| JREF Homepage | Swift Blog | Events Calendar | $1 Million Paranormal Challenge | The Amaz!ng Meeting | Useful Links | Support Us |
![]() |
|
|
|
|||||||
| Notices |
| Welcome to the JREF Forum, where we discuss skepticism, critical thinking, the paranormal and science in a friendly but lively way. You are currently viewing the forum as a guest, which means you are missing out on discussing matters that are of interest to you. Please consider registering so you can gain full use of the forum features and interact with other Members. Registration is simple, fast and free! Click here to register today. |
|
|
#121 |
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Quote:
And, no, we are not arguring about free will. What I really want to do is point put the syllogism as a whole is flawed. And when did you get the idea I am a atheist? Because I point out when you are incorrect? For the record, I am agnostic. I don't know whether there is a god or not. I haven't found good evidence for one. And, franko, in my opinion, the "jury is still out on god." I do believe that's agnosticism. Where is your evidence for the existence of your "Logical Goddess?" I want to see it. You've never provided it, yet not only do you believe a god exists, you have given the god a name. Heck, you've even given your "god" a gender. So, you believe in something without giving evidence. So, until you can give out this bit of wisdom, you are no skeptic. |
|
|
|
|
#122 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 497
|
---
quote: I think that if I were to respond to your questions here the debate would turn into one regarding materialism and non-materilist positions. If you'll forgive me I'd rather avoid that as it has been extensively discussed before. --- Ok; -- quote: Specifically what I'm interested in is if we assume materialism, or indeed any materialist position to be incorrect (notwithstanding the merits or otherwise of that position), why is it still meaningless for libertarian free will to exist? If my understanding is correct people such as Win, Victor Danilchenko and Stimpy Cat all deny the intelligibility of libertarian free will no matter what metaphysical position we assume to be correct --- I am in that position too. Or very near. I have read several texts about idealism, dualism, and even the mental monism suggested by Hammegk. All of them work with causation to establish relations between his parts. IMO, they try to avoid explaining how free will works putting it on the center of their scheme. Still, free will is a visible complex phenomena, not a simple one like, for example, movement. It must be a complex system, or it must be a really lucky random chain. ![]() No matter you put free will inside or outside a physical model, you still have a complex thing to explain. UCE sugested to me that it could a very simple source, without capabilities of reckoning, or memory. But then, what is the difference with a random source? --- quote: Maybe there's some confusion over the phrase "libertarian free will"? To clarify, I am not denying that the self partially determines ones actions (only partially because of human limitations and state of ones brain). And of course ones mood, purposes, previous experiences will influence ones actions. And indeed if one knew absolutely everything about a person at a given specific point in time, and knew absolutely everything about his environment, then one could predict his behaviour with complete confidence. So yes, my behaviour is determined by what I am . What I am denying is that ones actions are completely determined by factors external to oneself. Since I clearly have free will (in the broadest sense) since I can decide to scratch my nose right now or whatever, it seems that those who propose libertarian free will is meaningless must assert that what we intrinsically are is determined by factors external to oneself. --- Let's see you, say: 1.- If one knew absolutely everything about a person at a given specific point in time, and knew absolutely everything about his environment, then one could predict his behaviour with complete confidence. 2.- My behaviour is determined by what I am. With these two, you are saying that free will coul be deterministic, aren't you? Maybe outside the physical mode, but still deterministic, not? 3.- Those who propose libertarian free will is meaningless must assert that what we intrinsically are is determined by factors external to oneself. I think I get it. The key word here is "determined by external". But in you view, a simple computer has free will, because the source of his behaviour is internal, not determined for external factors. After all, I can program a computer to make all kind of decissions without external output...A computer can choose to "scratch his nose" by itself. In both cases, human and computer, you could say that internal factors made the decission. --- quote: So if materialism is false what could these factors possibly be?? --- At risk of sounding thick, the few ones I can think are: telepathy, premonitory dreams, ghost visions... But I am very suspicious about all of them
|
|
|
|
|
#123 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 448
|
Hey, Franko, your straw men are cheating at poker! I've lost several hundred imaginary dollars already!
