Looking for Descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene

bilani · 16th May 2006, 12:10 PM

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene are seeking other descendants.

The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with to create Miracle Waters, have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

A short 4 minute on-line DNA test explains the role of one’s pineal gland, (called the mind, or Soul in the west and the 3rd Eye in the east), in the activation of one’s Soul. The DNA test’s Activation Technique awakens the spiritual energy in one’s Soul enabling people to experience the wondrous movement of spiritual energy in their Soul.

Individuals experiencing the movement of spiritual energy in their Soul during the DNA test will then personally know that they are a 99th generation descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Newly found descendants are recommended to contact members of their family and join us in our weekly worldwide teleconferences where descendants are given additional ancient secrets.

This Guy · 16th May 2006, 12:17 PM

How much does this all cost?

And where do I send the check?

Upchurch · 16th May 2006, 12:22 PM

Where can I learn more, bilani?

Arkan_Wolfshade · 16th May 2006, 12:25 PM

Upchurch · 16th May 2006, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by Arkan_Wolfshade

shush. I want to know where this is going.

Upchurch · 16th May 2006, 12:32 PM

Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm

I less than three logic · 16th May 2006, 12:35 PM

Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online?

bluess · 16th May 2006, 12:38 PM

Insert your blood sample in the A:\ drive. Don't mind the whirring noises.

Fizzer · 16th May 2006, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by bilani

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct.

Says who?

brodski · 16th May 2006, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by Fizzer

Says who?

Dan Brown.

The_Fire · 16th May 2006, 02:22 PM

This is a joke...
Right?

Debunc 3

Genesius · 16th May 2006, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by Upchurch

Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm

Hoo, boy. From the link:

Quote:

Water, like gold, has the unique ability to store high frequency spiritual energy. Spiritual energy is electro-magnetic energy whose frequencies exceed 1,000 Terahertz, or one million billion units of frequency. (1 Terahertz equals 1,000 billion units of electro-magnetic frequency. Everything in our universe is comprised of electro-magnetic energy. The shorter the wavelength, the higher the frequency, and the greater the intensity, or energetic level of spiritual energy).

So spiritual energy has a frequency of over 10¹⁵hz, huh? According to http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/Hbase/ems3.html , this falls in the range of ultraviolet light, which has a frequency range of 7.5 x 10¹⁴ - 3 x 10¹⁶ Hz. Should be pretty easy to test. Just get these folks in a room with a bowl of water and add some fluorescent chemical. Let them start their ritual and if the water starts glowing spiritual energy has been detected!

So how about it, bilani? When can we expect your buddies to submit an application and go for the JREF prize?

tkingdoll · 16th May 2006, 05:26 PM

Replies equal none?
It's a post and run!

Replies are few?
It must be a woo.

rjh01 · 16th May 2006, 05:46 PM

Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants.

In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor.

wollery · 16th May 2006, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by rjh01

Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants.

In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor.

Really? So you honestly believe that you have jewish, zulu, incan, sioux and maori ancestry do you?

rjh01 · 16th May 2006, 06:54 PM

I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents).

Marquis de Carabas · 16th May 2006, 06:58 PM

Wish I could help you. My dad is a descendent of Jesus, but I look like the mailman.

wollery · 16th May 2006, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by rjh01

I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents).

You say you've done the maths, please show your working, because I'm finding this very difficult to believe.

Lisa Simpson · 16th May 2006, 07:02 PM

I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so.

ChristineR · 16th May 2006, 07:26 PM

Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around.

Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired.

psy kick · 16th May 2006, 08:35 PM

I "think" the OP is trying to say Jesus drank pentium water.

Odin · 16th May 2006, 08:51 PM

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.

All this can be worked around however. If Jesus's decendents are all planned out then God can set the number to whatever he pleases. In a similar way, if Jesus's family are kept separate from the rest of the world, and Jesus's child is only permitted to have one child, and that child has a wife/ husband chosen for them from the surrounding population and they have only one child e.t.c, the population decended from Jesus would be limited to one (without divine help who ever masterminds this would probably require several decendants per generation in case one dies before adulthood or cannot reproduce, allowing only one to have children each time.) Removing the limit would allow the population of Jesus decendents to begin increasing. (All God would have to do is ensure that Jesus and descendants can only have one child, and that child survives to reproduce.)

