Christian Bookstores - I need the inside scoop!

[Wheezebucket]

Ok, so I'm going to be applying at a nearby Christian Bookstore for a job. My reasons are varied, but one of them happens to be money. This, of course, will require me to pretend to be a Christian. That's not the problem, I've got my **** prepared I think, but I'm nervous that there'll be some kind of...I don't know, really obvious piece of information or something that I'll get stumped on - caught off guard. Something I overlooked in the rush. What kind of, how should I phrase it...'technical' religious questions do you think I should have a snap answer for (exlcuding any sort of deep theological/philisophical stuff)? Hours logged at church? Age of -insert obscure event here-?

Also, does anyone have any kind of experience with any of these Christian bookstores? If so, share away. Anything to add to my arsenal.

I'm fairly confident I've got most of it covered already, between my friends and I, but I thought I'd ask the Randi folk to weigh in just to be safe!

[SezMe]

If you can remember it's "Gee-zuz", not "Hey-sus" and you'll be fine.

[TragicMonkey]

Try to not cringe when people say things that ought to embarrass themselves, and try not to grin when the devoutly Christian are actually espousing pagan beliefs. You'll find that a lot in Christian bookstores--people seem to want to worship angels these days. Between angels, saints, demons, djinns, and the devil, it looks to me like religion naturally inclines towards the polytheistic. But don't tell them that! They don't like hearing it.

[H3LL]

All the larger bibles need to be kept warm with small candles or the print will fade away.

I hope this helps.

.

[tkingdoll]

Well, it seems that everyone has their price

Won't you find it weird to be promoting religion to customers? I would really struggle to sell a coloring book saying the earth was created 6000 years ago to an earnest little kid.

[Apathia]

About a year ago, I made a purchase from a small Christian bookstore and the shopkeep gave me a ministerial discount without asking. (for some perverse reason, people frequently mistake me for some kind of religious professional. Well, that was what I was going to be once upon a long time ago, but I ditched my "calling.")

I corrected her mistake. (The Christian thing to do? No wonder I reek of piety.)

[Malachi151]

I can't even enter a Christian bookstore. There is no way I could work for one.

[ChristineR]

What church do you go to? You know there are many different kinds of Christians. A "Christian bookstore" sells many books that claim Catholics are all going to hell. A "Catholic bookstore" will not sell that sort of book.

I think the main trick is learning what sorts of books they sell and how they arrange them. Like you need to put Dembski in "Science."

[RenaissanceBiker]

I hope you make enough money to compensate for your loss of dignity and pride. I don't know your situation, but it must be pretty bad. Couldn't you just sell drugs or something?

[Tanstaafl]

If you've prepared at all, you probably already know more Christian theology than the average Christian knows.

You should be fine.

[Marquis de Carabas]

When you drop one of those heavy family-type Bibles on your foot, and yell out "Jesus Christ!" remember to follow it up with a quick "Thank you for guiding my steps with the light of your holy Word. Amen."

If you say "Jesus Fking Christ" I can't help you.

[CynicalSkeptic]

Make sure you refuse to work on Sunday (or Saturday depending on which flavour of Christian you're pretending to be).

[Solus]

What are they paying you for this dream job? You must REALLY need money to do something like that.

I would rather get a job as one of those sign holders on street corner then work in a christian bookstore. Working at the local mcdonalds as a janitor would be a better job.

[Cleon]

Um...Are you sure there isn't a Barnes & Noble or Borders around or something? They're usually hiring, the pay is usually better, and you don't have to lie your way through the job interview.

I'd have some suggestions, but really...I just don't think it's right.

May I suggest trying for the honest approach? Technically, asking about your personal beliefs is illegal (Equal Opportunity laws), but it is a Christian store, so I imagine they'll get away with it. (There's also a loophole if they're owned by a religious organization, I'm sure.)

But if they do ask, tell them that while you don't share their beliefs, you respect those who believe. (You might want to stay away from the word "atheist," though--just say you're not religious or something.) Tell them that you're hardworking, polite, friendly, and the important thing is that you do a good job.

That sort of honesty will be better for both you and the store owner/manager in the long run, IMO. He won't fire you later once he discovers (and he will discover) that you're a blasphemous heathen who lied to get the job.

[RenaissanceBiker]

I was in a Barnes and Nobel last week and noticed the large number of SB books in the Woo section. I decided that before my next visit I would make some little slips of paper with www.stopsylvia.com and www.randi.org on them. Then I could slip them into the books near the front to alert the purchasing victim. Just a little civil disobediance.

