JESUS on a billboard

Bruce · 10th January 2005, 05:52 PM

A new billboard poster has been erected on the roadside on my way home from word. It is a big, ugly, green and white sign that simply says JESUS. I've been wondering who this sign is intended for. My guess is that it is for disgruntled Christians that have had a bad day at work and are praying to themselves, "God, I need to know you are still there. Give me a sign."

The funny thing is that there is another billboard directly underneath that one. Currently, it is an advertisement for lawn mowers. It's times like these that I wish I were filthy rich. I would buy the billboard beneath and put up a new poster every day until the ugly JESUS sign was taken down. It would say things like:

THINKS YOU SUCK!
LOVES GAY PEOPLE!
BEFREINDED PROSTITUTES! FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE!
VS. ALLAH, TONIGHT ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
DIED! GET OVER IT!
IT'S JUST A BOOK! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR LIFE IN CHURCH!
TASTES LIKE CRACKERS!
THE OTHER WHITE MEAT!

Feel free to dream with me.

H3LL · 10th January 2005, 08:44 PM

I like the old joke:

..... saves but the mongol hordes.

or

.... has elastic buttocks. He tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jeruselem

How about:

.... rose for your sins. Interflora rose for $9.99

.... makes you cross

.... can't hold marbles

.... bites his nails

.... and his mother. Virgin on the rediculous

(I'll get my coat....)

H3LL · 10th January 2005, 08:55 PM

Billboard above:
Matthew 24:27
â€œFor as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be."

Middle billboard:

JESUS

Billboard below:

.... that's going to take more than a condom to hold back.

c4ts · 10th January 2005, 09:51 PM

Does anybody remember those "God" quotes that used to appear on billboards as white text on a black background?

Or better yet, the argument against abortion because Jesus was an illegitimate child? (Never mind that if Jesus were as divine as they say he is, no abortion would stop him anyway...)

But still, as far as random nonsense on signs goes, nothing beats church signs for a good unexpected laugh.

Gastric ReFlux · 11th January 2005, 07:11 AM

Jesus saves thru Burma shave.

DarkMagician · 11th January 2005, 07:54 AM

...watches you touch yourself.

I've got nothing!

coalesce · 11th January 2005, 09:28 AM

This kind of ties in with the seatbelt and Libertarian thread on Politics, but my favorite religious billboard advocated using seatbelt on kids and was put up by a local church in midstate New York several years back:

"Hug 'Em At Home. Belt 'Em In The Car."

Now THAT'S tough love!

Michael

elle_inquisitor · 11th January 2005, 09:31 AM

The Omnimpotent

Ladewig · 11th January 2005, 09:58 AM

..will be busy helping running backs catch passes this weekend so are you available to help down at the soup kitchen?

SkepticalScience · 11th January 2005, 10:03 AM

Man, that's great Bruce!

You know - how much does that bill board space cost? We might be able to round up a few folks to go ahead and purchase that ad space.

It might even make the news!

Why don't you find out how much it costs, and lets see if we can raise the money!

Bruce · 11th January 2005, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SkepticalScience
Man, that's great Bruce!

You know - how much does that bill board space cost? We might be able to round up a few folks to go ahead and purchase that ad space.

It might even make the news!

Why don't you find out how much it costs, and lets see if we can raise the money!

Heh.

I know that it is in the several thousand range depending on how long you rent. Billboards are big business because of government regulations etc. I met a billboard business guy once. Big BIG money.

If I lived in a big city, I would entertain the idea of actually going through with it, but this is a rural community. News would travel very fast and I would be on the front page of the paper with the word HERETIC under my picture in a heartbeat. Not good for my career or personal safety.

If I think of it, I'll take a picture with my digital camera tomorrow for eveyones entertainment.

AWPrime · 11th January 2005, 12:14 PM

Jesus

is a bit gay.

sackett · 11th January 2005, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruce
. . . "God, I need to know you are still there. Give me a sign." . . .

And behold, there was a sign.

What more proof do you need!

sackett · 11th January 2005, 12:40 PM

WANTS YOU FOR AN ANGEL. FLOOR IT!

AWPrime · 11th January 2005, 02:33 PM

JESUS

Kills

Nex · 11th January 2005, 04:50 PM

"Jesus saves souls...
...and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes!"

Bruce · 11th January 2005, 06:11 PM

JESUS

SATAN (with picture of Satan flipping off the JESUS sign)

sackett · 12th January 2005, 06:05 AM

JESUS

H. CHRIST

JESUS

ROCKS!

TragicMonkey · 12th January 2005, 06:55 AM

JESUS

Free with Purchase of a Jumbo Slurpie!
7-11, Exit 93 A, two miles on right.

Hurry, supplies limited.

wollery · 12th January 2005, 07:01 AM

Jesus saves...

but Bremner scores on the rebound!

