Bigsploitation: The Making and Selling of Bigfoot

[LTC8K6]

Originally Posted by Checkmite

I've recently learned that Animal Planet has applied for a permit to film a Bigfoot-related episode in the Kisatchie National Forest, which I live adjacent to.

You know what to do...

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by LTC8K6

You know what to do...

Yeah.. Get Squatchy make a few howls.. and then put on Led Zepplin IV side two !

[parnassus]

Originally Posted by AttorneyTom

Yeah.. Get Squatchy make a few howls.. and then put on Led Zepplin IV side two !

but whole lotta love is on II.....

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by parnassus

but whole lotta love is on II.....

I suppose that would work also ! "What was that !!!!??... Did you hear that ??!... It sounded a little like Robert Plant.. um.. That was definitely a Bigfoot !" ( cut to commercial).

[parnassus]

Eek!otourism:

Minneapolis Star Tribune reprints a New York Times piece that gives a first-person look at commercial bigfoot snipe hunts expeditions. I have snipped some quotes illlustrating the manipulations that take place:

Quote:

I didn't want to be an irritant, but I also wasn't sure I wanted to spend that much time in dark woods.

Quote:

The organization's investigators wear head lamps and carry flashlights, but they're intended only for use in emergencies.

"The darker it is, the closer they come," Moneymaker noted, and I sensed that neurotically flicking on your headlamp midexpedition was considered an unforgivable gaffe.

Moneymaker cited weather, big cats and stray branches as a sasquatch hunter's primary foes; a park ranger further cautioned us against snakes and alligators. Not far from camp, Barackman pointed out a series of unusual animal tracks. There was speculation that they were made by a bear or maybe even a young sasquatch. None of the presented possibilities were particularly comforting.

Quote:

At 10:30 p.m., after we'd roasted hot dogs and exchanged a couple of squatching yarns, Moneymaker ran through a few rules. "Don't freak out" was the prevailing theme. He said he'd seen otherwise stoic men -- soldiers, even -- turn into "sniveling messes" when led into a dark forest. Before attendees can be registered for an expedition, they are required to read a chapter from the BFRO handbook that helps people "deal with the terror of a first experience."

Quote:

When hiking through the woods, it's remarkably easy to lose sight of everyone around you, and even that false sense of isolation can be deeply terrifying.

I loved this bit of theater:

Quote:

...something screeched in the distance, and Moneymaker, barefoot, abandoned his breakfast and bounded into the woods at full speed. Although the sound turned out to be nothing, I was impressed by Moneymaker's enthusiastic gait. It was that of a believer.

Personally, I suspect Moneymaker spied a dime on a stump at fifty yards.

[Drewbot]

It is a primer-fest.

They get their marks all geeked up and adrenaline pumping, and then just when things calm down... BAM! I think I see something, or OMG what was that noise???! It is a hallucination factory.

[GT/CS]

On the PGF3 thread there was some discussion about finding the Patty suit and whether or not that would kill the bigfoot myth.

In my opinion finding and presenting the suit would be the best thing that could happen to the footers who are in it for the money because each of them would go on TV to show how the suit in question isn't the real Patty suit and Patty is a real bigfoot, and she has a midtarsal break, and she is over 7' tall, blah, blah, blah. It would be cash cow for those folks for the next 3 years at least.

[BravesFan]

Originally Posted by GT/CS

On the PGF3 thread there was some discussion about finding the Patty suit and whether or not that would kill the bigfoot myth.

In my opinion finding and presenting the suit would be the best thing that could happen to the footers who are in it for the money because each of them would go on TV to show how the suit in question isn't the real Patty suit and Patty is a real bigfoot, and she has a midtarsal break, and she is over 7' tall, blah, blah, blah. It would be cash cow for those folks for the next 3 years at least.

Hahaha that's so true. The biggest irony of Bigfootery is that the only way to remove the hucksters and conmen is for it to be found to be real. Then real scientists would take over and run them out of dodge.

[HarryHenderson]

Originally Posted by parnassus

...Personally, I suspect Moneymaker spied a dime on a stump at fifty yards.

Ergo the name Moneymaker.

Originally Posted by Drewbot

...It is a hallucination factory.

That's as appropriate an explanation as any.

Originally Posted by GT/CS

On the PGF3 thread there was some discussion about finding the Patty suit and whether or not that would kill the bigfoot myth.

In my opinion finding and presenting the suit would be the best thing that could happen to the footers who are in it for the money because each of them would go on TV to show how the suit in question isn't the real Patty suit and Patty is a real bigfoot, and she has a midtarsal break, and she is over 7' tall, blah, blah, blah. It would be cash cow for those folks for the next 3 years at least.