Of course this assumes that;

1. Jesus existed.
2. Was Divine in some way.
3 That Jesus had decendents.
4. That Divinity can be inherited.
5. That Divinity is "dominant" and is always inherited.

Ducky · 16th May 2006, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by Lisa Simpson

I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so.

Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me.

(Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?)

Robin · 16th May 2006, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by I less than three logic

Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online?

I have a USB device, based on technology based at PEAR, that will take a DNA sample and soul test combined at the ridiculously low price of $1,000, including pre-loaded software.

Online predictive sampling indicates that you are almost certainly a direct descendant of Jesus and Mary, so don't delay sending your money as stocks are limited.

rjh01 · 16th May 2006, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by Odin

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1,000,000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4,000,000,000,000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.

My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000

This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct.

wollery · 16th May 2006, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by ChristineR

Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around.

Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired.

Originally Posted by Odin

You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors...

One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in.

Originally Posted by rjh01

My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000

This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct.

Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

MRC_Hans · 16th May 2006, 11:25 PM

The 'sacred' frequency of 1000THz, or 10E+15Hz, equals a wavelenght of 300nm, which is in the near ultraviolet. Not even an impressively high frequency. The universe is teeming with much shorter wavelengths.

As already mentioned, provided any truth in the Jesus-MM myth, most of the present population is descended from Jesus.

Booooring.

Hans

rjh01 · 17th May 2006, 02:42 AM

Originally Posted by wollery

Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

I have been thinking about this. Lets assume that over a 500 years there were 20 generations. Each generation doubled the number of descendants. At the end of that period that means over a million people. That would mean that most people in modern Israel would be a descendant of Jesus. Arab traders would come in maybe pick up a wife there. Or their wives would get pregnant by a local man. These women would then have their own descendants. So maybe most Arabs are descendants of Jesus. Arab traders went all over the place maybe have sex with the local women, some of whom had their children. So any country that had international trade using the Arabs would also have a lot of descendants of Jesus.

The Crusaders came to the middle east and brought back many descendants of Jesus. So there would be many descendants of Jesus from countries that sent the Crusaders or where they passed through. That would be most of Europe.

I have not even started thinking about people who went from their native village to another place. Maybe explorers? Many of them would have had sex with the local women.

marksman · 17th May 2006, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by wollery

Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."

It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met.

And that's just not true. Humanity is very interbred. As long as the interbreeding isn't too close in proximity (two or three generations apart), you generally don't worry about genetic disease.

But it smply isn't accurate to decide that every person alive today has 2ⁿ ancestors, where n=prior generations. They would have a lot fewer. Assuming 25 years for a generation, there have been roughly 80 generations of ancestors. But you wouldn't necessarily have 2⁸⁰ ancestors. Many of your ancestors would appear multiple times in the family tree. So you would have (2^x/_n)⁸⁰ ancestors, where x is the rate of interbreeding in the population (which would be higher in more isolated communities, but should also be higher as the value of "n" increases, because more generations expands the number of opportunities for interbreeding). If ^x/_n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus. (This assumes: Jesus existed, Jesus had one or more kids, and the line didn't simply die off, which is quite likely given the Merovingian legend that the line had to be carefully hidden... and did in fact die off with the Merovingians.)

Now for people who purposely spread their seed, the chances go up. Genghis Khan, for example, had kids all across Asia, and it's very likely that a good portion of Asians might be able to trace a lineage back to Genghis.

Lisa Simpson · 17th May 2006, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by fowlsound

Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me.

(Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?)

Could have been both for all I know. It makes nice sig material however.

Beerina · 17th May 2006, 01:02 PM

Beerina: Alex, I'll take "Complete Asshattery" for 600.

Alex Trebec: And the answer is, "99th Descendents"

ClickClickCLICKCLICKCLICK

Alex: Beerina?

Beerina: What is tomfoolery middle-aged woos can grasp at to make themselves feel important, when they realize they're too old to be an Indigo kid?

Dr Adequate · 17th May 2006, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by bilani

The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct.

How do you know?

Quote:

We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene...