TragicMonkey · 12th January 2005, 07:05 AM

JESUS

it's what's for dinner.

JESUS

next five exits.

JESUS

One of thousands of brand names at bargain prices at the Adleburg Outlet Center!

TragicMonkey · 12th January 2005, 07:26 AM

JESUS

Large with two toppings, $9.99.
Add a third topping for $1 more!

DarkMagician · 12th January 2005, 10:12 AM

JESUS

...can't save you money on car insurance. Call Geico.

TragicMonkey · 12th January 2005, 11:35 AM

JESUS

Now Low Carb!

JESUS

Recommends Mrs Prell's Fishsticks.
Great for unexpected guests!
$4.99 for a Multitude Pack.

Dorian Gray · 12th January 2005, 01:40 PM

JESUS

BUDDHA

MOHAMMED

CONFUCIUS

And the fifth billboard says

The New Supergroup: OPIATE
The new album: More Popular than the Beatles
In stores March 17, 2005.
Jesus - vocals
Buddha - drums
Mohammed - guitar
Confucius - bass

Ausmerican · 12th January 2005, 02:59 PM

JESUS..

would support gay marriage cos he rode an ass or two.

Lord Muck oGentry · 12th January 2005, 03:40 PM

JESUS...
no sandals genuine without the maker's mark.

swstephe · 12th January 2005, 05:10 PM

"llame a su madre"

Bruce · 12th January 2005, 05:31 PM

I tried to get a picture today, but it was raining pretty hard. Didn't turn out. I was mistaken, though. The JESUS sign is on the bottom billboard. Sorry everyone. Now we are going to have to start over.

EAT
JESUS

He passes to the left, ducks to the right.
Dribbles through the middle, here comes the lay-up and........
JESUS

(Picture of Calvin urinating)
JESUS

Who thinks charging interest is a mortal sin?
Who never led troops into battle?
Who never threw a punch?
Who quit his job to wander around with 12 other jobless men?
Who's the biggest Liberal wienie to ever walk the planet?
JESUS

Riddick · 12th January 2005, 07:58 PM

@OP: laff, so that's the best a disgruntled MU student can come up with? dang, i think maybe christians are funnier.

10th January 2005, 05:52 PM	#1
Bruce Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Columbia, Missouri Posts: 7,522	JESUS on a billboard A new billboard poster has been erected on the roadside on my way home from word. It is a big, ugly, green and white sign that simply says JESUS. I've been wondering who this sign is intended for. My guess is that it is for disgruntled Christians that have had a bad day at work and are praying to themselves, "God, I need to know you are still there. Give me a sign." The funny thing is that there is another billboard directly underneath that one. Currently, it is an advertisement for lawn mowers. It's times like these that I wish I were filthy rich. I would buy the billboard beneath and put up a new poster every day until the ugly JESUS sign was taken down. It would say things like: THINKS YOU SUCK! LOVES GAY PEOPLE! BEFREINDED PROSTITUTES! FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE! VS. ALLAH, TONIGHT ON PAY-PER-VIEW! DIED! GET OVER IT! IT'S JUST A BOOK! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR LIFE IN CHURCH! TASTES LIKE CRACKERS! THE OTHER WHITE MEAT! Feel free to dream with me.
	__________________ Indeed, anything past the ring finger is prohibited. -bpesta

10th January 2005, 08:44 PM	#2
H3LL Illuminator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: (ləʊˈkeɪʃən) - n. 1. a site or position; situation. Posts: 4,976	I like the old joke: ..... saves but the mongol hordes. or .... has elastic buttocks. He tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jeruselem How about: .... rose for your sins. Interflora rose for $9.99 .... makes you cross .... can't hold marbles .... bites his nails .... and his mother. Virgin on the rediculous (I'll get my coat....)
	__________________ "I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it". - PTerry Top 10 Reasons Why I Procrastinate: 1.

10th January 2005, 08:55 PM	#3
H3LL Illuminator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: (ləʊˈkeɪʃən) - n. 1. a site or position; situation. Posts: 4,976	Billboard above: Matthew 24:27 â€œFor as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be." Middle billboard: JESUS Billboard below: .... that's going to take more than a condom to hold back.
	__________________ "I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it". - PTerry Top 10 Reasons Why I Procrastinate: 1.

10th January 2005, 09:51 PM	#4
c4ts Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Your base Posts: 8,427	Does anybody remember those "God" quotes that used to appear on billboards as white text on a black background? Or better yet, the argument against abortion because Jesus was an illegitimate child? (Never mind that if Jesus were as divine as they say he is, no abortion would stop him anyway...) But still, as far as random nonsense on signs goes, nothing beats church signs for a good unexpected laugh.
	__________________ Ha ha ha ha.... Stupid signature size limit.

