Spiritual Safety Tip for Kids

[Upchurch]

Spiritual Safety Tip for Kids

Quote:

Spiritual Safety Tip
What should you do if you find an atheist?

[Humorous graphic]

Atheists such as crotchety old Mr. Gruff think they've got it all figured out...

...but then why are they always so sad?

If you find an atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.

I don't know whether to be shocked or LOL. I think this is why billiefan2000 thinks all atheists are sad, because Mr. Gruff is...

Also, make sure to avoid talking to atheists. They might cause you to think!

There are some other gems on the page, but this one stood out.

[Nyarlathotep]

The whole thing is so silly I have to wonder if it's a parody. If it isn't a parody I think I understand why so many fundies seem so willfully ignorant, it's because they are trained from childhood to be that way.

I especially liked the "Ask Professor Girrafenstein" part wher it claims that dinosaurs are still around . That, more than anything else, shows what kind of minds we are dealing with

[hgc]

Quote:

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
The whole thing is so silly I have to wonder if it's a parody. If it isn't a parody I think I understand why so many fundies seem so willfully ignorant, it's because they are trained from childhood to be that way.

I especially liked the "Ask Professor Girrafenstein" part wher it claims that dinosaurs are stilla round . That, more than anything else, shows what kind of minds we are dealing with

I think it's very sad that dinosaurs are not around any more, don't you? Hence the source of confusion: there is a correlation between atheism and sadness, connected to knowing the reality about dinosaur extinctiveness, which the fundies have confused for a causal relationship.

[Barkhorn1x]

Quote:

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
The whole thing is so silly I have to wonder if it's a parody.

The site is a parody - thank god!(ha, good one on me )

But the scary thing is that sometimes it's really hard to tell.

Who the hell said that the internet would open up a whole new world of knowledge?? Looks like the reality is unlimited woo woo sites and porn.

Barkhorn.

[Nyarlathotep]

Quote:

Originally posted by hgc

I think it's very sad that dinosaurs are not around any more, don't you? Hence the source of confusion: there is a correlation between atheism and sadness, connected to knowing the reality about dinosaur extinctiveness, which the fundies have confused for a causal relationship.

Though I would love to be able to see a real live dinosaur, what really makes me sad is that somewhere ther is a child reading tripe like like that and beleiving it. It makes me even more sad that this child might grow into an adult who STILL believes in such swill and tries to force schools to teach it.

If I am, as an atheist, sad, this is why.

[Upchurch]

Quote:

Originally posted by Barkhorn1x


The site is a parody - thank god!(ha, good one on me )

And me. The 4Kids section was a little too far over the top. Made me start to wonder, but I didn't press it enough.

Still, really good for a laugh.

[hgc]

All of the jesussave.us domain is parody. Don't be fooled again.

[Fade]

QUICK CHILDREN, HELP LAMBUEL AVOID THE SIN OF ICE CREAM!

[zakur]

"Any sufficiently advanced parody is indistinguishable from a genuine kook."
-- Alan Morgan (talk.origins)

[Nyarlathotep]

Quote:

Originally posted by hgc
All of the jesussave.us domain is parody. Don't be fooled again.

It may well be parody, but the fact that I have heard so many fundies make such ridiculous claims that it is hard to tell parody from reality says something in itself.

As the cliche goes "It's funny because it's true"

[hgc]

Quote:

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
It may well be parody, but the fact that I have heard so many fundies make such ridiculous claims that it is hard to tell parody from reality says something in itself.

As the cliche goes "It's funny because it's true"

I wonder if Bartlett's has started including Homer Simpson. I'll investigate.

Yes indeed, some beliefs are practically parody-proof. That makes this stuff extra good. It really is funny as parody, and it's also close enough to real to make you wonder.

[Dancing David]

And when summoning Satan kids be sure to have a sacraficial virgin on hand, the devil wants souls, be prepered.

[Skeptical Greg]

I really enjoyed:

Quote:

Cult Alert:
(March 28, 2003) Dr. Troy Franklin, OBJECTIVE occult expert, has brought to our attention a disturbing new danger to weak-spirited Christians and unsaved persons that we feel needs to be reported.

As he tells it, while out at a local supermarket shopping for food for his cat, Dr. Franklin noticed one of those small tents advertising "Free Rock Chip Repair" that have been springing up in our nation's parking lots. Curious, he went to enquire about getting a ding in his windshield sealed, only to learn that the person manning the tent had other intentions, namely to try and recruit Dr. Franklin into a cult!

Fortunately, the good doctor has become quite immune to cultic recruiting ploys from his years studying their tactics, and thus he was able to extricate himself from the situation with his soul unharmed. However, those less skilled in their Faith -- and especially those of false faiths or no faith at all -- would have soon found themselves back at the cult headquarters doing all manner of unspeakable rites and blasphemies... or maybe even brainwashed into manning a tent of their own.