At one time I believed a confession or irrefutable hoax evidence about the PGF would cripple the entire gazillion dollar Bigfoot industry, and that's still a possibility, but I now think you're more on the right track with this. It's become apparent that these ******* IDIOTS (there's that term again) will exploit Bigfoot in any way possible, including cashing in on 'the suit' in a previously unheard of way. Humans are so silly, not only do we act stupid, we have the balls and audacity to consciously claim some kind of cosmic entitlement to do so.

[parnassus]

Some things you could have bought at the Ohio bigfoot convention:


and you also could have learned that bigfoot sighters are now heros, and that if we haven't found bigfoot it's the scientists' fault. Of course, we knew that already; what do they think we are...dummies?

But there will be many more chances for the bleevers to stock up on lightning rods vegematics bassamatics essential squatching gear. At least two more fleamarkets garage sales snake oil sales squatchapaloozas this coming week: one featuring Melissa Hovey in New York, and of course the big test for Ketchum, in Richland WA.

[The Shrike]

Originally Posted by parnassus

. . . in New York[/url],

Will some of these folks be keeping an eye out for golden tablets while squatchin'?


Such a pretty part of the world there. Just down the road from Mayville is Northeast, PA. I stumbled into that town once during its Cherry Festival and I never felt more like the subject of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Anyway, I guess the ski season was kind of a bust so might as well give bigfoot a try as a way to stimulate the local economy.

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by parnassus

Some things you could have bought at the Ohio bigfoot convention:
http://i47.tinypic.com/2rhtfkg.jpg
http://i50.tinypic.com/160r705.jpg
and you also could have learned that bigfoot sighters are now heros, and that if we haven't found bigfoot it's the scientists' fault. Of course, we knew that already; what do they think we are...dummies?

But there will be many more chances for the bleevers to stock up on lightning rods vegematics bassamatics essential squatching gear. At least two more fleamarkets garage sales snake oil sales squatchapaloozas this coming week: one featuring Melissa Hovey in New York, and of course the big test for Ketchum, in Richland WA.

Yeah.. and the lady selling BF shaped cookies for $1 each !

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Originally Posted by parnassus

Personally, I suspect Moneymaker spied a dime on a stump at fifty yards.

*chuckle*

An act for sure - him running off as if he believed something was there. Not a Sasquatch?! Again?!

This stuff on the terror of the first experience and people spooking in the woods - even though the "hunters" are out in force... Fascinating stuff. But I guess I have to admit I get fooled even on stuff I've known for most of my life.

The grouse are mating. They beat their wings against their chest, starting slowly: thump... thump... thump thump... thump thumb thump...thump thump thump thump... getting faster and louder. The first time I heard that it scared me. All I had was this little snub-nosed .357 magnum. And many times since then - it still scares me when they first start doing it! Day before yesterday - fooled me again!

But here again I got both an axe and a chain saw, my mind racing: axe is better on open ground, chain saw way better close quarters, where am I taking my stand against this thing, he's right on top of me... Took the chain saw and made for higher ground thinking I'll start the saw up and scare him off. But I want to get a look at him first, so I'm moving quietly, listening hard to get his trajectory: thump thump thump thump... Duh, it's a grouse. hahahahahah!

A spook show like a haunted house - even though you know 100% its fake, people are shrieking. It isn't really a hallucination is it? Sort of like one. I noticed that a lot of the people who give stories - bigfoot is this really scary experience. Not for the Melba. But it seems to be mostly terrifying.

[parnassus]

Originally Posted by The Shrike

Will some of these folks be keeping an eye out for golden tablets while squatchin'?


Such a pretty part of the world there. Just down the road from Mayville is Northeast, PA. I stumbled into that town once during its Cherry Festival and I never felt more like the subject of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Anyway, I guess the ski season was kind of a bust so might as well give bigfoot a try as a way to stimulate the local economy.

Moroni has the tablets. He ain't letting some yahoo find em.
The National Cherry Festival is in Traverse City Michigan. I don't know what bogus shindig they got in Mayville or AndyGriffithville, but Traverse City is the real one. Yeah, unless you got the worlds largest ball of string, bigfoot is your best bet (aside from learning to write code) for prosperity.

[Checkmite]

I have yet to find any shooting schedule for the Animal Planet episode, nor exactly where in the Kisatchie National Forest they plan on filming (i.e, whether it is in very close to me or far enough to need a bit more planning and time to visit). This is disappointing, because I would love nothing more than to drop in on this production.

[BravesFan]

Originally Posted by AlaskaBushPilot

*chuckle*

An act for sure - him running off as if he believed something was there. Not a Sasquatch?! Again?!

This stuff on the terror of the first experience and people spooking in the woods - even though the "hunters" are out in force... Fascinating stuff. But I guess I have to admit I get fooled even on stuff I've known for most of my life.