|
|
__________________
Too many DVDs || "Introducing some stunning occurrence or the total impact of something completely strange and unheard of in the hope of evoking meaningless exclamations of wonder is a vulgarity which is incompatible with art created for the people" - Kim Jong-il |
|
|
|
|
|
#124 |
|
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Oxford, UK
Posts: 1,833
|
Ian,
Quote:
I am certainly directly experiencing things. I have a choice. (1) I can invent an intuitively motivated concept of "phenomenal consciousness", which I can't formally define, and which is therefore incoherent. I can then assert that phenomenal consciousness is what I directly experience, which is completely meaningless. or (2) I can define "phenomenal consciousness" to be my direct experiences, and then go about trying to determine what the actual characteristics of it are, and what its logical relationship to the rest of the World is. I pick number (2).
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
So far, you have only stated what free-will and random don't mean. You must explain what they do mean, and what the difference between them are, otherwise your entire argument is meaningless.
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
As for your previous question:
Quote:
Quote:
Dr. Stupid |
|
__________________
A poke in the eye makes Baby Jesus cry. |
|
|
|
|
|
#125 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
justsaygnosis,
Quote:
You don’t have “free will”. Determinism is the rule, and your actions are governed by Fate/Destiny. Comprehend how reality really operates and you will find that reality is easier to navigate in a successful manner.
Quote:
(I like Agnostics – for the most part they are all Skeptics.)
Quote:
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#126 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
SpaceCadet:
Quote:
Major Premise: Atoms obey TLOP (TLOP = The Laws of Physics) Minor Premise: You are made of Atoms. Conclusion: YOU OBEY TLOP! Now you are conceding that the two premises are valid, and instead you are claiming that because of the logical error of The Fallacy of Composition that the Conclusion (YOU OBEY TLOP) is flawed – it is FALSE. Okay, so this should be very simple for you to demonstrate. Because YOU OBEY TLOP is a binary mutually exclusive option. In order to prove it FALSE, all you have to do is prove that the opposite is more True – all you have to do is NOT OBEY TLOP! So let us see your demonstration. If you are claiming that YOU DO NOT OBEY TLOP, then simply demonstrate YOU NOT OBEYING TLOP and I will concede that I am wrong and you really do have magic “free will” powers. (then Randi will give you $1,000,000.00)
Quote:
Quote:
![]() I have nothing against Agnostics though. In my experience Agnostics are generally Pragmatic and Skeptical; two highly desirable qualities in a Graviton. Alright … good karma for you Spacelord Again, my apology.
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#127 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
I still can’t see the invisible flaw that Whitehead, Stimpy, Trixy, and Da’ Fool (A-Theists one and all) perceive. The Emperor Still looks butt naked to me … Here is the deal, your mind is made of atoms – chemicals. Now the behavior of Atoms/Chemicals is totally, completely and utterly controlled by an objective set of rules – the four fundamental forces of physics. Unless you are claiming that YOUR MIND is the source of those rules (those LAWS) then YOU are not controlling your behavior – those rules are. It is like you said with your baseball example, just because you don’t know what the rules of the game are doesn’t mean that the game doesn’t have any rules. Obviously the game (reality) has rules and obviously those rules are inviolate. Now whatever made up the rules of the game is controlling the atoms that make up your brain, and therefore whatever made up those rules (whatever created TLOP) is controlling YOU. All that remains to determine is whether “the thing” that created the rules (the source of TLOP) is conscious, or non-conscious. If it is non-conscious, then you are controlled by a non-conscious force, and therefore you are also non-conscious; however, if the source of TLOP is conscious, then a Superior entity is controlling your actions, and your claim that there is no god is absurd. By the way the issue of randomness is absurd in this context. Aside from the fact that random action is no more “free will” than determined action is, your actions cannot be “random”. To claim that your actions are random is the same as claiming that the present is not based on the past, and if that is True, then how come your name is still Soubrette? |
|
|
|
|
#128 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
Quote:
But to us, the odds are still 50/50... right up until you open your hands, and show us our fate. Clearly, if fate is so complex as to be impossible to understand from a mortal viewpoint then it is indistinguishable from freedom. Our bodies are predestined, but not our minds. Our choices are still ours to make, and no higher power can take that from us. It is easy to see things after they have happened, and say it was fate. If we cannot predict, then it is as good as random. That is all that matters. |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#129 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Akots,
Prior to the other day … had we talked before Akots?
