A funny story about a child reading a prayer book

Meadmaker · 8th February 2010, 08:48 PM

True story.

My child attends a Jewish school. I'm not religious, but our family is nominally Jewish and we like the quality of the education, and while I don't "believe" religion, I think there's some benefit to it. At his school, every day begins with a minyan ceremony that involves all the kids reciting a bunch of prayers, and they all have their siddurs, which are Jewish prayer books, that also have stories and commentaries and the like in them.

So that's the background.

Last week, my son was in the car with me and we were going home when he said, "Daddy. I have a question."

"Yes?"

"What does the word a-s-s mean?"

"Umm. I think you know what it means, but the other meaning is 'donkey'."

"Oh."

(Long pause...then I said)

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I never pay attention during minyan (Aside:

That's my boy) so I sometimes try to find something to read in the Siddur, and there was a story about a man in there, and it said his ass could talk."

(ETA: I assume that the story in question was of Balaam, in Numbers, whose ~~ass~~ donkey started talking at one point.)

grayman · 8th February 2010, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by Meadmaker

(ETA: I assume that the story in question was of Balaam, in Numbers, whose ~~ass~~ donkey started talking at one point.)

Or maybe they're reading Shrek.

arthwollipot · 8th February 2010, 09:01 PM

(insert obligatory joke about talking out your ass here)

slingblade · 8th February 2010, 09:35 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

(insert obligatory joke about talking out your ass here)

If I'd wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.

Around my house, if one of us does fart, the other usually replies, "Speak on, sweet lips that ne'er told a lie!"

Hokulele · 8th February 2010, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by grayman

Or maybe they're reading Shrek.

I was thinking Ace Ventura.

Originally Posted by slingblade

Around my house, if one of us does fart, the other usually replies, "Speak on, sweet lips that ne'er told a lie!"

My husband did the same thing for about 5 years after reading James Herriot.

arthwollipot · 8th February 2010, 10:52 PM

Sounds more like the Rubaiyat to me...

"The Moving Finger writes: and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."

ETA: Of course, these days we can edit our posts...

slingblade · 8th February 2010, 11:39 PM

Originally Posted by Hokulele

My husband did the same thing for about 5 years after reading James Herriot.

Well, really, Mrs Pumphrey should have known better.

Minarvia · 9th February 2010, 05:46 PM

That was a funny story, Meadmaker, thanks! I recall reading a joke about the biblical story of so-and-so with his ass that suddenly developed the ability to talk. It gave him directions or some sort of rot, which surprised the man, but the gist of the joke was why didn't he first say, "damn, my ass can talk!" instead of "damn, my ass got me to where I needed to go by telling me the way!"

dahduh · 10th February 2010, 07:18 AM

Oh, now I get it! I never could figure out why anyone would make a particular point about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on his ass.

Beerina · 13th February 2010, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Meadmaker

"Well, I never pay attention during minyan (Aside:

That's my boy) so I sometimes try to find something to read in the Siddur, and there was a story about a man in there, and it said his ass could talk."

I can't see why it would be more shocking to the child either way. I mean, a miracle is a miracle.

Cactus Wren · 15th February 2010, 10:26 AM

There are three different places in the KJV where someone getting down from a donkey is described as having "lighted off her ass". Methane will do that, I know.

(Verses such as these made the daily Bible readings of my youth enormously entertaining.)

Elizabeth I · 15th February 2010, 10:32 AM

The combination of literal-mindedness and willingness to believe people they trust can lead to a lot of confusion for kids - and religious mondegreens. My favorite is "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear."

My own personal one was to misunderstand a hymn and think the words were "Almond Christian Soldiers."

bluess · 15th February 2010, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by Elizabeth I

The combination of literal-mindedness and willingness to believe people they trust can lead to a lot of confusion for kids - and religious mondegreens. My favorite is "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear."

My own personal one was to misunderstand a hymn and think the words were "Almond Christian Soldiers."

Marzipan on to war?

Elizabeth I · 15th February 2010, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by bluess

Marzipan on to war?

A beautiful addition to my version! (If only I'd heard of marzipan back then...)

8th February 2010, 08:48 PM	#1
Meadmaker Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Detroit suburbs Posts: 11,434	A funny story about a child reading a prayer book True story. My child attends a Jewish school. I'm not religious, but our family is nominally Jewish and we like the quality of the education, and while I don't "believe" religion, I think there's some benefit to it. At his school, every day begins with a minyan ceremony that involves all the kids reciting a bunch of prayers, and they all have their siddurs, which are Jewish prayer books, that also have stories and commentaries and the like in them. So that's the background. Last week, my son was in the car with me and we were going home when he said, "Daddy. I have a question." "Yes?" "What does the word a-s-s mean?" "Umm. I think you know what it means, but the other meaning is 'donkey'." "Oh." (Long pause...then I said) "Why do you ask?" "Well, I never pay attention during minyan (Aside: That's my boy) so I sometimes try to find something to read in the Siddur, and there was a story about a man in there, and it said his ass could talk." (ETA: I assume that the story in question was of Balaam, in Numbers, whose ~~ass~~ donkey started talking at one point.)
	__________________ Dave "War is Peace. Freedom is slavery. Particles are waves." Last edited by Meadmaker; 8th February 2010 at 08:49 PM.