11th January 2005, 07:11 AM	#5
Gastric ReFlux Critical Thinker Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 257	Jesus saves thru Burma shave.
	__________________ Coolest smiley in the world right here at the Randi forums: Quote: but how do you know Satan didn't plant other gods, saviors and demons in history? YOU DON'T Every argument made by anti-God people are based on naturalistic presuppositions and Satan could very well be behind these presuppositions. Think about it. Your precious ''rational and predictable world'' may just be an illusion created by God's enemy. --1inChrist

11th January 2005, 07:54 AM	#6
DarkMagician Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 1,539	...watches you touch yourself. I've got nothing!
	__________________ Sometimes going by "Nyke" \| "Pascal's Wager: Believe in Unicorns, or one might kick you in the nads!" \| "There is no hope for humanity. Reason is dead and we dance on the corpse. Tra la la la la!" --c4ts \| Intelligent Design & Expelled Exposed \| I'm on dial-up. If you want to reply to me, summarize please.

11th January 2005, 09:28 AM	#7
coalesce Illuminator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Queens, NY Posts: 3,347	This kind of ties in with the seatbelt and Libertarian thread on Politics, but my favorite religious billboard advocated using seatbelt on kids and was put up by a local church in midstate New York several years back: "Hug 'Em At Home. Belt 'Em In The Car." Now THAT'S tough love! Michael
	__________________ "I want the kids in bed by nine, the dog fed, the yard watered and the gate locked. And get a note to the milkman NO MORE CHEESE!"

11th January 2005, 09:31 AM	#8
elle_inquisitor Student Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 49	The Omnimpotent
elle_inquisitor Student Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 49

11th January 2005, 09:58 AM	#9
Ladewig Hipster alien Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: not measurable Posts: 16,802	..will be busy helping running backs catch passes this weekend so are you available to help down at the soup kitchen?
	__________________ Is the JREF message board training wheels for people who hope to one day troll other message boards? It is not that hard to get us to believe you. We are not the major leagues or even the minor leagues. We are Pee-Wee baseball. If you love striking out 10-year-olds, then you'll love trolling our board.

11th January 2005, 10:03 AM	#10
SkepticalScience Thinker Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 225	Ha Ha Ha Ha! Man, that's great Bruce! You know - how much does that bill board space cost? We might be able to round up a few folks to go ahead and purchase that ad space. It might even make the news! Why don't you find out how much it costs, and lets see if we can raise the money!
SkepticalScience Thinker Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 225

11th January 2005, 11:49 AM	#11
Bruce Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Columbia, Missouri Posts: 7,522	Re: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Quote: Originally posted by SkepticalScience Man, that's great Bruce! You know - how much does that bill board space cost? We might be able to round up a few folks to go ahead and purchase that ad space. It might even make the news! Why don't you find out how much it costs, and lets see if we can raise the money! Heh. I know that it is in the several thousand range depending on how long you rent. Billboards are big business because of government regulations etc. I met a billboard business guy once. Big BIG money. If I lived in a big city, I would entertain the idea of actually going through with it, but this is a rural community. News would travel very fast and I would be on the front page of the paper with the word HERETIC under my picture in a heartbeat. Not good for my career or personal safety. If I think of it, I'll take a picture with my digital camera tomorrow for eveyones entertainment.
	__________________ Indeed, anything past the ring finger is prohibited. -bpesta

11th January 2005, 12:14 PM	#12
AWPrime Master Poster Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,929	Jesus is a bit gay.
AWPrime Master Poster Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,929	__________________ Sir Arthur C. Clarke - "Any sufficiently advanced technology, to the uninformed observer, is indistinguishable from magic." c4ts - "Jesus loves the little children, Nice and fat and honey roasted..." Lancastic = Demonstrative of outstanding personal effort in the exposing of frauds. Rob Lister - "The enemy of my enemy probably tastes yummy. "

11th January 2005, 12:38 PM	#13
sackett Illuminator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Detroit Posts: 3,613	Re: JESUS on a billboard Quote: Originally posted by Bruce . . . "God, I need to know you are still there. Give me a sign." . . . And behold, there was a sign. What more proof do you need!
	__________________ Dyslexic and prond!

11th January 2005, 12:40 PM	#14
sackett Illuminator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Detroit Posts: 3,613	More, more! WANTS YOU FOR AN ANGEL. FLOOR IT!
	__________________ Dyslexic and prond!

11th January 2005, 02:33 PM	#15
AWPrime Master Poster Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,929	JESUS Kills
AWPrime Master Poster Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,929	__________________ Sir Arthur C. Clarke - "Any sufficiently advanced technology, to the uninformed observer, is indistinguishable from magic." c4ts - "Jesus loves the little children, Nice and fat and honey roasted..." Lancastic = Demonstrative of outstanding personal effort in the exposing of frauds. Rob Lister - "The enemy of my enemy probably tastes yummy. "

11th January 2005, 04:50 PM	#16
Nex Forum Turnip Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: SC upstate Posts: 1,666	"Jesus saves souls... ...and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes!"
	__________________ Currently brain-dead due to sudden-onset motherhood.