Quote:
Quote:
Beyond what is Logically contradictory, what exactly is “impossible”? Are you claiming that Determinism is somehow logically inconsistent or contradictory? I think you have it backwards.
Quote:
It is all “matter” – isn’t it? You are just an arrangement of Atoms and nothing more?
Quote:
How do you label yourself Akots? 1) Theist/Deist (God Exist = True) GOD EXISTS. 2) A-Theist (God Exist = False) GOD DOES NOT EXIST. 3) Agnostic (God Exist = Unknown) NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION. |
|
|
|
|
#130 |
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
franko:
So, if I believe determinism is real, and we do not have free will, I cannot be an atheist? Many Christians, albiet the least "thinking," believe in free will. Why can't we believe in determinism and atheism? Since Quantum Mechanics hinges on probability, do you believe it is wrong? Is there an "Evil Genius" tampering with the results? QM does appear to explain quite a few things rather well. |
|
|
|
|
#131 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
But it’s a moot point what Christians believe. We are talking about True reality, not Christianity.
Quote:
In other words, if TLOP is non-conscious, then essentially you are saying that TLOP is just a machine. But by the same token you would also be just a machine, a simpler less complex machine controlled by (subordinate to) Superior TLOP.
Quote:
Think about this, if I ask you to randomly draw a card from a deck, what is the odds you draw a “red” card? How do you know that the answer is 50% .... ? It’s because you know (intuitively determined) that all the cards are either “red’ or “black”. One hundred percent divided by 2 equals 50%, but if you had no idea what colors the cards could be you’d have no probability.
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#132 |
|
The Philosophy Spice Girl
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 671
|
Frank
Would you agree that the terms used in your jingle are imprecise? That The Laws of Physics to which you are referring to is open to interpretation. That the term obey is used conventionally with regard to other autonomous life forms That people are made of more than atoms (see Tricky's post on exactly what) I like your apology - a person acts in a certain way which you interpret as atheism and are rude to them for - you were wrong so you apologise. Yet the behaviour itself remains the same. So is it true to you that someone merely being an atheist is enough to justify rudeness to them - unless they own a pair of breasts of course ?Sou |
|
|
|
|
#133 |
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#134 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
Quote:
Quote:
A correct guess means 100% correct for that trial. Incorrect, means 0% for that trial. But until that happens, and the truth is revealed, the odds are still 50%... it doesn't matter that YOU know which hand holds the penny, because you do not know which choice I will make. It's easy enough to infect the pure randomness, though... if you pick the left hand every time, then I will tend to lean that way.
Quote:
![]()
Quote:
). But it is relatively impossible for me to entre into orbit by bouncing on a pogo-stick. If every human being bounced on a pogo-stick once a day for a thousand years, not a single one would entre into orbit purely by means of the pogo-stickPerhaps someday, reality will change, and we will gain the ability to fly through such a simplistic device... but until then, it is relatively impossible. It is not completely impossible, because I cannot say with any certainty that it will forever remain impossible. However, for the purposes of argument, when i say "impossible" I refer to things that will never be possible. Conditions that our species will never be able to achieve. I can offer no theoretical examples of such a thing, and so I offer only conjecture. When i state this arguement, i do not say such an impossability exists... i simply refer to "that which cannot be possible."
Quote:
The question of immortality will be answered when we confirm if the soul is a propertyof the body, or instead the body is a property of the soul.