The grouse are mating. They beat their wings against their chest, starting slowly: thump... thump... thump thump... thump thumb thump...thump thump thump thump... getting faster and louder. The first time I heard that it scared me. All I had was this little snub-nosed .357 magnum. And many times since then - it still scares me when they first start doing it! Day before yesterday - fooled me again!

But here again I got both an axe and a chain saw, my mind racing: axe is better on open ground, chain saw way better close quarters, where am I taking my stand against this thing, he's right on top of me... Took the chain saw and made for higher ground thinking I'll start the saw up and scare him off. But I want to get a look at him first, so I'm moving quietly, listening hard to get his trajectory: thump thump thump thump... Duh, it's a grouse. hahahahahah!

A spook show like a haunted house - even though you know 100% its fake, people are shrieking. It isn't really a hallucination is it? Sort of like one. I noticed that a lot of the people who give stories - bigfoot is this really scary experience. Not for the Melba. But it seems to be mostly terrifying.

i watched a show on PBS that showed the grouse mating dance. It was the strangest noise ever! I couldn't imagine being new to the area and hearing that through brush cover!!! not to mention how weird looking that flopping dewlap thing is!!

Birds crack me up

[AttorneyTom]

She sold over 300 of those cookies ! jsyk !!! (so she says in the local newspaper)

"BF Cookie War Summation"

Cost $25.00
Sold for: $300.00

Profit: $275.00

kaching !$

Edit: I am thinking about going and selling "Free Range Organically grown BF Gyro's" next year. Anyone interested ? $$

[BravesFan]

Originally Posted by AttorneyTom

She sold over 300 of those cookies ! jsyk !!! (so she says in the local newspaper)

"BF Cookie War Summation"

Cost $25.00
Sold for: $300.00

Profit: $275.00

kaching !$

!!!!!!!

*fires up bigfoot cookie machine*

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by BravesFan

!!!!!!!

*fires up bigfoot cookie machine*

Maybe also some BF shaped "Single Serving Pizzas" ?

[HarryHenderson]

Originally Posted by AlaskaBushPilot

...But I guess I have to admit I get fooled even on stuff I've known for most of my life.

The grouse are mating. They beat their wings against their chest, starting slowly: thump... thump... thump thump... thump thumb thump...thump thump thump thump... getting faster and louder. The first time I heard that it scared me. All I had was this little snub-nosed .357 magnum. And many times since then - it still scares me when they first start doing it! Day before yesterday - fooled me again!...

Duh, it's a grouse. hahahahahah!...

I think you've inadvertently in-fact described a typical Bigfoot encounter by the typically less astute tourist type who typically claims to have seen or heard the typical Bigfoot on their typical weekly trip to Typicalville. One not knowing the sound is a grouse allows for the possibility it's Bigfoot. Imposing, scary, unexplained sounds in the woods. That's no measly grouse, that's Bigfoot. "Hey we think we heard Bigfoot today. It sounded like thump... thump... thump thump... thump thumb thump...thump thump thump thump." Then poof, next thing you know it's BFRO Report #2112.

I mean, something's gotta be causing all these human/beast 'encounters' with a beast that doesn't really exist.

[BravesFan]

Originally Posted by HarryHenderson

I think you've inadvertently described a typical Bigfoot encounter by the typically less astute tourist type who typically claims to have seen or heard the typical Bigfoot on their typical weekly trip to Typicalville. One not knowing the sound is a grouse allows for the possibility it's Bigfoot. Imposing, scary, unexplained sounds in the woods. That's no measly grouse, that's Bigfoot. "Hey we think we heard Bigfoot today. It sounded like thump... thump... thump thump... thump thumb thump...thump thump thump thump." Then poof, next thing you know it's BFRO Report #2112.

I mean, something's gotta be causing all these human/beast 'encounters' with a beast that doesn't really exist.

I blame the Irish......

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by BravesFan

I blame the Irish......

Whiskey ?? We could offer that also ?

[parnassus]

according to bigfoot evidence, hairyback picture-poster Melissa Hovey was passing the offertory plate extending the open palm charging for laying on of hands faith healing baptisms miracles autographs at the Ohio church synagogue temple chapel convocation mass convention:

Quote:

Hoovey, Free Willy and Biscardi's ex-right hand man are charging for an autograph should make them ashamed. Such avarice and inflated egos. If one wants to see the differences between the good and dark side of bigfoot, look no further.

Strippers actually earn those tips they ask for, but these three have established a new low for bigfoot huckstering. Still time to announce they are changing that money making scam and take the high road, but I really doubt they will do the right thing.

[GT/CS]

Uh, Parn, how do you know Melissa has a hairy back????

[parnassus]

I've seen her DNA; she has a polymorphism in her "back" gene and another one in her "hair" gene. These mutations occurring together are not reported in GenBank. Draw your own conclusions.