For the safety of your soul, do not be tempted by the lure of impulse rock chip repair from strangers in parking lots. It may say free, but it could cost you your soul! If you need your windshield fixed, go to a qualified Christian repair shop.

[Darwin]

It´s unbelievable.

Obviously it is a site of parody,one where those strict in fanciful ideas might actually be better directed to,considering that this site ridicules them with their own tools (of course you cannot always tell the difference)

The creationist section is quite amusing.
I did not know dinosaurs were herbivorous,I have not heard this being claimed yet (in reality,most were but...) but this would explain "the fact" that they lived a few thousand years ago,in peace with man...

[Tricky]

Are you sure it's a parody?

This is word-for-word exactly the same as Billiefan2000

Quote:

...but then why are they always so sad?

[triadboy]

It totally freaked me out. I'm naked and shivering on my bathroom floor. Pray for me.

[Trish]

Landover Baptist is definately a parody site. Been around for a while. Good for a laugh. Unfortunately, the woo woo's believe it's a real site. So much for Billiefan2000's assumtions that atheists are sad.

[thaiboxerken]

It's a parody, yet so consistent with christianity.

[UnrepentantSinner]

This is the third thread this parody has generated and there's still questions about whether it's an an over the top satire or not?

I thought we were skeptics here?

Oh wait, I forgot the cardinal rule regarding the Christers - if it's over the top, it must be sincere (see billiefan quintessential Christian).

[thaiboxerken]

http://objective.jesussave.us/shutdown.html

Now I'm confused, is the objective.jesussave site a parody or not?

It's nonsense either way, whether they are sincere about it or not.

[triadboy]

Quote:

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner
This is the third thread this parody has generated and there's still questions about whether it's an an over the top satire or not?

I thought we were skeptics here?

Oh wait, I forgot the cardinal rule regarding the Christers - if it's over the top, it must be sincere (see billiefan quintessential Christian).

That's the thing! It's so dead on with Xianity, but funny in a great way if it's parody; and a sad way if it's real.

I'm confused

[UnrepentantSinner]

Quote:

Originally posted by triadboy


That's the thing! It's so dead on with Xianity, but funny in a great way if it's parody; and a sad way if it's real.

I'm confused

No it's a dead on of some of the nutters in that religion that some of us like to fallaciously associate with every member of that religion. It's illogical and I don't like it just like I don't like other stereotypes about Hindus, Muslims, Jews or Pagans (well maybe the Pagans, but I have my reasons for that )

Now I'm not saying it's not a dead on parody of some of the real kooks out there like Kent Hovind, Bob Larson, Jack Chick, etc. I'm just saying that a lot us seem to be tossing our skepticism aside when we see something nutty and Christian.

"Oh look, it's nutty and Christian, it must be sincere!."

Ken it's obvious why this site wants to shut down Landover... to generate more traffic on it's site!

[thaiboxerken]

I'm just saying that a lot us seem to be tossing our skepticism aside when we see something nutty and Christian.

So, do you think the following website is a parody as well? It's just as silly:

http://www.billygraham.org/

[UnrepentantSinner]

Quote:

Originally posted by thaiboxerken
So, do you think the following website is a parody as well? It's just as silly:

http://www.billygraham.org/

You're $h!tt!ng me right?

Post Benny Hinn, 700 Club, John Hagee - Fat Televangelist or one of the ones I mentioned above and you're on to something. Billy Graham might have a simplistic wordview because of his faith, but his organization isn't tossing out the nutty crap that the nutter sites are.

[thaiboxerken]

Billy Graham might have a simplistic wordview because of his faith, but his organization isn't tossing out the nutty crap that the nutter sites are.

Yes, they are.

The Landover Baptist site is obviously a parody. The objective christian site, however, is not nearly as nutty and is very similar to Billy Graham's site.

[Yahweh]

Quote:

Originally posted by Upchurch
Spiritual Safety Tip for Kids

I don't know whether to be shocked or LOL. I think this is why billiefan2000 thinks all atheists are sad, because Mr. Gruff is...

Also, make sure to avoid talking to atheists. They might cause you to think!

There are some other gems on the page, but this one stood out.

(Try to imagine a child saying this... its not that hard)

Damn atheists. With their [mockingly]facts[/mockingly] and all of their [mocking]science[/mocking]. Ooh, lookee me. I'm an atheist and I dont believe in god because I cant see him and there is no way... to... prove he exists... damn.

[UnrepentantSinner]

Quote:

Originally posted by thaiboxerken
Yes, they are.