How do you know?

Quote:

The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with...

How do you know?

Quote:

to create Miracle Waters..

What is the nature of the miracle?

Can it be demonstrated?

Quote:

have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

How do these "awakened" people confirm that they are descendants?

Is there any geneological evidence showing that what these people have in common is a bloodline rather than a fantasy?

Before "global dimming" took place, how did people usually realize that they were descendants of JC and MM?

Did any of them evey mention it to anyone?

strathmeyer · 17th May 2006, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by bilani

Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

I'm only a 83rd generatin descendant of Jesus and Mary. Can I still get in?

ChristineR · 17th May 2006, 02:01 PM

bilani works for Columbia pictures.

slingblade · 17th May 2006, 04:33 PM

No need to go mundanely hunting up relatives.
Just put out the word that the "mansion" Christ went to prepare
is on the Cote d'Azur, has 15 bedrooms, 7 baths, and comes fully staffed.

You'll have descendants crawling out of the cruci--er, out of the woodwork.
Aw, hell, same diff.

YouBelieveWHAT? · 18th May 2006, 12:30 AM

Anyway...

Obviously I believe Fowlsound - Titanium Superheroes always tell the truth!

All hail Lisa - you've had a very interesting life - wandering around the countryside with twelve guys!

I can't wait for the book & film to come out!

YBE

YouBelieveWHAT? · 18th May 2006, 12:32 AM

Sorry, should have added:

Take one slice of bread.
Burn both sides to a pleasing colour.
Optionally spread with butter/margarine/olive oil spread/whatever you like.

Taraah! Toast!

YBW

Odin · 18th May 2006, 05:57 AM

Originally Posted by marksman

It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met.

And that's just not true. Humanity is very interbred. As long as the interbreeding isn't too close in proximity (two or three generations apart), you generally don't worry about genetic disease.

But it smply isn't accurate to decide that every person alive today has 2ⁿ ancestors, where n=prior generations. They would have a lot fewer. Assuming 25 years for a generation, there have been roughly 80 generations of ancestors. But you wouldn't necessarily have 2⁸⁰ ancestors. Many of your ancestors would appear multiple times in the family tree. So you would have (2^x/_n)⁸⁰ ancestors, where x is the rate of interbreeding in the population (which would be higher in more isolated communities, but should also be higher as the value of "n" increases, because more generations expands the number of opportunities for interbreeding). If ^x/_n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus. (This assumes: Jesus existed, Jesus had one or more kids, and the line didn't simply die off, which is quite likely given the Merovingian legend that the line had to be carefully hidden... and did in fact die off with the Merovingians.)

Now for people who purposely spread their seed, the chances go up. Genghis Khan, for example, had kids all across Asia, and it's very likely that a good portion of Asians might be able to trace a lineage back to Genghis.

I think your calculations also need to take into account that not all of those 300 million have surviving descendents. (assuming Jesus does.)

CFLarsen · 18th May 2006, 06:07 AM

I am Spartacus.

Lisa Simpson · 18th May 2006, 06:15 AM

Originally Posted by YouBelieveWHAT?

All hail Lisa - you've had a very interesting life - wandering around the countryside with twelve guys!

It's a well-known fact that skepchicks are often surrounded by groupies.

16th May 2006, 12:10 PM	#1
bilani New Blood Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1	Looking for Descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene are seeking other descendants. The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with to create Miracle Waters, have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. A short 4 minute on-line DNA test explains the role of one’s pineal gland, (called the mind, or Soul in the west and the 3rd Eye in the east), in the activation of one’s Soul. The DNA test’s Activation Technique awakens the spiritual energy in one’s Soul enabling people to experience the wondrous movement of spiritual energy in their Soul. Individuals experiencing the movement of spiritual energy in their Soul during the DNA test will then personally know that they are a 99th generation descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Newly found descendants are recommended to contact members of their family and join us in our weekly worldwide teleconferences where descendants are given additional ancient secrets.
bilani New Blood Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1

16th May 2006, 12:17 PM	#2
This Guy Master Poster Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: On the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK Posts: 2,000	How much does this all cost? And where do I send the check?
	__________________ I'm lost. I've gone to find me. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!