[ponderingturtle]

Originally Posted by RenaissanceBiker

I was in a Barnes and Nobel last week and noticed the large number of SB books in the Woo section. I decided that before my next visit I would make some little slips of paper with www.stopsylvia.com and www.randi.org on them. Then I could slip them into the books near the front to alert the purchasing victim. Just a little civil disobediance.

Hmm, I have thought about leaving bible passages with some of the more interesting and less quoted parts of the bible around, but doing it in the religion section of a book store I had not thought of.

[ksbluesfan]

If you need money that badly, couldn't you sell your soul on ebay instead?

Christians seem to spend more time talking about the latest book by some spiritual leader than the Bible. Depending on the slant of the bookstore, certian authors are favored over others. Kenneth Copeland might be hot this week, and Billy Graham next week. Unless it's a Catholic bookstore, the latest book from the Pope won't be very popular.

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by tkingdoll

Well, it seems that everyone has their price

Won't you find it weird to be promoting religion to customers? I would really struggle to sell a coloring book saying the earth was created 6000 years ago to an earnest little kid.

Well the money is really only part of it. I also kind of like the idea of playing a Christian, seeing how long I can get away with it. I mean, if that parent and kid were planning on getting that book, they were gonna get it whether I worked there or not. And I'll be able to play around in other ways while i'm there - peppering the occasional skeptic literature around anonymously, creating holy water stains and attributing them to deities, etc.

In other words, I'll find ways to vent my frustrations (without blowing my cover, hopefully). I'll probably blog about it too to help sell my comic.

Of course, all this hinges on me actually getting hired, so we'll see what happens. I start the rounds today!

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by RenaissanceBiker

I was in a Barnes and Nobel last week and noticed the large number of SB books in the Woo section. I decided that before my next visit I would make some little slips of paper with www.stopsylvia.com and www.randi.org on them. Then I could slip them into the books near the front to alert the purchasing victim. Just a little civil disobediance.

This is a good idea!

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by RenaissanceBiker

I hope you make enough money to compensate for your loss of dignity and pride. I don't know your situation, but it must be pretty bad. Couldn't you just sell drugs or something?

Well if I sold my drugs I wouldn't be able to do them, so no thank you. And my dignity and pride will make out just great, I'm sure.

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by Cleon

Um...Are you sure there isn't a Barnes & Noble or Borders around or something? They're usually hiring, the pay is usually better, and you don't have to lie your way through the job interview.

I'd have some suggestions, but really...I just don't think it's right.

May I suggest trying for the honest approach? Technically, asking about your personal beliefs is illegal (Equal Opportunity laws), but it is a Christian store, so I imagine they'll get away with it. (There's also a loophole if they're owned by a religious organization, I'm sure.)

But if they do ask, tell them that while you don't share their beliefs, you respect those who believe. (You might want to stay away from the word "atheist," though--just say you're not religious or something.) Tell them that you're hardworking, polite, friendly, and the important thing is that you do a good job.

That sort of honesty will be better for both you and the store owner/manager in the long run, IMO. He won't fire you later once he discovers (and he will discover) that you're a blasphemous heathen who lied to get the job.

That would defeat the entire purpose of my applying there in the first place. Money is only one piece of the pie. My pretending to be a Christian is another. I'll be fired eventually, I'm sure, but the trick is to see how long I can go and what I can get away with before it happens.

[lister]

Originally Posted by Wheezebucket

What kind of, how should I phrase it...'technical' religious questions do you think I should have a snap answer for (exlcuding any sort of deep theological/philisophical stuff)? Hours logged at church? Age of -insert obscure event here-?

When were you "born again"? I'd have a fairly recent date so you can still be "learning". A great excuse to ask lots of awkward questions too.

I'd probably have some stock story about how your life has turned around since you found jebus too.

Originally Posted by Wheezebucket

Also, does anyone have any kind of experience with any of these Christian bookstores? If so, share away. Anything to add to my arsenal.

Only that I went into one the other week to get a birthday present that my mother had asked for. There was a pile of mouse mats for sale on the counter with a picture of a chimp and the words "You may be a monkey's uncle, but I'm not!". If you can bite your tongue long enough to get through the first day you're a better man than me!

[Miss Anthrope]

Originally Posted by Wheezebucket

Well the money is really only part of it. I also kind of like the idea of playing a Christian, seeing how long I can get away with it. I mean, if that parent and kid were planning on getting that book, they were gonna get it whether I worked there or not. And I'll be able to play around in other ways while i'm there - peppering the occasional skeptic literature around anonymously, creating holy water stains and attributing them to deities, etc.