The Landover Baptist site is obviously a parody. The objective christian site, however, is not nearly as nutty and is very similar to Billy Graham's site.

I'm sorry, but I'm speechless...

[thaiboxerken]

"How many gods do you have?

Wouldn't you rather have just one God who loves you a bunch than a bunch of gods that don't love you at all?

Jesus loves everybody, even the unsaved like Habu! Remember to pray for Habu and others like him that they may find Jesus and accept Him into their hearts!" (about India)

"This is India: A billion people, more than 4,000 people groups. Seventeen major languages, hundreds of dialects. Just about every imaginable religion, relatively few Christians. How could anyone ever reach such a vast and diverse nation with the love of Jesus Christ? Human efforts may fail, but the Bible tells us that love never fails."


Ok, so, tell me how the objective christian site differs from Billy Graham's site again.

[Tony]

Quote:

Originally posted by Upchurch
Spiritual Safety Tip for Kids

I don't know whether to be shocked or LOL. I think this is why billiefan2000 thinks all atheists are sad, because Mr. Gruff is...

Also, make sure to avoid talking to atheists. They might cause you to think!

There are some other gems on the page, but this one stood out.

At least they have cool graphics.

[Tony]

Quote:

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner


I'm sorry, but I'm speechless...

I agree, anyone who thinks Billy Grahm is a religious kook (on the scale of the 700 club ect..) is obviously a bigot.

[Fade]

How do you know it's a parody?

I, personally, don't know. Then again, I didn't read through the site for the tell tale clues.

[Barkhorn1x]

Oh come on - it's a parody;

a. From the science fair page;
(http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html)

Quote:

"2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences shows that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker."

Funny yes, but it cannot be serious.

b. The Landover Baptist Shutdown page;
(http://objective.jesussave.us/shutdown.html)
This is a parody of a parody if you get my drift.
- It brings attention to another parody site by commenting on the Christian fundy penchant for trying to censor what they disagree w/. The really funny part is that their description of the LB site applies equally to them - oh the irony!

Quote:

"Their modus operandi is simple: post articles that take good Christian values and twist them - beyond recognition - such that they look arrogant, hateful, or just idiotic. To this they add a continuous mockery of The Lord and Salvation, such as portraying Jesus Christ as the captain of a decadent cruise ship or offering a free cellphone as a reward for those who become saved - demeaning the value of Salvation to that of some material trinket!

Barkhorn.

[Fade]

Quote:

Originally posted by Barkhorn1x
Oh come on - it's a parody;

a. From the science fair page;
(http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html)

Funny yes, but it cannot be serious.

b. The Landover Baptist Shutdown page;
(http://objective.jesussave.us/shutdown.html)
This is a parody of a parody if you get my drift.
- It brings attention to another parody site by commenting on the Christian fundy penchant for trying to censor what they disagree w/. The really funny part is that their description of the LB site applies equally to them - oh the irony!


Barkhorn.

I am not sure that constitutes actual evidence. I spent an hour reading various parts of the site, and I don't see any truly over the top things anywhere. There are pages and pages of links to christo-propoganda.

Also r <-- what

[triadboy]

[quote]Originally posted by Fade
I am not sure that constitutes actual evidence. I spent an hour reading various parts of the site, and I don't see any truly over the top things anywhere. There are pages and pages of links to christo-propoganda.

Who you get to sponser you says a lot about the content.

The page I looked at was sponsered by "MIMEistry Inc. Reaching the unsaved through the power of Mime."

That's a joke right? Right?

[triadboy]

[quote]Originally posted by triadboy

Quote:

Originally posted by Fade
I am not sure that constitutes actual evidence. I spent an hour reading various parts of the site, and I don't see any truly over the top things anywhere. There are pages and pages of links to christo-propoganda.

Who you get to sponser you says a lot about the content.

The page I looked at was sponsered by "MIMEistry Inc. Reaching the unsaved through the power of Mime."

That's a joke right? Right?

I checked further and here are the results:

HOLY SH*T - it is real!! I actually think this is real! THAT is scary.

[Yahzi]

It has to be a parody, right? Look at what I got from the "Game Theory" page:

Quote:

"Diamond" Jack Holgroth is a Game Theoretician formerly of the Department of Defense and currently teaching at Fellowship University. He is also a member of the National Association of Christian Game Theoreticians.

Come on... there can't be such a bizarre organization!

Here is his take on the Prisoner's Dilemma:

Quote:

Take for instance the Prisoner's Dilemma game as illustrated above. According to the payoff matrix for this game, the best policy for minimizing loses is to testify against the other criminal. Since both criminals will realize this, the natural outcome is for both criminals to testify, thereby resulting in them both being punished for breaking the law. This outcome is in agreement with traditional Christian morality which teaches that we should not commit crimes and that we should tell the truth.