16th May 2006, 12:25 PM	#4
Arkan_Wolfshade Philosopher Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Making Mytheon come to life Posts: 7,158
	__________________ Amy: You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Try some zinc. Bender: I am forty percent zinc. Amy: Then take some echinacea, or St. John's Wort. Professor: Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

16th May 2006, 12:35 PM	#7
I less than three logic Graduate Poster Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: St Cloud, MN, USA Posts: 1,464	Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online?
	__________________ “There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world.” - Carl Sagan “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball ninety million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” – Douglas Adams

16th May 2006, 12:38 PM	#8
bluess Illuminator Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Dithering between book choices in a shop somewhere. Posts: 3,431	Insert your blood sample in the A:\ drive. Don't mind the whirring noises.
	__________________ 'Lord Emsworth, that amiable but bone-headed peer, stood at the window drooping like a wet sock.' -PG Wodehouse, The Crime Wave at Blandings

16th May 2006, 12:22 PM	#3
Upchurch Papa Funkosophy Join Date: May 2002 Location: Funky Town (STL, MO) Posts: 23,423	Where can I learn more, bilani?

16th May 2006, 12:30 PM	#5
Upchurch Papa Funkosophy Join Date: May 2002 Location: Funky Town (STL, MO) Posts: 23,423	Originally Posted by Arkan_Wolfshade shush. I want to know where this is going.

16th May 2006, 12:32 PM	#6
Upchurch Papa Funkosophy Join Date: May 2002 Location: Funky Town (STL, MO) Posts: 23,423	Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm

16th May 2006, 12:45 PM	#9
Fizzer Thinker Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 175	Originally Posted by bilani The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. Says who?
Fizzer Thinker Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 175

16th May 2006, 12:59 PM	#10
brodski Tea-Time toad Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 15,068	Originally Posted by Fizzer Says who? Dan Brown.
brodski Tea-Time toad Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 15,068

16th May 2006, 02:22 PM	#11
The_Fire Unimpressed Female Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: 8th level of Hell - Maleborgia Posts: 3,037	This is a joke... Right? Debunc 3
	__________________ If anyone told you that I'm a nice person, they were either from a different level of existance, lying through their teeth or mentally instable. "We? That better be you and that invisible aardwarck in your pocket you are talking about, because I KNOW you are not stupid enough to open a giant can of whoop ass by claiming you know what I think." Stop Sylvia Browne Last edited by The_Fire; 16th May 2006 at 02:36 PM.

16th May 2006, 05:16 PM	#12
Genesius Apathetic Agnostic Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Reading, PA Posts: 1,534	Originally Posted by Upchurch Here we go: http://www.merkaba.org/miracle_waters.htm Hoo, boy. From the link: Quote: Water, like gold, has the unique ability to store high frequency spiritual energy. Spiritual energy is electro-magnetic energy whose frequencies exceed 1,000 Terahertz, or one million billion units of frequency. (1 Terahertz equals 1,000 billion units of electro-magnetic frequency. Everything in our universe is comprised of electro-magnetic energy. The shorter the wavelength, the higher the frequency, and the greater the intensity, or energetic level of spiritual energy). So spiritual energy has a frequency of over 10¹⁵hz, huh? According to http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/Hbase/ems3.html , this falls in the range of ultraviolet light, which has a frequency range of 7.5 x 10¹⁴ - 3 x 10¹⁶ Hz. Should be pretty easy to test. Just get these folks in a room with a bowl of water and add some fluorescent chemical. Let them start their ritual and if the water starts glowing spiritual energy has been detected! So how about it, bilani? When can we expect your buddies to submit an application and go for the JREF prize?
	__________________ "We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the same sense and to the same extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart." - H. L. Mencken "Why believe in things that make it tough on you?" - Devo, "Love Without Anger" GoogleBomb Sylvia Browne now! www.StopSylvia.com

16th May 2006, 05:26 PM	#13
tkingdoll AKA TEEK Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Up Myself Posts: 12,471	Replies equal none? It's a post and run! Replies are few? It must be a woo.
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16th May 2006, 05:46 PM	#14
rjh01 Gentleman of leisure Tagger Join Date: May 2005 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 17,172	Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants. In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor.