In other words, I'll find ways to vent my frustrations (without blowing my cover, hopefully). I'll probably blog about it too to help sell my comic.

Of course, all this hinges on me actually getting hired, so we'll see what happens. I start the rounds today!

Guerilla Skepticism. Love it.

[Hokulele]

Word of advice, do not browse this forum while at work.

[Solus]

Originally Posted by Wheezebucket

That would defeat the entire purpose of my applying there in the first place. Money is only one piece of the pie. My pretending to be a Christian is another. I'll be fired eventually, I'm sure, but the trick is to see how long I can go and what I can get away with before it happens.

If I tried the same thing I would be risking my own sanity (literally). Let us know how long you hold out, if you get the job.

[Marquis de Carabas]

Originally Posted by lister

When were you "born again"? I'd have a fairly recent date so you can still be "learning". A great excuse to ask lots of awkward questions too.

I disagree. The best background story is that you were saved at a young age, but fell away from the church during your rebellious teenage years. Then you need to construct a story of struggling with drug addiction or some other horrendous sin (but not homosexuality!) and how you finally came back to the Lord and turned your life around for the better, and you're just taking it day by day.

This kind of story will almost certainly get you some hot Christian tail.

ETA: The reasoning: it has all the things your young devoted Christchick just loves. It shows that you are a little bit vulnerable, a little bit dangerous, and that you love Jebus. You can prolly get some spank to "help you along" in your walk with the Lord. Then it's only a matter of time.

[wahrheit]

Originally Posted by Hokulele

Word of advice, do not browse this forum while at work.

You know from experience?

[lister]

Originally Posted by Marquis de Carabas

The reasoning: it has all the things your young devoted Christchick just loves

You are, of course, correct. When I think back to all the "inspirational" visiting speakers we had at our church, they all had lives of filth and depravity, followed by good works to rival mother Teresa.

[ponderingturtle]

Originally Posted by lister

You are, of course, correct. When I think back to all the "inspirational" visiting speakers we had at our church, they all had lives of filth and depravity, followed by good works to rival mother Teresa.

Well the second is not saying all that much. I guess that depends on how good you concider using funds solicited for hospiltals in india, to build convents in america.

[tkingdoll]

Originally Posted by Wheezebucket

Well the money is really only part of it. I also kind of like the idea of playing a Christian, seeing how long I can get away with it. I mean, if that parent and kid were planning on getting that book, they were gonna get it whether I worked there or not. And I'll be able to play around in other ways while i'm there - peppering the occasional skeptic literature around anonymously, creating holy water stains and attributing them to deities, etc.

In other words, I'll find ways to vent my frustrations (without blowing my cover, hopefully). I'll probably blog about it too to help sell my comic.

Of course, all this hinges on me actually getting hired, so we'll see what happens. I start the rounds today!

Worth keeping a diary then, or an anonymous blog.

[Hokulele]

Originally Posted by wahrheit

You know from experience?

Let's just say that it resulted in an extended discussion.

(It wasn't at a Christian bookstore, but it did involve a Christian associate.)

[ChristineR]

You can always go for the "I was raised an atheist and became a real screw-up but now I'm Christian" line. If you try this, it is important to remember that the story is almost never true. By "atheist" you mean "theist who though church wasn't important to his spiritual being." Now you have seen the light.

Your church is very important. Some of these people channel all their social lives through the church. They work out in the church gym, buy their Christmas presents at the church fundraiser, etc. That will be very hard to fake because sooner or later you will cross paths with a real churchgoer.

Don't claim to be a reformed gay unless you want other reformed gay men to hit on you. It WILL happen, that's practically a 100% guaranteed sure thing.

[Tanstaafl]

But... but... they're not gay any more!

They only hire the gay prostitute because he has the best deal on crystal meth.

[Marquis de Carabas]

Pretty much avoid any deviant sexual behavior in your background, no matter how reformed you claim to be. And deviant here means anything besides vaginal intercourse. (Of course, they're officially against this, too, if you weren't married, but owning up to it is not as icky as being gay or into S&M.)

The best background is probably drugs, as I mentioned before, but don't overlook the powerful allure of a reformed cultist, particularly a satanic cultist. (Avoid mentioning participation in sacrifices, particularly human, especially babies. If you cannot restrain yourself from a sacrifice, make sure it's not a cute animal. Go for a possum or something.) You could even tell them you were a high priest. They still believe Warnke, after all. A lot of Christians are absolutely fascinated by the occult. They hate it, but they can't look away. So having that "in your past" will be an instant hook. Throw in a bit about a vision of an angel leading you back to God and you're in.