8th February 2010, 08:54 PM	#2
grayman Happy-go-lucky Heretic Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Casa del Whacko Posts: 6,142	Originally Posted by Meadmaker (ETA: I assume that the story in question was of Balaam, in Numbers, whose ~~ass~~ donkey started talking at one point.) Or maybe they're reading Shrek.
	__________________ Stupidity is a condition. Ignorance is a choice. - Wiley All great truths begin as blasphemies. - George Bernard Shaw God is evil. As soon as you accept that, it all makes sense. - Sledge

8th February 2010, 09:01 PM	#3
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: The other side of your screen Posts: 42,956	(insert obligatory joke about talking out your ass here)
	__________________ Jadey (in RvB game thread): I just want to take a moment to commend Arth on his role as Parasitic Alien Tumor. I think he really connected with the character and there were times when I forgot that he was just acting. That's the kind of talent that you can't teach.

8th February 2010, 09:35 PM	#4
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642	Originally Posted by arthwollipot (insert obligatory joke about talking out your ass here) If I'd wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart. Around my house, if one of us does fart, the other usually replies, "Speak on, sweet lips that ne'er told a lie!"
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642

8th February 2010, 10:48 PM	#5
Hokulele Official Nemesis Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Trying to decide whether to set defenses against an army, or against mole rats. Posts: 27,265	Originally Posted by grayman Or maybe they're reading Shrek. I was thinking Ace Ventura. Originally Posted by slingblade Around my house, if one of us does fart, the other usually replies, "Speak on, sweet lips that ne'er told a lie!" My husband did the same thing for about 5 years after reading James Herriot.
	__________________ Yvette: "Blasty! Blasty! Blasty!" Some person: "Why did you shoot that?" Yvette: "Blasty! Blasty! Blasty!" - Tragic Monkey

8th February 2010, 10:52 PM	#6
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: The other side of your screen Posts: 42,956	Sounds more like the Rubaiyat to me... "The Moving Finger writes: and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it." ETA: Of course, these days we can edit our posts...
	__________________ Jadey (in RvB game thread): I just want to take a moment to commend Arth on his role as Parasitic Alien Tumor. I think he really connected with the character and there were times when I forgot that he was just acting. That's the kind of talent that you can't teach. Last edited by arthwollipot; 8th February 2010 at 10:53 PM.

8th February 2010, 11:39 PM	#7
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642	Originally Posted by Hokulele My husband did the same thing for about 5 years after reading James Herriot. Well, really, Mrs Pumphrey should have known better.
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642	Last edited by slingblade; 8th February 2010 at 11:47 PM.

9th February 2010, 05:46 PM	#8
Minarvia fading orb Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,212	That was a funny story, Meadmaker, thanks! I recall reading a joke about the biblical story of so-and-so with his ass that suddenly developed the ability to talk. It gave him directions or some sort of rot, which surprised the man, but the gist of the joke was why didn't he first say, "damn, my ass can talk!" instead of "damn, my ass got me to where I needed to go by telling me the way!"

10th February 2010, 07:18 AM	#9
dahduh Critical Thinker Join Date: May 2006 Location: Cape Town Posts: 360	Oh, now I get it! I never could figure out why anyone would make a particular point about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on his ass.

13th February 2010, 07:55 AM	#10
Beerina Sarcastic Conqueror of Notions Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: A floating island above the clouds Posts: 23,835	Originally Posted by Meadmaker "Well, I never pay attention during minyan (Aside: That's my boy) so I sometimes try to find something to read in the Siddur, and there was a story about a man in there, and it said his ass could talk." I can't see why it would be more shocking to the child either way. I mean, a miracle is a miracle.
	__________________ "Great innovations should not be forced [by way of] slender majorities." - Thomas Jefferson The government should nationalize it! Socialized, single-payer video game development and sales *now!* More, cheaper, better games, right? Right?

15th February 2010, 10:26 AM	#11
Cactus Wren Muse Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: West of Superstition Posts: 897	There are three different places in the KJV where someone getting down from a donkey is described as having "lighted off her ass". Methane will do that, I know. (Verses such as these made the daily Bible readings of my youth enormously entertaining.)

15th February 2010, 10:32 AM	#12
Elizabeth I Olympic Equestrian Wannabe Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Defending the Alamo Posts: 9,255	The combination of literal-mindedness and willingness to believe people they trust can lead to a lot of confusion for kids - and religious mondegreens. My favorite is "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear." My own personal one was to misunderstand a hymn and think the words were "Almond Christian Soldiers."
	__________________ • There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. - Winston Churchill • Never wrestle with a pig - you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it. • My blog: Pardon me, may I ask...

15th February 2010, 12:34 PM	#13
bluess Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Dithering between book choices in a shop somewhere. Posts: 3,431	Originally Posted by Elizabeth I The combination of literal-mindedness and willingness to believe people they trust can lead to a lot of confusion for kids - and religious mondegreens. My favorite is "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear." My own personal one was to misunderstand a hymn and think the words were "Almond Christian Soldiers." Marzipan on to war?
	__________________ 'Lord Emsworth, that amiable but bone-headed peer, stood at the window drooping like a wet sock.' -PG Wodehouse, The Crime Wave at Blandings

15th February 2010, 12:39 PM	#14
Elizabeth I Olympic Equestrian Wannabe Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Defending the Alamo Posts: 9,255	Originally Posted by bluess Marzipan on to war? A beautiful addition to my version! (If only I'd heard of marzipan back then...)
	__________________ • There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. - Winston Churchill • Never wrestle with a pig - you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it. • My blog: Pardon me, may I ask...