16th May 2006, 06:03 PM	#15
wollery Protected by Samurai Hedgehogs! TLA Winner Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Land of Eternal Hope Posts: 10,308	Originally Posted by rjh01 Just done the maths. It is highly probable that the majority of us are descended from the majority of people who lived 2000 years ago who have living descendants. In plain English if Jesus had children and they had children then the majority of us would have him as an ancestor. Really? So you honestly believe that you have jewish, zulu, incan, sioux and maori ancestry do you?
	__________________ "You're a sick SOB. You know that, Wollery?" - Roadtoad "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin

16th May 2006, 06:54 PM	#16
rjh01 Gentleman of leisure Tagger Join Date: May 2005 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 17,172	I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents).

16th May 2006, 06:58 PM	#17
Marquis de Carabas Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: vuori Posts: 27,106	Wish I could help you. My dad is a descendent of Jesus, but I look like the mailman.
	__________________ Jesus ... wasn't he the bloke who turned fish into wine and made the lepers multiply? -KateHL Violence is more acceptable than incest. I have been told to keep this in mind.

16th May 2006, 06:58 PM	#18
wollery Protected by Samurai Hedgehogs! TLA Winner Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Land of Eternal Hope Posts: 10,308	Originally Posted by rjh01 I never said we are all descended from all people that lived 2000 years ago. Of course there will be large pockets of people (like island natives) who could not be decedents of Jesus. That just increases the chance that the rest of the population are descended from Jesus (that is assuming he lived and had decedents). You say you've done the maths, please show your working, because I'm finding this very difficult to believe.
	__________________ "You're a sick SOB. You know that, Wollery?" - Roadtoad "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin

16th May 2006, 07:02 PM	#19
Lisa Simpson THE Lisa Simpson Administrator Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: 123 Fake Street Posts: 20,045	I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so.
	__________________ That's what the Internet does -- you get a free bonus prize of Stupid Lies with every box of Delicious Facts. - cracked.com Facts are satanic litter on the heavenly highway to blind faith! - Betty Bowers

16th May 2006, 07:26 PM	#20
ChristineR Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,189	Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around. Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired.
ChristineR Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,189	__________________ Avatar (c) Neopets.com Last edited by ChristineR; 16th May 2006 at 07:29 PM.

16th May 2006, 08:35 PM	#21
psy kick Critical Thinker Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 303	I "think" the OP is trying to say Jesus drank pentium water.

16th May 2006, 08:51 PM	#22
Odin Atheistic Aesir Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Asgard Posts: 808	You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors... One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in. All this can be worked around however. If Jesus's decendents are all planned out then God can set the number to whatever he pleases. In a similar way, if Jesus's family are kept separate from the rest of the world, and Jesus's child is only permitted to have one child, and that child has a wife/ husband chosen for them from the surrounding population and they have only one child e.t.c, the population decended from Jesus would be limited to one (without divine help who ever masterminds this would probably require several decendants per generation in case one dies before adulthood or cannot reproduce, allowing only one to have children each time.) Removing the limit would allow the population of Jesus decendents to begin increasing. (All God would have to do is ensure that Jesus and descendants can only have one child, and that child survives to reproduce.) Of course this assumes that; 1. Jesus existed. 2. Was Divine in some way. 3 That Jesus had decendents. 4. That Divinity can be inherited. 5. That Divinity is "dominant" and is always inherited.
	__________________ Nothing to see here "Then we didn't evolve! The system has been feeding us THE BIG LIE!" -Jack T Chick "Educators are actually evil for refusing to teach students Nature's 4 World Time Cube." -Gene Ray "Leo Jean has attained the highest spiritual status of any person on Earth. His spirit is one of the oldest and most powerful in the universe, and is the most powerful on Earth." -Leo Jean

16th May 2006, 09:23 PM	#23
Ducky Titanium Puprhero Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Mayor of your front lawn. Posts: 12,296	Originally Posted by Lisa Simpson I'm not related to Jesus, I am Jesus. Fowlsound said so. Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me. (Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?)

