiests call on god during orgasm.

A.

The Atheist · 10th October 2009, 12:00 AM

Suffering to come unto Jesus.

skeptifem · 10th October 2009, 12:41 AM

Weird. An IRL Book of Very Common Prayer.

Hux · 10th October 2009, 04:31 AM

As in "Jesus Christ, not on the curtains again"? Sorry.

devnull · 10th October 2009, 04:33 AM

Originally Posted by Hux

As in "Jesus Christ, not on the curtains again"? Sorry.

lololololol

Bobby078 · 10th October 2009, 05:39 AM

Quote:

A prayer for couples to recite "before making love" has been included in a new British book of prayers for married couples.

So they fall to their knees and pray before he inserts it?

JihadJane · 10th October 2009, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Prayer Before Sex

Why not?

Sex is often improved by a little meditation beforehand.

arthwollipot · 10th October 2009, 05:50 AM

We covered this on the Nonsense Podcast, episode 10.

The thing everyone is missing about this is that the prayer book contains prayers to be used at all points in a relationship - dating, marriage, buying a house, preparing for children, and yes, having sex. The sex prayer is only a small part of it though. What it is is an example of the church trying to control all aspects of a person's life - in and out of the bedroom.

welshdean · 10th October 2009, 06:44 AM

".....for your glory,"
Is that 'Morning Glory'?

".... forever and ever."
For ever and ever?

My inadequacies exposed again.

".......mother, intercede for us. Amen"
What, we're supposed to think of our mum before we have sex,

.

Mojo · 10th October 2009, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

We covered this on the Nonsense Podcast, episode 10.

And here:

http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=152801

Sledge · 10th October 2009, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Bobby078

So they fall to their knees and pray before he inserts it?

"While you're down there..."

HansMustermann · 11th October 2009, 03:01 AM

Well, while they're at making prayers for such common day-to-day situations, here are a few more prayers or psalms I'd like to see included:

"Oh Lord, don't let her get pregnant"

"Deliver us from AIDS, oh Jesus"

"Oh heavenly Father, make him last at least 10 seconds longer this time"

RandFan · 11th October 2009, 04:32 AM

Originally Posted by HansMustermann

Well, while they're at making prayers for such common day-to-day situations, here are a few more prayers or psalms I'd like to see included:

"Oh Lord, don't let her get pregnant"

"Deliver us from AIDS, oh Jesus"

"Oh heavenly Father, make him last at least 10 seconds longer this time"

"Jesus Christ, where's the lube?"

Hux · 11th October 2009, 09:04 AM

"Jesus Christ, will you be careful with my Kidneys"

Or is that just me?

Aitch · 11th October 2009, 09:13 AM

As I pointed out in the other thread, there already was a prayer:

"For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful."

Hux · 11th October 2009, 10:33 AM

Yes but what about the givers?

Ron_Tomkins · 11th October 2009, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by Aitch

As I pointed out in the other thread, there already was a prayer:

"For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful."

Originally Posted by Hux

Yes but what about the givers?

They are already free of sin.

Hux · 11th October 2009, 10:41 AM

Cool, so it doesn't matter where they put it?

Why then the the Christian furore about how some people aim?

Ron_Tomkins · 11th October 2009, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Hux

Cool, so it doesn't matter where they put it?

Why then the the Christian furore about how some people aim?

Are you sure you're talking about the Bible and not the Kama Sutra?

Hux · 11th October 2009, 11:14 AM

Strangely I have not read the Kama Sutra. The pages of my copy were all stuck together.

However, if givers are not sinners, why do Christians care what homosexuals get up to? Or, why do they care if hetero's use the exit rather than the entrance? I mean of course apart from the fact its none of their Goddamn business?

Z · 11th October 2009, 11:27 AM

So is this what you'd call forepray?

Z · 11th October 2009, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by Andrew Wiggin

Fixed it for ya.

In an only slightly more serious note, does 'please god, don't let her get pregnant' count? How about 'Oh god oh god oh god'. I've been told, though had no confirmation (read 'I personally don't, and no one I've had the fortune to see has either), that even athiests call on god during orgasm.

A.

They say there are no atheists in foxes' holes.

Hux · 11th October 2009, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by Z

So is this what you'd call forepray?

Turning Japanese?

Z · 11th October 2009, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by Hux

Turning Japanese?

Not this weekend - I'm with the wife...

[tasteless joke]They say a Japanese maiden's favorite holiday is Election Day...[/tasteless joke]

If you don't get it, pronounce the joke in Engrish...