11th January 2005, 06:11 PM	#17
Bruce Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Columbia, Missouri Posts: 7,522	JESUS SATAN (with picture of Satan flipping off the JESUS sign)
	__________________ Indeed, anything past the ring finger is prohibited. -bpesta

12th January 2005, 06:05 AM	#18
sackett Illuminator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Detroit Posts: 3,613	Hey, this is fun! JESUS H. CHRIST JESUS ROCKS!
	__________________ Dyslexic and prond!

12th January 2005, 06:55 AM	#19
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Pither Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 30,073	JESUS Free with Purchase of a Jumbo Slurpie! 7-11, Exit 93 A, two miles on right. Hurry, supplies limited.
	__________________ One cannot expect wisdom to flow from a pumpkin.

12th January 2005, 07:01 AM	#20
wollery Protected by Samurai Hedgehogs! TLA Winner Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Land of Eternal Hope Posts: 10,313	Jesus saves... but Bremner scores on the rebound!
	__________________ "You're a sick SOB. You know that, Wollery?" - Roadtoad "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin

12th January 2005, 07:05 AM	#21
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Pither Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 30,073	JESUS it's what's for dinner. JESUS next five exits. JESUS One of thousands of brand names at bargain prices at the Adleburg Outlet Center!
	__________________ One cannot expect wisdom to flow from a pumpkin.

12th January 2005, 07:26 AM	#22
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Pither Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 30,073	JESUS Large with two toppings, $9.99. Add a third topping for $1 more!
	__________________ One cannot expect wisdom to flow from a pumpkin.

12th January 2005, 10:12 AM	#23
DarkMagician Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 1,539	JESUS ...can't save you money on car insurance. Call Geico.
	__________________ Sometimes going by "Nyke" \| "Pascal's Wager: Believe in Unicorns, or one might kick you in the nads!" \| "There is no hope for humanity. Reason is dead and we dance on the corpse. Tra la la la la!" --c4ts \| Intelligent Design & Expelled Exposed \| I'm on dial-up. If you want to reply to me, summarize please.

12th January 2005, 11:35 AM	#24
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Pither Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 30,073	JESUS Now Low Carb! JESUS Recommends Mrs Prell's Fishsticks. Great for unexpected guests! $4.99 for a Multitude Pack.
	__________________ One cannot expect wisdom to flow from a pumpkin.

12th January 2005, 01:40 PM	#25
Dorian Gray Hypocrisy Detector Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dayton, Ohio Posts: 20,195	JESUS BUDDHA MOHAMMED CONFUCIUS And the fifth billboard says The New Supergroup: OPIATE The new album: More Popular than the Beatles In stores March 17, 2005. Jesus - vocals Buddha - drums Mohammed - guitar Confucius - bass
	__________________ "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." - Willy Wonka "Rational arguments don't work on religious people. If they did, there wouldn't be any religious people." - House Additionally to Carlin being funnier than Izzard, I think Dorian is funnier than the Marquis. - Ron Tomkins

12th January 2005, 02:59 PM	#26
Ausmerican Illuminator Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,381	JESUS.. would support gay marriage cos he rode an ass or two.
Ausmerican Illuminator Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 3,381

12th January 2005, 03:40 PM	#27
Lord Muck oGentry Muse Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 986	JESUS... no sandals genuine without the maker's mark.
Lord Muck oGentry Muse Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 986

12th January 2005, 05:10 PM	#28
swstephe Thinker Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: borneo island Posts: 176	"llame a su madre"
	__________________ "I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence." -- George Bernard Shaw

12th January 2005, 05:31 PM	#29
Bruce Philosopher Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Columbia, Missouri Posts: 7,522	I tried to get a picture today, but it was raining pretty hard. Didn't turn out. I was mistaken, though. The JESUS sign is on the bottom billboard. Sorry everyone. Now we are going to have to start over. EAT JESUS He passes to the left, ducks to the right. Dribbles through the middle, here comes the lay-up and........ JESUS (Picture of Calvin urinating) JESUS Who thinks charging interest is a mortal sin? Who never led troops into battle? Who never threw a punch? Who quit his job to wander around with 12 other jobless men? Who's the biggest Liberal wienie to ever walk the planet? JESUS
	__________________ Indeed, anything past the ring finger is prohibited. -bpesta

12th January 2005, 07:58 PM	#30
Riddick Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 867	@OP: laff, so that's the best a disgruntled MU student can come up with? dang, i think maybe christians are funnier.