[temporalillusion]

Well I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think this scam says more negative things about you and your values than it will say about the Christian book store and its patrons.

Other than money, what could you ever hope to accomplish? Other than demonstrating that you are willing to sell out (assuming they were there in the first place) your respect for other people and your integrity. You'll be selling people books on stuff they already believe, not helping them break out of their beliefs.

You'll be adding evidence to their claim that without religion people do not act morally IMO.

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by temporalillusion

Well I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think this scam says more negative things about you and your values than it will say about the Christian book store and its patrons.

Other than money, what could you ever hope to accomplish? Other than demonstrating that you are willing to sell out (assuming they were there in the first place) your respect for other people and your integrity. You'll be selling people books on stuff they already believe, not helping them break out of their beliefs.

You'll be adding evidence to their claim that without religion people do not act morally IMO.

Well I wasn't aware I needed some kind of 'higher' goal. What do I hope to accomplish besides a well earned paycheck? I dunno, some entertainment, something to write about, a new experience. All those work well enough for me. I think you have a warped definition of 'selling out', by the way. And it might be hard to make that leap not really knowing how I define my respect for other people and my own integrity (which I can assure you is doing just fine).

If you consider this 'evidence' that people without religion are immoral, well, I suppose that's your call. Seems a little shaky to me, though.

I mean don't get me wrong, I expected a few of these kind of responses. This kind of thing doesn't rub everyone the right way, and that's cool, I get it. Thankfully the blog will be optional to read, as are most blogs, and those that aren't interested can avoid it all they like.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to brush up on some of my favorite verses for my interview this week. Praise be!

[temporalillusion]

Alright, lets define them then.

Do you agree that being honest with someone shows respect to that person? And that being dishonest shows disrespect?

Do you agree that lying to someone else in general damages your integrity? There are of course exceptions, but in general.

Do you agree that taking an action that results in your own personal gain at the expense of others is disrespectful? What happens when someone comes in asking for a book on how to deal with sexual abuse (this is where these people go, not to psychologists), and you sell them a book which tells them to pray and think happy thoughts? Or less extreme but similar cases. To me you've done harm to someone, only for your own benefit.

I'm trying to understand the existing moral structure that doesn't make this whole setup immoral I guess.

In your opinion your actions will do no harm to the store owner, workers or patrons?

[jjramsey]

Originally Posted by Marquis de Carabas

They still believe Warnke, after all.

Considering that it was journalists of Christian magazine that exposed Warnke, I wouldn't count on that.

Of course, I also wouldn't count on you not giving bad advice to Wheezebucket just to mess with him.

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by temporalillusion

Alright, lets define them then.

Do you agree that being honest with someone shows respect to that person? And that being dishonest shows disrespect?

Do you agree that lying to someone else in general damages your integrity? There are of course exceptions, but in general.

Do you agree that taking an action that results in your own personal gain at the expense of others is disrespectful? What happens when someone comes in asking for a book on how to deal with sexual abuse (this is where these people go, not to psychologists), and you sell them a book which tells them to pray and think happy thoughts? Or less extreme but similar cases. To me you've done harm to someone, only for your own benefit.

I'm trying to understand the existing moral structure that doesn't make this whole setup immoral I guess.

In your opinion your actions will do no harm to the store owner, workers or patrons?

1) No.

2) Yes (in general - there's those pesky gray areas again!)

3) No.

Also, quick side note, you're making a lot of assumptions about how I'm going to handle myself in those situations. They would have worked much better in the form of a question - which is what I need, gotta get this stuff squared away before the big show (providing I even get hired).

What happens when someone comes in asking for a book on how to deal with sexual abuse (this is where these people go, not to psychologists), and you sell them a book which tells them to pray and think happy thoughts?

I would not just sell that person a book on happy thoughts, like the average employee there might. Where you just zigged, I might zag, instead. And like I said, who knows how long I could last? If rape victims are constantly flooding in asking mid-20s bookstore shelf stockers how to handle their problems, I imagine I wouldn't make it very long at all.

In your opinion your actions will do no harm to the store owner, workers or patrons?

More harm? No. Different harm, with a chance for showers of sanity? Absolutely.

[Wheezebucket]

Originally Posted by jjramsey

Considering that it was journalists of Christian magazine that exposed Warnke, I wouldn't count on that.

Of course, I also wouldn't count on you not giving bad advice to Wheezebucket just to mess with him.

And here I was, already perfecting my Christian Fonz routine for the ladies!