Hux · 11th October 2009, 11:46 AM

Yes I think we get it.

Tasteless joke #2:

My friend shagged a girl with Eczema. He said she had cracking tits.

Ralph · 11th October 2009, 01:03 PM

I give credit to any guy who can keep it up....after his wife/gf starts praying to jesus before
doing it.

Quinn · 11th October 2009, 01:13 PM

I'm quite surprised, and even a little disappointed, that the prayer didn't include anything about "letting a child be conceived if it be your divine will," or some such. Those folks usually don't miss an opportunity to drive home one of their all-time favorite themes.

laca · 11th October 2009, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Mary, our mother, intercede for us

Hmmm... Incest, threesome, double incest... Yep, sounds like Christianity to me.

Polaris · 11th October 2009, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by welshdean

".......mother, intercede for us. Amen"
What, we're supposed to think of our mum before we have sex,

.

That would be that controversial hot Mexican virgin Mary from the very recent past. She helps things if your partner looks like Elizabeth Dole, and you're out of Viagra.

I wonder, is that prayer strictly for missionary position vanilla sex? What about the better positions (which is all of them). What about oral or anal? What about bondage, auto-erotic asphyxiation, rimming, snowballing, or orgies? I'd be willing to set aside my atheism for a little while if a prayer would help me engage in most of those! (Just not AEA or snowballing - ew.)

Ron_Tomkins · 11th October 2009, 02:40 PM

What about sex before prayer? Is that one alright?

JihadJane · 11th October 2009, 03:13 PM

Sex god?

Ron_Tomkins · 11th October 2009, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by JihadJane

Sex god?

I'm sorry, did you call me?

Skeptical Greg · 11th October 2009, 05:37 PM

Never mind ..

9th October 2009, 09:21 PM	#1
RandFan Mormon Atheist Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 31,778	Prayer Before Sex I'm not making this up. Quote: British prayer book for spouses includes 'Prayer Before Making Love' LONDON (CNS) -- A prayer for couples to recite "before making love" has been included in a new British book of prayers for married couples. The 64-page "Prayer Book for Spouses" contains prayers for every station of family and married life, including engagement, planning a family, raising children and caring for sick and dying relatives. The booklet, published by the Catholic Truth Society, a London-based publisher and charity, also includes a "Prayer Before Making Love." The prayer reads: "Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes. "Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will," it says. "Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen." Oh god, oh god, ooooohhhhhh..... GOD!
	__________________ www.StopSylvia.com. Probability has absolutely nothing to do with statistics. --Southwind17

9th October 2009, 09:52 PM	#3
RandFan Mormon Atheist Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 31,778	Originally Posted by Gmonster2 Before going out I too offer up a prayer to the FSM. I hope I get some tonight Best of luck my friend. Clearly you are a man. The difference between men and women is that men wonder if they will get lucky. Women know.
	__________________ www.StopSylvia.com. Probability has absolutely nothing to do with statistics. --Southwind17

9th October 2009, 11:05 PM	#5
Madalch The Jester Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: The wet coast. Posts: 4,810	Why am I suddenly picturing a priest praying, "Please God don't let her wake up yet?"
	__________________ As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of resolving approaches zero. -Vaarsuvius

9th October 2009, 11:15 PM	#6
Andrew Wiggin Muse Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: A small planet named for it's dirt. You'll find it filed under 'mostly harmless' Posts: 578	Originally Posted by Madalch Why am I suddenly picturing a priest praying, "Please God don't let ~~her~~him wake up yet?" Fixed it for ya. In an only slightly more serious note, does 'please god, don't let her get pregnant' count? How about 'Oh god oh god oh god'. I've been told, though had no confirmation (read 'I personally don't, and no one I've had the fortune to see has either), that even athiests call on god during orgasm. A.
	__________________ "Everyone takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the world." - Arthur Schopenhauer "New and stirring things are belittled because if they are not belittled, the humiliating question arises, 'Why then are you not taking part in them?' " - H. G. Wells

10th October 2009, 12:00 AM	#7
The Atheist The Grammar Tyrant Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Within smelling distance of the Grammar Death Camps Posts: 13,727	Suffering to come unto Jesus.
	__________________ Jeff Wagg, Communication and Outreach Manager for the James Randi Educational Foundation posted: It is my job to inform other JREF employees about people who wish to do the JREF harm, and you [The Atheist] are one of those.