Quote:
I am nothing more than atoms... but oh! how gloriously and miraculously they arrange themselves. Surely, atomic physicists are the great philosophers of the earth...
Quote:
![]()
Quote:
Interestingly, it is their labels of myself that convinces me of their actual existance as more than figments of my imaginations. I believe you have already labeled me A-Theist. So it is. |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#135 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Soubrette,
Okay … Here’s my syllogism: Major Premise: Atoms obey TLOP (TLOP = The Laws of Physics) Minor Premise: You are made of Atoms. Conclusion: YOU OBEY TLOP! Now you are conceding that the two premises are valid, and instead you are claiming that because of the logical error of The Fallacy of Composition that the Conclusion (YOU OBEY TLOP) is flawed – it is FALSE. Okay, so this should be very simple for you to demonstrate. Because YOU OBEY TLOP is a binary mutually exclusive option. In order to prove it FALSE, all you have to do is prove that the opposite is more True – all you have to do is NOT OBEY TLOP! So let us see your demonstration. If you are claiming that YOU DO NOT OBEY TLOP, then simply demonstrate YOU NOT OBEYING TLOP and I will concede that I am wrong and you really do have magic “free will” powers. (then Randi will give you $1,000,000.00)
Quote:
What other option(s) are you and the A-Theists claiming is (are) missing?
Quote:
It is like you said with your baseball example, just because you don’t know what the rules of the game are doesn’t mean that the game doesn’t have any rules. Obviously the game (reality) has rules and obviously those rules are inviolate. Now whatever made up the rules of the game is controlling the atoms that make up your brain, and therefore whatever made up those rules (whatever created TLOP) is controlling YOU. All that remains to determine is whether “the thing” that created the rules (the source of TLOP) is conscious, or non-conscious.
Quote:
How about the Moon Brette? Does the Moon obey the Laws of Physics? What is making the Moon orbit the Earth … “free will”??? Does that make more sense to you Brette?
Quote:
You are nothing more than the sum of your parts A-Theist. It’s not like you have a Soul … is it? As for “Tricky”, all I hear from him is absurd dogma that I have refuted 100 times already. If you comprehend what Trixy claimed, then why don’t you explain it to me?
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#136 |
|
The Philosophy Spice Girl
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 671
|
No I'm saying the terms of the jingle are imprecise Frank - that's the only issue I wish to thrash out with you at this moment on this thread. Do you not agree that they are colloquial terms used to make your point?
To clarify - I have no problem with the premises or the conclusion but I am aware I give a liberal interpretation to the jingle compared to other people. Sou |
|
|
|
|
#137 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
Quote:
Now as to the baseball analogy: Do you concede that it is possible to know all the rules of baseball and to play a baseball game without violating a single rule, yet still not know the outcome of the game? And thank you for the compliment. |
|
|
|
|
#138 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Brette,
Quote:
All that really matters is the conclusion anyway: YOU OBEY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS! Are you claiming that you do not ALWAYS obey the Laws of physics Brette??? When don’t you obey the laws of physics? What is your EVIDENCE that You occasionally (or always?) disobey the laws of Physics? Do you have any evidence? If not, then what happen to your Skepticism? I thought you understood The Fallacy of Composition??? I thought you were gonna explain it to me in your own words? I still don’t see the invisible flaw whereby BOTH premises and the conclusion are correct, but one claims that the syllogism is Still flawed regardless. That sounds more like dogmatism then skepticism! Don’t tell me that you can’t explain it Enchantress? I’ll be real disappointed if you have fallen under Whitefork and the Trickster’s spell so easily …
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#139 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
YOU OBEY TLOP? |
|
|
|
|
#140 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
Franko:
Humans Define RLOP Atoms Disobey RLOP Humans Redefine RLOP it is so. RLOP <> TLOP |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#141 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
However, you have never shown any evidence that the laws of physics prohibit free will. You have never shown any evidence that the universe is deterministic. Can I assume that you are now accepting that your syllogism is not valid, even if your conclusion is? Do you concede that even if a baseball game does not violate a single rule, that the outcome is uncertain? |
|
|
|
|
#142 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
So what are you claiming now Akots ... that the Laws of Physics don't exist?