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Originally Posted by BravesFan

i watched a show on PBS that showed the grouse mating dance. It was the strangest noise ever! I couldn't imagine being new to the area and hearing that through brush cover!!! not to mention how weird looking that flopping dewlap thing is!!

Birds crack me up

Yes yes! They're doing it right now. Maybe we'll take the camera today and see if we can catch one. There's one ruffed grouse we are seeing every day. He must be really horny.

The "thump" sounds like a heavy foot-fall on woodland terrain. Hard to believe a little chicken-type bird can make a sound so heavy. So yeah, Harry, who knows. Maybe this specific source is 4.7% of alleged bigfoot reports. Grouse are all over North America, the widest distribution of game birds in existence. I've had moose try to stomp me and bears charge three at a time, so when you hear that "thump thump thump"... hahaha! Five alarm fire. First one I hear in the spring gets me every time. Maybe just for a few moments, maybe half a minute, and I'm up on a big rock with the Texas chain saw massacre stance.

[mikeyx]

Bigsploitation foiled: Supersoylent of teamtazer BF has had his parody videos of Hovey's BS copyright reinstated and verbally destroys her on every level.

Cred.....
DED....................

[parnassus]

Hilarious thread on celebrity-in-her-own-mind Melissa Hovey's mini-moneymaking efforts and her failed attempt to pirate the copyright of the hairy back image.

[Deacondark]

Is it just me, or does Supersoylent 2 seem to be remarkably similar in appearance and manner of speech to Bill Munns?

[parnassus]

Bigsploiter children's book author Kathy Miner Halls spoke at the Richland conference. I recognize the value of getting children to read. But planting superstition in their minds isn't necessary. And I have heard the "let them decide" line too many times...while I haven't read her books, I'm betting she doesn't give the skeptical view even a fighting chance.

[idoubtit]

Her first cryptid book was HORRID. I've written a bad review on amazon. Utter crap and no critical thinking to be found.

[AlaskaBushPilot]

Naked greed. Plunder the children. She claimed to have done her research, which is the marketing lie she is telling the parents I suppose.

[mikeyx]

Originally Posted by parnassus

Hilarious thread on celebrity-in-her-own-mind Melissa Hovey's mini-moneymaking efforts and her failed attempt to pirate the copyright of the hairy back image.

very well surmised.

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by mikeyx

very well surmised.

I agree. It is interesting about the demeanor of Ms. Hovey also ?

Edit:

Why would anyone "pop" on to this forum "promoting BF" ? They do on other BF Threads.. but not this one.

Makes me curious about Ms. Hovey ?

[Jodie]

Originally Posted by idoubtit

Her first cryptid book was HORRID. I've written a bad review on amazon. Utter crap and no critical thinking to be found.

My issue isn't the critical thinking part because kids will figure it out for themselves by the time they are 8-9 years old. It's the topic that I don't think is appropriate. At age 1 to 4, kids can't distinguish reality from fantasy. Do we really want to fill a child's head with the idea that bigfoot is real if they tend to be anxious? I suppose it depends on the age group the book was written for and the child's disposition.

[AttorneyTom]

Originally Posted by Jodie

My issue isn't the critical thinking part because kids will figure it out for themselves by the time they are 8-9 years old. It's the topic that I don't think is appropriate. At age 1 to 4, kids can't distinguish reality from fantasy. Do we really want to fill a child's head with the idea that bigfoot is real if they tend to be anxious? I suppose it depends on the age group the book was written for and the child's disposition.

I think that I would like to pet my Bigfoot friend... to make her less anxious ? Come clean Parn !

Edit:

Oh.. nevermind ! Had me going for a bit too !!

[mikeyx]

Originally Posted by AttorneyTom

I agree. It is interesting about the demeanor of Ms. Hovey also ?

Edit:

Why would anyone "pop" on to this forum "promoting BF" ? They do on other BF Threads.. but not this one.

Makes me curious about Ms. Hovey ?

More curious still, She is of late, pimping herself as a "witness advocate" and the whole farce of this photo (that isn't hers) began with the premise of keeping the witness anonymous, but wasn't it her boyfriend Mr. Hovey who was instrumental in outting the MRP location just two years ago, thoroughly disregarding that witness's privacy?

Holy Hypocrisy Batman!

[kalen]

Would this cooking show starring Bigfoot count as Bigsploitation?

[HarryHenderson]

Originally Posted by kalen

Would this cooking show starring Bigfoot count as Bigsploitation?

Abso*******lutely!

Wait, well, maybe not in the strictest sense of the OP, but they're still 'capitalizing' on the subject even when they're not making much money from it.

[Castro]

She needs you for going on vacation:
*ww.kickstarter.com/projects/1688594173/squatching-usa

* = w