A quick primer on Christianity

JLam · 23rd April 2007, 09:04 PM

I found this floating around the internets. I offer it up with no commentary.

Originally Posted by Some dude on the internet

Christianity Defined:
A belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father, can make you live forever if you eat his flesh and communicate with him telepathically to tell him he's the master, so that he is then able to remove the evil force from your soul that is present in humans due to a rib-woman being persuaded to eat an apple from a magic tree by a talking snake.

David Swidler · 23rd April 2007, 10:05 PM

Unintentional post.

Stimpson J. Cat · 23rd April 2007, 11:28 PM

Gee, when you put it that way it almost sounds believable...

JoeTheJuggler · 23rd April 2007, 11:38 PM

It all makes so much sense now!

Ed Wood was actually a modern day evangelist (as in gospel-writer) who just misunderstood his divine inspiration a little!

Diabolos · 24th April 2007, 03:53 AM

Originally Posted by JLam

I found this floating around the internets.

You mean there's more than one Internet?

Great definition though, kept me laughing for ages.

fuelair · 24th April 2007, 05:44 AM

Originally Posted by Diabolos

You mean there's more than one Internet?

Great definition though, kept me laughing for ages.

Actually what it all means is that JLam was floating around the multiple universe using the internets of each as his path when he found this message on the road and, according to the rule of karma, killed it and brought it here to enlighten us.

Tanstaafl · 24th April 2007, 08:51 AM

Why do I envision DOC reading the OP, nodding his head saying, "Yeah, that sounds logical"...

Beerina · 24th April 2007, 09:01 AM

Kind -- A property posessed of a creature that will torture the vast majority of people who ever lived, for ever and ever. The Devil should not be believed because he is not Kind enough. See also Good, Loving, Merciful.

23rd April 2007, 09:04 PM	#1
JLam Proud Skepkid Parent Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Low and away Posts: 4,165	A quick primer on Christianity I found this floating around the internets. I offer it up with no commentary. Originally Posted by Some dude on the internet Christianity Defined: A belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father, can make you live forever if you eat his flesh and communicate with him telepathically to tell him he's the master, so that he is then able to remove the evil force from your soul that is present in humans due to a rib-woman being persuaded to eat an apple from a magic tree by a talking snake.
	__________________ Help take down Sylvia Browne. "what's dicksing? my dicksionary have no word for that" - Pillory

23rd April 2007, 11:28 PM	#3
Stimpson J. Cat Graduate Poster Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Oxford, UK Posts: 1,833	Gee, when you put it that way it almost sounds believable...
	__________________ A poke in the eye makes Baby Jesus cry.

23rd April 2007, 11:38 PM	#4
JoeTheJuggler Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: St. Louis Posts: 26,710	It all makes so much sense now! Ed Wood was actually a modern day evangelist (as in gospel-writer) who just misunderstood his divine inspiration a little!
	__________________ "That is a very graphic analogy which aids understanding wonderfully while being, strictly speaking, wrong in every possible way." —Ponder Stibbons

24th April 2007, 03:53 AM	#5
Diabolos Thinker Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 211	Originally Posted by JLam I found this floating around the internets. You mean there's more than one Internet? Great definition though, kept me laughing for ages.
Diabolos Thinker Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 211	__________________ "What I say is true because you can't prove it isn't, and what you say is wrong because I don't understand it."

24th April 2007, 05:44 AM	#6
fuelair Cythraul Enfys Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 28,900	Originally Posted by Diabolos You mean there's more than one Internet? Great definition though, kept me laughing for ages. Actually what it all means is that JLam was floating around the multiple universe using the internets of each as his path when he found this message on the road and, according to the rule of karma, killed it and brought it here to enlighten us.
fuelair Cythraul Enfys Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 28,900	Last edited by fuelair; 24th April 2007 at 05:45 AM. Reason: +,

23rd April 2007, 10:05 PM	#2
David Swidler Carrot Mohel Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Right here, obviously. Posts: 8,302	Unintentional post.

24th April 2007, 08:51 AM	#7
Tanstaafl Unindicted Co-conspirator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Mesa, AZ Posts: 5,622	Why do I envision DOC reading the OP, nodding his head saying, "Yeah, that sounds logical"...
	__________________ To forgive is human, to condemn for eternity is divine. -- AudioFreak Truth is where evidence comes from, not where belief leads to. --yy2bggggs Expelled exposed! Sylvia Browne

24th April 2007, 09:01 AM	#8
Beerina Sarcastic Conqueror of Notions Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: A floating island above the clouds Posts: 23,835	Kind -- A property posessed of a creature that will torture the vast majority of people who ever lived, for ever and ever. The Devil should not be believed because he is not Kind enough. See also Good, Loving, Merciful.
	__________________ "Great innovations should not be forced [by way of] slender majorities." - Thomas Jefferson The government should nationalize it! Socialized, single-payer video game development and sales *now!* More, cheaper, better games, right? Right?