Yeah ... very "scientific". ![]() Listen my little friend, if your religion requires you to deny the existence of the Laws of Physics, then it is time you seriously considered a new religion. ... next I suppose you will be telling me that TOAST is more complex than a HUMAN BEING?!?!!! |
|
|
|
|
#143 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#144 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
Can you answer my question? It's a binary response, your favorite kind. Do you concede that even if a baseball game does not violate a single rule of baseball, that the outcome is uncertain? |
|
|
|
|
#145 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
Quote:
This is RLOP... Relative Laws of Physics. If you refer to the actual, literal underlying reality upon which our subjective science is based, then you instead refer to the nature of the universe. And that, my friend, is subject to many, many things more than TLOP. |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#146 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 448
|
Quote:
|
|
__________________
Too many DVDs || "Introducing some stunning occurrence or the total impact of something completely strange and unheard of in the hope of evoking meaningless exclamations of wonder is a vulgarity which is incompatible with art created for the people" - Kim Jong-il |
|
|
|
|
|
#147 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
Certainly not a bookmaker's, or a professional gambler's, or God's. Say I put the Orioles up against a little league team made up of 12 and 13 year old kids? Like you said, no rules of baseball will be broken -- who would you predict gets the win? |
|
|
|
|
#148 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
Or you could produce God. That would convince me. |
|
|
|
|
#149 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
If you want to believe that the Earth was actually flat and motionless when people use to believe it was flat and motionless you go right ahead. By the same token if you want to pretend that an incomplete understanding of TLOP means that you don’t actually OBEY TLOP then keep believing it. I love people who believe it, they are practically begging me to take complete and total advantage of them.
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#150 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
Have you ever read a newspaper Trixy? Have you ever seen the point spread? Do a little empirical investigation and see how often the predictions for who wins are wrong.
Quote:
It is difficult for me to convince you that “God” exists when you have already convinced yourself that YOU are “god”. |
|
|
|
|
#151 |
|
The Philosophy Spice Girl
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 671
|
Quote:
![]() I think most people on this thread would agree with that also ![]() The few that wouldn't - well I hope they're maybe rethinking their belief systems now ![]() Sou |
|
|
|
|
#152 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
I am simply saying that if "TLOP" is how things really are... and RLOP is our imperfect interpretation of how things are.
If i know TLOP, The ni can tell you how every atom in the universe will move... but if I know RLOP, then I can tell you what MOST atoms would do, under certain situations. Can we agree on this? it is vital to me. |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#153 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Akots,
Quote:
It doesn’t matter that we don’t know precisely what TLOP is (as opposed to RLOP). All that matters is that we know TLOP does exist in perfect form, even if we do not precisely understand that perfect form in the present.
Quote:
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#154 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#155 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
I notice you skipped this one ... was that on purpose?