9th October 2009, 09:51 PM	#2
Gmonster2 Scholar Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Western Australia Posts: 87	Before going out I too offer up a prayer to the FSM. I hope I get some tonight

9th October 2009, 09:58 PM	#4
Ausmerican Graduate Poster Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 1,532	RandFan I have 2 questions. 1) Is during sex good enough? 2) Does "Oh god, please, not yet!" count?

10th October 2009, 12:41 AM	#8
skeptifem is not beauty 2K compliant Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 3,235	Weird. An IRL Book of Very Common Prayer.
	__________________ SKEPTIFEM BLOG (as seen on pharyngula) feminism 101 blog formerly nails

10th October 2009, 04:31 AM	#9
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	As in "Jesus Christ, not on the curtains again"? Sorry.
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

10th October 2009, 04:33 AM	#10
devnull Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Perth, Western Australia Posts: 1,075	Originally Posted by Hux As in "Jesus Christ, not on the curtains again"? Sorry. lololololol
	__________________ (13:36:54) Becket: no conspiracy, its more a group seeking to overthrow America from within

10th October 2009, 05:39 AM	#11
Bobby078 New Blood Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 17	Quote: A prayer for couples to recite "before making love" has been included in a new British book of prayers for married couples. So they fall to their knees and pray before he inserts it?
Bobby078 New Blood Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 17

10th October 2009, 05:43 AM	#12
JihadJane Penultimate Satisfaction Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 12,383	Quote: Prayer Before Sex Why not? Sex is often improved by a little meditation beforehand.
	__________________ THE END of the recession IS NIGH Last edited by JihadJane; 10th October 2009 at 05:45 AM.

10th October 2009, 05:50 AM	#13
arthwollipot The Accidental Podcaster Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: On the other side of your screen. Posts: 28,320	We covered this on the Nonsense Podcast, episode 10. The thing everyone is missing about this is that the prayer book contains prayers to be used at all points in a relationship - dating, marriage, buying a house, preparing for children, and yes, having sex. The sex prayer is only a small part of it though. What it is is an example of the church trying to control all aspects of a person's life - in and out of the bedroom.
	__________________ The Nonsense Podcast Episode 17: Coming Mid-February. We welcome Lexi Hameister into the world at 1830 on 29 January! What's an "arthwollipot"?

10th October 2009, 06:44 AM	#14
welshdean Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 32	".....for your glory," Is that 'Morning Glory'? ".... forever and ever." For ever and ever? My inadequacies exposed again. ".......mother, intercede for us. Amen" What, we're supposed to think of our mum before we have sex, .
welshdean Student Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 32	__________________ "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same god who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei "With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg

10th October 2009, 07:06 AM	#15
Mojo Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Nor Flanden Posts: 14,927	Originally Posted by arthwollipot We covered this on the Nonsense Podcast, episode 10. And here: http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=152801
	__________________ "You got to use your brain." - McKinley Morganfield "All blasphemies do not become great truths." - George Bernard Shaw

10th October 2009, 01:40 PM	#16
Sledge Muse Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Coming to you live from the Sledge cave Posts: 901	Originally Posted by Bobby078 So they fall to their knees and pray before he inserts it? "While you're down there..."
	__________________ "The perfect haiku would have just two syllables: Airwolf" ~ Ernest Cline "Science knows it doesn't know everything, otherwise it would stop" ~ Dara O'Briain.

11th October 2009, 03:01 AM	#17
HansMustermann Illuminator Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 3,099	Well, while they're at making prayers for such common day-to-day situations, here are a few more prayers or psalms I'd like to see included: "Oh Lord, don't let her get pregnant" "Deliver us from AIDS, oh Jesus" "Oh heavenly Father, make him last at least 10 seconds longer this time"

11th October 2009, 04:32 AM	#18
RandFan Mormon Atheist Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 31,778	Originally Posted by HansMustermann Well, while they're at making prayers for such common day-to-day situations, here are a few more prayers or psalms I'd like to see included: "Oh Lord, don't let her get pregnant" "Deliver us from AIDS, oh Jesus" "Oh heavenly Father, make him last at least 10 seconds longer this time" "Jesus Christ, where's the lube?"
	__________________ www.StopSylvia.com. Probability has absolutely nothing to do with statistics. --Southwind17

11th October 2009, 09:04 AM	#19
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	"Jesus Christ, will you be careful with my Kidneys" Or is that just me?
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 09:13 AM	#20
Aitch Apprentice Crud Puppy Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,442	As I pointed out in the other thread, there already was a prayer: "For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful."
	__________________ There's less to this than meets the eye!