16th May 2006, 09:38 PM	#24
Robin Philosopher Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,541	Originally Posted by I less than three logic Does it require some special peripheral device to take a DNA test online? I have a USB device, based on technology based at PEAR, that will take a DNA sample and soul test combined at the ridiculously low price of $1,000, including pre-loaded software. Online predictive sampling indicates that you are almost certainly a direct descendant of Jesus and Mary, so don't delay sending your money as stocks are limited.
Robin Philosopher Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,541

16th May 2006, 11:00 PM	#25
rjh01 Gentleman of leisure Tagger Join Date: May 2005 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 17,172	Originally Posted by Odin You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors... One thousand years ago this reaches over 1,000,000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4,000,000,000,000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in. My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000 This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct.

16th May 2006, 11:19 PM	#26
wollery Protected by Samurai Hedgehogs! TLA Winner Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Land of Eternal Hope Posts: 10,308	Originally Posted by ChristineR Okay, I'm too tired to go look up the article, but it's been shown pretty conclusively that everyone alive today is a descendent of the Emporor Constantine. In fact, everyone alive then is either your ancestor or has no descendents. If the paper addressed the issue of isolated populations, I don't remember it, but my guess is that any truly isolated population would become inbred and die out. Even the people living on the remote isles would occasionally move around. Whoops--Charlamagne, not Constantine. Boy am I tired. Originally Posted by Odin You have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512 ancestors... One thousand years ago this reaches over 1000000 direct ancestors, two thousand years ago its something like 4000000000000 direct ancestors. I think thats more than the world population alive at the time. A lot of these are likely to be the same person so your real number of ancestors will be much smaller, however it's still large enough to include everyone who reproduced in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in. Originally Posted by rjh01 My spreadsheet says that two power 99 is 633,825,300,114,115,000,000,000,000,000 This is how many ancestors we have 99 generations ago = 2000 years ago. The assumptions above are correct. Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in."
	__________________ "You're a sick SOB. You know that, Wollery?" - Roadtoad "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider!" --George Carlin

16th May 2006, 11:25 PM	#27
MRC_Hans Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Whithin earshot of the North Sea Posts: 16,600	The 'sacred' frequency of 1000THz, or 10E+15Hz, equals a wavelenght of 300nm, which is in the near ultraviolet. Not even an impressively high frequency. The universe is teeming with much shorter wavelengths. As already mentioned, provided any truth in the Jesus-MM myth, most of the present population is descended from Jesus. Booooring. Hans
	__________________ Don't. Just don't.

17th May 2006, 02:42 AM	#28
rjh01 Gentleman of leisure Tagger Join Date: May 2005 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 17,172	Originally Posted by wollery Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in." I have been thinking about this. Lets assume that over a 500 years there were 20 generations. Each generation doubled the number of descendants. At the end of that period that means over a million people. That would mean that most people in modern Israel would be a descendant of Jesus. Arab traders would come in maybe pick up a wife there. Or their wives would get pregnant by a local man. These women would then have their own descendants. So maybe most Arabs are descendants of Jesus. Arab traders went all over the place maybe have sex with the local women, some of whom had their children. So any country that had international trade using the Arabs would also have a lot of descendants of Jesus. The Crusaders came to the middle east and brought back many descendants of Jesus. So there would be many descendants of Jesus from countries that sent the Crusaders or where they passed through. That would be most of Europe. I have not even started thinking about people who went from their native village to another place. Maybe explorers? Many of them would have had sex with the local women.