This can't be serious! Nor can his absurd treatment of Pascal's Wager, or the conclusion:

Quote:

Once the Atheist accepts the winning strategy of Belief, he will then be open to standard forms of apologetics and will be able to finally see the proof of the Lord that is all around us

The only reference Google returned to the NACGT was:

Quote:

http://mail-index.netbsd.org/netbsd-...4/23/0005.html
I'd say its pretty clear that the page was an intricate spoof which
someone put together to take advantage of the fact that the hosting company apparently offers free hosting for religious content. Judging by the fact that almost all of the articles were devoted to bashing another parody religious site, I'd guess therein lies the link...

For example, I'm guessing (just guessing, mind you) that there is no `National Association of Christian Game Theoreticians', nor do the other organizations mentioned on the page show up in google.

At any rate, the page has since gone 404...

Jim Wise
jwise@draga.com

Should we tell poor Jim that it's back?

I think we can conclude it is a forgery. At least, I hope we can...

[Fade]

Quote:

Should we tell poor Jim that it's back?

I think we can conclude it is a forgery. At least, I hope we can...

If it is a clever religious parody site, kudos. It's hilariously awful in a lot of places, but still well within the bounds of things I have seen on other real sites.

This does seem to contain quite a bit of them all in one place, though. But, never, ever forget about www.drdino.com

[UnrepentantSinner]

Let's look at the evidence from Objective Landover Shutdown Bio page.
http://objective.jesussave.us/members.html


There is no Mt. Fellowship Baptist Church in a Marian County:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...owship+baptist

There is no Fellowship University.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...hip+university

On the Zounds! (Sounds) page, there is no link to purchase the albums, there is no mention of an addresses or contact numbers for appearances. http://objective.jesussave.us/zounds.html

There is no evidence on the web for the existence of Zounds YRM supposed first album.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ounds+miracles

There is no Fisherman’s Quandary in Game Theory.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ry+game+theory

There was no Baptist organized boycott against Piggly Wiggly.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...Wiggly+baptist

There is no League of Women Boycotters.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...men+Boycotters

There is no ecumenical Catholic Outreach Baptist Ministries.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...st+Ministries+

There was no boycott that removed cursing Sesame Street Dolls from stores nationwide.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ed+stores+1998

I could go on.

[thaiboxerken]

Are you guys a bunch of friggin' idiots or are you so blinded by your hatred of these Straw Christians you think exist that you actually have tossed your skepticism out the window about Objective Ministries? I'm seriously inclined to think the latter, but I keep seeing posts that say you've "done more digging and now you know it's real," which makes me want to conclude the former.

I think more people did digging and concluded that it is a parody site than not. Who are "you guys"? Did you just make up these people, because when I read through the thread, I see an honest discussion on the authenticitiy of the site. Because of the discussion, I can now conclude that it is a subtle parody.

What are you, some kind of Christian lover?

Although the site is a parody, it really didn't do too much exaggeration upon the christian themes. It did take some digging to figure out that it is a parody. The first URL posted of the site, however, looked like any other christian page geared towards children.

You know, the sad thing about the parody is that... it's oh so true.

[triadboy]

Quote:

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner
Are you guys a bunch of friggin' idiots or are you so blinded by your hatred of these Straw Christians you think exist that you actually have tossed your skepticism out the window about Objective Ministries? I'm seriously inclined to think the latter, but I keep seeing posts that say you've "done more digging and now you know it's real," which makes me want to conclude the former.

Let's look at the evidence from Objective Landover Shutdown Bio page.
http://objective.jesussave.us/members.html


There is no Mt. Fellowship Baptist Church in a Marian County:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...owship+baptist

There is no Fellowship University.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...hip+university

On the Zounds! (Sounds) page, there is no link to purchase the albums, there is no mention of an addresses or contact numbers for appearances. http://objective.jesussave.us/zounds.html

There is no evidence on the web for the existence of Zounds YRM supposed first album.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ounds+miracles

There is no Fisherman’s Quandary in Game Theory.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ry+game+theory

There was no Baptist organized boycott against Piggly Wiggly.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...Wiggly+baptist

There is no League of Women Boycotters.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...men+Boycotters

There is no ecumenical Catholic Outreach Baptist Ministries.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...st+Ministries+

There was no boycott that removed cursing Sesame Street Dolls from stores nationwide.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&l...ed+stores+1998

I could go on.

I'm the friggin idiot you speak of. I apologize - I actually thought it was real. It IS very close to real you must agree. It is not MUCH of a parody.

Well at least you made my day by doing a Google search for "piggly wiggly Baptist"