11th October 2009, 10:33 AM	#21
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	Yes but what about the givers?
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 10:35 AM	#22
Ron_Tomkins Satan's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 15,120	Originally Posted by Aitch As I pointed out in the other thread, there already was a prayer: "For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful." Originally Posted by Hux Yes but what about the givers? They are already free of sin.
	__________________ "I am a collection of water, calcium and organic molecules called Carl Sagan" Carl Sagan

11th October 2009, 10:41 AM	#23
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	Cool, so it doesn't matter where they put it? Why then the the Christian furore about how some people aim?
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 11:07 AM	#24
Ron_Tomkins Satan's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 15,120	Originally Posted by Hux Cool, so it doesn't matter where they put it? Why then the the Christian furore about how some people aim? Are you sure you're talking about the Bible and not the Kama Sutra?
	__________________ "I am a collection of water, calcium and organic molecules called Carl Sagan" Carl Sagan

11th October 2009, 11:14 AM	#25
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	Strangely I have not read the Kama Sutra. The pages of my copy were all stuck together. However, if givers are not sinners, why do Christians care what homosexuals get up to? Or, why do they care if hetero's use the exit rather than the entrance? I mean of course apart from the fact its none of their Goddamn business?
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 11:27 AM	#26
Z D.D.D. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In a den in my lair, on the edge of your mind. Posts: 9,166	So is this what you'd call forepray?
	__________________ Merry Yarglemas!

11th October 2009, 11:29 AM	#27
Z D.D.D. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In a den in my lair, on the edge of your mind. Posts: 9,166	Originally Posted by Andrew Wiggin Fixed it for ya. In an only slightly more serious note, does 'please god, don't let her get pregnant' count? How about 'Oh god oh god oh god'. I've been told, though had no confirmation (read 'I personally don't, and no one I've had the fortune to see has either), that even athiests call on god during orgasm. A. They say there are no atheists in foxes' holes.
	__________________ Merry Yarglemas!

11th October 2009, 11:36 AM	#28
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	Originally Posted by Z So is this what you'd call forepray? Turning Japanese?
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 11:38 AM	#29
Z D.D.D. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In a den in my lair, on the edge of your mind. Posts: 9,166	Originally Posted by Hux Turning Japanese? Not this weekend - I'm with the wife... [tasteless joke]They say a Japanese maiden's favorite holiday is Election Day...[/tasteless joke] If you don't get it, pronounce the joke in Engrish...
	__________________ Merry Yarglemas!

11th October 2009, 11:46 AM	#30
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064	Yes I think we get it. Tasteless joke #2: My friend shagged a girl with Eczema. He said she had cracking tits.
Hux Graduate Poster Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,064

11th October 2009, 01:03 PM	#31
Ralph Muse Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: S.E. Mass....... Posts: 987	I give credit to any guy who can keep it up....after his wife/gf starts praying to jesus before doing it.

11th October 2009, 01:13 PM	#32
Quinn Breathtakingly blasphemous. Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,018	I'm quite surprised, and even a little disappointed, that the prayer didn't include anything about "letting a child be conceived if it be your divine will," or some such. Those folks usually don't miss an opportunity to drive home one of their all-time favorite themes.
	__________________ It's not a matter of living life without mystery or wonder. It's a matter of living life without the approval of people who ignorantly assume that by rejecting the irrational, I experience no mystery or wonder. And frankly, I do just fine without that.

11th October 2009, 01:16 PM	#33
laca Muse Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 739	Quote: Mary, our mother, intercede for us Hmmm... Incest, threesome, double incest... Yep, sounds like Christianity to me.
laca Muse Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 739

11th October 2009, 02:11 PM	#34
Polaris Master Poster Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,161	Originally Posted by welshdean ".......mother, intercede for us. Amen" What, we're supposed to think of our mum before we have sex, . That would be that controversial hot Mexican virgin Mary from the very recent past. She helps things if your partner looks like Elizabeth Dole, and you're out of Viagra. I wonder, is that prayer strictly for missionary position vanilla sex? What about the better positions (which is all of them). What about oral or anal? What about bondage, auto-erotic asphyxiation, rimming, snowballing, or orgies? I'd be willing to set aside my atheism for a little while if a prayer would help me engage in most of those! (Just not AEA or snowballing - ew.)
Polaris Master Poster Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,161	__________________ Dios le da pan a quien no tiene dientes. "3 out of 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse support Obama..." - megaresp

11th October 2009, 02:40 PM	#35
Ron_Tomkins Satan's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 15,120	What about sex before prayer? Is that one alright?
	__________________ "I am a collection of water, calcium and organic molecules called Carl Sagan" Carl Sagan