17th May 2006, 06:47 AM	#29
marksman Reality Checker Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Tarrytown, NY Posts: 5,003	Originally Posted by wollery Absolute bloody hogwash. This all assumes that there is homogeneous mixing and interbreeding between ethnic and national groups, which there isn't, not even today, and certainly not 1000 years ago when the majority of people rarely moved more than a few miles from their place of birth in their whole lifetimes and certainly didn't marry or reproduce out of their ethnic or religious group. Odin hit on the real crux of it, "in whatever population(s) your ancestors lived in." It also assumes that two descendants of Jesus would not intermarry or breed. That somehow, magically, no matter how far back in your family tree you go, the two branches of your family never met. And that's just not true. Humanity is very interbred. As long as the interbreeding isn't too close in proximity (two or three generations apart), you generally don't worry about genetic disease. But it smply isn't accurate to decide that every person alive today has 2ⁿ ancestors, where n=prior generations. They would have a lot fewer. Assuming 25 years for a generation, there have been roughly 80 generations of ancestors. But you wouldn't necessarily have 2⁸⁰ ancestors. Many of your ancestors would appear multiple times in the family tree. So you would have (2^x/_n)⁸⁰ ancestors, where x is the rate of interbreeding in the population (which would be higher in more isolated communities, but should also be higher as the value of "n" increases, because more generations expands the number of opportunities for interbreeding). If ^x/_n is 0.6 when n is 80, you'd have only 2 million ancestors. The world population in 1 AD was about 300 million giving you less than 1% chance of being related to Jesus. (This assumes: Jesus existed, Jesus had one or more kids, and the line didn't simply die off, which is quite likely given the Merovingian legend that the line had to be carefully hidden... and did in fact die off with the Merovingians.) Now for people who purposely spread their seed, the chances go up. Genghis Khan, for example, had kids all across Asia, and it's very likely that a good portion of Asians might be able to trace a lineage back to Genghis.
	Last edited by marksman; 17th May 2006 at 06:52 AM.

17th May 2006, 06:50 AM	#30
Lisa Simpson THE Lisa Simpson Administrator Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: 123 Fake Street Posts: 20,045	Originally Posted by fowlsound Yeah. 'cause the woos really listen to me. (Was I drunk, or mid orgasm when I declared you jesus?) Could have been both for all I know. It makes nice sig material however.
	__________________ That's what the Internet does -- you get a free bonus prize of Stupid Lies with every box of Delicious Facts. - cracked.com Facts are satanic litter on the heavenly highway to blind faith! - Betty Bowers

17th May 2006, 01:02 PM	#31
Beerina Sarcastic Conqueror of Notions Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: A floating island above the clouds Posts: 23,835	Beerina: Alex, I'll take "Complete Asshattery" for 600. Alex Trebec: And the answer is, "99th Descendents" ClickClickCLICKCLICKCLICK Alex: Beerina? Beerina: What is tomfoolery middle-aged woos can grasp at to make themselves feel important, when they realize they're too old to be an Indigo kid?
	__________________ "Great innovations should not be forced [by way of] slender majorities." - Thomas Jefferson The government should nationalize it! Socialized, single-payer video game development and sales *now!* More, cheaper, better games, right? Right? Last edited by Beerina; 17th May 2006 at 01:12 PM.

17th May 2006, 01:48 PM	#32
Dr Adequate Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Waiting Long Enough By The River Posts: 17,897	Originally Posted by bilani The Da Vinci Code movie’s premise that Jesus married Mary Magdalene is correct. How do you know? Quote: We, 21st century descendants from the 1st century marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene... How do you know? Quote: The Archangels, with whom over 100 true descendants are now working with... How do you know? Quote: to create Miracle Waters.. What is the nature of the miracle? Can it be demonstrated? Quote: have explained that “Global Dimming” has so decreased the level of spiritual energy upon planet Earth, that one’s mind has to be awakened and one’s Soul activated before one can realize they are a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. How do these "awakened" people confirm that they are descendants? Is there any geneological evidence showing that what these people have in common is a bloodline rather than a fantasy? Before "global dimming" took place, how did people usually realize that they were descendants of JC and MM? Did any of them evey mention it to anyone?

17th May 2006, 01:56 PM	#33
strathmeyer seriously unable to be serious Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA Posts: 2,382	Originally Posted by bilani Last week, the Archangels of Light recommended that we add a Soul Activation Technique to our on-line DNA test to help us locate other 99th generation descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I'm only a 83rd generatin descendant of Jesus and Mary. Can I still get in?

17th May 2006, 02:01 PM	#34
ChristineR Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,189	bilani works for Columbia pictures.
ChristineR Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,189	__________________ Avatar (c) Neopets.com

17th May 2006, 04:33 PM	#35
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642	No need to go mundanely hunting up relatives. Just put out the word that the "mansion" Christ went to prepare is on the Cote d'Azur, has 15 bedrooms, 7 baths, and comes fully staffed. You'll have descendants crawling out of the cruci--er, out of the woodwork. Aw, hell, same diff.
slingblade Guest Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 23,642