Quote:
It is difficult for me to convince you that “God” exists when you have already convinced yourself that YOU are “god”. |
|
|
|
|
#156 |
|
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 494
|
Quote:
If a concious being cannot distinguish the difference between a FATED action and a CHOSEN a ction, then CONCIOUSNESS states there is no difference. They may not be the same, but they are EFFECTIVELY the same. As long as our knowledge of a given situation is imperfect, then we cannot say with 100% certainty that we had no choice at all. If w elater discover that no, we really didn't have any choice, it doesn't negate the fact that we MADE that choice in the past. It simply means the choice was irellevant. If we learn enough, we discover that ALL our decisions were irellevant. But there are limits to human knowledge, Franko... thsi is where my previous defenition of Impossible comes into play. If there are things we CAN NOT KNOW under ANY circumstances, no matter HOW far the human race advances, then our knowledge of the universe is fundamentaly imperfect. The very knowledge human entities cannot comprehend serve as god's dice. Perhaps if we COULD learn to predict the universe, we would be fated. But since some of it is off-limits to our conciousness, and always will be, there will laways be something to seed the random number generator. There will be a blindspot we cannot see. Under those conditions, given the limitations of our conciousness, we cannot predict the universe, except in tiny, flickering fistfuls at a time. |
|
__________________
I can't drink POSSIBLE beers! I need ACTUAL beers! Damn you, quantum mechanics! |
|
|
|
|
|
#157 |
|
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,406
|
Franko,
Quote:
Quote:
Perhaps you can see the invisible flaw in this ? :
Quote:
|
|
__________________
(Red Dwarf Newsreader): Good evening. Here is the news on Friday the 27th of Geldof. Archeologists near mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read 'To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental'. . |
|
|
|
|
|
#158 |
|
Briefly immortal
Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The Group W bench
Posts: 42,373
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
#159 |
|
Master Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,338
|
Quote:
If you can't DISOBEY TLOP then you don't have any "free will". But don't let that interfer with your fantasy play hour Loki. For all I care you can go on believing Santa Claus brings presents at Christmas and that the Earth is Flat. Either put up or shut up Religious Fanatic. BTW -- some Saudis are terrorists, In fact, most of the guys who hijacked the 9/11 planes were Saudi citizens, so your example isn't exactly making your point. |
|
|
|
|
#160 |
|
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,406
|
CNNNN : Dateline, February 12, 2003
In news just to hand, leading academics thoughout the world are alarmed by the spread of the world's first "logical virus". Known as the "Invisible Flaw", the virus has begun attacking syllogisms thoughout the world. Believed to have originated somewhere near Baltimore, the virus works by injecting a subtle and almost undetectable flaw into the logic of otherwise perfectly valid syllogisms. The virus was first discovered by Ms Soubrette Kindamaterialist of Bristol, England, while surfing the Web. "It just sort of struck me as odd" she said, "the syllogism looks okay, and the premises and conclusion seem true, yet somehow I'm not sure..." Logicians have expressed fears that, if left untrreated, the virus could lead to the complete collapse of logic with months. A failure of logic would potentially have disastrous consequences for humanity, with possible outcomes including a huge increase in the popularity of Country and Western music, an overwhelming desire by some polical leaders to invade Iraq, a widespread belief in the ability of former ballroom dancers to "talk to the dead", and a dramatic rise in the number of teenagers with "Posh and Becks Forever" tattoos. Dr. Stupid, an American physicist based in Germany, has dismissed the virus as "unlikely". Rather, he believes it's more a case of "some idiot on the internet failing to understand basic logic". This opinion was seconded by Professor Whitefork of Harvard, who insisted that logic can survive this crisis - "really, don't waste anymore time on this - it's pretty damn simple". A spokesman for the Vatican offered the following brief statement on the spread of the "Invisible Flaw" : "Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short... Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and sixty six." When asked to explain the significance of this, the spokesman replied "Damned if I know, but it sure has a nice ring to it." UberCardinal Franko, from the Church of Logical Deism, has declared the existence of the Flaw to be "heretical nonsense - and believe me, I know nonsense when I see it". When asked what his exact position with the Church was, UberCardinal Franko replied "er ... I take out the trash." Wiccan spokesman Great Elk Tricky was quick to add "personally, I don't care about Syllogisms - its a Full Moon tomorrow night, and my wife's gonna dance naked around a fire!" (CNNNN will bring you live coverage of the naked fire dance in our special "When Good Wives go Wiggan..." - see local guides for times). CNNNN will continue to provide up to the minute coverage of this crisis - up until such time as something else interesting happens. Like a kid falling off a bike. Or something. Anything. |
|
__________________
(Red Dwarf Newsreader): Good evening. Here is the news on Friday the 27th of Geldof. Archeologists near mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read 'To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental'. . |
|
|
|
![]() |
| Bookmarks |
| Thread Tools | |
|
|